Losing My Religion

[Brandon Rhea]

"And despite mentioning Darth Exodeus, the now-former Emperor, by name," the HoloNet news reporter said, "no indication was made by Emperor Lightell as to the whereabouts of Andraste, the now-former Empress and the wife of Darth Exodeus. Galactic Alliance intelligence officials have not found any evidence about where she may now be, if she is even still alive."

Jhon switched off the holo-screen, ending the noise he had to hear from the media about the recent announcement that Tyrn Lightell had become Emperor of the New Sith Imperium. That name, he knew that name, though he couldn’t remember why. It was something from long ago, something he’d tried to forget...and it seemed that he had succeeded. But Emperor Lightell was by no means who he was thinking about the most.

He’d been flipping from news station to news station for the last several hours, trying to find out just what had happened to his old Padawan, but he found nothing. They knew nothing; not the Jedi, not the Alliance, and maybe not even the Empire. If the Empire did know something, its new leader clearly did not care to mention it. He clearly did not care to mention the twisted child that was once the Padawan of Jhon Cordatus, the very same Jhon Cordatus the Sith were now destroying the legacy of with an impostor. They were monsters, all of them.

The old Jedi Master slumped back into the couch of Skhai’s Coruscant penthouse, where he had been hiding for a number of weeks. No one knew he was there, save for Skhai and her Padawan, but he never failed to be cautious or to always remain on guard. Except for right now. He was far too focused on his failings to be concerned with his safety.

For now he just sat there, wallowing in misery.

 

[Empress]

There was a sound of chimes and light beating of air followed by the more solid thud of a body dropping onto the attached landing pad just outside. " I got most of those little messes taken care of" Skhai began speaking even before she had managed to pass into the living area " Dal talked to the other gatekeepers and they decided it was best to just...be what they were suppose to, and so they are being shipped off to Tython and plugged into the archive there" Entering the room the Crystavian removed her nagisaber and dropped it upon the nearest table, though unlike the few pieces of furniture she actually had- most were over sized and of Voss design as it best suited her body shape and size, tables however were low to the ground, and intended to be kneeled at.

" I also managed to keep most of everything in the archives pretty much passed off as different items, though the counci-" skhai paused in her conversation as she finally took the opportunity to glance at john, sulking, looking disheveled and fatigued. Which caused a pang in The sage masters heart for a brief moment as she pulled a item from her obi wrapped in plum hued silks and dumped it unceremoniously onto his lap. " Kriffing hell Jhon, if your going to just lay there all day you could at least try to look somewhat grateful for your existence" she spat, her tone sounding somewhere between a mother and a spouse of a marriage in which the flames had long, long exsinguished.

without giving him the chance to speak the Crystavian was already removing her robes and making her way to the attached spa room, thinking of little more for the moment than hiding in it's pearlescent mineral rich waters, though as her padawan discovered, the act of bathing was more tied to nourishment for the winged master rather than hygene, and as such her acts of needing one, even when others were around was no different than getting a drink. " You look like you need to vent more than I do though" she added with an exhausted, but empathetic sigh just as she reached the edge of the tub. " C'mon, lay it on me.."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Why be grateful for his existence? What had his existence gotten him? A fallen Padawan, an infant child sleeping in the next room whose fate hinged on his daily decaying will to give a damn, and a trail of bodies that could stretch from here to Tatooine. He was having a hard time feeling how it was worth it, and she wanted him to lay it on her.

He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say he knew the name Lightell, but he couldn’t remember why. He wanted to say that his actions not only caused Andraste to fall to the dark side, but that doing so may very well have led to her death. He wanted to say that Lana’s destiny no longer made any damn sense and salvation seemed irrelevant. Yet, he couldn’t say any of that, because beneath the robe he wore was a bottle of whiskey, one he had been sipping at all day long, to the point where the words he wanted to say were no longer the words he actually would say.

“You’re bossy,” he said with a sheepish grin, “...and gigantic.”

He giggled like a boy, the same little boy who told the temple masters that she was romancing someone in the temple all those years ago. That same wide-eyed boy who had no idea of the future that laid ahead of him, for good or ill. Just a boy, with not a care in the world.

 

[Empress]

Skhai's crimson eyes arched as she held off placing her foot into the warm waters, but rather grabbed a secondary white robe and slipped it over her body, She should have smelled it sooner- but the remnants of her incense masked it when she first entered.

