Kalatosh Azha

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NAME: Kalatosh Azha
FACTION: Jedi
RANK: Jedi Knight
SPECIES: Togruta
AGE: 35, standard years
GENDER: Male
FORCE SENSITIVE: Force Sensitive, trained
LIGHTSABER: A white hilt with gold inlay on the grip, with a white blade
MANTRA: "The Force and Control"

APPEARANCE:
A red skin colour with white paint that goes across his whole body. The paint on his face covers his jaw and mouth and has lines leading to his eyes and across his face. He is 1.8m and his eye colour is blue. His headtails are very well distinguished and his montrails come up to his breasts. They are blue with white strokes alternating in length. He is fit and had lots of agility.

ATTRIBUTES:
He tries not to be in the middle of a conversation and focuses on diplomacy and the force. But understands that the Force is higher. In a fight, he tries to end it quickly and scouts out the opponent's weaknesses' before ending it. But when he is constantly losing or is on the other end of a beating, may lose his focus. He is ambitious but understands that he is still rooted in reality.

PERSONALITY:
He is very calm and collected and caring. He may seem a bit weird but may loosen up to you later. He is a hard worker and if he does not at first get something he will keep trying at it until he can get the grip of it and will constantly build on this. He also understands if his work is not entirely exciting or if he is not at the frontline, he believes in something bigger than himself. (selflessness is something normal in Togruta society). He values the force above all, and in battle is an inspiring fighter. However some people he does not like, he may try to, but feels that they are not good friends or allies for him. Or that their personality is not good. He favors silence and quiet learning and can become irritated if a student or lesson is unnecessarily noisy. However, he is known to take the law into his own hands, he sees that if a person, regardless of anything is not punished, then he will do this, he takes the law very seriously.

BIOGRAPHY:
Born in Shilli to a farmer father and eldest of two brothers. His family was pretty unknown in the Shillian community, he had little friends and was devoted to the pursuit of knowledge and maturity. He wanted to be a Jedi seeing the massive respect and praise they get for defending the weak, while staying humble. He proved his worth when a Jedi was knocked out by a wild animal and he defended it with the fallen Jedi's lightsaber. He was accepted in the temple and trained vigorously. During the school, he wrestled the biggest and pushed himself to beat them. He was promoted to 'Jedi Knight'. During the end years of the training he isolated himself and focused more on his studies, this stayed with him.

During his time with his master, he was instructed to go on a mission to Dathomir to rescue a group from the Senate that was taken hostage by Dathomirian mercenaries. He used his saber well and managed to save the group, however, a member was killed on extraction affecting him deeply. He talks about how he happy, saying he has proven himself to his people. His master said that he has done well and had tried his hardest to embody the ways of the force, the best to his ability.

SKILLS:
When he first joined the Jedi he was slow in picking up the First 2 forms but after heavy training and being pushed by his master he excelled at the rest. He chooses to use Form 1, 3 and 6. His personal philosophy talks about defence before attacks and how we talks and asks his attacker to fully evaluate whether he/she should attack him. He uses the first form due to its simplicity and that he remembers learning the first one the most. He is also fluent in Shillian as well as having knowledge of medicinal plants. His force power is a very powerful discharge of the force, he can only do this after hours of meditation and after it's use he becomes very tired and prolonged use can result in disintegration of the limbs.

GEAR:
He wears armour underneath his khaki robes, the armour is light and weights 30kg. It is made for Jedis to wear in combat. It does not restrict a lot of movement but some acrobatics. This plate armor usually consists of a pair of bracers, shoulder pads, boots, thigh plates, chest plate, and abdomen guard. This aids in their functions as a heavy damage dealer and/or tank. This armor is designed to protect against blaster fire, up to 2-3 heavy blaster shots.

ROLE-PLAYS:
*none recorded yet*
(Please be nice, I am new and explain any lingo I may not be used to, Thanks)
 
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Reya Starlyght

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Hey, join the Togrtuan Jedi club! :)

There's a couple things with his profile that are not in line with the current timeline. I noticed you put he's in the Jedi and Republic. Currently the Jedi are their own faction and not a part of the Republic in any way. They have their own territory and everything. If he's a Republic citizen it's fine, but keep in mind the Republic faction is just the Senate and Border Alliance, so he would be in it.

