Ask Yavin IV Lesson One: Small Talk

[Haldir Eressëa]

He might not look like it given how neutral his expression was, but Haldir was panicking.

The emotion was so out of place, something his clan had taught him to banish because it clouded both mind and judgement, but it felt justified to be feeling such given the situation at hand. He would've admitted that he was feeling out of his depth, but like what he had been taught he kept it all inside. His face – free of the bandages that constantly hid it – was a placid mask, pale blue eyes locked on the patch of grass with a small white flower peeking from the viridian blades.

Haldir Eressëa had taken a student under his wing, a Padawan he was to train so she could take another step further to becoming a capable Knight. But who was he compared to Willa's former Master? Maxims Tionson was a great Jedi, someone the Arkanian Offshoot would never be able to hold a candle to. Compared to the Jedi Master he was... no, not nothing. Haldir had only ever met the man in passing before the Arkanian left the Order, but he knew Master Tionson would probably disapprove of how the Knight thought so little of himself compared to the human.

Another insecurity brushed aside. Another doubt that he could hopefully discard by the end of his duty to Willa.

Willa Kanz.

He stopped himself from delving further into memories of Dxun. Crix didn't blame him for what happened to his friend. Willa didn't blame him for the loss of her left eye. So Haldir would stop blaming himself. He didn't want to taint the bond he would inevitably forge with her by continuing to blame himself for something none of them could have avoided on the Demon Moon. And besides the two have proved their mettle. The Arkanian would now serve his purpose to the Order he once left behind.

He had waited for Willa to heal before asking the question they both wanted to give one another on Dxun. And while he would probably never be as good a teacher like Master Tionson had been, Haldir vowed to do his absolute best for his very first Padawan learner.

The Knight stood on a clearing outside the Temple, clad in his Jedi robes for the first time in days. Today marked the first day of his and Willa's journey as Master and Padawan, and while he had no general idea – despite the experiences he'd had with his own Master back in the day – how to proceed today, he settled for knowing his student first and foremost. Who she was as a person, the training she had received from her former Master and how far she'd been on it, and what kind of training she expected from Haldir himself.

Small steps first. After all, he wouldn't be able to truly teach her if he had no idea who he was teaching. Reading whatever file the Temple had on her would never be enough, after all.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

Willa had come to grips with her new life.

Losing half her sight, she buried herself in new remixes and melodies to distract herself in recovery, answering fan messages and looking at new possible gigs to jump into later. Adjusting her depth perception was incredibly difficult, but she was getting better. What she hadn't expected, however, was the Arkanian Knight reaching out to her for training.

She knew she was essentially ready for the Knight Trials, but... in many ways, she felt lacking. Maxims had been an excellent master, but she felt in many ways she had let him down, letting her grief cloud her thinking, and her jealousy of Crix stand in her way. Training with Max had been a temporary reprieve from all her doubts, but now... it all came rushing back.

She remembered Haldir's voice calling her back on Dxun. Her lack of focus had been her own downfall; it was no one else's fault. She had a lot of time to think, and now... she was certain of her decision.

The half-Morellian slowly walked down the passageway to the outdoors. With her blind eye open, she stared out where the Knight stood. She could smell the breeze coming in, that tang that meant a storm was probably not too far away, but the sun still glowed. She hadn't bothered putting on standard robes; she wore a sleeveless black top and leggings tucked into boots, her usually wild curls tightly managed into cornrows that were coiled in a bun on the top of her head. Soon, she would have to cut it again, but that was later.

Striding around him, she offered a bow, her training saber and newly-forged lightsabers both clipped to her belt.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting, Master," she replied, blinking once.

And then, a grin touched her lips. She was about to joke, but he looked so serious, so intense, that she couldn't resist. "You look as blindingly good as ever." With the quip, her smile grew and she rose from her bow. Even without Maxims' influence, she wasn't one to stand on ceremony long. She wasn't sure, but she got the feeling he was reflecting on the deep stuff. He was gonna get wrinkles, frowning like that.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

Her presence and signature in the Force was something he was becoming quite familiar with. Haldir had first compared Willa to a fading firework when he first met her and Crix on Dxun. The Arkanian Knight turned to face her, watching her approach and returning her bow with one of his own.

She had already heard his true voice – the first who was given the privilege to do so as an outsider – so there was no reason to use someone else's.

"No, not at all," he assured her, head tilting slightly to one side when a grin appeared on her face.

Ah.

Haldir was aloof and reserved, not bashful. But for someone who was coming to terms with having what he was taught to conceal already being seen by sentients outside his immediate family, the faint dusting of red against his skin almost betrayed the resurface of the embarrassment he felt back on Dxun. One corner of the Knight's lips tugged upwards in a half-smile at her quip.

"Aren't angels supposed to be that way?" he jested lightly, sweeping a hand up to gesture at his snow-white hair. "With the way the light hits my hair, I'm pretty sure it probably looked like I have a halo or something."

