Ask Of Valleys and Mountains

[Kalique Baize]

Altair skillfully dealt with the child, so that his smooth talking didn't just draw an amazed smile from him, but also sent him off, excitedly clapping and taking his place besides his mother. The guests that kept filling the hall assessed the Tiefling with great interest, some ladies even immediately blushing or drooling as they walked by.

Kalique meanwhile had finally reached the fortress and was leading the entourage of tribes inside. Klava had posed her entrusted warriors all around to ensure they weren't ambushed inside and with the Queen's guard fully focused on the guests and festivities, everything went rather smoothly.

As there was no time to change, Kalique entered the grand hall in her armor, her gaze immediately finding the oiled bare torso of the soon-to-be-wed Tiefling before she couldn't even surpress quirking a brow at the skirt. Seriously, did she still have any reasons to be surprised?!

"We've made it in time, apparently" she noted, forcing herself to keep a straight face and avoid letting her gaze drift towards the half-naked Queen, but after a moment a smirk did tug at her lips. "The Queen is a lucky one" she teased with a playful smirk, her gaze flicking up and down before she added, "I'll let you go marry then". Her task was done for now, so all she had to do was to take a seat and keep the rebels from acting out just now.

The room was already decently filled, but after another minute one member of her Council announced that they were ready to begin. Again, the Queen clapped excitedly and motioned for Altair to approach before she called the high priest over. Before anyone began to speak, the musicians to the left and right began to play, however, regardless of what instruments were even playing, they created an ear-piercing, barely bearable entrance theme that made many guests flinch while Altair approached.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair didn’t miss Kalique's gaze flick over him and he gave her a smirk, “Don’t worry, she won’t see the best bits,” He remarked before she walked away. He looked over to spot Klava, who managed to find a disproportionately large roast leg of…some animal. She was biting out chunks of it and chewing angrily.

He envisioned his wedding day in many ways, this comedy of horrors was not it. Nevertheless, he knew it meant nothing to him. He had long since abandoned the fantasy that he could ever have a lowkey, quiet wedding and a life on a farm somewhere. He expected he would probably actually marry some noble to secure alliances for his kingdom, even if this one was fake.

Altair could tolerate many things, but bad music got on his nerves. His tail flicked in agitation as what passed as music here erupted. Several people flinched, though Klava and her crew looked thoroughly pleased.

The ceremony began and he turned to face his ‘bride’. The Lady was likely beautiful when she was younger, but since then she had fallen to lack of self care. Her teeth were terrible and her eyes were glassy. Nevertheless, Altair detached himself from this entirely.

There was a priest that made them exchange words and Altair followed along. The tiefling put a shroud over the Lady and she did the same to him, and this explained the topless part. After the ceremony was done, the Lady entwined their fingers and looked out to the crowd, the entire room erupting into cheers.

The ceremony went off without a hitch and everyone was guided to the feast hall. Altair sat at the head table with his new wife. She found every excuse to touch him and he took it in stride.

Meanwhile, Klava brandished the giant animal leg at Kalique, “Why you eat small meal, tiny human? Eat big, get big like me,” She chuckled as she tore off another chunk of meat. Oh yeah, and she chewed with her mouth open.

After dinner was done, the dessert was placed in front of the Queen. Altair had used the Force to trick all the kitchen staff to forget that he had any part in the cake. This was designed to look like an accident.

@LadyRen

 

[Kalique Baize]

Once again, Kalique was forced to keep a professional facade. She was afraid her ear might start bleeding or her brain would simply explode as she sat rather close to the 'musicians' that literally mutilated the innocent instruments while tormenting all attendants with those terribly disharmonic melodies.

There was no real rhythm and the tunes were never on point, she truly wondered whether they had ever played before or whether they had randomly assigned instruments to the first people they could fetch. It was a good thing that Kalique was so patient. She just sat and watched, giving Altair a genuinely warm, encouraging smile as his gaze drifted over for a moment but otherwise just tried to keep the fake smile.

The opening song alone seemed like an eternity and by the end her nails were digging into the armored legs before the ceremony FINALLY began. They exchanged vows and shrouds and when it was done, everyone was led towards the feast hall. It was still incredibly absurd that Altair was now married, soon to be widowed and still mostly topless and all of this was part of their mission to bring Varc under the Imperial banner. If truth be told, she would have done the same thing for the Empire as she'd do anything for it, but she also couldn't deny that she found her spot more comfortable right now.

