Ask Next of Kin

[Indy Sati]

Five years.

Five years trapped in that damn cave. Unable to see. Unable to dig herself out; her comm was smashed beyond repair, and eventually, the only thing that could give her light was the Fallen Blade. Nightmares plagued her for months until she hardly knew what was real and what wasn't. Until she hardly realized that one branch of the cave gave way to open air. No one looked for her. No one called to her; she was alone.

Until she stood, staring at a lone red giant sun, watching its' baleful light glint on green waves. She felt tears track down her face; she had lost so much weight. Scars marred her arms, and she felt weak, and yet... there was so much more to her. The guilt she carried, the secret despair, all of it faded to grey. She just wanted to find her Padawans, to finally die in their arms, and remember what it meant to be a Jedi.

She couldn't pass until she told her story to one of them, at least.

It took her a week to remember how to run her ship and to stock it. Some fish she caught, a few birds. The rags of her clothing hung off her frame; she tore one of her Jedi robes to look like a rough cloak, and then set a course, mindlessly flying. She wouldn't have noticed if she even flew into a star; it was an instinct in the Force that led her.

Led her until she landed on another rock in the middle of nowhere space. She didn't know why she stumbled out of the ship, or why she staggered down a rocky cliffside path. Something was calling her, familiar and yet alien. Rain lashed down her face, and she shivered at its' alien feeling. Rain, Rain. How long had she felt its' cool touch or its' thick heat as it fell? How long had it been since she stood in a jungle and listened to it raining?

There was a cabin ahead. She was so tired; her vision swam in and out of focus, and when she reached up to thump into the door, she leaned into it a moment, struggling to keep her strength. She didn't know what called to her, back to the living, but she was here now to answer it, even before reaching Yavin IV or anything else Jedi. Before even remembering to wash, or eat.

When the Force called, she had to answer.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

It was raining when Arctus first set foot on the island he now called a safehaven. This was the place where he allowed himself to drown in anger and grief for the younglings he lost to the Sith in the aftermath of the failed invasion on Yavin IV; where he spent many moons feeling dejected and abandoned by the Jedi Master he trusted and needed. It was the same place he found the direction on the road to recovery, and to accept that there were things that were truly beyond his control. This was the place where he reunited with his father and half-brother, and now Arctus found a home in this quaint island on a planet in the middle of nowhere.

It was raining again when the Padawan returned.

It was funny how the sudden change in the weather brought back memories and feelings from when he left the Temple without a word to his friends and family. Instead of letting melancholy get the better of him, Arctus chose to focus on the gratitude he felt for the people who helped him recover. His family and his friends were the reasons he now stood tall today, and while he was grateful for their love and support there was a part of him that still felt incomplete. Though he tried to ignore it, the feeling became even more prevalent when he attended Crix Aran's funeral.

He felt abandoned and hurt by Indy's disappearance. He didn't know where she was, he couldn't contact her... and though he felt cut off from her there was just no stopping the worry he felt for her. Arctus knew that he should have begun his search for her sooner, but...

The Padawan shook off the negative thoughts that slowly rose to the forefront of his mind. He had a mission now, one not ordained by the Order but it was a mission he still had to undertake even if it went against the Council's mandates about his status as an apprentice. He was ready to receive any punishment as long as he found Indy and return to the Temple with her.

She had been gone for years, though. Five long years since he saw her last. And then she disappeared along with the promises she made him, Felix, and Drastus.

Rain pattered on the roof, masking the sound of an approaching ship outside. Arctus had been too preoccupied in the kitchen, making dinner for himself and Shadwell. His father and half-brother were offworld, on their way to Chandrila to meet with the rest of the Friers family – a reunion long overdue. And while it was just him and the tiny dog in the cabin, Arctus still felt happy that his biological family would be made whole again.

He didn't notice Shadwell's head tilting towards the door, his focus only flickering when there was a thump on the door. Arctus placed the pan back on the stove before making his way to the front door. Through the window he saw a ship docked up ahead. Warily the Padawan shifted his gaze back towards the door. The dog, for his part, seemed to snap in attention and bolted from the kitchen, tiny legs carrying him to the door. Shadwell whined, pawing at the wood.

