Karnetssh

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trandoshan.png


"VENGEANCE!" roared the muscled Trandoshan as his doshanek penetrated the scaly torso, and tore apart the heart, of the muscular brute who only moments ago foolishly dared to shame the Trandoshan warrior by stealing what he deemed his rightful kill. Hot, bubbling blood splashed onto the reddish scales that made up the slavers skin, and sluggishly ran down his sharply edged maw. Savagely grinning, Karnetssh twisted and jerked around the two-edged blade of his doshanek in the body of his fresh kill. As his sword tore out from the cadaver, his claws clasped the hilt of his weapon even tighter than before. THIS BLADE DEMANDS MORE BLOOD, he thought to himself, MORE BLOOD, MORE KILLS IN THE NAME OF THE SCOREKEEPER!

In his blind stupor he stampeded forward, his armored boots crashing down ontop of the corridors surface with every inconsiderate step forward, into the darkness of the unlit corridors ahead. It would be a long time from now untill the savage urges of his species would have ceased, and Karnetssh was determined enough in his blind rage to kill everyone who dared to even breath in his presence.

______________________________
______________



preludeq.png


The universal, empty darkness of space had a soothing effect on the Trandoshans normally twisted mind. He, amongst the massive horde of his brethren, resided inside the loading area of a Republican freighter inbound to land on OS-C624, an observation station in the Corellian Region and under the control of the Galactic Republic. The warrior handed his mind over to the void that his eyes perceived to be all around him. Once the slavers would storm savagely outside of the loading bay of the freighter, there would be no more allies---once the slavers would storm savagely outside of the loading bay, nothing would matter anymore. Not blood. Not friendship. Anyone who showed weakness in the eyes of the other would be free game, and in the bloodlust of his brethren, noone would turn on the slaughterer of their kin. Anything that showed resistance and survived, would be enslaved---such were the rules, such was the game, of his people.

It was only a matter of time before the carnage, after which he was named, would unfold in all its twisted beauty and ended the lifes of those proven to be too weak to survive in the madness that had swept over the warriors aboard the freighter so many times. Suddenly, a punch to the reptiloids shoulder tore him out of his calming trance, an act that was followed by an angry gaze directed at the eyes of a self-confident, muscular brute. Mockingly, the warrior who had intercepted Karnetssh let out a booming laughter. What little calmness that had remained in the mind of the Trandoshan slaver dimnished utterly. Resentment and hatred filled the sentient beasts eyes. Then, suddenly, the green-scale flew harshly down onto the metal beneath him, a red scaled Trandoshan hovering fiendishly over him.

Instinctively, the slaver reached out for the scabbard of his doshanek, a double-edged sword made from Chalon, but his grasp only met a hilt of nothingness. An expression of luck flushed over the downed barbarians grotesque visage, when several of his kin unusually calmy approached the scene. Their bodies were covered in yellow jumpsuits, much like the ones Karnetssh and his victim---which was still winding helplessly on the plated floor---were enveloped in. "Ashkrik gwa jahumba thoo!", boomed the largest of them, his voice meshed together with the resonating sound of his armored boots stomping and grinding together dirt with metal, "Perhaps, though, I should seek another jahumba. One who isn't so immensively weak that a simple red scale knocks him down with a single punch to the throat."

Karnetssh triumphantly looked down on what remained of the once proud warrior. What lay before him had been reduced to a forfeit, ashamed husk. His bloodlust screamed out inside of the red scaled slaver, urging him to end the pitiful life of the scum infront of him---urging him to slash savagely at the husk infront of him---and he would have, if not for the sudden shake of their vessel which knocked over everyone foolish enough to be standing this shortly before the docking protocols.


