Kiro Snow

Bishy

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NAME: Kiro Snow
FACTION: Jedi
RANK: Jedi Knight
SPECIES: Human
AGE: 20
GENDER: Male
FORCE SENSITIVE: Trained
ryanreynoldstruth.jpg

APPEARANCE:
Kiro is 5'10, and is rather tanned thanks to his numerous experiences on planets close to suns. His face has a small scar across the chin from a close shave with a vibrosword, and his hair and beard its cut relatively short. His eyes maintain a dark blue colour, that subtly compliments the browned skin.

SKILLS & ATTRIBUTES:
Kiro is quick on his feet, and good with a sabre in the Makashi stance, but hes certainly no master. He also isnt the most wisdomous of men. What he lacks in combat ability and wisdom, his charisma makes up for. Though able to bend minds with the force, he rarely needs to as his own brand of charm usually proves persuasive enough. Of course this is not always a certainty, more than once has he faced his charm ending badly, and no amount of talking could pull him out of the frying pan. Thats when he realies on his telekinetic abilities and improved speed from the power of the force. Though due to his age, Kiro is no master of the force, and still has much to learn.

PERSONALITY:
Kiro is over-confident, determined and humorous, and this mix of traits provides the charming, persuasive nature he possesses. He loves talking, possibly too much, and despite the Jedi order, enjoys using his charms towards women. Though confident on the exterior, as soon as his charms start to work, he stops. He becomes nervous once his exterior is gotten through, and isn't use to the closeness relationships, whether friends or more than that, brings. He talks a big game but in the end, he's still young and when it comes to relations, inexperienced.

His likes consist of the basics. He enjoys flying, more than most in fact, he also enjoys fighting. Even when he doesn't win, which is the majority of the time. If not so much for the actual fight, more as to show off. When it comes to the Jedi code his following is very... lapse. He's no sith, by any means, but bends the codes to suit himself when away from his peers. Not directly breaking any, but momentary lapses of judgement, and his general nature usually leads to issues regarding his Jedi ways.

He dislikes a lot. The mans picky. First of all, fish. He grew up on Manaan and fish still freak him out, he cannot deal with them. Doesn't matter if you're selkath or jabba the salmon, you scare him. Secondly, fish. He also dislikes cruelty in any way, though not your typical jedi, or your typical hero, he'll always route for the underdog, or fight for the distressed damsel. When it comes to saving people, he doesn't hesitate.
BIOGRAPHY:
Kiro's jedi training wasn't exactly chosen but forced. Kiro chose it of course, but his master was forced to teach him. The knight who picked him up as an orphan child from Manaan did not intially wish to train him, only upon being urged by his master, did he train the boy. The reluctance was not brought on by Kiro having any massive force ability, but merely but how hard he would be to train. The boy had grown up alone so far, though only being young at the age of 7, he'd grown on a planet of neutrality, and he was the rebel. Though too young to be of any significant harm, he was poor and alone, and took to stealing to keep him alive.

He was cocky and stubborn, and if it wasn't for his master it was likely he'd have fell to the dark side. Not that being a jedi has stopped either his stubbornness, his cockiness, or his humour. The perfect example of their reluctant bonding, was early in their training.
"Will i get to choke people with my mind?!"
The jedi knight look to the excitable youngster with disdain. "No."
"but-"
"That's an ability of the dark side of the force-"
"So you're saying i need to be dark side?"
"I'm saying you need to be quiet."
"What about lightning hands?"
"Its an ability of the dark side."
It was then, the Jedi realised how he'd have to teach the youngster. By playing to Kiro's interests. "Would you like to throw droids with your mind?"
"..." Kiro's grin widened. "Can i throw people too?"
"Theoretica-"
"Well we'd better start training then, we shouldn't be sitting here slacking off should we?"

It was then, Kiro trained hard to become a warrior. Though initially childish, he was too stubborn to give up on his master, and before long the two become close. They trained together daily, with sabers, Kiro having built his own with a lambient crystal, and when the childish attitude was completely gone, he became quite the jedi and finally became a Knight.

GEAR:

Lightsaber
Kiros lightsaber is pink. The hilt itself is a pearl white, and is smooth, cylindrical and 3/4 of a foot long.
Apparel
Kiro's day-to-day clothing consists of brown pants, a beige duster and a white shirt, not opting for the traditional robes of the jedi order.
ROLE-PLAYS:
None Yet...
RELATIONSHIPS:
None yet....
Ladies ;)


SHIP:
A starfighter.

DROIDS:
None

PETS:
None. Would love a pet rancor though.

KILLS:
None

COMBAT:
None
 
Last edited:

Jaz

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A few comments from a Bona-Fide role-player, if I may.

First off, the personality is lacking. He doesn't seem to have very many flaws. In fact, he barely has any. I would recommend giving him more flaws than just "nervous and inexperienced". At least as many flaws as good qualities is a good rule of thumb. While we're on the topic, go ahead and give him some more good qualities. I'm a nitpicker, but he just seems to fall flat. Try to make him a bit more three dimensional. Add likes, dislikes, interests, beliefs, etc.

Secondly, the backstory. It needs more detail. What was his childhood like before he started training. What was his economical/social status? Where did he live? What did he do? How did he start training? etc.

Third, grammar. Possessives (with the exception of possessive pronouns "theirs, his, hers, her, their, mine, ours, yours, its, etc") have an apostrophe between the word and the "s". For example: Kiro's. Also, contractions need apostrophes as well. For example: He is becomes "He's". If English is not your first language, I can understand the slip up, but it's probably in your best interest to fix it.

If you need any resources, references, advice, or anything of the like, drop by my inbox. I'll be more than happy to help.

Take care.
 

Bishy

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That'll teach me to write an app at 2AM. Thank you! i'll fix these up
 

Carthage

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I'll have to tag @Kiro for the name resemblance. (Not really a rule, I just wanna see her reaction to a character with her username.)
 

Bishy

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oh, didn't even know there was a person here called kiro. Go figure XD. Theres a Bishop and a kiro. When will the name stealing end.
 

Vosrik

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Hey there! So everything looks pretty good so far, although perhaps the only couple things I'd like to see a bit more of are his background and lightsaber skills. Is there any particular lightsaber form he's better at than others? For his backstory, I think maybe his time with the Jedi could be fleshed out a little bit more, but besides that you're all set! :)
 
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