"Hey, hey. Move aside, buddy," said Arctus, gently nudging the dog with his foot. The man then gripped the door knob, taking a deep breath before swinging it open.

A humanoid stood outside, dripping from head to toe as the rain continued to fall. Blue skin pale and stark against dark and tattered clothing that hung loosely from her almost skeletal figure. Hazel grey eyes met gold as Arctus stood face to face with the woman he was mounting a search (and probably rescue) for. For a moment time stood still, the Padawan staring at the Jedi Master he called friend.

Was this a hallucination? Was she yet another form the Dark Side now chose to taunt him with? Was her appearance yet another bid from the Dark for him to shun the Light even now that he fought and won against the former?

His body moved before his mind could properly process what he was seeing. Arctus stepped forward, one hand reaching out to gently grasp his Master by the arm. Indy felt solid, felt too real to be a hallucination. Brows furrowing, the Padawan's other hand shot up to support her as she struggled to keep her strength. He held her, one arm looping around her shoulders and the other behind her knees, carefully lifting her up in his arms before she could keel over. He carried her inside the cabin, away from the cold and closer to the warmth of the cabin as he gently set her down on the couch.

Indy was here. Indy was here, she appeared even before he could begin his search for her, she's here, she's here, she's really here–

The Corellian fell to his knees beside her, one hand rising to shakily cup her cheek. His heart hammered madly against his sternum, emotions swirling into a haywire with every second that ticked by and she remained where he laid her on the couch.

"Indy," was all Arctus could muster at the moment, her name coming out in a helpless whisper.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

When the door opened to reveal a humanoid figure, she blinked owlishly at the sudden bright light, but as they stepped into view, her vision swam and her knees went weak. It was a vision that looked like Arctus, but... not the Arctus of the cave. A future Arctus, one she had never seen before, even when he was a lost smuggler seeking a purpose. When his hand lightly touched her, she began to sag forward, and when he picked her up, she folded into his carry like a wet paper bag.

She offered no resistance as he carried her in, but she did press her cheek into his chest. The hallucinations never felt this warm, or with such a strong heartbeat. Perhaps this... wasn't a dream? She wasn't even sure anymore. If this was a dream, she hoped he could at least listen to her through it.

She was laid on something soft, and her head lolled limply, trying to flutter her eyes open. A name... her name. Not screamed in anger, or whispered in sibilance. Gentle, like rainfall. And a warmth on her cheek. She turned her face into it, closing her eyes and savoring the warmth, the familiar smell, and the familiar feeling. Was this... real? Was this Arctus? She slowly forced her eyes open again, and stared at him, her breathing ragged. Her hand limply stretched out, reaching for his cheek but instead landing on his shoulder, and her lips parted as though to speak, but no sound came.

Frowning once, she tried again. And when it did, it came out in an abused rasp, making her wince.

"Arctus... Thank the Force, you're alive. I... I thought..."

Beneath his hand, he would feel the warmth as tears slowly welled, then trickled down without a sound.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Her eyes fluttered open, drifted close, then slowly opened again as she seemed to struggle to stay awake. Golden eyes now lacked the fire of life they once held in them, and when Indy spoke her voice was raspy, seemingly unused for months yet at the same time hoarse from crying. She looked terribly worn out, as if she had dug herself out of a grave. He barely registered her faint words and when he finally understood and read between the lines it took almost every single ounce of Arctus' willpower not to break down then and there.

Her tears felt warm against his palm, and as much as he brushed them away they kept carving a path down Indy's cheek. Arctus' face crumpled with unshed tears, head dipping until his forehead rested against her thin shoulder.

She thought he was dead. And he thought she was dead. The underlying message in her words as she trailed off made Arctus realize that Indyana might have suffered more than he did when she disappeared. Her appearance and the tinge of hope and despair in her voice made guilt churn and bubble in his gut. She had disappeared, and what had he done? He'd promised that he would help her as much as she helped him, and yet...

Arctus raised his head, free hand clasping her hand on his shoulder. Eyes bright with tears, the Padawan gazed at his Master with a look filled with hurt and regret.

