Long Trip Home

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth left Moraband days later partially broken and hurting, the psychological wound was stung into his heart by the bitter news of Nayeli's death and he had not been able to properly rest since. He had accepted an offer by Evandrus to share the latter's shuttle on their way back to Lothal as Xornoth expected that the Lord wished to discuss business matters relating to either the Empire or the Judgement.

His current emotional state was not something that he tried to hide from his friend, although Evandrus didn't have to be force sensitive to notice something wasn't right. Xornoth looked worn and weary and obviously not just from lack of sleep, the emotional turmoil had started to take its toll on him.

The sleek interior of the shuttle was of the finest credits could buy, it never ceased to amaze at what Evandrus was able to come away with from all those excursions he was doing. Many years together they had both seen each other expand and grow both in assets and manpower. Xornoth had sought to expand his knowledge of the force and hoped that his Lord would assist him in this endeavor. Soon he would be eligible for the elite Sith Lordship and along with that came many responsibilities and risks, of which mastering the ways of the force was a requirement.

Xornoth lay on a couch waiting for the Lord to arrive, his mind drifted to the poor Wizu who like him had lost someone deeply close, but for her, she did not have someone like Evandrus to help. Fortunately, she was strong like her former master and would thrive on her own like he had although Xornoth hoped they would see each other soon when the time was right.

For now, though, he needed a friend.

@Nefieslab

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Evandrus wasn't really... well-versed, when it came to loss.

He had led something of a charmed life, somehow managing to not lose anyone too close to him. Certainly he had lost friends and that hurt. Hell he had even killed a man he would have called his friend not all that long ago. But he didn't know what it was like to be in Xornoth's shoes right now.

To have lost someone you loved.

Evandrus was lucky - everyone he had ever allowed himself to love was still alive, somehow. His original family back on his home planet... his new family with the Drasts...

Alais.

Honestly, he tried to think about what he would do if he lost any of them and he just... he just couldn't. Or rather, he could but he refused to do so. He refused to think about the death of those he loved because Evandrus had reacted poorly enough when one of his friends had died - he dreaded to think what would become of him if one of his loved, cherished, people died. He knew there was a rather high probability that he would find out at some point but he would defy that fate for as long as he could.

Stepping onto the shuttle, he had the doors closed behind him and ordered the pilots to begin takeoff. He wasn't sure about Xornoth but he wanted to get away from this planet as quickly as possible.

Not dressed in his armour for once, Evandrus sat down in a seat across from Xornoth and just sat there in silence for a moment before speaking,

"If I was some other Sith Lord... some other man..." he mused aloud, "I think I would tell you to use this. To stop moping - or something else insulting to stoke the flames of your anger rather than sadness. Temper you into nothing more than a weapon, a beast, to be directed."

There was a beat before he continued,

"But I'm not anyone else and neither are you. So I'm not going to do that. Instead?" he bowed his head slightly, "I'm going to let you know... that I'm here for you. Both as Darth Evandrus - the man who's going to help you finish your ascendancy to Sith Lord - and as... your friend..."

He hesitated for a moment before going through with it.

"Your friend, Cregan Drast." he admitted, "So if you want to talk about her? About how you're feeling? We can do that. If you want to start to learn a technique I use to keep others from influencing my mind that has the side-effect of giving you great control over memories you don't want to feel? Well we can do that too. Either way - I'm here Xornoth."

@Xorism

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth looked up as Evandrus spoke to him about beating the sadness out of him and turning it into something more useful like anger and becoming a weapon borne of it. The loss had plagued him dearly but his mind was already set upon the path that he would take in response. Sorrow and pain lingered under the surface to remind of what could have been but was now forever lost, never to be found again.

Then Cregan spoke.

Xornoth was flooded with memories of a long time since past where he sat atop a balcony, seemingly without hope or purpose when Cregan, not Evandrus, came for him. That terrible moment of self-doubt and pity had come dangerously close to overwhelming the young Kaleesh which would have ended abruptly if not for the intervention of his friend.

Yet again years later now Cregan sat ready to put everything aside for him and offer to help. Xornoth listened intently as Cregan spoke of a force technique that he could use to control his memories and protect his mind against intrusion.

"My Lord.." he began before correcting himself. "My friend..I have succeeded in serving you dutifully, every effort I have made for you is thereby rewarded beyond any measure that I could dream of. Our success as seen the Empire expand greatly and her influence felt across the galaxy the likes of which will only grow with time. All this and more I am proud to have had the opportunity to serve you in this manner but my heart has been torn from my chest most violently."