______________________________
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preludez.png




The savage war-cries of the Trandoshans echoed throughout the corridors of the Republican observation station, and instilled fear into the hearts of every person aboard the space-hulk. A horde of slavers, armed with a vast array of primitive and modern-day weaponry, stampeded outside the massive belly of their vessel, devouring anyone caught up within it and leaving behind a gory mess of bone and organs grinded together beneath the three-clawed feet of the Trandoshan monstrosities accompanied by a vast army of small, hovering drones the size of a Humans head--- instruments engineered for mining and maintenance purposes, which now served a much more gruesome task.

Yet only half an hour later, the horde had broken apart completely. Any sense of unity they had felt whilst slashing at their victims had been given up in favor of their hunting instincts and bloodlust, scattering the force across the vastness of the bowels of the station...


 
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The Lionheart

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So, uh... ...what you're saying is... ...his whole history is about nobody wanting to play with him, so he acts like a dumbass and murders random people for some unforeseen reason in some unknown area for shits n' giggles? Aka 'playing with himself all day'?

'TL;DR'

PERSONALITY

APPEARANCE


FACTION


GENERAL STATE OF THE BEING'S BEING AND REASON FOR BEING THERE


Where are they?



:CStern
 

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I could explain it to you, Lion, or I could sit down, lick my lips, and blink.
I think I'll do the latter. Furthermore, I would appreciate it if you would provide constructive criticism rather than whatever the hell you just did.

And if you really don't know what the hell is going on, then perhaps you could ask questions. It would sure as hell make you look less like a dick.
 
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The Lionheart

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I could explain it to you, Lion, or I could sit down, lick my lips, and blink.
I think I'll do the latter. Furthermore, I would appreciate it if you would provide constructive criticism rather than whatever the hell you just did.

...


...he needs personality and general capability description.

All you have is some fluff story about a lizard-guy murdering people, with some minor bit about some kind of Republic entanglement.

This isn't a proper character profile. It's placeholder, and placeholder shouldn't be allowed to cut it when it comes to you.

:CStern



Use yo powa, dommit.​
 

Derpy Boots

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So, uh... ...what you're saying is... ...his whole history is about nobody wanting to play with him, so he acts like a dumbass and murders random people for some unforeseen reason in some unknown area for shits n' giggles? Aka 'playing with himself all day'?

'TL;DR'

PERSONALITY

APPEARANCE


FACTION


GENERAL STATE OF THE BEING'S BEING AND REASON FOR BEING THERE


Where are they?



:CStern
This.


...


...he needs personality and general capability description.

All you have is some fluff story about a lizard-guy murdering people, with some minor bit about some kind of Republic entanglement.

This isn't a proper character profile. It's placeholder, and placeholder shouldn't be allowed to cut it when it comes to you.

:CStern



Use yo powa, dommit.​
This.



DEUUEAUGH!
And this.
 

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The day I start using the templates provided by Brandon again, is the day I give in to people who unjustly demand me to conform to their personal preferences.
 

The Lionheart

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The day I start using the templates provided by Brandon again, is the day I give in to people who unjustly demand me to conform to their personal preferences.

I didn't say template.

I said it needs specification.


You realize there are rules for what profiles must have in them, right? I don't have a picture of your character apart from any other crazed-murderer-on-crack-wannabes prancing around the Galaxy with sticks up their asses and a point to prove.

:CAbove
 

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Listen, Lionheart, I like to develop the understanding of my characters personality through role-play and as such attempt to convey it through writing rather than seperate sections talking about the characters affiliation, personality, and background. I hope you understand that.
 

The Lionheart

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Listen, Lionheart, I like to develop the understanding of my characters personality through role-play and as such attempt to convey it through writing rather than seperate sections talking about the characters affiliation, personality, and background. I hope you understand that.

Yeah, I understand that.


Doesn't change the fact that you need more than filler for a profile.
 

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[UPDATE]
Updated the story
 

Jiang Winters

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So, uh... ...what you're saying is... ...his whole history is about nobody wanting to play with him, so he acts like a dumbass and murders random people for some unforeseen reason in some unknown area for shits n' giggles? Aka 'playing with himself all day'?