"I'm sorry. I should've looked for you sooner. I should have–" he murmured, cutting himself of with a strangled gasp. "I'm sorry, Indy. I'm so sorry..."

He reached out to her through the Force, his Light penitent and longing to reacquaint with her. Gently he poured out his apologies, his guilt, and his overarching desire to see her again, to make sure that she was alive and that she had never truly abandoned him. Despair was drowned out by hope, and hope dimmed by guilt. She disappeared, she left him without a word, and as much as Arctus wanted to lash out at her in anger he simply didn't have the strength to do so. Not because of her current state or anything, but because as much as she was his Master and that he was her apprentice?

Indy was his friend first, and that was all that mattered.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

His emotions battered her. But she took them all in, her breath shuddering. Seeing how much she hurt him by being here; why was she compelled? The cave should have killed her outright, then at least he could have grieved and moved on. Still, the memories of her visions in that cavern, and the present, blurred and melded.

"Stop... you don't apologize to me."

Her thumb stroked on his shoulder, and she closed her eyes. The Light he rained down on her was like...

Sunlight.

The splashes of sunlight on her skin as the waves of Corsin raced to the shore. She stood with Roland, twined in his arms, lips spicy and sweet with their meal, and with love, but he was ripped from her arms. A bloody helmet thudded to the ground, a blue viper poised on its temple. But it wasn't him. He waited for her, she talked with him through the Force---

Hannibal. Flying high over Naboo, slow-dancing as the roar of distant waterfalls fluttered through open windows, and his laughing face as they trained together before he also abruptly vanished. She wasn't there to hold his hand when he needed her before he too died.

Maxims. The brother she loved, the man who was a father to many and a light to all.

Arctus, Felix, Drastus. One by one, they died in the Dark. Turned their backs, and fought her. Fought her until she prevailed. Until she stood alone in the cavern, and the wails she sent through the Force reverberated, sang, and screamed in her own head and heart until she was too hoarse and all that came were the pathetic gasps of despair. Hadn't she killed them? Hadn't they followed her?

The pale, furious face of that Arctus in the cave, for a moment, superimposed on the tearful face that was mere inches from her own. She tried again with her other hand, and it lightly rested on his cheek. Stroked it, and she gave him a weak smile.

"Arctus Friers. Look at how filled with Light you are."

It was true. She did nothing more than guide him in some basic things, but look at how he triumphed time and time again. And in response, her own Light answered his. Unlike before, when she wavered, this time, it was different.

Strong, sure. Filled with the love of a friend, the sharpness of relief singing through with joy. Without words, she showed her pride, but... beneath it, was a thread of pain, of exhaustion. She was pushed to her limits while wrapped in Darkness. All the while, he had every reason to believe she had abandoned them. Though it stung he didn't go looking sooner, she could understand why, and she didn't hold it against him.

I never left. I've always been with you, my friend.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Indy's Light reached out for him, bathing Arctus' vision in fields of gold. Though she lay weakened before him the strength he always found in her made her spirit shine all the brighter. Love and pride that weren't his own filled the Padawan from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes, Indy's presence maintaining the same warmth and acceptance she held for him the moment she accepted his desperate embrace when they first met on Onderon.

For the first time Arctus truly saw her through the Force – Indy was the salubrious rays of sunlight, bathing him in warmth and kindness he felt he never deserved but strove hard to earn nonetheless. She was golden sunrise incarnate, and yet like a fool he had turned his back on her. He was only realizing it right now, now that she had found him when he promised himself that he would be looking for her.

He had spiralled into depression, the Dark Side taking advantage of his vulnerability and fears. He had been so convinced that she had abandoned him when in fact it was the other way around. He had abandoned her, so caught up in his grief and selfishness that he had forgotten his promise of always being there for her. She had done so much for him by accepting him with open arms, and yet he heeded the Darkness' taunts.

Through their connection he felt her love and her pride for him; and the underlying exhaustion and pain, coupled by the sting of her own feelings of abandonment, struck the Padawan like a knife to the gut. She had disappeared, but in more ways than one Indy had never truly left him.