She was yanked out of her thoughts by Klava who was still busy tearing a huge leg apart like an animal. Her grease covered hands dug in the bone as she kept tearing out chunks of flesh while Kalique sat next to her, elegantly picking up small bites with her fork which gave a comical view given the huge contrast. "I'm afraid that's a little too late for me" she remarked amusedly, "but I do envy you...I'd love to learn about your fitness routine". She assumed it consisted of throwing either tree trunks or barrels and...wrestling with boars, but it was fairly obvious that Kalique did never want to end up in a brawl with her.

As the dessert was brought in, a few guests already seemed fairly drunk while Kalique was careful with how much wine she sipped. It was tempted to get drunk, given that standing this bizzareness would become much easier, but obviously she wouldn't even get tipsy as part 2 of their plan was about to begin.

Her attention shifted towards the Queen who was unbelievably delighted about Altair's sweet gesture and started planting wet, greasy kisses (as she feasted on a fat pheasant like bird before) all across Altair's cheek. The Queen reached for the cake and was ready to dig right in and so she enthusiastically took a huge chunk out of it, happily munching it away.

The mood was great, although she immediately began clearing her throat before taking another bite. "Mh...this is", she coughed and that was exactly when Kalique's fake smile turned genuine for a moment, "amazing...but", she coughed, and coughed, and coughed. Her eyes already began to water as she reached for the wine and took a sip, however the constriction in her throat wasn't dissipating.

"Darling....could-you", her eyes widened and she frantically glanced up at Altair, motioning for him to smack her back and dutifully as her husband was, he probably did, which would make her breasts swing back and forth. The coughing became worse and Kalique, playing her part, rose with a shocked expression. "She's choking!", a noble, well-fed lady shrieked in panic while chaos erupted all around.

In the background, a strange disharomonic melody of a single flute (the player had apparently not noted what was happening and was sticking to his romantic song) was playing, accompanying the former Queen's last appearance perfectly. A member of the Queen's guard had already shoved Altair to the side, smacking the Banta crap out of her in a desperate attempt to loosen the blockage but the woman was well beyond saving. The pale face began to take on a purple shade while her eyes almost popped out of their sockets as she struggled for her last breaths of air until they all had one bittersweet certainty. The Queen was dead.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

It all played out beautifully. His ears were assaulted so badly from the music that the guests screaming was soothing to behold. Altair did his part in appearing the devastated husband that just lost his new wife, though he was spared having to appear too melodramatic. Everyone knew this was a political marriage and it was proposed by the Queen. The boy was the only one in hysterics, and he was ushered away by his aunt and uncle who were lords of a nearby fort.

Altair looked up and spotted Klava staring directly at him. She wiped her greasy mouth and gave him a knowing look. He couldn’t tell whether it was because she knew about his ploy or if she was eying him as the next piece of meat to devour, but he didn’t care either way. Altair stood up and calmed the crowds.

“I know this was a sudden and devastating tragedy,” His voice projecting, “However, the Kingdom of the Mountain will persevere through this. I humbly take up the title of King of the Mountains until Lord Erron comes of age,” He looked at Klava, “In a show of good faith, I propose betrothal of Lord Erron to one of your daughters to be wedded when they are of age.”

There was a collective gasp. Klava stared for a moment. This was the highest honor ever offered to the clanfolk, and it would finally unite all the lands under one banner. She looked over at her children, pointing to an adorable little girl that looked like the perfect princess to be. Klava looked back at Altair with a grin, “Agreed!”

The entire hall erupted with cheers, a collective sigh of relief falling over the crowds to finally have peace in these lands. In one masterful stroke, Altair managed to undo decades of chaos.

Despite the tragedy, people still had cause to celebrate, most of them relieved to be rid of the Mad Queen. With Erron away with family, no one had to hide their glee. The musicians were forcefully shoved out – they were selected by the Queen – and real musicians took their place.

Altair excused himself, disappearing into what were supposed to be his chambers. He was tired of being slimy.

@LadyRen

 

[Kalique Baize]

While the Queen's long choking death was obviously dramatic, it still already seem like some found a weirdly pleasing comfort in it. Kalique didn't allow herself to exhale in relief just yet, knowing that the mood could still swing and an actual civil war could erupt right then, but as Altair's voice beamed through the chamber, silence immediately sat in.

It was remarkable to see how he confidently declared his solution- the one and only that would bring peace after all these years. The folk seemed please, just like the formerly rebellious tribes that had lived in constant discontent and the sudden tragic turn of events immediately shifted into another occasion that called for a celebration.

