Keywork Engineering & Security Systems

[Lucid]

Um, how so? Could you expand upon that, considering Empress told me it was approved and the it is currently on the approved board.

She didn't. Ever. I've spoken with her for clarification and she replied to the submission thread. If you continue to oppose admin rulings as well as continue to mince words, I will lock this thread.

 

[Empress]

there were multi threads, some thigns got mis shuffled around regardless if there were any updates or changes it would need approved anyway, to its a moot point, it will be reviewed again once a " up to date defacto " version is picked

 

[Prudence]

She didn't. Ever. I've spoken with her for clarification and she replied to the submission thread. If you continue to oppose admin rulings as well as continue to mince words, I will lock this thread.

I don't believe anything that drastic is necessary. I do believe Brett is only trying to understand the current situation. No one is attempting to defy admins here, the only thing desired is clarification so we can understand what is going on and make sure the right things are done.

 

[Commissar Brett]

I don't believe anything that drastic is necessary. I do believe Brett is only trying to understand the current situation. No one is attempting to defy admins here, the only thing desired is clarification so we can understand what is going on and make sure the right things are done.

Prudii is correct. The better I can understand the full situation, the more efficiently it can be corrected (you're admin, and I assume you know this). I have contacted Empress and chosen the "de facto Up-To-Date" one, and we shall wait for her response.

 

[Lucid]

Over the past weeks it has come to the attention of the Administration that KES has been operating beyond the intent the Faction was originally approved for. Because of these concerns the Administration as whole decided to conduct a full re-review of Keywork Engineering Systems and we found a lot of points, both specific and general, that are cause for concern. In order to work through this, since the changes needed are too large for a list of single items to fix, this review is going to be conducted in multiple stages. I feel like working through this incrementally will give us both the best chance of coming to a solution that is favorable for both parties.

Primary Concerns

• Lack of Clear Concept and Direction

• As written at the top of the faction write up, KES is primarily an engineering company and munitions supply group. That on its own is fine; a good, solid direction for the faction. However that is almost immediately contradicted by saying that the company is merely a front for a centuries old Force Order who's primary objective over the ages has been recruiting and training the most promising Force Sensitives to be born on their planet of origin or within their system of origin. Individually, these two things are a solid basis for an independent faction. The problem comes from the way that they've been combined, especially given the large size and success of the Engineering Company front as well as the potency of the Force Users within KES.
  
  There is nothing wrong with an Independent Faction that covers a wide base of operations, and both the Dark Jedi of the Bogan and Waste Rangers are a particularly good example of this. However, those two factions are not lacking in detail. They have a very clear core concept of what they are. Why they are what they are. How they have become what they are. These are things that you will need to address more clearly over the course of this review. Here's a list of questions that we'd like to see answered in greater detail within the Faction write up.

• What is KES?

• Are they a heavily fortified weapons technology research company with its own private army to maintain research integrity?
• Are they an independent Force Faction with its own set of ideals, morals and laws governing them that operate under a lose cooperate cover to fund operations and maintain a neutral face to the galaxy?
• Are they a security contractor that has acquired means to fund their own small research division?
• There are many things beyond the few questions that I have asked that KES could be, but it's questions like that that must be considered and answered in greater detail for the Administration to fully grasp what your intent with KES is to be.

• What is the Order of the Keywork?

• I think that the concept of a centuries old Force Order operating under a successful cooperate mask is a really fun idea to play with but in order to successfully pull that off you must understand there are some things regarding Indie Factions that are Force Organizations.
  
  Every faction that is based around the Force has some sort of guiding principals. The Jedi; to preserve peace and independence for the people of the galaxy. The Sith; to rule and dominate as they see is their right. The Matukai; to increase the strength of one's self so that they can serve to protect where they feel the need. The Bogan; acceptance that nothing is certain and to embrace the chaos of life in and through the Force.
  
  Each of the factions I used as examples have a very clear sense of self which gives them unique definition as well as unique appeal. However, that identity serves a secondary purpose in each case. It provides the basis on which to develop a strong ideology and moral platform on which to build their faction. The Force is everywhere. It is constant. It moves through and around everything. The Force's potency is only as strong as the morals and convictions of the one using it. Having a faction with a clearly defined sense of self, why they are what they are, why they see the Force in the way they do, provides a critical and necessary focus for people when they write a character as part of the faction...it gives the faction character.
  
  As written, the Order of the Keywork has none of these things and, by that token, has no reason to exist. I'm not saying that they can't, but if you want them to be there then you must explain them in greater detail. Here are some suggestions of points to explore:

• Why was the Order of the Keywork founded?
• Do they have a Code governing their actions?
• What makes them able to maintain Force Neutrality (no lightside or darkside affiliation)?
• Why do they hide behind corporate cover?
• Why do they have to be behind cooperate cover?
• Why do they exist?
• How do they view the Force?
• How did they come into being?
• etc.
  

​

Once these concerns have been addressed, both OOC and within the write up itself we can progress to a more detailed discussion of actual faction mechanics and workings. However these concerns must be addressed first as they are they represent the core of Keywork Engineering Systems and without a solid foundation to build on, anything else becomes meaningless.
​

Secondary Concerns
Hard changes/edits to existing faction structure write up.

Security

• They are sworn to absolute secrecy upon promotion and increased security clearance, and typically implanted with Force-Negating augmentations.

• I'm not sure what you're trying to do here or even what this would amount to in game. Either way this is a blatant violation of the ruling on Force-proof armor and must be removed.

