Lost and Forgotten

[Phoenix]

Corvo had fought his way out of the academy and vanished into the darkness in short order. Everything about this night had been chaos to the extreme. Everything about who he was had been shattered. He'd removed himself from the battle and only hoped Shae would come find him. The fact that they would both be pulled off the battlefield was fine with him. He didn't want her killing Jedi and he didn't want to risk her being killed either. Not to even mention the fact that he desperately wanted more time with her. It seemed only a matter of time until one of them would be gone - or both.

Her words had cut deep and he knew that the longer he continued, the more danger he put Ciri in. She was still relatively uncorrupted and free of the darkness that plagued her parents. The longer he was around her the more it would stain her. It was a sad fact that he couldn't quite come to grips with, but the longer he existed, the more likely his sins would find her daughter and stain her with the same blood and darkness that it had touched everyone else he cared about.

He pushed the thoughts out of his head, not wanting to think on these things any longer. He knew he was simply burying his head in the sand, pretending that he could be with his wife and be happy again. It was a lie and he knew it, but he didn't ponder it now.

He'd slipped away from the main academy to an area that was all but abandoned. He'd vanished to one of the areas of the old temple that had been left behind after the temple bombing. The temple had been rebuilt but this room was far enough away that when the renovation had begun, it was all but left behind. Once the headmaster's office, it was all but forgotten to time with the rebuild, closed off and requiring him to cut through into the mostly underground office. As he stood there, he remembered the day he'd informed the headmaster that he'd killed one of the Acolytes during a training exercise. He was working as a saber instructor and the young fool had thought it was to attempt to stab Corvo in the back after having been defeated and humiliated. It had not ended well.

So here he stood once more, this time for a much different reason, hoping that his wife would come find him.

 

[Sreeya]

She argued with herself on whether to go or not, whether to be lured in so easily. For all she knew, he could set a trap for her. He wasn’t above resorting to less than noble methods to get his way, and her feelings for him wouldn’t cloud her judgment. Her sabers were still on her, and she followed the beacon with caution, angry at herself for even doing so. She was abandoning her post and letting Jedi run rampant in the academy. She was pursuing her own interests above those of the Order. But wasn’t that what Malon promised?

Shae nudged the door open, stepping in to find him once more. There was no noise of battle here, and it was an empty room with just him. She could barely make out his shadowy silhouette. Rage still resided in her, and their angry words replayed over and over again in her mind. They both hurt each other deeply with their words, and they were things they could never take back.

“You know I can’t go back with you,” Shae muttered quietly as she slowly stepped towards him. She took in sight of the chambers, and it looked as if it once belonged to someone very important. It was curious that Corvo still remembered his way all around this building, only reminding her that he was once a Sith himself.

She stood a short distance behind him, almost afraid to get any closer, “I….I don’t even know why I came here. We’ve only caused pain for one another…”

 

[Phoenix]

He felt that familiar presence, even if it had turned cold, and turned to face her as she entered. He turned to face her, stuck somewhere in the limbo between his two alter-egos. There was a compassion mixed with an edge of something a bit more selfish. His words lacked some of the warmth of the one but were tempered of the cruelty of the other. You have a very selective memory then, he said flatly.

You can tell yourself there's nothing but pain, but you know as well as I do that's a lie. The deepest passions come with pain, they always have. You only experience the highest of highs with the lowest of lows, right? He paused, looking around the room and the memories here. He knew that this was bringing him far closer to being a Sith than he wanted to go, but he would go to terrifying lengths to be with his wife.

After a moment he sighed and walked toward her to close the distance. His helmet had been set aside already so she would be able to see his eyes. I hope you're here for the same reason I am; because some part of you misses being together? Of course, in Corvo, there was far more than just "some part." It was as if his entire being ached to be with her again, but there seemed to be as much or more of her that didn't want to be with him as wanted to.

 

[Sreeya]

She took off her own helmet again, having put it on to make her way through the temple again. Whether she liked it or not, she gained a measure of infamy within the Sith ranks. Many didn’t trust her, others revered her. As a result, she saw fit to keep her helmet on as much as possible. In the presence of Corvo, however, it was pointless. She slowly lifted it off, setting it aside as he turned to face her. His words cut like ice and told her that this was Venator that addressed her, with Corvo still reeling from their assaults earlier.

