Janus' Training

[Lillianne Crasse]

The Enclave was growing by leaps and bounds with each passing day. More students were flocking to the peaceful planet of Dantooine to begin their training, as well as finding many students on Dantooine itself.

Her newest padawan, though was once a student on Coruscant so many years ago. Not knowing why he had left the Order in their time of greatest need, Khaluq could sense his sincerity in rejoining the Order. There was a great mystery to unfold.

Focusing on her breathing, she sent her thoughts inward. As the Force flowed into her and out of her body, she began to follow it's natural flow. Just as the old man had taught her, she began to focus more strongly upon the essence of each person within the halls. Moving through each one, she let the Force lazily guide her to her new padawan.

Come to training room 2. It is time your training advanced, Janus.

 

[Enishi]

Dantooine was peaceful; the lasting fields and slow-moving brith reminded Janus of the early mornings on Manaan when the water was timid. Lost in thought, Janus felt the chill of a soft breeze brush against his skin shortly accompanied by the soft chorus of the grass. The force crept upon him like a kath hound to its prey, yet embraced the creature like a warm blanket.

The voice of his master was enticing although the message was short. Tearing his gaze from the everlasting farmlands, Janus began his stride to the room specified. As his clothing swayed with each step, his fingers twiddled slowly. Instead of his mind racing with anticipation, Janus thought about stories and poetry he once read.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Feeling his presence growing stronger with the Force, she fell deeper into her meditations. By the time he reached the training room, she was almost in a trance-like state, following the course of the Force about them. In the distance, there was something amiss. Her eyebrows furrowed as her padawan walked into the room. Yet, wanting to discover what was amiss, she did not acknowledge his arrival, but tested his patience.

 

[Enishi]

Standing before his master, Janus felt a sense of peace. Noticing his master was in deep meditation, Janus took it upon himself to mimic this woman; fitting himself in a sitting position and closing his eyes. His thoughts began to speed up, a weakness that Janus would need to overcome.

If he isn't doing something, his mind seems to move more faster and reveal more then he'd like. Questions such as who his master was, what she had planned, were among the first thought up and quickly tossed. Memories he had hoped dissolved continued to bubble up into short visions. Images of Manaan, a shelter, as well as young men and woman of all species with rough appearances.

These memories had to be repressed; forgotten, for fear of more recent memories returning. Janus concentrated, blocking out the memories and images with stories he had read in the past or reciting the jedi code from his earlier years. For now, it would work; yet his master was strong enough to extract these memories.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Her thoughts drifted over to her newest padawan, sensing his busy mind and trouble seeking his inner peace. Ushering him to let go and seeking a deeper connection in the Force, she began to think of the great fountains. Seeking a link with his own mind, she tried to suggest this simple image as a single focal point with which to help focus his attention.

:As the water trickles down from the fountain, let your cares and thoughts in your mind trickle away, focus instead upon the flow of the water and your breathing.:

 

[Enishi]

Indeed a simple image. Listening to his master, Janus made an attempt to concentrate on the fountain. The rushing waters, crashing eternally; such a violent process. Slowing his breathing, Janus felt his legs and arms relax and his head bob. However, the simple fountain brought back his days on Manaan; when the storms would cause the water to become violent and crash against Ahto City's walls.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

With a gentle nudge through the Force, she brought him out of his meditation, out of his recurring thoughts of Manaan. Her eyes studied his face as he came out of his meditation, seeking his eyes and the emotions she felt at war within him.

"You are disturbed by many things, young Janus. Tell me, what happened on your homeworld to bring you to us?" she asked, wanting to cut to the chase of what was going on within him, fearing the result if it were not dealt with in the beginning.

 

[Enishi]

"Where to start..."

Janus shifted back and forth in his seat, before finding a suitable position. Interlacing his fingers, Janus recalled his rough past.

"Throughout my life, I've lived in an orphanage; well, I grew up as a toddler with my parents, but I was admitted to the orphanage a few years after my birth. Because I was never adopted, I slowly melded with a group of those unadopted. Things... get blurry from there..."

Rubbing his head, Janus made an attempt to move on.

"A jedi, perhaps on a diplomatic mission of some sort, found my potential and brought me here."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

"You hide your inner feelings, yet they still invade your consciousness. There is a part of Manaan you can't let go of, isn't there, Janus?" she asked him in a sympathetic voice, knowing how hard it was for her to let go of the death of her parents on Dantooine.