• The numbers you currently have are totally out of whack, however I'm not able/willing to address that in any greater detail until the rewrite of the faction's core concept is completed. However, I will mention as food for thought, that your current NPC distribution ration is [noparse]28:12:3[/noparse] (security : administration : development/fabrication) and that is a very strange distribution indeed.

Assets

• 16km2​ is simply outrageous. That's the size of a small city or town. I'd remove that size definition completely or, if you really want to have it listed as such, 800m2​ would be the number I'd like you to list.

I know I just wrote a whole bunch of stuff, and that you may feel that you've already addressed all my concerns in the primary section. However, I want you to know that attention to detail and being able to convey that you've thought through every nuance of the faction are your friend's here. We have no issue with you wanting to make KES a big player--ambition is fantastic--but we can't just approve something or give tacit approval for actions beyond the scope of what you have written.

With all of the above stated and as I mentioned within my points, a total rewrite of Keywork Engineering Systems is required so that the actions you've taken in game as well as the integration of a powerful group of Force-Users alongside a potent military supply company is justified in game. In essence, Brett, you need to make the faction make sense.

Until we have worked through the review and the rewrite(s) KES is deemed Unapproved and moved to the Unapproved Factions board pending rewrite and re-approval. Any RP's dealing with Key Entity actions or negotiations on behalf of the company should be suspended until the rewrite is approved.

 

[Commissar Brett]

Thank you. I plan to make these alterations throughout the week. It may be edited piece by piece, but I shall send you a VM/PM to let you know once I feel it has been fully completed and/or ready for review once again. Thank you for providing me with these points, all of which I have to mull over in great detail.

 

[Lucid]

Adena also wishes me to point out that KES cannot simply abduct Force-Sensitive children to train them. During your rewrite of the Order of the Keywork and faction history you should strongly consider explaining how they recruit Force-Sensitives from with in their home system.

 

[Empress]

yeah, basically its really good to make it clear on how they grow members too much gray area on that part can be pretty easily abused and how can also really dictate the alignment of a group so its a good thing to cover

 

[Prudence]

Got that. Sentry, BZ, and myself are working on a joint revamp for the faction and thus far it's rich in detail. Thanks for the additional point, I hadn't considered that one. Thanks for taking time out of your day to review our faction. While it's stressful to revamp, looking at your points it's really easy to see that the model we were using was very obsolete and that we were trying to stretch it into being something it wasn't. I know you guys spent a ton of time reviewing this faction and that means a lot to me! your time is very valuable! If you have more suggestions just let us know!

 

[Commissar Brett]

I believe that, after a weekend's-worth of collaboration between myself, Prudii, and BZenwrath, the faction rewrite is complete. If there are any instances of wrong-doings or inconsistencies, please mention them and we will get to work on them as soon as is available to any of us, mostly me though because I still need to copy the full write-up over to a shareable format.

 

[Lucid]

Break up your paragraphs more before i even try to read this.

 

[Commissar Brett]

Paragraphs broken with a sense of organisation (in my opinion)

 

[Lucid]

Explain to me (as a response to this post) why the Order of the Keywork is necessary at all to the company. The write up is loads better, but I'm still having a really hard time seeing why either the engineering systems company or the order of the keywork need each other to survive or why at all they would cohabit like this while also maintaining a political agenda.

 

[Prudence]

Explain to me (as a response to this post) why the Order of the Keywork is necessary at all to the company. The write up is loads better, but I'm still having a really hard time seeing why either the engineering systems company or the order of the keywork need each other to survive or why at all they would cohabit like this while also maintaining a political agenda.

I actually wrote part of the write up that addresses that I think. Give me a moment and I'll explain it.

 

[Prudence]

Okay so originally there was only the order. Due to threat of destruction from the Jedi and the Sith they went underground, forming the company with its three subsidiaries. That is why the order needs the company. The company needs the order because their board of directors so to speak is the Order.

 

[Commissar Brett]

Okay so originally there was only the order. Due to threat of destruction from the Jedi and the Sith they went underground, forming the company with its three subsidiaries. That is why the order needs the company. The company needs the order because their board of directors so to speak is the Order.

To add, the Order might not be able to get past the Jedi without someone snooping through archives to find out who they are, so they Company remains so that they have more influence and capability than a normal Force-Using faction might, like the Jedi (not saying we're bigger than Jesus, but...). Essentially, they still need a front until they have the strength and number to stand up to the other factions as themselves and not the company (which we probably won't get to in this timeline given the new timeline within a year)

 

[Prudence]

To add, the Order might not be able to get past the Jedi without someone snooping through archives to find out who they are, so they Company remains so that they have more influence and capability than a normal Force-Using faction might, like the Jedi (not saying we're bigger than Jesus, but...). Essentially, they still need a front until they have the strength and number to stand up to the other factions as themselves and not the company (which we probably won't get to in this timeline given the new timeline within a year)

But it's still goals

 

[Commissar Brett]

But it's still goals

Correct, it is still a directional, cohesion-based, logical reason for The Order to be The Company

 

[Lucid]

I'm sorry Brett, but at this point you're going to have to choose whether or not KES is a Force faction or a company. I see no reason, after the rewrite and your exceptionally lackluster OOC justification, to afford you control of a faction that is by design very powerful. You gave no thought to your actual direction of the Faction over the course of the rewrite, that much is very clear. You only gave thought to how to better integrate the Force Order that you keep hinting is on par with the Jedi as well as a munitions production company, private army and upstart fleet.