The added comment surprised even Haldir himself, though it didn't dredge up the mortification he'd expected. Closing himself off would not help either of them. Instead, the Knight slowly eased himself, opening himself up in the Force and letting the Padawan catch glimpses of the emotions he currently felt and some stray thoughts that flashed in his mind. She would feel his eagerness to teach her, determination to see her training through, and the fading apprehension and doubts about being a good teacher he'd felt earlier.

His former Master had taught him on their first meeting that trust was one of the keys into forging a bond between Master and Padawan. It was a stark contrast to the clan's teachings of trusting only oneself and no one else with the exception of the clan itself. Leaning more into Rudra's and Rey Skywalker's Jedi teachings resembled a huge act of rebellion against the family who disowned him, and Haldir's smile widened at the thought.

"Will you walk with me, my Padawan?"

A hand swept towards the orchard currently devoid of other Jedi and Gamorrean guards. The Knight had chosen this time of the day for the sole purpose of having the area to the two of them. Only Willa and Crix had seen his whole face so far and the Arkanian wanted to keep it that way – for as long as he could.

"This might feel like a 'getting to know' stage between us, because it basically is," Haldir began. In a way, he supposed that there might be a lesson or two to learn during the talk. "And I will admit that I will not be very good at it, but know that I will try my best to answer any questions you will have for me. I will be blunt – I will not trust you without knowing who you are, Willa, and I will not have you trust me without knowing who I am."

Some teachings from the clan was hard to shake off, he realized.

He gazed down at her while they walked, mindful of the path ahead through the Force. Beneath the bandages and the mask he almost always wore Haldir never had to really make a concerted effort to keep his expression anything but neutral. With the concealment temporarily gone, the Knight was surprisingly expressive. The smile on his face, though small, was genuine and slowly turning more warm.

"We'll take turns asking questions about one another, though you're free to not answer anything you deem intrusive or personal." He stopped by a wooden bench and gestured for her to take a seat, sitting down only once she did so. "You are free to end the conversation whenever you want. Only then will we proceed to the jungle behind us."

She was carrying her sabers, after all. It would be a shame if all they did today on their first official meeting as Master and Padawan was to sit and talk.

"Ladies first."

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

He was goddamned adorable when he blushed. Night and day compared to other Knights and Masters that roamed these halls, but... when he joked back, for a moment, she stood in slack-jawed shock.

Suddenly, she let out a loud laugh, lips pulled into a full grin, her lone brown eye glinting warmly as her cheeks flushed. True, she had called him an angel on Dxun... she'd hoped it was just a foggy, fevered dreaming, but knowing she'd been heard was sooo embarrassing. Still, as before, he seemed to be open towards her. At first, she blinked, surprise evident through the Force. His doubt, his hesitation... whatever anxiety she felt as well began to ebb out, shoulders lowering as she kept an easy pace with him.

In response to his own openness, he would feel a tentative reaching of her own. Like someone posed in a doorway, unsure and shy; however, the longer she moved with him, the less reservation she had. He would catch her emotions, like bright sparks, flicker and flare to life. Curiosity, eagerness, but through it all a thread of waiting. Quiet anticipation; it had been so long since she had had a teacher of her own, she didn't want to disappoint. It was more than that, though.

People whispered behind her back, like she couldn't hear. The last student of Maxims Tionson was slow, her path to Knighthood taking longer than her own childhood friend. What was wrong with her? He was an excellent teacher, so what did she lack? For once, she was silent, nodding along to his words patiently, letting him speak first as she kept up with his longer-legged gait.

Her lips twitched at his telling her the conversation was over when she dictated it. Before, she wouldn't have hesitated to plunge headlong into a million questions. But now, she considered it, eyeing the man. He looked... nice when he smiled. Almost approachable. Gving herself a quick mental shake, she took a deep breath, considering her first question, and let it out in a slow sigh. "Ask you anything?" She quirked an eyebrow. "Dangerous power to give a Padawan, Master," she couldn't help but tease, but her grin showed the joke. "Well... Why do you use other voices? And how?" She cocked her head, gesturing at him. "I noticed that before; rattled Crix quite a bit. Will I be able to learn that trick?"

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

She was opening up through the Force, reaching out in response to him. It had been literal years since Haldir allowed himself to open up to others, to even allow someone to take a look at his feelings and thoughts through the Force. His former Master had been an exception to the Arkanian's aloof and secretive nature, but even Rudra wasn't spared when the Morellian had crossed the line with regards to Haldir's family. The relationship between Master and Padawan had become strained thereafter, and once more Haldir returned to being closed off.

He had been young back then, too angry and hopeless in the face of the family that controlled him. Now, however, Haldir wasn't shackled. Not anymore. So as Willa reached out he let her in, the smile on his face widening at her laughter and the waning of her reservation. Her anticipation matched his own and it further eased what remained of his apprehension.

One thought, one emotion, stood out and he tentatively brushed her mind with his own.

You will not disappoint. We'll both make sure of that.