"It is good that you try to manage your emotions, yet if you keep them locked away, they will fester and mount a psychological attack on your mind. You must face your past and no longer hide it. You must learn to come to terms with what happened and learn from it. You must put it behind you or it will grab onto your soul and begin to eat away at you."

 

[Enishi]

"My past..."

Janus recalled the life that was his past in full; living as a small child within a gang of other orphans, forced to commit crimes and violence just to fit in an reaffirm his position. The abuse, the discrimination, the emotional pain of being denied even a foster home.

"There are things that are hard to forget."

His years returning to Manaan as an adult flashed into his mind; verbally and mentally attacked by his former friends and fellow orphans.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

She could sense the turmoil in his mind as she watched his face and touched his mind with the Force. He indeed was troubled.

"We can never forget our past, but we can limit it's effect upon us in the present. What has happened in the past has shaped us to this point and time, yet a Jedi must always look at a situation objectively. All that occured in your past has brought you to us with a sympathy toward others who have gone through similar things. Knowledge of your upbringing and life on Manaan can help you, or harm you. It is your choice as to which affect it will have upon you."

 

[Enishi]

"I understand..."

Janus sunk low where he sat. It was true there was no going back to reverse the past that had befallen him, but it was possible to help other from suffering the pain he endured. Yet he could not let his emotions control his actions, nor his choices.

"What doesn't kill me, will make me stronger, I suppose."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

She smiled at his answer, knowing his deep wounds still were fresh in his mind. Still, he seemed to want to move past that, which was the reason for her smile.

"Indeed it will. I know it will not be easy. I struggled with my own path when I first came to the Jedi. It is not an easy task, but it can be done, Janus. It will be a day to day struggle that you cannot weary of. Do you know why we meditate? Why it is so important to us Jedi?"

 

[Enishi]

"To reflect?"

Even though he had studied in the order before, Janus had not understood many of the Jedi beliefs. They seemed more like activities when he was young.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

"Yes, but also to center yourself. You see, each day you should meditate to reveal the mistakes you've against the will of the Force so you may have time to make amends. Through meditation, you'll find the truth behind your actions: was it my own will or was it truly done because of the urging felt by the Force," she explained.

 

[Enishi]

"But, what about when the force does not make the urge? what if someone is in danger and the urge to help is not pushed?"

Janus felt puzzled by this explanation. If he was to let the force dictate his actions, would that mean he was a slave? to serve an unforeseen power without question?

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

"The Force does not favor one over another. It remains objective, unlike our emotions and feelings. Just because one is in danger does not always mean we should step in and save them. Any action taken, small or great can be catastrophic in the end. The Force can guide you to act where such catastrophic events can be stopped or eliminated."

Seeing the confusion on his face, she raised a hand to halt any questions from him before continuing, "we do not police the galaxy. Such is not our task in this life. We serve only the will of the Force and seek the way of peace. We all learn the greatest of lessons through hardships. Provide for those who struggle and they may constantly expect a handout. If they earn what they need, they realize they are strong enough to provide their needs. There is such a delicate balance in the galaxy that is beyond our understanding, but not beyond the Force..."

 

[Enishi]

"But the jedi cannot provide charity for all those who struggle, as some will continue to expect handouts. And if they grow to expect handouts, they might become violent. Don't get me wrong, it is good to help those in need... but we cannot be a lifeline for the needy. And how can they learn to earn their keep when they become relient on us? It is a redundant situation." Janus' deep, yet soft voice pointed out.

"Forgive me... I tend to ramble when I should know my place."

Bowing his head, Janus awaited the word of his master. He had spoken out of line, such would be grounds for punishment should he had not asked for the forgiveness of his master.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

"You are pointing out what I was hinting at. It is good that you can see these things. As I said, it is best for the struggling to earn their own way as such will bring their own appreciation for their work. Relying upon others will breed a dependence among the people," she encouraged, placing a hand upon his arm.

"You do no wrong by asking questions and speaking out in training. It is good that you do so. I want you to gain a complete and full understanding of the ways of the Jedi."

 

[Enishi]

"Thank you, master."

Janus rose his head slowly, aware of the safety in doing so. Straightening up from his slouched and relaxed position, Janus nodded in understanding.