TheBeta
SWRP Writer
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2016
- Messages
- 214
- Reaction score
- 85
The moment I decided my life was no longer worth living, I was kneeling in a pool of blood with my lightsaber hilt singing the flesh on my chest. With a single button, everything would cease when the plasma pierced my broken heart. Just a single button…
I could remember the tear running down the right side of my face and thinking to myself that when it finally fell from my cheek I would hit the trigger. It rolled at an agonizing pace, allowing me to consider and reconsider, and I forced myself to believe that the only reasonable option was to simply allow myself to die. I just needed to wash my anguish away for good.
To my right, a flame brewed, absorbing the bodies that lay motionless. The perpetrators. How much distain I held for them, I couldn’t even comprehend I could even feel that way towards another living being, and yet, despite everything I was taught and had taught in turn, I found myself glaring at their motionless bodies wanting them to burn, wishing the tear would last long enough to see them engorged in flames.
"Although I am just a man, I didn't feel like I was anything in those moments; Just an idle observer of a tragedy."
I… I cleaved them into pieces. I pierced them with my sword. I twisted my morals and my every ounce of self control to justify an act so atrocious that an earlier version of myself would have me shunned.
Then… I turned to my left. My wife, my son… My life… Breathless, they lay with eyes still open as if searching for me to swoop in and rescue them from their executioners who only lay on the other side of the room where the flames, like my fury, brewed furiously. My child almost seemed to have a tear in his eye still, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it away, take him into my arms and tell him that I was here to keep him safe. I wanted nothing more than… I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around me, embracing the man he’d seen as a hero. How could I ever imagine that again though, when I failed so miserably to save the only two people I would have alive if given the choice. I was paralyzed even as the tear fell from my cheek marking my moment of decision.
On my left, I was cold, chilled by the deaths that haunted my continued existence. On my right though, the flames have now completely swathed the bloody floor, consuming those that caused my grief to be so intense. It was hot, and I could feel the very raw and surreal emotions burning into my heart, corrupting it so that I no longer knew exactly who I was.
“The greatest Torture one can inflict upon another is to destroy everything and everyone they love and stand for and to leave you alive with it.”
A tirade of ethics poured upon my head, ripping apart everything I once was, wiping the slate clean once more. On one side, I lean on goodness. I take my own life, I be with my family. On the other side, evil pulls me in closer, begging me to take my vengeance regardless of the costs. What else was there to live for anyway? Whichever way I fall though, I die.
Only just upon the moment the flames licked too close, burning my back and side, I felt him. He was truly evil, not the kind of evil I felt within myself, but something that simply didn’t even register the pain he caused me. How long had he been there? Was he watching me even as I held the lightsaber to my chest in contemplation? Was he telling me to kill myself? Was he hoping I stand up from the flames and walk out of the chamber, leaving my old life behind? Did he hope the flames that climbed effortlessly up my back, over my right shoulder and kiss my neck would ultimately kill me? Or did he truly desire that I walked out of the flames to see him looking at me from so far away and decide that HE was my life’s mission? Did he even think I could see him so far away in the blackness?
I didn’t even feel the pain that cooked my back, that burned my neck, and that cleaned my jaw. Yet, somehow I knew it was there, a permanent numbing reminder of what I lost that day, and the ferocity I gained that day. The truth is that even though I never pressed the button, I still died that day.
*
*
There was nothing special about me. I was average height, average weight, and average-looking guy even. My performance as a young Jedi was average. Of ‘course, it was above average that seemed to be more morally involved, inclined to see the best in people, willing to help the eliminate their folly of accusation and distaste towards each other. It was the only reason I even left the Jedi was the hurt I saw in the Galaxy. Why was I to linger where there could only bring me more pain?
Instead, as a young man, I took a wife, found a distant farm to work in as a farm hand. The land owner, a former military man like myself has his own flaws, but I could feel him, and I could understand him. I forgave him for every time he looked down upon me for having left the Jedi to fiend for the Galaxy on their own. I would tell him, “There is nothing special about me really,” in which he would respond, “You don’t need to be special to make a difference Jayt.”