" Jhon are you...drunk?" she asked, a hint of bemused horror in her voice. " I would expect that of me but you?" Coming to stand before her long time friend the Crystavian placed her fists at her hip and just watched him for a moment, He' didn't even seem to notice the rather heavy gift she dropped on his lap. It was a rather troubling sign- she knew he was letting all this eat at him. " Work" was not something they discussed too too often anymore, save when Jhon asked her to check on something for him, or otherwise use her position to keep him up to date on a few matters- it was nothing in depth. And that was where she saw the most reason to be concerned, he was letting it fester.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

“No...,” he responded to her question, but he was lurching forward ever so slightly against his will, only moving back again by the force of a rather large hiccup. “Okay, yeah.”

He wasn’t paying any attention to what Skhai was doing, nor was he paying attention to her indignation. Her point in saying she was supposed to be the drunk one was clear—he was abdicating responsibility in favor of trying to drown away his sorrows. A lot of good that was doing him.

“Ow,” he deadpanned as he looked down at his lap. “What is this?”

 

[Empress]

" Purge first" she stated firmly - brows furrowed "then you can open it" To make matters that much worse, Skhai mentally pulled the silk wrapped gift away ever so slightly " C'mon it wont take long and if you are too drunk for this, it will eat your face or something" she added, half hoping that such a ridiculous claim would draw his attention. Though stupid as it was- Skhai had introduced Jhon to many horrible things as of late, so perhaps the idea of a gift that ate faces was not too far out there? " and I dont mean puking- you do you clean it... Zeltron Tatami is near imposable to get stains out of"

 

[Brandon Rhea]

“No, that’s mine!” he shouted as she removed the item from his lap. “Give it back! Give it!”

Jhon tried reaching out to it, lashing his arm outward to grab it, but he couldn’t, slumping back down onto the couch. He wanted it, at least for a moment there, until he heard the faint, innocent cough of a child coming from the next room. He let out a sigh as he stood up, knowing that any concern but Lana was a trivial one, but it was almost like trivial was the most he could make sense out of now.

He struggled off the couch, falling back a few times before finally standing up. He was wobbly there, slowly rocking from side to side as he tried to keep his balance. What was happening to him? It was like a demon creeping up from within, devouring him, and he had no idea how to express it except... The whiskey bottle flew out of his hand, as he threw it as hard as he could, and it smashed against the wall near the balcony door.

Jhon just stood there, seething. He wanted to be angry at the alcohol, he wanted to be angry at anything but himself, yet he couldn’t. This was about him, and his failings. It was about him being too afraid to stand up to his fears. It was about him being too afraid to confront the demons within him that he had kept at bay for decades, ever since his exile from the Order after the destruction of Oro Prime.

Letting out a deep sigh, hoping in vain that all his problems would leave with it, he slowly, carefully, walked over to the balcony, resting his hands down on the railing as he looked over it. He couldn’t even see the streets below. He was above clouds, like the gods from legends of old. There were still so many people who believed that the Jedi were like gods, yet he felt like nothing of this sort. Perhaps this is what the ancient gods felt, if they even existed at all. Perhaps they, like him, could hardly bear the burden of the divine will.

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Skhai,” he told her, fixing his eyes out towards the distant setting of the Coruscanti sun. “When I first started down this road, I thought I knew how things would turn out. I never thought it would be easy, but I at least thought it would be clear, that I would have to struggle to get to a future I knew would happen. But now...”

He heard his words from so many months ago repeating through his head. I will save you, Padawan, he had told Andraste on Lehon. And now she might have been... No, he couldn’t think that way, but he also couldn’t help but think that way.

“What if she’s dead?” Jhon asked. “I thought I knew my destiny, but now everything is falling apart. I thought I knew Lana’s destiny. I thought I was supposed to help Lana save her mother, maybe kill her father. The Skywalker line was supposed to be saved. If Andraste is dead, what am I doing? What’s the point of all this?”

 

[Empress]

MANDATORY MOOD MUSIC

" Difficult to see, always in motion the future is" Shkai stated in equally hushed tones, coming to stand beside Jhon, her hand resting at the small of his back as she leaned inward to gain some form of eye contact. " You always say I sound like Yoda, and I hate you for that fact sometimes out of my own silly vanity- but I love that you hold me in that high of respect, now take the time to listen again to that iconic lesson... If not Master Yoda, Then me..."