It was Arctus who abandoned her, and he was an utter fool for realizing it just now.

"I have failed you, damn it!" he muttered, voice finally breaking into a sob. Tears ran freely down his cheeks, twin waterfalls of guilt and regret at his late realization. He should have gone looking for her sooner. For five years she had been gone...

Still, he mustered a grateful smile for her. He wasn't a good man. He wasn't a good man, but he tried, gods be damned he tried. From the moment he decided to reach out for help, from his journey go search for a Jedi who would be willing to help him master the Darkness that sought to control him. And all he had now, the friends and found family he made, and the Light within him growing ever brighter the moment he rose against his demons... he wouldn't have any of them if it weren't for Indy.

"You told me... on Onderon," Arctus told her softly through his tears. "This Light shines strong because of you. Indy, I–"

Apologies threatened to spill from his lips, but the Padawan cut himself off. Another round of sorry's would only begin the cycle anew, him asking for forgiveness, her doing the same, and her assuring him that he didn't need to apologize to her though he would insist. Arctus pursed his lips, hazel grey eyes gleaming with brand new conviction. His apologies wouldn't help her regain her strength, wouldn't help her overcome the Darkness she had faced, nor would it help her to recover. She needed him to be her strength, and as selfish as it sounded, her reason to fight and stay alive. So Arctus swallowed his apologies and tempered his emotions.

He reached out to her again with renewed resolve. Through the Force he attempted to soothe her pain, her exhaustion. He hadn't brushed up on his healing skills for a while, but he was determined to be Indy's source of strength for now.

"I'm gonna make things right. This time, I'll look after you."

It was a promise he intended to keep this time.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

When he said he failed her... she exhaled slowly.

And lightly thumped him on the top of his head, with all the strength she could muster. Which, truthfully, was very little. "You never failed me, young man," she rasped, but her eyes crinkled, a nod to what she had called him when first they met. "If anything, you've grown. You've beaten your demons in a way I never could." Still, it hurt to talk, so she lay there, blinking groggily as she watched the tears run down his face. Once again, she lightly rested her hand on his cheek, brushing them away patiently, but listening.

Still, the Force Healing was a soothing balm. Her eyes fluttered almost closed for a moment, but she had to stay awake. Had to, because there was something she had to give him. Something she had to tell him. She knew he felt guilty, but she refused to let him. It wasn't his fault what had happened; she wanted to explain that despite this trial, she had grown stronger. She had been able to lift above what previously held her back, and she no longer feared what waited for her on the other side.

But when he spoke of taking care of her, a tired chuckle fell from her lips, and she lifted her hand from his cheek to move to the tattered cloak. On a rough string, made from twists of scrap cloth, sat a crystal. Her gaze wasn't on it, however, but on his face. Clear, unwavering. Though her voice rasped and scratched with abuse, she tugged the string from her neck, and moved his hand from her face, to nestle the crystal within his palm.

Even in this ambient light, it glowed. A subtle greyish-blue, it would hum in the Force, like a song. "Of all my students, you perhaps had the most questions, the most doubts. And yet... I see in you a power that no Darkness could ever triumph over." She gave him a tired smile and squeezed her hand around his. "Care for me as equals. I am now no longer your Master... but your ally. Your friend."

Exhaustion was tugging at her mind, but she squeezed his hand again, her voice a cracked whisper.

"Well done, Knight Arctus... it reminded me of you, in that cave. Of the warmth in your eyes. Never forget."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

While he relinquished feelings of guilt for the past in favor of focusing on the present and lookig forwad fo the future, Indy had further driven home her pride and never-ceasing acceptance for Arctus with a simple thump on his head. It lacked strength, but even more so any hint of negative emotion. The Padawan blinked, surprised by the action but it was so like her to be doing such a thing. It made his heart melt, fondness gleaming in his tear-filled eyes. Like a sister admonishing her stupid older brother, brushing away all his foolishness and setting him straight.

He loved her all the more for it. As much as he loved Ruzaan and Clove. They were all, in his eyes, his younger siblings, blood be damned.