The teasing was something he hadn't anticipated even after he'd joked back with her earlier. For the first time in weeks a flash of mischief glinted on pale blue eyes, his smile now showing teeth. As if the Force Itself had approved of their new relationship as Master and Padawan, Haldir found it surprisingly easy to speak and joke with her. One pale hand rose at chest level, wagging a finger at her teasing in faux disapproval.

"That's... alright, I probably should've been more careful with my choice of words," he told her with a quiet but amused chuckle. "But I mean it, so ask away."

Her first question was not wholly unexpected. He'd used his own voice on purpose back on Dxun to call her back to the waking world, so it was either she would ask something related to it or why he concealed his face. Instincts to keep the clan's secrets remained rooted in the Arkanian's mind and heart, but his disownment only served to drive the rebellious thoughts that lurked within him. And Haldir himself was a rebellious little shit, so why turn the question down?

"Why indeed..." he began, returning her gaze and let out a soft sigh. "I hailed from a clan who produce spies and double agents. We have been taught and raised to be able to hide in plain sight, and to further avoid the risk of identification by enemies we are trained to discard our voices in favor of using someone else's at an early age. I've been doing it since I was six."

It was the simplest, most straightforward explanation he could give her, for now. After all she didn't ask about his life story in great detail. Though learning that Crix had been rattled about the ability – given how he knew Rudra's son prior to meeting Haldir – brought an amused glint to his eyes.

"As for how, it takes years of practice. Like I said I started at a young age, though with my Force-sensitivity I guess you could say that I cheated. At your age it will be difficult for you to learn without relying on the Force, but let's cheat, shall we? If you're familiar with Sound Mimicry, then you'll be able to do it. I'll teach you how – both the easy way with the Force or the hard way without, if you're willing."

Feeling that he had sufficiently answered her questions, Haldir paused for a moment before asking his own.

"What are your expectations about learning from me? Will you be open about giving me suggestions about your learning preferences? Will you be straightforward and tell me honestly if I'm not meeting those expectations?"

He could still remember his old Master asking him the same questions in hopes of making him verbally speak.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She flinched back in slight surprise at his voice, brushing against her mind as well. She had done it with her previous Master before, but in a limited way. For him to be so casual was interesting. Perhaps her previous judgement of him was wrong. However, his talking of Mimicry made her one good eye to glimmer warmly, lips curved into a smile. "I'd love to learn. 'Cheating' or not... but seriously? Spies?" She smiled, but it faded at his own questions.

For a long, drawn-out moment, she was silent. The jungles beckoned ahead, the warm glow of light a gentle touch. She allowed her surroundings to ground her for a moment, considering her words carefully.

"I see in you a want to learn, as well," she answered honestly, glancing at him with both her blinded and sighted eyes. "If you wanted an easy student, you could have asked any of the Padawans currently Masterless. I expect... you know how it feels to be alienated." Her eyes gazed levelly at him. A trick she learned from Max; she hadn't missed his tension mentioning his family. "Or being second in a world of firsts. You can teach me as much as you expect me to excel; but know if I have any doubts, I won't hesitate to voice them." Her grin returned, but the sudden seriousness in her gaze remained. "You'll know. Now," She patted a hand on her thigh, giving a grin.

"I won't ask about your face; you do what makes you comfortable. What I want to know is what you expect of me in return." She cocked her head slightly. "I learn by example. School of hard knocks. I'm sure you've met others like that, Master."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

Usually, Haldir would be bombarded with questions about his family's trade once the word 'spy' left his lips. Willa's interest about learning Mimicry had distracted him from making another joke about his former life, leaving the Arkanian nodding in response. Even if she hadn't asked about it the Knight was still intent on teaching her. It was a skill she could use to her advantage as a Padawan and a future Knight.

Maybe they could even use Mimicry to pull a prank on Crix.

She took a moment to reply and Haldir patiently waited, though he would be lying if he denied that whatever her response would be made him feel a little apprehensive. He'd never taught someone else before, whether as a Jedi or a Sector Ranger in deep cover. Teaching was a whole new world to him, almost an alien concept that both scared and intrigued him. The fact that he wasn't just teaching a Padawan but a full-fledged adult made him question if he would be up for it like what he was feeling now.

Haldir looked back at Willa when she finally spoke, the smile that had vanished from his face while he entertained his doubts returning the more she shared her thoughts.

He didn't want an easy student. He wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to teach in the first place. And while alienation was something he was intimately familiar with, he didn't want for Willa to constantly feel the same. Like she had been aware about the whispers with regards to her former Master and her current status, Haldir had been too embedded in the background that those very same whispers were practically a casual conversation to him. The Jedi Order was supposed to be a paragon of light, but he guessed gossipers – regardless of allegiance – really were ubiquitous.

There were many things he wanted to say then, only barred by his own inability and lack of motivation to verbally speak. Why compare one Padawan's progress with another? Why ask and expect too much from a student whose Master was obviously very skilled and well-known? Did they care to ask said Master, when he was still alive, if he'd burdened his Padawan with the same expectations others sought from her?

