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Andraste shouted, begged. She pleaded for Jhon to do it. Take the child she asked him. Leave this place she begged. He was in the mountains of Lehon again, above the oceans, standing in the shadows of the Temple of the Ancients. Rain poured down upon him. The storm he’d felt was more than the Emperor’s presence. It was the future. It was everything.
He ran away from the temple, away from the Emperor, protecting the baby girl in his arms. He remembered feeling like he had no choice. He remembered watching as Andraste attacked the man who was now her husband, the man with whom she now ruled the Empire and all the Sith. His last memory of her was the sight of the two Sith locked in combat, and Jhon calling out to her with the Force. Making a promise he didn’t keep.
In this world or the next, I will save you, Padawan.
The words haunted him. They were the ghost of the life he’d extinguished, of the soul he had destroyed by running. Lana was alive, but Andraste was dead. Jhon was dying inside. The Jedi were still demoralized and the Alliance was still losing. Things were getting worse, not better. He loved Lana, as if she was his own daughter, but at what cost did he save her? At what cost did he save himself?
Northern Hills, Corellia
One year later
Andraste wasn’t the first to pay the price for the things he had done. She was dead before she was even born, he just didn’t know it until now. Undoubtedly, she was not the last for whom that would be the cause, for whom Jhon was responsible. This place was a reminder of that fact.
It was getting darker now. Colder. The mountains were harsh and he stood only at their base, not needing to venture any further into the Corellian mountainside. He was here for a reason. He was here to find two people whose lives he impacted...whose lives he cursed. They were dead, and they were dead because of actions he took years ago.
Their headstones rested in the snow-covered grass. He approached at a slow, uneasy pace, his heart racing, his breathing becoming heavy. He never thought he would be here. He always told himself he didn’t need to come, that he had only been in the life of the man, these two being a couple, a few short times, no matter how monumental those times may have been. Was he fooling himself?
He looked down upon the stones, choking back his emotions. The names and most of the words faded after all these years from the brutal chill of the snowy mountains, but five words remained. Five words that were supposed to mean something. Five words that seemed empty.
DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING
There was a time when he might have found some sort of meaning in that. He might have found something to tell him that everything was worth it. But was it? In the end, was destiny worth this? Was it worth his soul? These were questions he never thought he would ask, but the universe had a way of destroying idealism. The cold truth of reality had to come crashing down upon him at some point. Better now than later, when more was at stake.
Yet he wasn’t so far gone to know that he couldn’t keep these burdens on his own shoulders forever. He couldn’t depend on his old Council. Not because they weren’t dependable, but because they were not with him. They had duties that went beyond destiny and the most ancient secrets of the Force. Jhon had to trust, or at very least not care about the consequences for, those with whom he was on this journey. That’s why Skhai was here now.
“This is where they’re buried,” he told her, kneeling down in the snow. “Andraste’s parents. This is where they put them after Exodeus butchered them.”
He ran away from the temple, away from the Emperor, protecting the baby girl in his arms. He remembered feeling like he had no choice. He remembered watching as Andraste attacked the man who was now her husband, the man with whom she now ruled the Empire and all the Sith. His last memory of her was the sight of the two Sith locked in combat, and Jhon calling out to her with the Force. Making a promise he didn’t keep.
In this world or the next, I will save you, Padawan.
The words haunted him. They were the ghost of the life he’d extinguished, of the soul he had destroyed by running. Lana was alive, but Andraste was dead. Jhon was dying inside. The Jedi were still demoralized and the Alliance was still losing. Things were getting worse, not better. He loved Lana, as if she was his own daughter, but at what cost did he save her? At what cost did he save himself?
---------------------
Northern Hills, Corellia
One year later
Andraste wasn’t the first to pay the price for the things he had done. She was dead before she was even born, he just didn’t know it until now. Undoubtedly, she was not the last for whom that would be the cause, for whom Jhon was responsible. This place was a reminder of that fact.
It was getting darker now. Colder. The mountains were harsh and he stood only at their base, not needing to venture any further into the Corellian mountainside. He was here for a reason. He was here to find two people whose lives he impacted...whose lives he cursed. They were dead, and they were dead because of actions he took years ago.
Their headstones rested in the snow-covered grass. He approached at a slow, uneasy pace, his heart racing, his breathing becoming heavy. He never thought he would be here. He always told himself he didn’t need to come, that he had only been in the life of the man, these two being a couple, a few short times, no matter how monumental those times may have been. Was he fooling himself?
He looked down upon the stones, choking back his emotions. The names and most of the words faded after all these years from the brutal chill of the snowy mountains, but five words remained. Five words that were supposed to mean something. Five words that seemed empty.
DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING
There was a time when he might have found some sort of meaning in that. He might have found something to tell him that everything was worth it. But was it? In the end, was destiny worth this? Was it worth his soul? These were questions he never thought he would ask, but the universe had a way of destroying idealism. The cold truth of reality had to come crashing down upon him at some point. Better now than later, when more was at stake.
Yet he wasn’t so far gone to know that he couldn’t keep these burdens on his own shoulders forever. He couldn’t depend on his old Council. Not because they weren’t dependable, but because they were not with him. They had duties that went beyond destiny and the most ancient secrets of the Force. Jhon had to trust, or at very least not care about the consequences for, those with whom he was on this journey. That’s why Skhai was here now.
“This is where they’re buried,” he told her, kneeling down in the snow. “Andraste’s parents. This is where they put them after Exodeus butchered them.”