“Does it matter why I’m here? The end result is the same,” Shae drew in her breath as he walked towards her. She could see his eyes, still that animalistic yellow that she hadn’t seen in him in many years. It was surreal to see him like this, and it broke her heart deep inside. However, none of that was betrayed in her face, and she purposely attempted to chain her emotions back.

“You….you shouldn’t be here,” She sighed as she spoke, exasperated and defeated. They were on opposite sides of the war, very much like the first time they had ever met. He had been only Venator back then, and she saw that ruthless side of him. That same man stood before her now, except they had many years of shared life together in between. Could all that truly be cast aside?

“I-I have to go…” Shae shook her head, taking in sight of her surroundings. She began to remember where she was, and what this was. She couldn’t fall back into this. She kept her gaze trained on him, pain betrayed. She began to step backwards and towards where she came in from. Anxiety rose from the pit of her stomach, and shame and rage admixed into one from her prior actions.

 

[Phoenix]

He snickered at her comment, his own pains still buried deep inside. This was about enjoying what time he could get, however he could get it. I shouldn't do a lot of things, yet here I am, and here you are. He knew she was uncomfortable, struggling against herself and the restraints put on her. She was turning to leave, preparing to abandon the moment when he closed those last few feet, his hand grasping her wrist tightly enough that she couldn't easily slip free but not harshly.

You don't have to do anything. What do you want to do? At this point, you're already here. If someone is going to find out, they'll have already found out, he said. He had no intention of letting her walk away. He didn't know why he couldn't reach her emotions, but that was the sway of the dark side. It clouded the mind to the point of no clear vision.

Tell me, what is it you want? he asked. Perhaps this was merely the curiosity of Venator, seeking to discover what drove another of his breed who he was inseparably connected to in a way that superseded the rest of the Order. Their bond as husband and wife made them kindred spirits in love and hate.

 

[Sreeya]

He called her bluff, and he caught her as she attempted to leave. Shae gasped as he reached for her wrist, holding her tightly in place. She didn’t fight him, though a small part of her wanted to. Shae gazed back up into those haunting eyes, the eyes that lacked the warmth and love that Corvo’s did. She couldn’t look away regardless, finding herself lost in the golden pools that signified nothing but malice. Was this what she saw in him from the very beginning? How could she overlook all of those tender and gentle moments they had with one another?

He didn’t back off, and he was mere inches away. She kept attempting to leave, but her feeble attempts only took her back to the door closed behind her. His words echoed in her mind, and she had no excuse to give him. As he finally asked what she wanted, Shae shifted uncomfortably, “I want something I can’t….and shouldn’t…have..” She spoke the words barely audible enough for him to hear.

This was a surreal moment. She still felt the burn on her arm from his saber, and she knew he was still injured from the lightning. Yet here they were, sharing such a tense moment while a battle raged on outside. Shae chewed on her lip, her heart pounding against her chest, “I tried to kill you moments ago. Why the hell did you bring me here?” She blurted the words out before she could stop herself. Inwardly, she couldn’t deny that she wanted him. That familiar taste, that familiar touch, all of it could take her away from her sorrows at least temporarily. He stood before her as the sweetest, forbidden fruit, and it made her ache and yearn for him. She had to actively fight to keep her desires back, as much as she wanted to collapse into his arms.

 

[Phoenix]

Venator looked down at her, never letting her break his grasp as she pulled toward the door, ultimately pressed back against it. His eyes held a firm gaze on her. His movements were almost predatory as he moved up until their bodies were almost touching. Why did I bring you here? You and I have tried to kill each other many times before and yet we still fell in love, he said quietly.

And I still love you. Of course, Venator's demonstration of "love" was a warping, like everything about him. It was filled with lust and possessive desire, a misrepresentation of what it should have been, but Corvo truly loved her in full willingness to self-sacrifice and for a moment that even slipped into Venator.