Maybe it was the best that he'd kept his mouth shut. He felt sympathy towards Willa, not pity. The Arkanian was socially inept enough – he didn't want to create a misunderstanding between them, with her thinking that he'd sought her out and asked her to be his Padawan just because he pitied her, because someone else might not take her.

He asked her because he wanted to, as simple as that.

"And I will always listen, even if there will come a time – because it surely will come – when I'm too stubborn to do so," he assured her with a respectful nod, his smile firmly fixed in place. "Just because I'm the teacher between us doesn't mean there's nothing left to learn. I'm giving you the right to call me out if I'm being too difficult. It'll do you good to remember that."

She wasn't going to ask him about his face and the need to almost always conceal it? In a heartbeat the Knight looked visibly surprised, blinking once, then twice, at her. A chuckle slipped past his lips, arms crossing over his chest as he lifted his gaze up at the clouds. There were many things he wanted to say, though he knew that she wouldn't be needing all of them – just the few that mattered. When he looked back at her the smile on his face was replaced by a neutral expression, though his amusement was betrayed by the gleam in his pale blue eyes.

"I will be honest – I do not like to build expectations because I'm... well, I'm afraid of being disappointed. But to answer your question: I don't and will never expect you to be the perfect student," he replied bluntly. "I have no need for one. You learn by example, you say? School of hard knocks? Then I expect that you'll live up to those."

The corners of his lips twitched upwards in another smile.

"I've met someone like that, yes. I just have to look in the mirror every morning."

It was equal parts a joke and a serious response. Because as much as he wanted to teach his new Padawan, he knew that he would no doubt learn something from her as well.

"Can you tell me about your ambitions, Willa? Your passions? What made you join the Jedi Order?"

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

Ah, his own surprise at her question not being about concealing his face made her lips twitch, almost threatening to break her neutral expression. But at his own question, she paused, cocking her head slightly. The reason she stayed...

"There were times I questioned if I belonged here."

Her lips twitched, but there was a distant look in her eye. "As you know, Crix and I go way back. Years. He's my best friend." That statement was as easy to say as breathing. He'd been her best friend since the first day they met and she took his lunch credits. "I followed him. I..."

She flushed hotly, squirming on the seat for a moment as she considered her next words, dipping her head down a moment. "Max was the one that really brought me in, though. He was patient with me... he taught me what it meant to have real compassion." Her hands trembled a moment, but she pressed them into her thighs, closing her eyes a moment. "I've always been good with people. He taught me how to listen. But... I want to do more than that. I want to be either an ambassador or a Shadow." Her features firmed, and she smoothed out the fabric of her pants with a calm practice. "I joined for my friend. I'm staying because... I wanna." She glanced over, and gave him a grin.

"My turn. What should I call you? Master Essie?"

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

The opening statement to her response to his question struck a familiar chord in Haldir, one he thought he'd already discarded when he first joined the Order at his parents' command, during his Knight Trials, and when he returned to the Jedi fold after finally standing up for his own dreams and left the clan. She would feel the softest, briefest flash of pain coming from him through the Force, a bittersweet feeling tied to a past the Arkanian kept to himself. It was a feeling that surprised even Haldir himself, and despite their differing experiences he felt that the sentiment about belonging was something they shared.

Ah, so Crix hadn't been merely a fellow Padawan and even a simple friend. For someone so alienated from the concept of a friend one could trust – a best friend –, Haldir couldn't stop his curiosity from peeking out upon seeing how she flushed despite the ease with which she'd admitted her relationship with the half-Zabrak. The way she left one word hanging added to the intrigue.

But he wouldn't ask nor press. It wasn't his business if there appeared to be something going on between his Padawan and the Knight. He wouldn't even try to assume anything. Even if his curiosity grew to the point of having to while away the wee hours of the morning thinking what Willa wanted or was trying to say. He let the matter drop – it wasn't his business.

But why was she blushing, though?

Kark off.

The very mention of the late Maxims Tionson's name was not unexpected. The Councillor had done mant a great thing for the Jedi Order, and his and Talak Rand's loss would always sting just as painful as the former Grandmaster Oota and Councillor Sada-nau. Gaze still upon Willa, he listened as she gave him a glimpse of what Master Tionson had done for her. He noticed her hands shake while she spoke but he held himself from reaching out to steady them, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed.

Compassion, the realness thereof... it reminded him of his own Master back in the day, the Morellian teaching a boy who had been taught to only look out for himself and his clan. How to reach out, talk, and listen. Unlike Willa Haldir wasn't good with people, not even including how socially inept he could be at times. Even now he still struggled to communicate to others. The only reason he'd managed to approach her was due to his own resolve at genuine desire to teach her and to learn from her in return. The only reason why he'd managed to work with Crix on Dagobah was because he'd seen his – and Willa's – strength and determination on Dxun.

Hearing her reason for staying made him see another resemblance between them. She didn't ask, but he felt compelled to share his own reason for being a part of the Order. She didn't ask, but Haldir wanted to tell her, anyway.