'TL;DR'

PERSONALITY

APPEARANCE


FACTION


GENERAL STATE OF THE BEING'S BEING AND REASON FOR BEING THERE


Where are they?



:CStern

Word of advice:

People work hard to make character profiles. A lot of time and effort goes into making them, and they take it personally when someone comes in and pulls a dick move like going 'RAWR IT SUCKS RAWR.'

So be kind, bud. Next time you want to leave some criticism, be nice about it. Find something about the profile you liked, comment on it, then say, 'but y'know, this really could use a section dedicated to [x].'

That way, the RP'er whose profile you're criticizing might actually listen to you. The way you're going about it right now is just dickish, and I wouldn't blame anyone if they blatantly ignored comments like yours, no matter how valid your points may be. As it stands, if you keep up posts like this, all you're going to do is insult people and hurt their feelings.

tl;dr version:

Knock it off.
 

The Lionheart

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Word of advice:

People work hard to make character profiles. A lot of time and effort goes into making them, and they take it personally when someone comes in and pulls a dick move like going 'RAWR IT SUCKS RAWR.'

So be kind, bud. Next time you want to leave some criticism, be nice about it. Find something about the profile you liked, comment on it, then say, 'but y'know, this really could use a section dedicated to [x].'

That way, the RP'er whose profile you're criticizing might actually listen to you. The way you're going about it right now is just dickish, and I wouldn't blame anyone if they blatantly ignored comments like yours, no matter how valid your points may be. As it stands, if you keep up posts like this, all you're going to do is insult people and hurt their feelings.

tl;dr version:

Knock it off.

Noone else wants to role-play with him. So he plays with himself all day long.


Yeah, I'm a real dick.

I know how to offer kind criticism, Jiang. I don't need your advice on how to do it.
 

Jiang Winters

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Yeah, I'm a real dick.

I know how to offer kind criticism, Jiang. I don't need your advice on how to do it.

Then start offering kind criticism, or you'll find yourself with an infraction for insulting other members.
 

The Lionheart

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Then start offering kind criticism, or you'll find yourself with an infraction for insulting other members.

...


...he needs personality and general capability description.

All you have is some fluff story about a lizard-guy murdering people, with some minor bit about some kind of Republic entanglement.

This isn't a proper character profile. It's placeholder, and placeholder shouldn't be allowed to cut it when it comes to you.

:CStern​




Use yo powa, dommit.​


Since I'm so incoherent recently, I guess I'd better point out that I basically told him this kind of profile is beneath his ability, and he can do a lot better. It wouldn't hurt at all to actually give a bit of what's required of a profile, you know, more about how he looks, who he is.

That's about as kind as I'm ever going to get with this one.


While I'm at it, I love how we overlook some insults and offer infractions for others.

I'm reminded of a 'short bus' comment a while back, and some others I've heard. No infractions there, and they were so much more abrasive than what I'm telling him.
 

Jiang Winters

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Point me at them and I'll be only too happy to rip into them too.

For now, any further posts from you in this thread will be considered inflammatory and will be removed.
 

Brandon Rhea

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You realize there are rules for what profiles must have in them, right?

Yes, there are rules:

Please also be aware that you are required to have a certain amount of words in the profile in order for it to be considered legitimate. If you follow one of the templates, there must be at least fifty words in the personality and fifty words in the history. If you do not follow a template and write in prose, there must be at least one hundred words to the profile in terms of narrative. If you do not follow a template and write in poetry, there is a fifty word minimum to the poem. If you want a poem that is less than fifty words, for example, you must add a paragraph of one hundred words of description or story to the bottom of the profile.

Those are the rules. Project isn't violating them.

I know Jiang has already given you an infraction, but you have a serious attitude problem sometimes and if this is how you're going to post in people's profile threads, don't post in profile threads.
 
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