Xornoth didn't blame Nayeli or Malos for the incident, after all, it was something to be expected in the martial contest that was the Kaggath but still wrenching that he had been holding her in his arms the day before...

"I never want to forget, Cregan. I loved her and I always will. You say this technique will help me control my memories and protect them? teach me how to remember and I will be forever in your debt."

He stared at his friend momentarily before looking down to his chest thinking and speaking out loud.

"Nayeli pushed herself to the limit of her ability to destroy the tenants of the Jedi that remained within her, but she failed. The Jedi are flawed Cregan, you know this. You spoke of making me into a weapon, to destroy our foes but isn't it obvious that it is not the Jedi that needs defeating but rather their identity? How is it that you managed to succeed in destroying yours where others fail?"

@Nefieslab

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Yeah.

He was both his Lord and his friend and sometimes there was just a bit of disconnect between them. Sometimes it was hard to see that they could be both with each other. He rubbed at his chin as he listened - just listened - to his friend and ally in his time of need. As much as he had never had the misfortune of being in Xornoth's place right now, he did believe that he could sympathise with the other Sith.

Cregan had felt that same kind of pain, even if he had never had the cause to feel it with such intensity as Xornoth obviously was. He shook his head a little bit.

"This isn't something that puts you in my debt, Xornoth." he assured the other Sith quietly, almost in a whisper so that it was clear they were words shared between the two of them only, "I'll teach you it because you're my friend... and I hope that it will go some way to stopping that feeling. I felt like that at times but it was dulled because there was always a chance to change how I was feeling. With you, there isn't. There isn't a quick fix and there never will be. So don't you dare think you're in my debt, my friend, I'm just going to do my best to make you whole again."

Ah yes... The Jedi.

He did, indeed, know about the failings of the Jedi and of the Jedi Order as a whole. And Xornoth asked a very good question - how had he succeeded in destroying his identity as a Jedi?

"What you have to understand about me as a Jedi, Xornoth, is that I was always a terrible Jedi. Sure - I was strong with the Force and skilled with the blade. Sure - I was friendly, I was polite, a lovely face for PR and I taught others well. But none of that is what makes a good Jedi." he took a deep breath, "But the way I did it was... deceptively simple. I grabbed hold of something far stronger than my identity as a Jedi, far stronger than any of their teachings. I grabbed hold of my love for Andraste and it helped me see the hold their teachings had on me - which allowed me to cut the ties."

@Xorism

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

The quietness in the room was cut by Cregan's words as he assured Xornoth. While he might not consider it a debt to be repaid, the Kaleesh would ensure that it would be regardless. It would be a matter of principle for him, would the Sith appreciate it? only time would tell.

"If you are willing to teach me, I will be your student, my friend." Xornoth never had a master/apprentice bond with Cregan but still, they had come to respect each other in their own ways. He couldn't fill the hole in his heart or at least that was how he felt right now. Work would keep him occupied, the ascension to Sith Lord would leave little time to mope about and instead he would be forced to extract every ounce of strength he could from the pain and use it to further his career.

After all, Nayeli would sooner kill him herself if she thought he would throw away his position in the Empire, regardless of reason.

Cregan then spoke on the Jedi and what he had done himself. Love it seemed was the bane of the Jedi by Cregan's admission and perhaps something to consider for future reflections.

"Your love for her is unbreakable though, right? you would do anything for her, that is how I felt also. You have taught me to be strong in the face of devastation, of humiliation and suffering and for which I am thankful for. I must fill this hole in my heart with purpose, something to strive for and achieve or else ... best not to consider that as an option again."

Xornoth had lead missions for the Empire for years, claiming planets left and right and he enjoyed the spoils of war and prestige that came with the success. Each planet he visited was subsequently subjugated and added its vast resources to the mighty imperial war machine but his hunger for respect and status was not to be sated by simply taking worlds for others. Xornoth had himself begun planning his next target but this time it would be a world that he would seize for himself and reap the rewards therein.

"I have such a project in mind, actually. There is a planet by the name of Botajef that would be well placed to serve the interests of the Empire given its proximity to both the Republic and other points of interest. I have been researching what information that we have available on its people and they seem to be lost without a strong hand to wield them."

"With your approval, I would seek to usurp this world for the Empire and myself and prepare it for the inevitability."

True, he was hurting and Cregan would sense that but simply staying idle would soon place him next to her in that cold dark crypt. That was not something that Xornoth desired nor would he let himself succumb to it. He had to do this, for her. He held back the torment of his emotions despite being in the presence of the one person who might tolerate them.

"Am I ready, Cregan?" Cregan would know what he meant.