To tell her that she wasn't alone.

"I joined the Order because my parents wanted me to," he began, keeping his gaze on her. Melancholy softened his features, one corner of his lips lifting up in a small, almost sad smile. "Surely, a spy wielding the Jedi's powers would bring a great benefit to the clan. I didn't want to – I was a child who didn't want to leave whatever comforts home–" he tried not to spit out the word and barely succeeded "–offered. My brother, aware of the burdens of responsibilities we shared, urged me to go and heed my parents' command. He thought I would see that I'd be better off as a Jedi than being a tool for my parents'... objectives."

The Arkanian paused for a moment, unfolding his arms and resting his hands on his lap.

"My Master has been obnoxiously exuberant but exceedingly kind. He showed me what it means to be a Jedi, and it drew me in. Like a moth to a flame. My brother was right – each day I spent in the Order only served to make me want to stay. I wanted to be a doctor, not a spy, and when my Master taught me the art of healing I knew then and there where I belonged. I wanted to be a Jedi, I wanted to stay – not because it was ordered by my parents, and not because my brother wanted to keep me safe."

"I stayed because I want to. My Father had managed to strong-arm me into leaving the Order and returning to the clan to do my sworn duty, but here I am now. I am here because I want to."

The sadness was gone from his face, replaced by a stubborn grin as if to say "screw my parents for being toxic little shits who seriously needs to grow up." The melancholy in his eyes was replaced by mirth, Haldir's laughter ringing bright and clear on the orchard at Willa's question.

"Please, just Haldir will do," he told her brightly, completely at ease beside her. Then, teasing her, he ventured a cheeky, "Or Angel. I'm kidding, please don't hit me."

Trying to contain his laughter, the Arkanian thought about his next question. A light-hearted one, perhaps?

"Back on Dxun, specifically in the Lightsaber Forge, I felt music. Are you a musician, by any chance?"

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

So... he wasn't kidding when he said this spy stuff was a family affair. When he mentioned siblings, there was a prickle of envy, and then nostalgia. All of her old friends, aside from Crix, had fallen out of communication with her. Enby, Tal... even that silver-haired cutie vanished into thin air, without a name or a trace. She never had siblings; her old man was too busy to settle down, and her ma was too busy skipping across the galaxy, if she was even alive. But it faded the more he continued. She rested a hand over his, not looking straight at him, but patiently listening.

It seemed they were alike in more ways than one.

Hearing his laugh, she grinned, then removed her hand, crossing her arms over her chest and cocking him a slight look. "Master Angel. I kinda dig it. Sounds like an old holo alias." Mischief glinted in her good eye, one eyebrow cocked, the grin turning into a smirk. "Alright, Haldir."

But then... he asked about music.

It wasn't like a firecracker's flare, but a sudden, bright flash like a sudden inferno, a sudden warmth and brightness of emotion. He'd touched something from within; he could sense the surprise, shock, delight, and even excitement at the simple question, a sudden warmth that suddenly seemed to light her from within. "Yeah. I dunno if you listen to any underground stuff, Master," she grinned at him, "But I've been working as an underground musician since I was a kid. G. Wiz was my name. My Master--" she suddenly faltered, clearing her throat, "Max, I mean... he bought some stuff. But I've got a bit of a following. I can't help it. When there's music, I feel..."

She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, then abruptly stood, spinning on her heels to face him. A few braids fell loose, but the smile she held was genuine, bright and joyful. "Connected. The beat, the notes... it moves me." Almost without thinking, there was a flare in the Force. Almost like a beat that was felt rather than heard, a song that was almost made but just shy of becoming through their connection, a taste of how she felt, shown for him.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

It was hard to miss the hand that rested atop his own while he spoke about his family. Willa's kind and silent gesture confused Haldir for a brief moment, though it disappeared when he felt that the touch resembled his little brother's. Hasebe liked his hand being held when offered comfort, and the young one would always do the same for Haldir and his twin. Despite their resemblance, however, there was a uniqueness to the Padawan's touch as if to say that she understood.

They were different, but also alike. It made him smile and anticipate what the future had in store for them as Master and Padawan. She was, after all, his first student.

The comforting touch disappeared, the mischief in her light brown eye matching Haldir's own. He shrugged at the title, though a faint dusting of red now brushed the tops of his ears.

“We are definitely going to use that alias during missions,” he teased her, only to back it up with a mirthful, “Though on second thought, let's not. That's going to be quite distracting.”

For him or the enemy, he currently had no idea. And he had no intention of finding out.

The Knight didn't need to look at the Padawan's face to see her reaction at his question. Something about Willa changed, and through the Force he could feel the torrent of emotions that coalesced within her like the elements that gave birth to a star. The reason why Haldir had been so closed off in the Force was that he tended to get overwhelmed by another's presence and emotions, but that was all in the past. This person in front of him was his Padawan, and to close himself off from the radiant light that she currently was in the Force would be to shun the beginnings of a bond between them. To close himself off was to betray his earlier initiative of reaching out, more so her response.