Of ‘course, that was one of the kindest ways he put it. As old a man he was, he was accustomed to putting his opinions much more bluntly than that, but he somehow managed to inspire me to look upon those days I spent as a peace keeper in favor. I almost even missed those days. I frequently revisited those feelings during meditation.
It was the days I spent as a field hand I missed the most though. It wasn’t the average work I did, but rather it was the family I made there. But… that was so long ago, I find it hard to manifest those very precious memories. I know I had a wife and a son, but sometimes I can remember playing with a girl as well. Perhaps it was a neighbor girl, but exactly my son’s age. She appeared in my sweetest dreams as opposed to my wife and son, but all the same she reminded me of the life my son very well could have had. I suppose it was just too hard to think of her and my son together, so I simply just think of her, and attempt to forget that my son is in fact no longer there. Maybe one day I would go back and see if she survived.
*
*
It was that one single night that everything had changed. I thought I was so far away from the hurt of war when I chose that farm, and of all places the attack took place, it was there. It had to be at home, not at the fields where I was walking home from. It couldn’t have happened a minute later, where I may have arrived enough on time to save my family.
All I could remember is hearing the drop ships and bombs from such a distance. I sprinted though the fields; somehow knowing exactly which way would get me home fastest. And seeing my house only just beginning to burn, and seeing them just casually talking outside of it as if it was merely any other day at the water cooler. The main forces must have been long gone, and they somehow didn’t see me coming. Somehow… I knew my family was not alright. Finally, I don’t know what came of me, but I burst the doors to the barn next to the house wide open with a gust of force so strong it shattered the wood. They took notice, and opened fire on me. The chest I took such care of for nearly twelve years burst open by will of the Force, where a dusty light saber sailed through the air into my hands. It ignited with crackle that washed away the years of neglect, seemingly un-phased by its absence from my hands. Likewise, I felt as if no time at all passed since it was last in my hands before being precariously tucked away into that chest. It was supposed to be a symbol of a new life free from war.
It didn’t take much to subdue them and send them flying through the door of my house, where they tumbled onto a blood-soaked floor, where wife and child lay… dead. There groans were ignored as I could only possibly stand there in shock, incapable of truly soaking in my loss. I cannot actually remember how I dismantled them with my lightsaber, but I know for a fact it was my doing, and in the end, all I could do is fall to my knees in the middle of the room, deactivate my lightsaber, and press it against my shirt, where it easily burned a hole directly onto my skin, where the impending consequences of my actions would soon find me.
I could remember the tear running down the right side of my face and thinking to myself that when it finally fell from my cheek I would hit the trigger. It rolled at an agonizing pace, allowing me to consider and reconsider, and I forced myself to believe that the only reasonable option was to simply allow myself to die. I just needed to wash my anguish away for good.
To my right, a flame brewed, absorbing the bodies that lay motionless. The perpetrators. How much distain I held for them, I couldn’t even comprehend I could even feel that way towards another living being, and yet, despite everything I was taught and had taught in turn, I found myself glaring at their motionless bodies wanting them to burn, wishing the tear would last long enough to see them engorged in flames.
"Although I am just a man, I didn't feel like I was anything in those moments; Just an idle observer of a tragedy."
I… I cleaved them into pieces. I pierced them with my sword. I twisted my morals and my every ounce of self control to justify an act so atrocious that an earlier version of myself would have me shunned.
Then… I turned to my left. My wife, my son… My life… Breathless, they lay with eyes still open as if searching for me to swoop in and rescue them from their executioners who only lay on the other side of the room where the flames, like my fury, brewed furiously. My child almost seemed to have a tear in his eye still, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it away, take him into my arms and tell him that I was here to keep him safe. I wanted nothing more than… I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around me, embracing the man he’d seen as a hero. How could I ever imagine that again though, when I failed so miserably to save the only two people I would have alive if given the choice. I was paralyzed even as the tear fell from my cheek marking my moment of decision.
On my left, I was cold, chilled by the deaths that haunted my continued existence. On my right though, the flames have now completely swathed the bloody floor, consuming those that caused my grief to be so intense. It was hot, and I could feel the very raw and surreal emotions burning into my heart, corrupting it so that I no longer knew exactly who I was.
“The greatest Torture one can inflict upon another is to destroy everything and everyone they love and stand for and to leave you alive with it.”