Arctus held the hand that brushed away his tears, reciprocating her smile as he continued to focus on the Force Healing. His emotions fueled him, and despite needing more practice it surprised Arctus that healing came almost too easy at him in this moment alone. Gratitude and happiness filled him at being reunited with his Master and friend, these feelings mingling with the positive energies of the Light.

"I never would've beaten them if I hadn't met you," he told her with a smile. "If I hadn't resolved to look for a Jedi. I'm happy that you're the one I met, Indy."

He could've met someone else, by chance or not, and he wondered sometimes if it hadn't been Indy. What would've happened to them if they never crossed paths? Would he have given up on his search for a Jedi and succumbed to the Dark Side? Would Indy be alright if they never met? There were just so many things, so many what ifs that could have happened, but Arctus would forever be grateful that it was Indy and not anyone else, glad that it was her who found him, took him in, and accepted him. He was glad that it had been her who saw past his fear and pain, who saw the Light within him and led him to redemption.

She withdrew her hand, and Arctus followed her movements with his gaze. She then took his hand and placed something atop his palm, recognition and unfamiliarity both gleaming in his eyes as they alighted upon a crystal as it glowed greyish-blue. It felt kind in the Force, a gentle presence like sunlight after a storm. His gaze flickered to Indy as she spoke, tears welling up again as he took in her words, the truth they held, and a fact that he strove to achieve.

He didn't just see her as his Master, thay much they both knew. She was a friend, an ally, a sister. And Arctus–

Knight.

The word rang like the sound of a hundred bells proclaiming triumph over adversity. Arctus shivered, not with nervousness but with rising anticipation, the flame in his heart burning with an intensity he had never felt before. Even now he doubted if the title, the rank and the responsibilites attached, would ever fit him. But to hear his dear Master– his friend above the hierarchy that separated them– call him a Knight, an equal...

He glanced back at the crystal nestled in his hands, his Light answering it's kind and gentle song. A reminder of him to his dear friend, in the years they were separated. It would be the soul of a blade he would one day create, only to be wielded in defense of those he loved and those who sought help. Indy had given him this gift that reminded her of him, and he would forever treasure it.

Unable to find the words he wanted to tell her, Arctus smiled at her – bright and clear and full of unwavering hope – before gently pressing his lips on her forehead.

Darkness had no place in his heart from this day henceforth.

——

There were still a lot of things they needed to tell each other, but for now Arctus let Indy rest. He helped her in any way he could, fretting over her current state. A change of clothes (consisting mostly of his half-brother's for now), a warm bath, and a hot meal – anything she might need provided for her graciously, and though this might have been his Dad's cabin Arctus' old man assured him that the place was very much his own as well.

Indy would be ensconced in his half-brother's room, it's huge windows offering a lot of sunlight. She had mentioned a cave, and Arctus delivered the opposite by having her stay in a room where she could get as much sunlight as she could to her heart's content.

The rain had finally stopped, the clouds parting to make way for gentle sunshine. Indy would wake to the sight of a senior pug smiling at her, tongue lolling goofily as he panted. Shadwell the dog sat dutifully by her bedside, watching her like a guard refusing to abandon his post. Arctus soon made his appearance, carrying a tray in one hand as he pushed the door open. He approached her, placing the tray on the bed while he occupied the chair on the bedside. There was a bowl of gruel and fruit slices on the tray, as well as a steaming mug of tea. The man figured that it would be best to give her a light breakfast for now, allowing for a slow transition until she could eat better to regain more of her strength.

"I was crying too much last night to say this but," he began in lieu of a good morning, eyes shining with mischief, "I'm definitely going to be a Jedi Master so we can be matchy-matchy one day."

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

Light.

Having been denied it for so long, she basked in it happily. It's warmth was more sustaining than anything. Though she felt some guilt for clearly taking up someone else's bed and clothes, she didn't have the energy to protest just yet. And yet, despite her dramatic entrance, her emotions felt very muted. She enjoyed the peace and the solitude of the morning, yet when Arctus appeared, she managed a smile to him. She'd been rubbing the head of Shadwell lightly, enjoying the pug's weight on her lap as a counterpoint to how light she felt now.