Kalique joined the cheering crowd by clapping, truly satisfied with how well this went and in awe about the new Lord's performance. She was pulled away by Klava after she had agreed to the betrothal and the barbarian put a huge jug of ale into her hand before she forced her to clank their vessels against one another and drink.

In the corner of her eye she saw Altair slip away after a while and now as the booze first began to affect her, she thought fresh air was definitely a good idea and so she squeezed her way past the feasting masses. Still in her armor, she wasn't just feeling way too warm but the constant additional weight was also tiresome, which was why she didn't mind disappearing either.

Hurrying to catch up with him, she did luckily still catch him before fully disappearing, his oil laced skin glistened under the warm light of the torches. "Congratulations, Lord of the Mountains...seems like you're collecting titles quickly" she amusedly remarked, the alcohol making her smirk even wider. "But really though...that was amazing. You knew exactly what to say". The compliment was genuine and she was truly their plan had worked just well.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair felt ridiculous with the oil and state of attire, but this was still somehow not the strangest state he had been in. He was aggressively wiping off his face with a damp cloth when Kalique found him. The tiefling initially thought it was one of the locals trying to find him, but he exhaled in relief. He shook his head, “This whole mission went all over the place,” He remarked, “But I think it worked out in the end.”

He could formally get the marriage annulled on official records, but still maintain that façade with the locals. He tossed the rag aside, his face finally cleaned from the Queen planting kisses on it. Altair thought about Kalique’s words – he never fashioned himself a diplomat. He was forced into the role and he realized he simply fell into it and grew from there.

The tiefling looked at Kalique and that bright smile, “I couldn’t have done it without you,” He said, also genuinely and with a warm smile, “You were incredible and came in clutch with bringing the clansfolk,” Altair thought about Klava. The clansfolk had representation on other nearby planets as well. The influence here would carry and help bring other planets to the fold.

“I feel like the Queen was marinating me for a feast,” Altair said dryly, looking around for a refresher. Everything here was medieval style, so he guessed an oldschool tub with buckets of hot water would be the only way to get the oil off.

@LadyRen

 

[Kalique Baize]

As Altair returned the compliment, her smile widened warmly. The alcohol in her system was messing with the events of the feast and thinking back to how absurd it was when Klava kept ripping the muscular animal leg apart was too comical alone, but what kept playing in her mind was specially the flute of the oblivious 'musician'.

She couldn't help but to burst into laughter again, with the things just becoming funnier in her head. "Thank you...I really appreciate it...but that was...just so bizarre", she almost choked which only got worse as he mentioned his marinate.

Laughing uncontrollably, she had to hold onto the drawer next to her for some additional stabilization before she managed to bring some actual words forth. "Oh my...yessss. Glazed and greased ike a chicken...and then the skirt...I'm so sorry". Thanks to the booze, every emotional reaction that had been repressed surfaced now and taken everything with humor was quite easy.

She tried her best to catch her breath before she intended helping him getting rid of his marinade, but there was literally not even water in sight. "Here" with her gaze settling on something that looked like a soap bar, she grabbed it and tossed it over, "This will at least dissolve that fats, maybe you can let some dry cloths suck the rest up? Or you just rub it into your skin until it's gone?" she suggested a few things, however in a still completely amused tone.

"I can also fetch you some actual water or maybe they have a bath house". Slowly but steady, her composure came back and she cleared her throat. "I'm glad this is over though". It could have all gone south and someone would have been hurled down the circular door at the bottom of the throne room, but fortunately that had remained untouched.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

“Pfffffft,” Altair scoffed at her laughing at him. He spun around in a circle, causing the giant leaf skirt to flare, “Don’t be jealous, Kalique, I’m pulling this off fabulously,” He said confidently, his tail swishing happily. The tail had to poke through a few of the leaves, which looked even more ridiculous.

“Bath house?” He asked, his curiosity piqued, “That sounds nice and kingly, let’s go look,” he said. He had to grin at her offering to bring the water, “You should bring me a giant fan and some grapes too,” Altair teased, his tail playfully tapping her arm as they walked.

Everything around here was medieval and the technology was far behind. However, the minerals on the planet were valuable and the empty space in the mountain provided the perfect place for new bases.

@LadyRen

 

[Kalique Baize]

The way the leaves flattered truly made him look like a fancy peacock of some sort and just rounded this perfectly hilarious imagine of the greased festive roast he had metaphorically drawn a few moments ago. "The colors do compliment your skin" she amusedly added, only now realizing that the striking colors were those from the coat of arms of the former Lady of the Mountain.