A tirade of ethics poured upon my head, ripping apart everything I once was, wiping the slate clean once more. On one side, I lean on goodness. I take my own life, I be with my family. On the other side, evil pulls me in closer, begging me to take my vengeance regardless of the costs. What else was there to live for anyway? Whichever way I fall though, I die.
Only just upon the moment the flames licked too close, burning my back and side, I felt him. He was truly evil, not the kind of evil I felt within myself, but something that simply didn’t even register the pain he caused me. How long had he been there? Was he watching me even as I held the lightsaber to my chest in contemplation? Was he telling me to kill myself? Was he hoping I stand up from the flames and walk out of the chamber, leaving my old life behind? Did he hope the flames that climbed effortlessly up my back, over my right shoulder and kiss my neck would ultimately kill me? Or did he truly desire that I walked out of the flames to see him looking at me from so far away and decide that HE was my life’s mission? Did he even think I could see him so far away in the blackness?
I didn’t even feel the pain that cooked my back, that burned my neck, and that cleaned my jaw. Yet, somehow I knew it was there, a permanent numbing reminder of what I lost that day, and the ferocity I gained that day. The truth is that even though I never pressed the button, I still died that day.
*
*
There was nothing special about me. I was average height, average weight, and average-looking guy even. My performance as a young Jedi was average. Of ‘course, it was above average that seemed to be more morally involved, inclined to see the best in people, willing to help the eliminate their folly of accusation and distaste towards each other. It was the only reason I even left the Jedi was the hurt I saw in the Galaxy. Why was I to linger where there could only bring me more pain?
Instead, as a young man, I took a wife, found a distant farm to work in as a farm hand. The land owner, a former military man like myself has his own flaws, but I could feel him, and I could understand him. I forgave him for every time he looked down upon me for having left the Jedi to fiend for the Galaxy on their own. I would tell him, “There is nothing special about me really,” in which he would respond, “You don’t need to be special to make a difference Jayt.”
Of ‘course, that was one of the kindest ways he put it. As old a man he was, he was accustomed to putting his opinions much more bluntly than that, but he somehow managed to inspire me to look upon those days I spent as a peace keeper in favor. I almost even missed those days. I frequently revisited those feelings during meditation.
It was the days I spent as a field hand I missed the most though. It wasn’t the average work I did, but rather it was the family I made there. But… that was so long ago, I find it hard to manifest those very precious memories. I know I had a wife and a son, but sometimes I can remember playing with a girl as well. Perhaps it was a neighbor girl, but exactly my son’s age. She appeared in my sweetest dreams as opposed to my wife and son, but all the same she reminded me of the life my son very well could have had. I suppose it was just too hard to think of her and my son together, so I simply just think of her, and attempt to forget that my son is in fact no longer there. Maybe one day I would go back and see if she survived.
*
*
It was that one single night that everything had changed. I thought I was so far away from the hurt of war when I chose that farm, and of all places the attack took place, it was there. It had to be at home, not at the fields where I was walking home from. It couldn’t have happened a minute later, where I may have arrived enough on time to save my family.
All I could remember is hearing the drop ships and bombs from such a distance. I sprinted though the fields; somehow knowing exactly which way would get me home fastest. And seeing my house only just beginning to burn, and seeing them just casually talking outside of it as if it was merely any other day at the water cooler. The main forces must have been long gone, and they somehow didn’t see me coming. Somehow… I knew my family was not alright. Finally, I don’t know what came of me, but I burst the doors to the barn next to the house wide open with a gust of force so strong it shattered the wood. They took notice, and opened fire on me. The chest I took such care of for nearly twelve years burst open by will of the Force, where a dusty light saber sailed through the air into my hands. It ignited with crackle that washed away the years of neglect, seemingly un-phased by its absence from my hands. Likewise, I felt as if no time at all passed since it was last in my hands before being precariously tucked away into that chest. It was supposed to be a symbol of a new life free from war.
