Random Jack Bauer Facts

[Kit Rendar]

Random Jack Bauer Facts

Some of these are downright comedic gold. I thought I would post this one as an example as to what the 'facts' are:

If Jack Bauer was in Star Wars, the Emperor would have to bow to him or die, Anakin would have died during child birth, Yoda would be his hand puppet, and George Lucas would have 4 broken fingers so he couldn't make Episodes 1, 2, and 3.

 

[Dexington]

Obviously trying to rip off the Chuck Norris facts. But at least they have mention of Chuck.

 

[TJRome]

And the Chuck facts were a rip off of the one, the only, original Vin Diesel.

 

[Dexington]

Meh...

 

[reos]

Vin ones were ripped from MR. T. its a long chain of theivery and comedy. i pitty these fools

 

[TJRome]

Actually, Vin begat Mr. T. I stand by Vin diesel as the progenetor of the random facts.

 

[reos]

I PITTY YOU FOOL

 

[TJRome]

Warning: Explicit content ahead.














Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea

Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shit themselves.

When Vin Diesel had his first wet dream, he nearly drowned.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.