A slight surge in the air currents caught Skhai's crimson hair and forced her to brush the stray strands aside as she watched Jhon's reactions for but a moment before going on " I can talk to you as family, I can talk as a Jedi...but there is a point when both become one and the same- THis.... This whats happening now...It is what it is Jhon, What is, what was, what will be...how does that matter- yes I know I have my hangups and clings to the past, yet there is a very ancient game being played out around us...but thats Life, That is WHY people like us exist, It's a terrible burden, but if I let every mistake I made, or things I felt I could have avoided drag onto me I'd...well I'd be here getting drunk watching the Holo...." her tones carried with it her concern, as her brows furrowed

" Except I'd look nicer, and smell better" she jabbed, letting a light snort escape at her own tease. " What if's is not your way Jhon, you know better than that- and like you always say..strech out with your feelings... if something was wrong you would know about it- IF you were allowing yourself to be clear- or in Skhai talk ' In a mind clear as still water, even the waves, breaking, are reflecting its light."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

“I don’t care about your ancient game. I can’t. That girl in there,” he said, pointing to the other room, “she’s all I can care about, yet I don’t know how. I thought I was doing the right things and that I knew where I would have to take her, but this game is rigged. Someone or something else has already decided how it’s going to end, and it’s not what I thought it would be. Why should I even bother? It’s people who think they're gods using us their pawns. We’re pieces on a chessboard. This is checkmate.”

He looked down over the railing again, but this time not with contemplations of divinity or feelings of detachment. There was almost a wishful desire for death in his gaze, fixated down through the clouds onto the unseeable surface of steel below.

“Do you remember the day we became friends, Skhai?” he asked her. “Not the day when I ratted you out, but after that. After my exile. You saved my life, physically and mentally. You and Errand Khoss helped me through my post-exile, and helped me realize that life was one long mistake that we could learn from...but I never learned, not really. You pulled me out of that nest of gundarks on Vanqor, and I thought I had a new lease on life. But after that, that’s when everything changed for me. When I lost... When I lost Sara, and when I first stepped into destiny and caused what happened to Andraste, and Lana, and now us.”

His head dropped, his shoulders slumping, as he said, “You should’ve let me die on Vanqor.”

 

[Empress]

" Sith spit" Skhai snorted " How many would have perished in the time since that happened BECAUSE you were there to save them? or more importantly give people the tools to save themselves?" Her eyes narrowed slightly as she pulled her hand off his back and folded them neatly behind her own, her eyes looking over the vista of urban forest that stretched out in all directions about them. " You said it yourself, the game is rigged, someone is pulling the strings- yes that's how it goes normally, you said they already decided how it will end...and they did, the moment they pulled that first thread- yet you assume that means growing old fat and drunk in hiding? I could have sworn that nothing was absolute." her gaze shifted to Jhon once more as she smiled slightly, She knew he had it in him to start putting things together, but it was his task to do so, she could do little more than talk him into circles until he came about.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

He had been taught long ago to not deal in absolutes, how they would cloud one’s mind of better judgements and make one view the galaxy in black and white terms. He never before believed in absolutes, and he often derided what legend said Obi-Wan Kenobi told Darth Vader on Mustafar—that only Sith deal in absolutes, which was an absolute in and of itself. Yet now, after knowing what he had come to know, he felt he had no other choice.

“If the ending is already written, then everything is absolute,” he said.

 

[Empress]

" It all depends on what you count as an ending." she stated. "The end of a chapter, the end of a holo series, the end of a day, a week- I could go on but you know how long I could go on. " The Crystavian heaved a sigh as she shifted restlessly again to her side and just eyed Jhon for a few moments before daring to open her mouth again, not something she did normally- taking the time for forethought when she was on the cusp of a long rambling rant, but knew full well his head most likely would explode. " That sleeping child there, it's far from over for her. It's just starting. The question is what can be done to give her the best start we can? and I dont just mean you, or I, but the galaxy as a whole. If she's all that matters then.....then what? Think on that, and tell me how you think giving up helps her. You know what my parents did when I was her age- they threw me off a cliff....I opened my stubby wings and slowed down enough to survive, or I didn't it was that black and white... are you going to do similar? "

There was a slight pause as the winged sage stiffed a yawn and rubbed her temples. She too had had a rough past few days, and spoke none of it to Jhon, last thing he needed to know about was her increasing burdens as well. Yet she refused to give up on any of them, and wouldn't until she keeled over dead- which was a very typical attitude for her species, Truth was- Crystavian lifespans were not well known, even to them purely because of the stigma of dying of old age and not in battle. Skhai was no different, be the battle physical or otherwise.