So Haldir looked, and basked in the warmth Willa had evoked in the Force. Even when she faltered briefly at the mention of Master Tionson didn't diminish what she felt like in the Force, in their growing connection.

When she stood and continued to speak Haldir's gaze followed her. Her smile, bright and joyful, so unlike the ones she'd given him earlier and back on Dxun, was infectious. The Arkanian felt as if he'd done right by her by asking her about something as simple – to others, maybe – as music. And when he felt the faint stirrings of a song through their growing connection, Haldir suddenly found his foot tapping in time with the wordless beat. It was as if he felt Willa Kanz for the first time, and he wanted more. He wanted to teach her. He wanted to help her finish her training. He wanted to help her reach Knighthood. And above all, he wanted to do right by her. It didn't matter if she would one day forget him, nor any other Padawan he might teach in the future.

He wanted to do right by her, so he could do it for others, too.

The Knight couldn't, didn't, complain about her not asking him a question in return. Corellian hells, he wouldn't want nor dare to.

“I think I might have come across that name – G. Wiz – back when I was a Sector Ranger,” he told her, his smile reaching his eyes. “A friend introduced me, though regretfully I've only ever listened to one song. But I enjoyed it so much.”

But because he was posing as his twin brother who had a preference for classical music, he couldn't even catch a break and listen to something he really liked. His family sucked – except for his brothers and one cousin.

“I'd love to hear more of your music, Willa.”

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

She beamed at him when he didn't seem to withdraw from her energy; even Crix sometimes would tease her about her 'nova' moments, but she just couldn't help it. When people brought up music, it would be like a fusial afterburner would just flare to life in her chest. Even when in live performance, she found herself moving and bopping to the music; standing still was impossible for her. But when he mentioned hearing her stage name, she let out a sudden, pealing laugh, bright color flashing across her cheeks and neck. "Wait, really?!" she exclaimed, then flushed deeper, clearing her throat.

She had to chill, this was her new Master after all. She wasn't some kid anymore. "I'm glad. If you like... you can listen to my newest stuff. Sometime, though. Not now. I think we were on a Q&A." Playful mischief still glinted in her gaze, but she took a breath, tempering herself. She was a Jedi, after all. Jedi were in control, and though she could be happy, she was here for a reason beyond her music.

Still... a new thought occurred to her. "Do you think... we can implement music into our training?" she asked, cocking her head again, absently swiping free braids behind an ear. "Also..." she rubbed her hands up and down on her arms once more. "What brought you back to the Order?"

She still wasn't sure what kept her here. Loyalty to her best friend? A want to do better, maybe... but if that was the case, could there be another way? Another way to stop the brutality that was the Sith?

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

For one wild moment Haldir even dared to think that he might have made Willa uneasy after casually mentioning that he'd heard about her stage name and listened to one of her songs. She had smiled and laughed at first, but the way the blush on her cheeks deepened almost convinced him that he actually did.

The way she still shone brightly in the Force told him otherwise, and he felt a little silly for thinking that he'd made her uncomfortable. Already she was already teaching him how to read the mood without actively doing so, and while he might have been cheating by gauging her emotions through the beginnings of their bond as Master and Padawan the Arkanian could say that he was starting to learn. He might have been socially inept, but even that was starting to become tiring. The Arkanian knew that he still had a lot to work on to improve, given that his family didn't really help him on the matter when he was growing up. Absently, he wondered where Hyarantë learned how to be sociable and how his older twin even manage to be one in the first place. After all, they grew up in the same environment.

Now matching once again the mischief in her gaze, Haldir grinned up at her but was still sincere when he replied, "I look forward to it, then."

She seemed to have thought about something interesting, and Haldir waited while Willa collected her thoughts. When she began to ask again the Knight's grin morphed into another casual smile. She wasn't done with the Q and A yet, it seemed, and he really wasn't complaining. It seemed that Willa was eager to learn about him as much as he did with her.

The half-Morellian's first question earned her a contemplative head-tilt from the Arkanian. Honest curiosity shone in pale blue eyes, narrowing a little while he stared at her. Implementing music in her training? It was an odd concept, though not unpleasant. If anything, the question sparked even more interest in the Knight.

"I think... I think we can," he replied, eyes sliding shut as he crossed his arms over his chest once more. He didn't know the hows or whys currently, but her question was something he wanted to do now that she had opened up about it. He didn't know the hows yet, but they would get there. Haldir might have been the teacher, but there was no way in hell he wouldn't listen to his Padawan. She was the one who would be given training, not him – if she wanted to implement something in her learning then he'd be open to her suggestions.

"I don't know how yet," he admitted, but when he reopened his eyes the excited smile that graced his lips reached the pale blues, "but I'm sure we can do that."

Her next question didn't just border on the serious side – it climbed the wall and jumped straight into deep waters. Haldir knew that he could simply reply with a brief "Because I want to" but that would be unfair for her if he asked her the same and she replied truthfully. The Arkanian's smile vanished and he averted his gaze for a moment, though his emotions through the Force would assure Willa that she didn't ask the wrong question.