His eyes were intense, as if preparing to look into her soul and see things even she wasn't ready for. See, there are parts of each of us that are completely compatible for one another. Shae and Corvo have their time together but we both have something darker. Venator and you... well, I don't even know what to call you? he asked, eyes unwavering.

 

[Sreeya]

Shae could only keep moving back as he made his approach, and he wasn’t shy to move in close. She knew Corvo inside out, but this polarized alter ego was still somewhat of a stranger to her. This was who Sith and his enemies faced, and this was who he was in the outside world. It was a side of him she never got to truly understand despite all their years together. Shae’s back pressed against the door behind her, and he was mere inches away. Instead of a familiar warmth, she almost felt an icy chill from him, and goosebumps lined her skin. His words rang true, and she thought back to even their first meeting where he had aimed to kill her. In the end, the fight ended in a draw with everyone escaping. How would things have changed if they kept fighting?

As he spoke about their compatibility, Shae chewed on her lip, pressing back against the door as much as she could. She held her saberhilt up as he approached, but he had kept walking anyway, the end pressed against his chest by the time he was directly in front of her. A simple click would ignite the blade directly into him, but her hand trembled slightly. She had nowhere to go, nowhere to look but the haunting yellow eyes before her, and his voice which lacked the warmth that Corvo usually had, “Compatible or not… we can’t…” She was at a loss for words, struggling to be coherent, “I’m not going to pretend I don’t love you,” She met his gaze, a small part of her honestly frightened in his presence. Shae had brought out the monster she accused of him reining in, but now she didn’t know how to handle it, “I chose to love you through all the good and bad, but I can’t allow myself to be chained down by so many barriers…and to lose so much of who I am.”

Did Venator care about these things? He had an overwhelmingly terrifying presence, and this was the face of death before her. This was the man that felled hundreds without regret, and this was who was unleashed upon Corvo’s worst enemies. Could she ever truly face such a man? Shae bit nervously on her lip, stuck where she was, “What happens now?” The words were barely above a whisper, and her face grew hot from having him so close. This wasn’t the same, familiar Corvo that was husband and father, but this was something darker.

 

[Phoenix]

He looked down at her with an almost amused look on his face as she put the hilt to his chest. She had had ample opportunity to kill him before and even had the opportunity during their duel. So you're going to stab me now? he asked with an almost hint of a smile. After all we've been through and your ample opportunities to kill me in the Academy? he asked, unrelenting but not moving the hilt from his chest.

If you deny yourself what you actually and what you crave, then you're not being true to yourself, are you? he pointed out as she spoke of giving herself up. Being Sith is taking what you want when you want it, isn't it? Venator was enjoying this little game of theirs. He could see on her face and in her presence that she was afraid. She asked for the monster and she'd gotten him. He was loving every minute, always enjoying the power that he held and exercised.

What now? Whatever we want, he said, his intentions becoming clear. He looked down at her with unbridled desire in his eyes, not marked by anything but his own passions. He leaned down, taking her face in his hand and kissed her deeply and hungrily, pressing his body up against hers to all but pin her to the wall. His kiss was deep and unrelenting, his hand sliding down her, having missed claiming what was his.

 

[Sreeya]

He was scaring her, and he was relishing every moment of it. She was pressed up against the door, and she wanted to scream. This was the monster he always warned her about, that he always kept checked and bound. That same monster was out in full force and Corvo was nowhere to be seen. In many ways she was afraid, in other ways she was fascinated. It was that same fascination from years back when she first saw him on the battlefield. There was curiosity there, that then grew into admiration. She wanted him as Venator when she first met him, though she grew to love his more human side. Now that she was crawling back into darkness, Venator was who she could relate to, and she hated herself for that.

He all but laughed at the hilt still pressed against him. At this range, it could very easily pierce through his armor and kill him. Was she truly that predictable? Did he truly have her under his spell? Shae slowly lowered the hilt till it clattered to the floor, and she gazed up at him, “I shouldn’t…. I mustn’t…” Shae was muttering feebly, though her gaze never left his. Her heart was pounding against her chest, and she felt both fear and allure at once. Venator was an alien concept to her, and Corvo never spoke to her like this. It dawned on her just how little she knew her husband, and how he had an entire side to him that was worlds different.