" I know it's a great deal to think about hun, but you have to remember to be mindful of the bigger picture. things that have happened have happened, they cant be fixed, they wont be fixed, they happened what has yet to happen has not...it's right now that we decide how " then " plays out. We make mistakes periodically, but at the same time we can't control every aspect. We cant dictate how the galaxy turns, we can't dictate who sleeps in an extra hour, can't dictate who falls in love with whom- " Again Skhai stifled another yawn and shook her head in a silent apology.

" I was talking to Dalharil years ago, She was telling me of the time she met Darth Aathean while both were on a mission to track down an artifact of sorts, one under the command of the dark council, the other the Jedi council- hundreds of years separated the two in age, but Aathean was technically the stronger of the two, they fought, Aathean won, but spared Dal, and over the next few months they ran into each other constantly, each battle bigger and more intense than the last until they had one last meeting that ended with them sipping wine and giggling like kids again under a brilliant meteor shower. They had fallen hopelessly in love, naturally she kept this from the council- well all but Master Shan that is... but the thing is? She didn't forsee that, nobody did, and everyone would have expected it to end tragically- yet their own child became a very respected and compassionate Jedi herself- Dal also had to endure outliving both her spouse, AND her child...and she knew she was going to from the start, but that is how it was...you see where I'm going with this jhon?"

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Jhon let out a heavy sigh. Not really a natural one, really, but more of a forced, overly-dramatic one to show his displeasure of having to hear another story about long-dead Jedi from Skhai’s family.

“I know exactly where you’re going with this,” Jhon scoffed. “Yet another tangent about your dead relatives that will lead to precisely nothing.”

 

[Empress]

" n- No...not at all actually, It means things happen, and we just have to keep going it is what it is" Skhai retorted folding her arms over her chest as her brows furrowed " it's not about the 'I' if that was the case I would have settled down become a parent and a writer or something like that that didn't lead to me almost getting killed daily for something that only one out of a few thousand ever say 'thank you' for.- but the thing is, they dont need to because I know that every day out there risking my life- Im doing something that can help thousands more."

Taking a deep breath Skhai looked down over the ledge and shook her head " We forget things like that, when things are tough- but that is the way things are. You let it get to you, or you dont, you do something about it, or you don't but regardless of what you choose? You can't sit there and try to deny it out of existence or let it become over grown...Do or Do not Jhon.. Something I think you really have to understand again, you use to, but now you refuse to..so I have to do something drastic to help you remember."

Skkhai liked over the ledge once more then to Jhon , then the ledge. " At your highest rate of speed it takes 2 min and 45 seconds to hit the first walkway " she stated her hand finding it's way to Jhon's back. " And I do this because I love you, as a brother, as a broodmate, and like all broods, when it's time to fledge, you do.....or you dont, you have the choice. 2 minutes and 45 seconds, you will fly, or not"

And it was with that the Crystavian put all the strength into her upper body as possible and with enough pressure to easily throw a human off balance, and over abdomen high wall. She would naturally follow less than an arms length behind, but something needed to be done, He needed to hit his bottom and start to come up, or risk literally hitting bottom. Do, or do not.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

The heart of a Jedi was everything.

It was the single greatest weapon against the permeation of darkness within a Jedi’s mind. Without it, a Jedi was nothing. Without heart, without the moral and spiritual strength to shoulder the burden of being a guardian of peace and justice in the galaxy, a Jedi was open to the temptations of all the darker emotions. Fear. Anger. Hatred. They were the dark side. They were what called out to the heart of a Jedi every moment of every day, but it was the heart that kept them at bay.

Sometimes, there was something worse. Sometimes, darkness came in more saddening forms, forms that meant a person needed more help than others. Darkness didn’t always mean evil, or murderous, or vengeful, or any of the other traits one might commonly associate with the Sith or even Dark Jedi. This could lead to them, of course, but this was something more.

Darkness was but the absence of light. An evil person, fallen from the Way, would fill the void of the light with their primal urges and desires, leading them down a path of destruction that often left the galaxy in ruins. Yet this other kind of darkness left nothing behind. It was an empty void, with an empty feeling breeding an empty life. A life devoid of meaning. Of purpose. A life born of confusion and heartache, of questions about what one’s lot in life meant.

This was Jhon, here and now. This was the Jhon Cordatus created by the collapse of self-assured arrogance, of the death of a pre-determined ending and a future free from the perversions of a prophet’s words. This was the same Jhon Cordatus that Skhai tossed over the railing of the balcony, and who was plummeting towards the streets below.