@Nefieslab

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Cregan smiled a little bit as he thought about becoming Xornoth's master in something. He had never taken the position of Xornoth's Master simply because he believed that the Kaleesh had a journey he was meant to walk that would be hampered if he relied on anyone else. Xornoth needed to build himself up in order for him to benefit from his ascendancy to the fully extent possible - that was something that Cregan believed with 100% certainty.

He placed a hand on Xornoth's shoulder comfortingly,

"You don't even have to ask." he assured his friend with a smile, "I'll teach you and I'm sure you'll get it down in no time at all. And with it? Well... the nightmares will stop."

They would stop for Xornoth but this same technique was the reason why Cregan himself had such bad nightmares. Simply put, that was the downside of making it an automatic process rather than one that required anything further. A downside that he would warn Xornoth of when the time came.

Sitting back, Cregan watched his friend for a moment.

"When you love someone like that, so completely? Yes. Yes they take a piece of you and that piece of you died with her. But you know that when you give that piece of yourself to them - they give a piece of themselves back to you." he reached out and poked Xornoth's chest, "There's no hole, Xornoth. The pain is because that part of you is the part she left inside of you and you have to accept it as part of you to move on. And that's what you need to do, my friend. You need to accept the part she played in your life, honour what she means to you, and find a way to move on."

He raised an eyebrow as Xornoth explained what he had in mind - what he had in mind to help him move on. It was something that would keep him busy, Cregan would say that much. And it would give him a chance to grow both as a leader and as a warrior and that was something that Cregan had been trying to promote in the Kaleesh for some time now.

Looking at Xornoth, Cregan smiled faintly and nodded.

"You're ready." he assured his friend firmly, "You've been growing a lot since our first meeting. When we first met you were lost as a warrior... and now you are on the cusp of realising your potential as a warlord, so far beyond the mere warrior you were. Do it, Xornoth, and I will have however much back up or supplies as you need. And when you present the world to the Empire...? I will be the first person to shake your hand because I know that when I do?"

He patted his friend on the shoulder,

"I'll be shaking hands with the man you were always meant to be."

@Xorism

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Conversing with his friend was always a rare thing it seemed, owing to their busy schedules but it was something that Xornoth had come to treasure. No matter where their paths would end up, he would be able to think back and reflect on the strength that he was able to take on from Cregan and his guidance would likely prove to be invaluable going forward.

"I never thought about it like that, I like it." Nayeli would forever remain in his heart in a way but Cregan was right, he needed to honor what she gave him and move on with time. It would probably be raw for some time but she was not coming back and there was much work left to do before Xornoth would be ready to achieve his final form. He had failed in his promise to protect her but only death would prevent him from completing his final promise that he made her at the funeral.

"I will serve the empire to the best of my ability until death but I hold the Jedi responsible for her death. Nayeli ran away from the Jedi code her whole life, you saw how that ended. I will honor her life and my love by destroying the very poison that robbed her of her best years and thereby prevent future generations from suffering like I am, this much I swear."

The Jedi were simply following what they were misled to believe, they weren't at fault for being wrong.

"You prove that all Jedi are redeemable and can be brought to see the truth. We must judge them fairly in light of their indoctrination and offer them the opportunity to see what life can offer if they can release themselves from the poisonous grip of their Jedi ways."

"We must also burn every temple to the ground and every text that spreads their heresy, and strike down any who resist this great cleansing."

He was ready.

"I hope you understand what you are unleashing upon the galaxy, my friend," Xornoth said with a smile.

@Nefieslab

 

[Darth Evandrus]

If there was anything that his enemies and allies could agree on about him? It was that Cregan had something of a way with words when the mood struck him. He rather liked that he had to admit. The idea that he could help take the pain away from his friends with nothing but words, that he could instil emotions within his foes with nothing but well-aimed barbs.

It didn't matter now.

Because all that mattered was his friend and what needed to be done to help him, to help him move on, to be better again. And it seemed that Xornoth was well on his way - that he had the foundation he needed. And now? Now he was forming a goal for himself and it was a goal that Cregan would gladly do his fair share in making a reality.

He was that kind of friend.

Looking Xornoth in the eyes, he nodded and stood. Taking a few steps forwards, Cregan placed his hand on the back of Xornoth's head and brought his head down so that their foreheads touched against one another as he stood there with his friend in a show of solidarity, of support and acceptance.

"I'm unleashing the wrath of a lover who has lost his love. The fury of a man burdened with a glorious purpose." he stepped back a little bit, "The wrath, the fury and the cleansing nature of Judgement from a man full of righteous rage."

He nodded once.

"May the Force have mercy on those who stand in your, our, way my friend. For you shall not."

@Xorism