As he abruptly moved forth to kiss her, she was only allowed a sharp intake of breath before his lips met hers. There was passion and fire there like she hadn’t experienced in a very long time, and he pressed her back against the door behind her. As much as she wanted to protest, she found herself giving into the kiss. Every touch was new, every gesture different. She gasped lightly against his mouth as his hand traveled down her body, and she was surprised to find herself aching for more despite their near fatal battle earlier. Shae’s hands traveled along his body, fingers tugging at his armor, “We shouldn’t…” She whispered against his lips, though she continued to work to take the gear off, hypocrisy in her voice.

 

[Phoenix]

He'd long kept this other side from her for fear of what it might do to her or fear of what she might think of him. There was a beast he unleashed on his enemies and it was an ugly face that he didn't want those he loved to see. He couldn't bear the looks in their eyes when they caught glimpses of it as Ciri had. It was a hideous side of him, but it was no less him than Corvo. Two halves of a whole, each being taking up the parts the other couldn't. Venator could be and do all the things that Corvo couldn't and held no remorse over past atrocities.

He could feel the way she moved toward him and he could feel their energies mixing into an aura of forbidden love. The two were clearly involved in this now, neither one really wanting to stop. Her hilt dropped to the floor as she pulled at his armor bit by bit and he let her, wanting this to continue as badly as she did. Shouldn't isn't in my vocabulary, darling, he said with a hint of menace. There was no right or wrong with Venator, there was only desire and survival. He did what he wanted, when he wanted.

He leaned in to kiss her, craving the taste of her lips. The smell of battle still clung to them both and even the associated pains were still there, but that was of no consequence. He was not to be stopped. He wanted her and she wanted him, their dark sides now completely taken with each other. She had long tried to deny her own darkness and keep it at bay, but Venator only found himself fascinated by the woman who had bombed two temples and killed an Emperor. His hands ran up to her hair, pulling her head into his kiss as he breathed in deeply her scent.

 

[Sreeya]

His words were intoxicating and terrifying at once. She was being led down a path she wasn’t entirely familiar with. She was surprised to find herself still mildly afraid. This was a man she knew, or she thought she knew. This was a side of him that only emerged a handful of times in the entire time she had been with him. His mannerisms, the way he spoke, the way he felt, all of it was different. She wanted to pull back, but she couldn’t, and her hands moved of their own accord to take off the final bits of armor. She wanted to feel him desperately, and she realized how long it had been since she had a moment with him, whether Corvo or not.

She felt him tug her in towards him, his hand almost roughly grasping her hair. Shae could only gasp at the abrupt gestures, her hands now working to undo his clothing just enough to expose his bare torso. Her hands slid along the familiar surface that was his battle-worn form, and her fingers brushed past each scar and groove she had come to memorize. Shae bit down on teasingly on his lip before whispering against his mouth, “I haven’t seen you in a very long time..” She couldn’t keep the lust from her voice, speaking directly to the darker version of her husband, the man the whole galaxy knew, but she didn’t.

There was a thrill of excitement as she thought about the battle that still raged on in the academy. This was forbidden territory, and this was spitting upon the face of both the Jedi and Sith. Yet she wanted nothing more than to keep falling down this spiral with Venator. She couldn’t hide her desires, and her rage and agony channeled into unchained passion. Her movements were frenzied, and she kissed him with ferocity, as if she were getting her fill after a long lapse of thirst.

 

[Phoenix]

Venator gave into her every passion and urge, the feeling of his skin exposed to the cool air of the underground as she pulled away the clothes on his torso was something he had missed. He had missed everything about the feeling of being up against one another. It's been too long, he whispered back, clear longing in his voice. He had missed this feeling of holding his wife.

He gasped against her lips, his mind momentarily wandering to what would happen if they were caught. Surely, they were the two most deadly warriors in the galaxy but if they were caught unsuspecting, what would the ramifications be? He wasn't sure he much cared about what it would mean for either of them, he was far too caught up in the moment. It had been too long since he had touched her and the longing to hold her was not to be abated. He continued to kiss her deeply, hands pulling free the rest of her armor, pressed up against the wall as he lost himself in their moment.