He twisted and turned in the air, desperately trying to find a way to stop the fall. He thought that, perhaps, he could use the Force to slow his descent. Maybe with the right Force pressure shot from his hand, released closer to the streets, he could slow, effectively flying and then floating above the ground. Yes, that would probably work...but he didn’t do it. He stopped struggling.

This was not just the Jhon Cordatus who was upset over the disappearance of someone he cared for. This was the Jhon Cordatus now waiting for the sudden blackness that would come at the abrupt end of his descent. This was the Jhon Cordatus who, as he fell, thought nothing of the little girl asleep in her bed depending on him for survival. This was the Jhon Cordatus who wanted only release, and who was willing to let himself die for it. He wanted to feel heartache now, it would’ve been an improvement, but instead there was only emptiness.

The heart of a Jedi was everything. Without it, Jhon was nothing.

 

[Empress]

' He stopped trying' her mind whispered, ' He kriffing stopped trying' they echoed once more. The thought continued on in a loop that seemed to last an eternity before the Crystavian- less than a meter behind Jhon- would fully soak in the realization That her long time, if not only true friend had given up and awaited the mercy of the plasti-crete and durosteel walk way below. As it was mere seconds separated him from that wish.

With reflexes not so much of the force as her own species in these situations, the Sage master reached her long powerful arms out and grasped the humans ankles before arching her left wing- which sent her and now Jhon into a clockwise spiral. With the momentum boost of the spin Skhai launched Jhon back upwards up into the air under her own strength and help from a well timed blast of compressed force energy. This allowed her time to snap her hips upwards and allowed her body to right itself before beating her wings in long powerful strokes to meet the Human before he once more began to descend.

She said nothing as she caught him- not even a sigh as she began returning them to the penthouse from which she had just tossed him from. Skhai's head swam with many thoughts- doubts- Perhaps the human took this " fledgling metaphoric exercise" wrong? perhaps he didn't and knew she would never let him hit bottom? Perhaps he really did just want to end it?. This was all silenced however as she risked a quick glance at Jhon, cradled in her arms and firm to her breast as if little more than a child. The momentary thought brought back a similar image, though the Jhon of then was but a child- doing what kids did and getting into trouble. Exploring small run off formed caves near the Great Tython temple, he'd lost his balance and fell, twisting his ankle badly and fracturing his wrist. It was Skhai who hear that child's muffled cries as he tried to suppress the pain, not an easy feat for a boy of just 10.
She had collected him up and flown him, in much this same way back tot he temple, and even to the medical wing. This was when she Met Jhon as she knew him. Not the brat from a few years before whom ratted her out- but the boy she would watch grow into a wonderful person, a friend, family, even a teacher at times...yet her heart shattered once more as she returned to the now. The man clutched to her was not that same Jhon.

Having reached the penthouse once more, Skhai touched her bare feet down lightly, letting her arm supporting the humans legs drop away so that he could sway to his feet. " You...you didn't even..." she began, her words actually failing to fully form. The burning she had felt in her eyes- which she had passed off for the sensation of wind during her dive had not eased, but rather now seemed to dry in refractive, pearlescent streaks along her cheeks. "..Jhon..."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Jhon fell back upon the railing of the balcony, laying on his side, remiss to so much as sit up. Skhai’s stunned disbelief was something he shared. He couldn’t believe he had done that. He was furious with himself...but was it because he tried, or because he failed? Something told him it was the latter. It was the anger he felt at Skhai now, for not letting him go. For not letting him fall.

Yet it wasn’t an anger over not letting him fall today.

------------------------------​

Help me! his mind cried out, reaching through the Force. His feet scrambled and his arms shook as he desperately tried to hang on to a branch on the side of a cliffside on Vanqor. It was many years earlier, yet long after that day on Tython when Skhai and Jhon officially met. They hadn’t become good friends yet, just acquaintances about the temples, yet he needed her at that time more than he had ever needed anyone.

Below him were gundarks, massive and sickly looking creatures, chomping at the bit as they threw their claws in the air, furiously trying to grab hold of Jhon who was only a few meters above them. His grip was slipping and there was no place he could stand on this cliff. If his hand slipped any further, he’d be right in the reach of the fierce creatures.

It was then that he felt the presence of someone else, a familiar, calming presence. He looked up, and there she was. Skhai spread her wings, flying down towards his place on the cliff. Without so much as a warning, she grabbed him and he hung from her grip, flying right over the gundarks. He gripped his hand tightly around her arms, but now, high above the ground, he was slipping again.

