Meditation for failure

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Matthew was now meditating. The room was silent. Matthew's body was cover in a brown robe. This was his moment of silent every person got one moment and this was his. Matthew hadn't died yet but he felt like it. He had failed on multiple occasions to find a master being self taught didn't sound bad to him.
He was meditating waiting for something to stop him from his meditation.

He was calm and not nervous. He was eager to kill for his sword was nearby.
He had his mask covering his face and the hood of his robe was covering his hair. His hands and feet were the only bit of skin showing on his body.
Matthew was focusing on the force. Matthew was trying to figure out if he could even really use the force now. He wasn't confident. He felt weak.

His eyes slowly opened if someone was to enter the room at that moment they couldn't tell whether they were open or not. Matthew then focused on his father's lightsaber which was next to his sword. He reached his hand out and slowly using the force his father's lightsaber came to him. With his father's lightsaber in his hand Matthew ignited it. Matthew ignited the lightsaber and let the warmth emitting off of it warm his body. For a brief moment Matthew closes his eyes again and had a moment of silence for his father.
 
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