At Arctus' comment, she snorted, giving him a smirk. "We'll see, we'll see. But, the robes don't suit you. You look better as you are." She flicked a finger up, and a piece of fruit floated in the air. She watched it lazily spin for a moment, before reaching up to pop it into her mouth, eyes shuttering closed.

"It's been so long..."

Cracking an eye open, she glanced at him, and reached up to playfully ruffle his hair. "Haven't seen you with a beard before either," she teased, giving him a half-grin. "But it suits you too."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

"I thought the same, see. I imagined myself in, like, full Jedi Master 'fit..." the Padawan agreed, one hand rubbing his beard thoughtfully as another image floated in his mind. Jedi Master Arctus Friers, getting bullied by a Padawan into agreeing to be their mentor. "I looked like a grandpa."

The man gazed at his Master and friend, gaze soft with the same fondness he gave her from that founding day from years past. It had been literal years since her disappearance, and though some might justify Arctus' feelings of abandonment, the Padawan had accepted and realized his own faults last night. He'd stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, silently berating himself for allowing himself to be blinded by his own troubles that he'd chosen to abandon his friends, his Master. But here Indy was now, and Arctus had promised her that he would make things right.

He had broken a lot of promises, but this time he was intent on keeping this one.

The Padawan couldn't help but snort in a mix of amusement and shyness when she glanced at him and ruffled his hair. Her comment about his beard didn't go unnoticed, of course, and he even struck a pose for her, shoulders straight and gaze turning into a mock smolder. Though he couldn't keep the act up for a few seconds more, chuckling as he dipped his head and placed a hand over his heart in a grand display of accepting her compliment.

"The ladies love it!" he joked, one hand patting Shadwell's head once when the dog seemed to huff a disapproval. "And the lads are all jealous because I've become the apple of the women's eyes– okay, I'm lyin', but I gotta agree that it suits me quite well. Though I did look like a hobo a few months ago..."

The Padawan's expression softened, hazel grey meeting gold as he took one of Indy's hands in his own. He frowned lightly, feeling the bones starkly against the rough pads of his fingers. A sigh escaped his lips when thoughts of last night resurfaced in his mind. He said that he wouldn't apologize again lest he fall back into another cycle of guilt, but just this once he allowed himself to form the words again and tell her.

It carried the weight of his remorse, and the guilt of having her relieve what she had gone through for the last five years. He didn't know where she went, and only had an inkling as to why she disappeared. Her digs and excursions carried her from one place to another, but when communications were cut–

In his worry for the first real friend he'd made in the Order, Arctus had unwillingly allowed the Dark Side to fool him, to mock him that Indy simply disappeared and abandoned him, Felix, and Drastus.

"Where have you been?"

It wasn't exactly the "I'm sorry" he was aiming for, but the sad look in his eyes carried the emotion all the same. He wanted to know where she went, why she disappeared, and why she ended up in such a state. He wanted to know, and yet he felt guilty for making her relive the nightmares and demons she battled.

@Killa Ree

 

[Indy Sati]

Hearing him laugh and joke filled her with an indescribably light feeling, and for a moment, her breath caught in her chest. That fondness, that warmth, was so wonderful, but so alien, she felt her throat close for a moment and she wasn't quite able to swallow for a beat. When she finally did, the hold on her throat settled to her stomach like a rock. When he took her hand, she squeezed it with his, and regarded him calmly.

She had known he would ask eventually, but... she wasn't sure if she wanted to answer just yet.

No, it was more than that.

She didn't want to answer. But she had to. He had to hear it... someone would hear her story at least once.

She shook her head again, giving him another look. "You have nothing to apologize for, Arctus. I don't blame you for thinking the worst, given my track record..." she gave him a small smile. But her smile was shadowed with something that perhaps the former smuggler could relate to; remorse.

She closed her eyes a moment, sinking into the pillows. Willing to let her stay grounded in the present, to power through. She had to say it, but her brain couldn't formulate the words at first.

"The Darkness..."