“Don’t you dare let go!” Skhai shouted as he clung for dear life. “Don’t stop trying!”

He yelled back, "I won't!"

------------------------------​

Now, decades later, here he was, a crumpled mess on the floor, after she needed to swoop in and save him again. If she had just let him die on Vanqor, everything, all of this, would’ve been avoided. It was Vanqor that led him to Korriban, where he first caught wind of the Skywalker destiny in that ancient tomb. It was Korriban that led him to Corellia. It was Corellia that led him to Andraste. All could have been prevented.

“Just let me die already,” he shouted.

 

[Empress]

" NO!" She shot back, in an almost childish tantrum like tone- one she quickly recoiled from both physically, and mentally- already she could feel the burning sensation in the portion of her brain Mira called home- she was going to receive a scolding for that later. " And if you try by the stars so help me I will grab your " force phenomena" form so fast and shove it back into your corpses arse faster than you can say " Im free" then proceed to beat you to to near death again... " Again the burning touched her mind...Grandma Mi was NOT going to be kind, yet she didn't care. Not this time. To the Abyss with Jedi, not Jedi, Warden, not warden- This was a friend, family the only she really had. This was something that surpassed that even. How she worded it however seemed to give voice to her own mounting troubles. " Kriffing Jhon snap out of it! This is not you- never ...You can't beat yourself up over these things! Honestly" she snorted, finding herself dropping to one knee as she fought to keep herself focused and clear headed. " Andraste did nothing ' because of you' She did what she did because she CHOSE to. Dalharil married a dark council member for stars sake- these things DO happen- WE dont control them, WE choose our paths, not the destination, we aid others when they seek help on their paths, we do not force them off it because we don't approve.. And if something had happened to her now? Im sure you would know- but more importantly is that little girl in there.... " Skhai's voice raised in volume as she pointed back into the penthouse.

"Do you want to see her grow up to be some cantina Schutta giving 'uncle owens' for 20 credits wondering what the hell was wrong with her- why didnt anyone care enough about her to at least bloody try? Have you fallen so far, and become so selfish as to rob HER of her life because your having a midlife crisis? Bantha dung!"

The crystavian fell back onto her butt and arms folded over her large chest as she let out a sharp " hummmph" her typically soft face hardened, almost to a warriors scowel- save for the refractive, mineral rich tears flowing uncontrolled from the courners of her eyes. Not even her memories of the day before with the Sephi Pilotr Yala could bring a shread of comfort at the moment.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

He shook his head, casting aside the notion that he had to be there as Lana grew up. Why was that? So he could fail her like he failed Andraste? So he could watch Lana grow up to be consumed by the darkness? He wasn’t strong enough to save Andraste. How could he be strong enough to save Lana? How could he avoid afflicting the daughter with the same mistakes he made with the mother? The answer was simple. He couldn’t.

“I’m not fit to raise her,” Jhon said. “I never was... but you are.”

He stumbled up off the ground, putting his weight against the rail as he walked back into the penthouse. He grabbed his cloak, throwing it across his shoulders, as he aimed for the door. He couldn’t stay here anymore. There was nothing left, there was nothing... he was nothing. Not after this. Not after tonight. He had cut the Jedi out of his life. He knew he had to cut Lana out of his life, for her own protection. Now he had to cut off Skhai.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t save me, Skhai, sorry I wasn't a better student,” his said, his voice so full of remorse and regret. “At least with Lana you can start with a blank slate. You can make her the Jedi that Andraste and I never were.”

 

[Empress]

Skhai's heart sank at Jhon's words, HOW DARE HE just give in like that, how DARE he assume anyone failed anyone else. It was only because of the gentle caresses of her ancestral grandmother that she was able to hold any control over her rising temper- a gift form her "father". She was a spitfire, a wonderful parent, but Skhai often wondered how Mother managed to deal with her quick temper.

"You Don't have..." she started to protest but fell short scrambling on her hands and knees in a frantic crawl after him until she found her feet again " At least take this" she blurted , grabbing the book she had recovered for him. " Transports are...well they have horrid reading material" she stated. Shock starting to fuel her false calm. She held the item out to him, her metallic eyes fogging over from the extra minerals coating them, her lips held tightly in her teeth.
" You dont have to do this Jhon, " she pleaded her voice coming out broken and meek " You can snap out of this. You're Jhon Cordatus, you've always been able to snap out of these things.."