First came a flash of helplessness, a feeling of being trapped and bound by an oath taken and made. Next came a burning desire to fulfill a childhood dream carried and nurtured well into adulthood. But perhaps the most striking of all was the feeling of missing half of one's soul, laced by sadness and longing that were both his and someone else's.

Following the emotions were faint voices speaking to one another.

"Haldir-nii, I miss him!"

"I do, too, Hasebe. Very much so."

"Please heal him, Haldir-nii! You're a Jedi! Please wake him up!"

"I can't– not yet–"

Haldir took a deep breath and instead of cutting off memories of his conversations with his younger brother that he knew Willa could faintly hear, he let them continue.

"Can we just let him go, Haldir-nii? I can't... I can't bear to see Nii-chan like this anymore."

"–ask for your patience. Just a bit more, until I can pull Hyarantë back to us. Back where he belongs."

The Arkanian stopped there, gaze finding Willa's. Another smile crossed his face but this one was smaller, more subdued.

He could simply reply with a "Because I want to." But Haldir had sworn to speak truthfully so she would come to know who her new Master really was. Taking her under his wing meant no keeping his past to himself. He probably looked like he was giving her nearly everything about him, that he was trusting her of his past and his upbringing this early in their relationship. And while it might have been a huge "screw you" to his parents and the clan who taught him to be secretive, Haldir also wanted– needed to know and understand what it truly meant to trust another soul.

"I mentioned earlier that I wanted to be a doctor," he began quietly, lowering his gaze for a moment. "That's one of the reasons why I returned to the Order. I want to learn extensively how to heal using the Force. To be a Master of the healing arts. For the benefit of those who wanted help, and also because of my twin brother."

The Knight took a deep breath and continued. "He got injured pretty badly during one of his deep cover missions for the Sector Rangers. Left him in a coma. No medical procedures could wake him up. I won't be able to learn the Jedi's healing ways through the Force if I didn't return to the Order, so here I am. I... want to see him smile again, hear him speak and laugh. Hyarantë, he– he'd done so much for me when we were kids. I want to repay his kindness by healing him."

Reason one – serious and probably heart-wrenching – down. On to the next one.

"The other is that I know I belong here. I returned not to spite my parents, but because I–" his smile widened, light red dusting his cheeks once again like a child's who had been asked what his favorite story was. "I feel more at home here than with my clan. Not only that, but I really want to help people. Sure, I could've done that as a Sector Ranger, but being a Jedi hits me so differently, it's–"

Positive emotions flared through the Force. Gratitude he'd received from sentients he and his former Master helped. His appreciation not only for his Master but also the other Jedi who patiently taught him. The awkward but genuine trust he'd given his Master as a child. The joy he felt whenever his Master praised Haldir for a job well done, and the nearly father-son relationship between the Morellian and the Arkanian.

"Knowing that I belong here and nowhere else brought me back. And to be perfectly honest? There's nowhere I'd rather be. Is it loyalty to the Jedi? To help face the threat of the Sith Empire? Those can be considered reasons, but I stand by knowing that I belong here. Even if the Galaxy finally finds peace in our time, I know that I will still be here."

He still belonged with his brothers, but it was with the Jedi that he felt and experienced unbridled peace. Was it selfish of him to admit that even the peace his brothers offered him was still tainted by the will of their parents? Perhaps, but Haldir had made peace with the complexities of his family's dynamic. Did he love his brothers less for it?

Absolutely not. The imperfections made him love Hyarantë and Hasebe even more, and he knew they felt the same.

Before he could delve deeper into his own thoughts about his family, Haldir reminded himself that he still had questions to ask Willa.

"What do you think of the Sith? Personally, not from something you've been taught to think towards them."

He knew the question would cut deeply – her former Master had been slain by a Sith Lord, after all. But he wanted to know just the same, to feel her emotions through the Force as she replied.

@Killa Ree

 

[Willa Kanz]

The echoes of conversation rang through the Force, as tangible as though she had been in the room. She stood still, allowing the emotions of his past to bleed through, to echo and twine within her mind. She would not flinch back, but listen, stand there and be a rock for him to channel with, to hold onto. But seeing him, a Knight, to suffer through such things and still be able to smile... even through the bleak emptiness of missing half his soul.

That was what tugged her forward.

She took one step, then another, before she could realize what she was doing. But it was a full, embracing hug. The same kind she would have given to Crix or Enby, just for a moment. It wasn't a placation, or even something to stop the pain, but it was empathetic reflex, a want to reach out. He may have been her Master, but he wasn't much older than she was.

She pulled back when he began speaking again, but it was his question that made her still.

Abruptly, an image seared through their connection. Icy silver eyes and silver hair. If anyone would have guessed, it almost looked like... Sevrin. But not, very different. A boy. The conflicting emotions, even as he helped save her. The look in his face, how he helped her even...

"I don't hate them."