 

[Sreeya]

---​

It was several hours later that Shae stirred in the bed she was all too familiar with. She was aboard Corvo’s ship, and she was still angry and surprised at herself for ending up here again. She couldn’t deny she had given into weakness when she saw him again, and she had indulged herself for their entire time together. At the end of it, they had to make their way away from the site of the battle.

Shae rose to sit up, pulling the covers up to obscure herself. She was still lined with sweat, her hair a complete mess. She sighed as she looked at Corvo, “I can’t stay here,” She was angry for even allowing things to get this far, “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to do. I don’t want to back to that life..I don’t want to go back into the shadows. I just want to walk my own path,” She wasn’t convinced, and her voice cracked slightly. Leaving him was always the toughest thing she ever had to do, and that familiar pain was welling up in her chest once again.

“My feelings for you have not…and will not change,” She looked down at her hand, noting the tan line left from where she always wore her ring, “That’s something I can’t control. But what I can control is the path I walk from here on out. You’ve been there..Venator has been there… perhaps he can understand it more than you can…” She uttered the last sentence quietly, though she didn’t know if it was true. As he dealt with both personalities, there was no doubt he knew quite well the dilemma she was facing, both halves of her.

 

[Phoenix]

Corvo had all but carried her back to the ship despite some protests. It had been a busy night even after that and when she finally stirred, he woke to look over at her. Even covering herself in the sheets she was beautiful and he couldn't help looking at her. He knew this was coming, but hadn't wanted to believe it. He'd wanted her to stay, hoped she wouldn't leave again, but he knew better. He knew she wouldn't be able to come back to him until she'd walked this path. He just wish he could have spared her, or saved her, or something else. It tore into his soul every time.

He sat up as she spoke, catching her looking down at her finger. It had cut him deeply when she'd left her ring behind but he quickly took her hands in his, pulling her to himself and resting his forehead against hers. He didn't really know what to say. He would have been lying if he had said he wasn't considering just kidnapping her, but that was no way to have her. He couldn't bring himself to hurt her or stop her by any means. He had little choice but to let her go back, even though she would clearly be able to feel how it broke him.

I love you, Shae. Please don't go. I don't know how to do this without you... raise Ciri, any of it, he said, knowing that it fell on deaf ears. He pulled her in to kiss her before she had a chance to say anything, biting back the tears that threatened to fill his eyes. What will you do? he finally asked, slightly afraid of what the answer might be. Regardless, he didn't know what to do anymore. He felt completely and utterly lost without his pillar.

 

[Sreeya]

This cut deeper into her than any saber ever could. She didn’t pull away from him as he grasped her hands, pressing his forehead against hers. This was an affectionate gesture he did since when they first met, and it filled her with warmth every time. This time, it only brought her a pang of pain as she was once again filled with the dread of leaving him behind. As he mentioned Ciri, she had to bite her lip to keep the tears from falling, “I can’t…you saw how she looked at me since I came back from imprisonment. It was never the same since. I felt like a stranger in my own home. You will do fine in raising her.”

Shae sighed as she kissed along his face, tasting his salty skin as she made her way towards his neck. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, closing her eyes, “I have to return to Malon. He is showing me how to channel what I feel inside and how to control it…and let it empower me. I feel very liberated. In some ways…” She bit her lip for a moment, “I suppose I feel happy. Not the same way my family makes me..nowhere near that…but happiness in being my own self and not being clouded by anything.”

She pulled back from him after a moment, putting her feet on the cold floor and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. The covers fell away, her pale, smooth skin in view and her scars and injuries highlighted. The wound she had sustained during their fight was throbbing angrily, and she looked down at her feet, “I was so ready to kill you, Corvo. It’s best you don’t cross my path again.”

 

[Phoenix]

In some ways you feel happier than you did with us... he finished the sentence for her, feeling a low he didn't think was possible. It felt as though his heart had been ripped out and stomped on by a rancor, a mound rising in his throat and physical pain in his chest even as he said it. He'd never in his life felt so lost, with no desire to go on or even live anymore.