It didn’t take much to subdue them and send them flying through the door of my house, where they tumbled onto a blood-soaked floor, where wife and child lay… dead. There groans were ignored as I could only possibly stand there in shock, incapable of truly soaking in my loss. I cannot actually remember how I dismantled them with my lightsaber, but I know for a fact it was my doing, and in the end, all I could do is fall to my knees in the middle of the room, deactivate my lightsaber, and press it against my shirt, where it easily burned a hole directly onto my skin, where the impending consequences of my actions would soon find me.
Jayt owns the MMCA (for Armor) from his days as a Jedi Combatant, and due to its high modularity, he's made a few changes/additions. He's added ballista gel pads beneath the armor at the front and back of his torso as well as his forearms to help protect from powerful kinetic impacts. He's also made the HUD so that it is easier to view a battlefield, clearing up smoke, various obstacles, and highlighting movements. There was even a zoom feature that, though not to be compared with binoculars, could also view things in low light environments that might otherwise cause Jayt to be closer to blind. There is finally a magclamp and a jumper attached to aid in all terrain mobility.
He wields two different lightsabers with him into the field, being one regular lightsaber of no particular significance. The second is a dual bladed lightsaber, both of the lightsabers are blue in color, which he clips to the primary positions on his belt for easiest access.
He also has a rebreather, water purifying flask, spare rations, and a hold out blaster pistol hidden on his belt.
Finally, Jayt can bring a blaster rifle with him into combat which he would sling over his back, although he doesn't always bring it with him due to it being additional weight and being bulky as opposed to being without it.
He wields two different lightsabers with him into the field, being one regular lightsaber of no particular significance. The second is a dual bladed lightsaber, both of the lightsabers are blue in color, which he clips to the primary positions on his belt for easiest access.
He also has a rebreather, water purifying flask, spare rations, and a hold out blaster pistol hidden on his belt.
Finally, Jayt can bring a blaster rifle with him into combat which he would sling over his back, although he doesn't always bring it with him due to it being additional weight and being bulky as opposed to being without it.
Name: Jayt Saan
Faction: Jedi (Not yet approved)
Rank: Knight (Not yet approved)
Species: Human
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Force Sensitive: Correct
Appearance: White, black hair, Athletic build, Average size, A severe burn scar running from upper right back, over the shoulder, lower right jaw and right side of neck.
Personality:
Jayt has nothing to lose and a burning desire to avenge the deaths of his wife and son. His morals have been severely altered to accommodate his severe loss. Jayt Saan would risk everything to kill those responsible for the loss of his family. Due to the trauma of losing his family, he has memory issues regarding the experience, choosing to forget everything about it, becoming infuriated regarding the experience, and even provoking violence from him. He was once a bright and optimistic individual, which in part still exists, but has become less vocal about it, and even became more tolerant of the darkness he’d been so distraught about before leaving the Jedi Order earlier in his life. He has become more of a loner acting only for himself instead of for everyone as he’d done before the incident.
Skills: He has basic training in just about every useful battlefield necessity ranging from medical, hand to hand combat, blade and blaster combat, demolitions, and stealth but has ever only really excelled at blade combat leaving his other skills as passable.
Role Plays:
Terminal
[Sith Mission] Rule of Two
Faction: Jedi (Not yet approved)
Rank: Knight (Not yet approved)
Species: Human
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Force Sensitive: Correct
Appearance: White, black hair, Athletic build, Average size, A severe burn scar running from upper right back, over the shoulder, lower right jaw and right side of neck.
Personality:
Jayt has nothing to lose and a burning desire to avenge the deaths of his wife and son. His morals have been severely altered to accommodate his severe loss. Jayt Saan would risk everything to kill those responsible for the loss of his family. Due to the trauma of losing his family, he has memory issues regarding the experience, choosing to forget everything about it, becoming infuriated regarding the experience, and even provoking violence from him. He was once a bright and optimistic individual, which in part still exists, but has become less vocal about it, and even became more tolerant of the darkness he’d been so distraught about before leaving the Jedi Order earlier in his life. He has become more of a loner acting only for himself instead of for everyone as he’d done before the incident.
Skills: He has basic training in just about every useful battlefield necessity ranging from medical, hand to hand combat, blade and blaster combat, demolitions, and stealth but has ever only really excelled at blade combat leaving his other skills as passable.
Role Plays:
Terminal
[Sith Mission] Rule of Two
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