Those words were spoken with finality, but... there was a sorrow in her words. "I feel... sorry for them. To be consumed slowly... I was saved by a Sith, if he's survived he'd be an adult now." Though she smiled, there was a sadness in her singular seeing eye, but both gleamed. "I didn't get to thank him properly. To say goodbye... but what's worse is, if he's lived, he's likely done so many evil things. So much cruelty. But I can't bring myself to hate them... I merely want to stop their abuse on the rest of the galaxy. To stop their hatred... any way I can."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Haldir Eressëa]

Haldir wasn't expecting anything any kind of placation or sympathy when he remembered his conversations with Hasebe and when he opened up to his Padawan about his older twin brother. But when Willa crossed the distance between them to gently wrap her arms around him, the Knight couldn't help how his eyes widened momentarily at the contact. The hug wasn't meant to placate, nor was it meant to somehow ease the pain he carried. It was more out of a reflex, an empathetic kind. It was both kind and warm, weaknesses drilled into him as a child by a Father who wanted results and not humane connections.

The learned response was to prevent any physical touch from happening, and avoid them as much a possible. Only the with the clan could an Erennor be truly safe, and everyone else – even the peacekeepers they served – could be enemies hidden in plain sight. It was an instinct that Haldir fiercely fought against within the confines of his mind, accepting Willa's hug wholeheartedly but unable to find the courage to return it. He had no desire to accidentally hurt her.

But it had been quite a while since he was last held like this. The touch was not unfamiliar. It reminded him of the people he truly cared about. He wanted to thank her for it, but couldn't find the words. For now he settled with a grateful smile when she pulled away.

Willa was kind. And it extended in her response to his question. The image of the boy resembling Sevrin Valtiere appeared through their growing connection, and with the boy's conflicted emotions as he saved Willa bled through her sorrow-tinged words. She wasn't the first person he'd heard those words from, about not hating the Sith and feeling sorry for them instead. Haldir knew what happened to Maxims Tionson on Denon, knew how a Sith Lord paraded the Jedi Master's head like a trophy in the holonet. And despite the destruction and abuse they wrought across the Galaxy and the lives they took on their quest to power, Willa stood amongst the very few who didn't feel a shred of hatred towards them.

She was kind. Somehow he knew she would deny it if he told her that. But to Haldir it was a truth he'd seen from someone he'd lost. Not Hyarantë, because his older brother was still with him but only sleeping and unable to return to him and Hasebe yet.

He didn't want to keep a secret to Willa, nor did he want to try to change her mind about the Sith. He would tell her this because somehow, she deserved to know.

"You're not supposed to be my first Padawan," he began, a gentle and understanding smile on his face. Pale blue eyes met hers with a touch of warmth, though he didn't bother hiding the brief flash of pain he felt.

"She was my former Master's youngest child, his only daughter. A Force-sensitive like her father before her. She made me promise that she should be my first Padawan. She was a child, and I gave her my word. It made her happy, and even after she found out that I left the Order, she kept on insisting for me to return so I could fulfill my promise."

Haldir paused, remembering how Rudra Severino constantly apologized to the former Sector Ranger about his daughter's antics. "My little baby has a little girl crush on you," the Morellian would always joke, though they both knew that she loved Haldir the same way she loved her older brother Poet. To her Haldir was her and Poet's big brother from another family. But she was–

"Muse Severino was supposed to be my first Padawan learner, but the Sith took her from her family – from me – on Ajan Kloss."

The red-haired sunshine of a girl, slaughtered along with her fellow younglings. Rudra's family never had a body to bury, and Haldir, for the first time, experienced what loss truly felt.

"I told you this not out of spite, but as a necessity. I don't want to keep this a secret from you, Willa, nor is this an attempt to change your mind about the Sith," he told her as he slowly stood up. Haldir placed a hand on her shoulder as he gazed down at her, gentle smile never leaving his face. "I respect your words and how you feel towards them." It was sincere, devoid of any lie. Like her embrace from earlier, his admission wasn't meant to placate.

"My duty as your Master isn't only bound to your training, your path to Knighthood, and your growth as a Jedi. It is also my duty to help you achieve your goals. And if it is your desire to stop the Sith's hatred in any way you can, then know that I will always be right behind you."

He couldn't share Rudra's anger towards the Sith responsible for Muse's death. Haldir himself knew that he should feel angry, knew that he should vow to avenge the girl who was supposed to be his first Padawan; the girl who saw him as a brother. But Haldir felt tired – exhausted, instead of hate. Not because anger and hatred weren't the Jedi way.

Like Willa, he just... felt sorry for the Sith. She took the words right out of his mouth. And while Haldir didn't hate them, he knew he felt terribly annoyed towards them – as if the Sith were children who kept making repeat offenses despite being told that what they were doing was wrong. He felt annoyed because like any normal person making their way around the Galaxy, they had a choice. But even then he knew that some of them couldn't even make that choice, or that the choice had already been made for them.

"My only question is," Haldir's smile widened a little, "will you let me help you?"

@Killa Ree