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Malani Vu
I'm not a bad woman, let's get one thing straight. People always assume that every Jedi that leaves the Order is some kind of power-mad, Dark evil creature who merely joined the Jedi for their own melo-dramatics. Well, I'm not like that. The truth is, I respect the Jedi. I always have, and I probably always will. I left the Jedi Order because I felt I couldn't live by its' teachings any more, I didn't respect what I was doing as an individual. Would people rather I stayed, and resented the very Force which I served? Surely that would have lead to Evil. But no, I walk the grey path, not going out of my way to do incredible acts of selflessness, but in no way am I anything close to evil.
I was born on Shili, like most Togruta. I lived there with my mother and father for only a few years, until a Jedi Knight by the name of Neelu'Ri came to the planet and identified me as a Force Sensitive. I'd like to say my parents let me go skipping off into la-di-da land to become a noble Jedi but they didn't. They were reluctant to hand over their beloved daughter, who they were just preparing to send off to schooling. They did, however, after some persuasion - the nature of which I would rather not find out. I've since learned about the Jedi ability to 'influence' people's minds into doing their bidding, now, that doesn't sound very 'good', does it? But I digress...
It's a given I was well off as a young child, I've been to visit Mother and Father since and we lived in quiet a beautiful little home. When I first went to visit them, they were proud, but even as a little girl of barely ten years I could see the sadness in their eyes. They didn't understand the Jedi, I know this now, and I think many people don't still, even those who are in the Order. They blindly follow teachings they do not understand, like sheep. Philosophies that are not their own, that is worse than any independent "bad guy", in my opinion.
I was moved to Coruscant at first, where I trained as a youngling... learning the basics of meditation, lightsaber combat, the such. It was pretty, I'll give them that. The Jedi were honourable, and they had such firm belief. I wanted to believe, but even in my little mind I knew I didn't fit in with all the other younglings, how they swallowed what the Jedi Masters said like the finest of delicacies.
Not me, though. I spent a fair amount of time in the Jedi libraries, studying the code, the history and all the such. I tried to swallow it, I did, but I couldn't. Soon enough, I was ready to become a padawan, and I was immediately selected by a Jedi Knight by the name of Shayla Kiani. Just as my training was to begin, something terrible happened. I had been dimly aware of the Alsakan Crisis unfolding around me, but it seemed so distant. All I ever heard or saw of it was various Jedi coming and going, and occasionally not returning. Of course, being in the middle of Coruscant I should have seen more of the war effort, but somehow I didn't.
I suppose being completely oblivious of the war unfolding around me was part of my training as a Jedi, being isolated from current events so I could focus on my training. Or perhaps I was just too ignorant or not wise enough to understand the turmoil, feel the subtle indications in the Force. I wish I could have, but I don't think even the best Jedi Masters did.
Then all of my ignorance culminated when full scale war began, and the repercussions began to be felt, even for me safe on Coruscant. I remember, I had a friend, a young Duros called Taim, a nice young boy I remember now. He was a few years older than me, but he always helped to tutor and mentor me, helping me to learn the ways of the Jedi before I even began my padawanship! But one day, I remember him coming up to me whilst I was eating and telling me he and his master were going on a mission, a secret one. He was killed by the Alsakans, and he never came back to the temple. Such a loss, I remember, stirred dark thoughts in me - dark thoughts I tried to banish immediately. Perhaps a remnant of them still remains, lurking in my mind like the beasts in the forests of Shili.
Soon enough, I was transferred to Ossus to begin my training within the temples of the oldest halls of the Jedi. I continued my training immediately with high hopes of going and bringing the evil that had killed my friend to retribution, but I heard distantly that the Crisis was drawing to a close. Somewhat bitter and disappointed, I put even more effort into my training. I was trained in the ways of the Jedi, every day, every night. My master was somewhat unorthodox from what I gathered, but she was a good woman. I think. Very sassy, quiet bitchy. She understood me, though, my personality. Of course, she was always there to be angry and sassy when I didn't do something right, but that's a given with the kind of woman I expected her to be anyway. I constructed my first lighsaber, a beautiful violet blade. I acquired another one, much later on, an amber one, but I have a special attachment to my first. I began to train in Makashi, focusing myself on the finesse of lightsaber combat. For some reason I cannot fathom, it came so easy to me. Like breathing.
I trained in the force too, of course. I practised various techniques, such as push, pull, telekinetic abilities and of course, telepathy. I become something of an avid learner, focusing on mastering every aspect of being a Jedi... except the philosophy. After what felt like a millennia of training, I was finally ready - finally ready to become a Knight. My promotion fell just a few days after my twentieth year of life.
Even though I was now a Knight, I continued training in the ways of lightsaber combat and the Force. The next form I focused on was Form V, both Shien and Djem So. It was the perfect form to compliment Makashi, one focused on defending against blaster fire. I soon mastered this form too, but not to the same degree as Makashi. I went out into the galaxy, searching for... something. Searching for answers, to who I was. I was content with the Jedi, but then I began to resent them. Why did we have to do so much good and get so little in return? A life of selflessness, I decided, was not for me.
I didn't leave the Jedi order 'in disgrace', I merely left peacefully from my post and explained my reasons to the council. It's not like I killed a Jedi and then fled the temple, tainted by the dark side. I think they felt good intentions within me, at least, I hope they did for they were just and true. There was nothing they could do to stop me, except take my lightsaber. I gave them my amber lightsaber, figuring that they would never find out about my most prized possession (which I felt I could never give up now). For a while, I become a traveller. I moved from planet to planet, place to place, slowly losing my Jedi demeanour but always honing my lightsaber and force skills - never forgetting I was a force-sensitive.
I make sure to walk the most neutral of paths, finding a balance between utter selflessness and evil. That was perhaps the hardest part of my self-imposed exile, not being tempted by the Dark Side. It's true that after what happened on Coruscant, I never wanted to join the forces of Evil however from what I have heard, it's not a choice. To stop the temptations of the galaxy getting to me, I went deep into the swamps of Naboo.
I lived a fairly simple, happy lifestyle. Many would see it as bare, but after growing up as a Jedi it was comparatively luxurious. I didn't get much social interaction with other sentient beings, and when I did it was merely brief. Yet still, I maintained my force and lightsaber abilities, for reasons I really can't remember. Perhaps it was because it was the last remnant of who I was, who I used to be. Or maybe it was because my studies were the only thing that separated me from a life of loneliness, and pre-occupying myself with them constantly kept me from contemplating my situation.
Naboo was nice, nonetheless. The swamps were humid but I was within walking distance of a town. I suppose I was regarded as something of a legend, a strange, multi-coloured woman who would emerge every so often from the depths of the forest to come into their town and buy some food. In fact, I probably would have regarded myself as a legend had I been in their shoes. They were a simple peoples, who lived in the swamps catching creatures for their food, I was sure they were largely uneducated.
I was exiled for ten years, ten long years of solitude and studying. But I emerged, a new woman, a wiser woman. I felt the beginning of a new war, through the Force. I am not one to fight, but I know that I must at least partake in some way in galactic events. I want to be remembered, and not just by the people of that town on Naboo for being a hermit.
It's odd, I never had an obsession for being famous or remembered before, but now here I am, vying to make an impact somehow. Perhaps it's an early mid-life crisis? I mean, I am only thirty galactic years old! My life as a travelling scholar, I hope it will leave an impression on just one little child, one man, one veteran. Perhaps I'll make a difference in just one life, whether negative or positive matters not.
Maybe it's because I feel I haven't accomplished anything in my life... yet.
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