"You've got me there. Next time when there's an old mad lord that needs to marry, I'll call dips!". With the booze in her system she simply enjoyed the playful mood after all this madness. "Of course, MiLord. I shall bringeth forth whatever the King the Mountains desires". Maybe it was the constant cracked flute that was stuck in her head that was making her loopy but she didn't fully quit the goofiness just yet.

They wandered through the deserted halls as everyone was feasting and celebrating in the grand hall until they'd reach the courtyard. There was a well, but assuming the water there was most definitely cold, Kalique pressed on before she actually remembered having passed a little building on her way in earlier.

"Oh! I think there really is a bath house! Come". She dragged him with her, taking a turn left, up a stony staircase and another turn right before elegantly descending another flights of stairs without tripping. Remembering their mission, she triumphantly glanced up at him, "Are you proud of me? I feel like I've gotten better with stairs". The amusement was still in her tone but they did finally reach said bathhouse and he just gestured for him to enter.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair was starting to give up hope when Kalique suddenly remembered that there was a bath house somewhere. Her attempts to ‘drag him along’ were hilarious with how her hand kept slipping off his oily skin.

They began to descend some stairs and Kalique made a show of doing so perfectly. Of course, when she mentioned it Altair wasn’t going to let that slide. She took one more step and he casually jutted his tail out in front of her. As a result, she would trip right over it and almost take another tumble. However, before she could, he used the Force to tug her back to stand. Altair kept going down the stairs, spinning around to face her while grinning, “Oh yeah, much better,” He snickered while walking backwards down the steps.

Their little journey took them to a different building that had guards based outside of it. The men stepped aside to let Altair and Kalique through, revealing a grand hall. The tiefling whistled to himself as he took in sight of the bath, “Damn, now I really do feel like an Emperor.”

​

There were several attendants - mostly beautiful women that had clothes prepared for him, essential oils (more oil?!??!) and snacks ready. Someone was playing a harp somewhere.

Altair shrugged out of the stupid skirt, not exactly embarrassed to undress in front of Kalique. She had seen it all anyway, though probably not in actual light. The tiefling stepped into the water, pleased to find it warm. He dove right in, swimming to the opposite end of it. Altair came up on the other side, resting his elbows on the edge, “Are you going to stay on the planet or head back?” He asked her from where he was. This was perhaps the only time they had to talk in relative privacy without the focus getting back to the mission.

@LadyRen

 

[Kalique Baize]

Especially while feeling slightly tipsy she felt more than proud and confident after making it down unscathed, but it soon turned out that before she actually reached the last steps, Altair played a mean trick on her.

The exciting day that had passed flashed across her consciousness as she suddenly began to tumble after tripping over his tail, but it was a good thing Altair caught her as quickly as he had made her fall in the first place.

She immediately shot him an angry glare, her emerald eyes venomously narrowed before she playfully nudged him. A slurred "Hey-ew-oh" escaped her through tbe chuckle as the back of her hand brushed over his oily skin, once again realizing that a real bath was absolutely needed.

They entered the bathhouse and the calm, relaxing atmosphere and the beautiful interior was a huge contrast to all the madness that had been thrown at them all day. She marveled at the scenery for a moment before she followed him inside, only now realizing that he had rid himself of his plumage.

It was a comical contrast that he dove into the water fully undressed while she was still in her armor. She walked alongside the rim of the pool and followed him to the other side where she sat down on the floor, breathing in the pleasantly warm, perfumed air. "I absolutely didn't plan on staying once my work is done...I'm afraid Klava might adopt me to feed me like a baby bird, hoping I might still grow" she chuckled at the thought, directing her gaze back at him.

"Why? Will you try to pull out of the affair quickly and let them handle it or do you plan on bringing back order yourself first?". If he still needed her, she'd obviously stay, but if not, she felt like she had seen enough curiosities here for now.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair was comfortable and in a great mood. The plan worked out how he wanted even if they took a very odd path to get there. He was a King and he had the entire region at his fingertips. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, “Oh I’ll stay here for a bit,” He said as his tail lazily caused ripples in the water.

The tiefling glanced over to spot the beautiful women that were shooting him flirty looks, “My neck and shoulders are real sore, ladies, why don’t you come fix it,” He said, thrilled about a massage. Altair glanced over at Kalique, “We’re all good here. I’ll see you around - me and these ladies have a lot to talk about,” He said with a grin. Bath, massage and a long sleep in his castle chambers sounded like the perfect end to this bizarre day.

/End