She paused, took a deep breath. "The first few nights were... Max. Hannibal... Roland." The last name was whispered, and a tear slipped free. She took in a shuddery breath. He was dead, they all were. And there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing but carry their memory with her until her last breath. "And then... I adapted to it. Lived in it for months, and it didn't torment me. But... I thought of you. Those caves, they could twist even your memories..." Her hand trembled, but she opened her eyes, gazing at him steadily.

"They tormented me with images of you. Of Drastus, Felix. Falling, following me to the cave. You three died... so many times." Again, her throat closed, but she gritted her jaw, swallowing hard. "I had to fight you. Felt your death in my arms over and over..." She blinked, willing the tears away, and exhaled shakily, calming, centering. "I was so afraid, for so long in that darkness. I was afraid you hated me for what I dragged you into."

She gave him another smile, this one calmer, her shoulders easing. "But look at you. So strong... it made this worth it. I have no regrets, Arctus."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Remorse was a feeling Arctus was very much familiar with. It had hounded him constantly when he left the Order to fight his own demons. Seeing it shadow Indy's smile broke his heart, just how it had been broken when he abandoned his family and friends. He had abandoned her, so when she began to speak despite the reluctance that brought grey to his vision Arctus chose to forget everything at this very moment and listened to her and to her alone.

He knew that listening was the least he could do, but also that it would mean everything for the both of them. And though the Darkness had once succeeded in making him think the worse of her for disappearing, the Padawan had sincerely forgiven his Master. To Indy he had nothing to apologize for, but still–

Arctus softly squeezed Indy's hand, thumb brushing against her knuckles to offer her whatever comfort he could when she spoke of Master Tionson. Of Master Grayza, whom the Padawan felt unjust jealousy towards because his death – much like Roland Rook's had done – had taken her from him (and Felix, and Drastus). Now he felt absolutely stupid, harboring envy towards the deaths of those precious to her. Felt that his selfishness was out of place.

And then she spoke of him, hand trembling but her gaze steady as she met his.

Arctus, Felix, Drastus. Falling into the same depths of the caves that trapped her. He swallowed whatever words he was about to say, jaw clenching as he fought against the worried frown that threatened to crumple his face. Indy had to fight her Padawans... him? His – their – deaths, playing on repeat like a horrid record. Dying by her hands, over and over and over again...

Arctus couldn't imagine how terrified it must have felt, how afraid Indy must have been when she was trapped alone in that cave, with nothing but images of those whose lives she had touched and have touched hers in return corrupted by the Dark Side. He felt awful that she had to experience all that.

"I don't hate you," he finally spoke after she finished her story, his voice shaking as he fought the urge to break down. Arctus' eyes shone with tears, but he refused to let them overwhelm him. "I won't ever hate you. You didn't drag me into anything– I looked for you, remember? I looked for a Jedi who would teach me. You came and saved me. You brought me to the Order, taught me things I didn't know. Taught me that there's Light inside me."

Arctus would forever be grateful to Indy for taking him under her wing and bringing him to the Order. For being her Master and friend. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have met friends he called family. He wouldn't have met the children he would care for as if they were his own. He wouldn't have grown, wouldn't have succeeded in fighting the Darkness that haunted him. He wouldn't have gained people and experienced he treasured if it hadn't been for her.

Indy had no regrets facing the Darkness that threatend to crumble her will. Though she was still physically weak from her experience, Arctus could see how it made her stronger than she had ever been. She fought and triumphed, and now she was here; she had found her way to him. The Force did work in mysterious ways.

"So many bad things happened, and we lost people we cared about and loved. I..." The Padawan swallowed the lump in his throat, the smile on his face matching her own. "I doubted my place in the Order. Doubted if I did the right thing by being a Jedi. But I can tell you right here, right now, that I regret nothing. I don't regret discovering my Force-sensitivity, even if I had been so terrified the first time. I don't regret meeting you."

Arctus reached out with his free hand to wipe away Indy's tears, his smile becoming softer and grateful.

"I don't regret being a Jedi. I'll be a Jedi you can be proud of. I'll try my damnedest to be someone you can be proud of."

@Killa Ree