I noticed you attributes are a bit lacking. Attributes are strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. You don't have all of those in the attributes section.

So, while his personality is technically approvable, it's always good to have more than required. Keep in mind that this will dictate nearly every of his actions, and to properly roleplay him you'll want to have a longer personality.

His biography isn't quite long enough. You need 2-3 paragraphs, and even then unless he had a really boring life I would recommend more. Think about things like what happened during his Padawan years? Why does he want to be on the Council so badly? Etc. It's important to have a good biography.

So for his armor and stuff, be sure to put how many blaster bolt hits it would take. This is a maximum of 3 shots, and I believe only one from something heavy. Also, you might want to add that some of the smaller parts can take a hit from a lightsaber. Also, you didn't list his lightsaber, which is pretty important.

I would like to see how he uses his lightsaber forms and Force Powers. It's not required but I would highly recommend adding this.

Lastly, you put English as a skill. In Star Wars it's not called English, it's Basic. Just a minor nitpick.
 

BroAnonymous

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Thank you for your feedback, and thanks for understanding. I will make the appropriate changes and then someone can re-review it?
 

Reya Starlyght

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Thank you for your feedback, and thanks for understanding. I will make the appropriate changes and then someone can re-review it?
I can look over again once you're done if you want! Just be sure to tag me in a comment on here once you're done, otherwise I might not see it.
 

BroAnonymous

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I can look over again once you're done if you want! Just be sure to tag me in a comment on here once you're done, otherwise I might not see it.
Err...I think i'm finished, i'm terrible at making a realistic character and his backstory. but oh well... You have permission to 'look at it'
 

Kuroshi

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The jedi sects wouldn't be canon so jedi guardian, consular, etc. wouldn't be the proper titles. They would only be a jedi knight. Just thought I'd chime in.
 

Reya Starlyght

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The jedi sects wouldn't be canon so jedi guardian, consular, etc. wouldn't be the proper titles. They would only be a jedi knight. Just thought I'd chime in.
You can still have classes. This timeline it's just more of a description of what they do, but it's still allowed.
 

Reya Starlyght

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Err...I think i'm finished, i'm terrible at making a realistic character and his backstory. but oh well... You have permission to 'look at it'
I would say the biography still needs some work on it. Think about things like who was his master?, what did his master teach him?, did he go on any dangerous missions?. It's not two paragraphs quite yet.
 

Kuroshi

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You can still have classes. This timeline it's just more of a description of what they do, but it's still allowed.
Just something I thought I'd bring up, since earlier when I put jedi consular for Arel, Ferre had me change it to reflect the current canon by not directly using the title
 

Reya Starlyght

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Just something I thought I'd bring up, since earlier when I put jedi consular for Arel, Ferre had me change it to reflect the current canon by not directly using the title
Eh, its not a title more of a class to describe their fighting style. Not really sure why @Ferre made you change it but whatever.
 

Ferre

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@Reya Starlyght

From how it was originally written I was keeping the profile away from what is now considered legends. We currently do not refer to the Jedi in these factions as currently we are divided between the Order and the Lord's Army.

However, "there is some truth to legends". So I feel this rule, like many other legend ones, can bend if strongly desired. However, my first response would be to see if there character can fit in our timeline as the timeline is. :)

I hope that was helpful, if you still have questions, feel free to PM me.
 

Reya Starlyght

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@Reya Starlyght

From how it was originally written I was keeping the profile away from what is now considered legends. We currently do not refer to the Jedi in these factions as currently we are divided between the Order and the Lord's Army.

However, "there is some truth to legends". So I feel this rule, like many other legend ones, can bend if strongly desired. However, my first response would be to see if there character can feet in our timeline as the timeline is. :)

I hope that was helpful, if you still have questions, feel free to PM me.
Oh yeah, actual ranks aren't a thing. I was talking about how it just describes the character's main focus (Knight is combat focus, etc) :)
 

BroAnonymous

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Well the feedback seems overwhelming, but thank you all. The appropriate changes will be made.
 

Ferre

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Did you put him in the Jedi Sign Ups?
 

Reya Starlyght

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I would say a last thing about this profile, and sorry I didn't respond earlier, is to add two spaces in between the biography paragraphs and such. It's a real pain to read right now, and doing that will make it easier to read and make everything flow better.
 
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