I'm going to kill him, you know, he blurted it out before he could even think about it, his tone very matter of fact. I don't know how you can want to go back to the man that tortured you for six months, he said, shaking his head. His own hatred for the Emperor was growing inside of him. He remembered their first showdown on Coruscant and cursed the bomb that failed to kill him. Perhaps then, he wouldn't have lost his wife.

I won't ever give up on you, he muttered quietly as she said they shouldn't cross paths. I don't care if you kill me, I won't stop loving you, he said, as his eyes scanned up her back. It bore years worth of combat scars and he scooted over on the bed, placing his lips on one just near the base of her neck. He knew that more would be placed on her as time went forward with the Sith. Don't trust anyone, he whispered. He knew she'd been Sith before, but it had been so short compared to the three decades he'd been there and the paranoia had been hammered in. He couldn't bear to see her stabbed in the back by "her own people."

 

[Sreeya]

Shae had to smile sadly at his words, “I have no doubt you will be the one to kill him,” She chewed on her lip for a moment, “It’s just a matter of whether I’ll still be around then,” They were both warriors, and everytime they went on missions, they knew it could be their last. There was something especially ominous about this, as she didn’t have as powerful of a will to live. Of course, she didn’t share that with Corvo, and it would never be something he could handle.

She felt him lean in, his hot breath brushing against her skin. She wanted nothing more than to lean into him and forget the nightmare that was becoming reality. She knew it was so easy to fall back into her old life again, but she also knew it would slowly lead to the same resentment. Shae had to smile at his words, nodding, “I know you won’t. You’re too damn stubborn to give up. I wish I had that quality of yours,” She grabbed his arms and put them around herself, wanting to be cocooned in his warmth. Even if it was just for this moment, she wanted to feel that sense of security and love she always felt in his arms.

“You didn't trust anyone,” She tilted her head back against him, “How did that change for me?”

 

[Phoenix]

___​

He gladly put his arms around her, feeling her warm skin as he pulled her close. He had ached for this, missed being near her, hearing the sweet sound of her voice and the smell of her hair. He could feel the dark cloud hanging over her as if she didn't want to go on. He didn't really understand why she felt she needed to go back and would have done anything to stop her, but he couldn't. He knew no matter what he did, no matter how hard he pleaded, she wouldn't want him.

Don't say things like that. You will be around. You will come back to me because I love you too much to let you go, he whispered. Don't give up on me, he pleaded. He didn't know how long she would be gone or what she would do, but he didn't care. He'd done terrible things that he could never put behind him and she loved him anyway; he would always love her the same. No matter where she went or what she did, she held his heart hopelessly in her hand.

Simple: I would have rather had you than life, he answered her. She'd had ample opportunities to kill him before now; he'd given her the first when they were in that cave on Moraband. She'd had an opportunity to do what others would have killed to do: end the Supreme Leader, but she hadn't. He would have rather risked that death at her hands than go on without trust in her, and it had taken them far. And you will always have a place with me, he reiterated the promise he'd given her many years ago, knowing that he didn't want her to leave even now, but no matter what happened, he was still there.

 

[Sreeya]

For a long time, Shae said nothing. His warmth always made her feel safe and cherished, and his words now only worked to make her feel worse about everything. She knew he was pleading with her, and she felt hot tears begin to stream down her face. She didn’t want him to see, and she certainly didn’t want him to know he was getting to her. However, the soft sniffles and labored breathing would give her away at once. As he made the same comment he had back when she had went on the first ever mission with him, Shae was openly crying, “Damn it Corvo…”

She grasped his hand in hers, tasting her own salty tears as she mulled over his words, “You…remember what I said back when we were…in that academy room?” Her face grew hot at the memory, “I really did want you for myself even back then,” She had to smile through the tears, “I thought you were fascinating,” She tilted her head back to kiss him on the cheek, “And I won’t deny I purposely tried to get more missions with you.”

She sighed as the smile began to fade, “I thought..my world was going to end when I found out when I was pregnant,” Shae thought back to their time at the beach, “Instead you asked me to marry you…and it was the most incredible day of my life,” Shae released a shuddered breath, “Second most incredible day…first is the day I gave birth to our daughter. Our baby girl..”