Ask Readiness

[Zathria]

Per my new OP template, thread is death enabled​

It had been several days since the incident with the Sith Master and the Padawan Pack, but ultimately, all of the Jedi had managed to survive if only narrowly.

Ezra's distress was acute and unsurprising given the situation, but as everything had calmed down, she had wanted to see him about a topic that she already knew would be on his mind. Because it was also on her mind.

They were set to meet at a caf shop on one of Ithor's floating cities with an excellent view of the forbidden surface of the planet far below. She had ordered herself a pumpkin spice latte and had taken a seat, waiting for his arrival.

As she saw him approach, she smiled.

There was a 100% chance that I was going to mess up your order, sorry, she said, though one of these days she'd write it down right after he ordered so she could get his for him as well in the future.

Dash is doing well, she said, not a question but a statement. She knew that he would know, but Zathria, too, had been checking in with the medcenter on his status. How are you doing?

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra wasn’t his usual snappy self as he arrived at the cafe, a visible change in his demeanor. He was still rattled by Berchest and what happened. The ringing of the explosion and that sick crunch of the Sith’s arm being torn off was still fresh for him. He still had nightmares and he abruptly woke up picturing Dash’s life fading away or Ferrin’s and him unable to stop it.

He only gave a faint nod when Zathria approached, and he didn’t bother ordering a caf, which was entirely unusual for him. The part Sephi said nothing at first, exhaling, “I’m fine,” He said simply. What else was he supposed to say? That he felt helpless watching his friends get cut up? That he completely underestimated a Sith? That they were so much worse than the stories and political media suggested?

That he was angry? That he felt weak? None of that surfaced, his demeanor frosty as when she first met him.

 

[Zathria]

Zathria and Ezra had spent no small amount of time together since he had come to the Jedi, and she had come to know him quite well. She knew that he was shutting down, and she knew she needed to reach him. The problem was that despite the fact that she cared, she was a rather garbage counselor.

She tried to think back to when she had first killed someone and the changes it had left on her. She was probably about the same age as he was, though the act had been a little bit less brutal than the unfoldings with the Sith.

Well, then as usual, you're much stronger than me, she finally said. Of course, she knew it was a lie that he was fine, and he knew she knew it was a lie, but it wasn't a lie that she saw his power and potential. He was strong, and that was a completely sincere statement.

The first time I was in a life and death situation like that, I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. I don't think I stopped thinking about it even once for... she paused, shaking her head and thinking back ...at least a week after, probably more. Finding balance was impossible, she admitted.

She didn't press him or force him to speak, instead waiting until he was ready... if he felt ready. She hoped that he would, and while she wanted to give him time to process and worry for Dash, she also knew she couldn't simply leave him alone. Sometimes that was the worst possible thing.

She sat in silence for a moment unless he spoke, and as she did, something else occurred to her. Something that she was almost embarrassed she hadn't thought of before but that was triggered by the very confessions she had just made.

Tell me about your podracing, she said, the topic a complete change of subject on the surface, but to Zathria's mind it made complete sense. Obviously, I saw you race once, but I want you to describe it to me. What do you feel? What's it actually like? she asked.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra said nothing as Zathria saw right through his bullshit. He knew she would - she was in the business of detecting bullshit. Mercifully, she didn’t poke more about it. It was one of the reasons he liked her - she didn’t ask him a billion questions about how he was feeling, what his parents were like and other information that he didn’t care to discuss.

The question about podracing caught him off guard, and he temporarily came out of his mopey line of thinking to look at her, “Uh..” He began, blinking a few times, “It feels like the vehicles are an extension of me. I don’t even feel them. I just…know what to do and I do it. I feel entirely in control even if it looks crazy. It's this rush and exhilaration - a feeling of being free."

Ezra shrugged vaguely, not sure what else to say or how this was relevant. However, after a moment, he looked down again, “I wasn’t in control when we faced the Sith…”

 

[Zathria]

She listened to him talking about his experience when he was racing, and she had already set herself on a course to get him to open up when she was actually caught off guard by his admission a moment later.

She nodded several times, her face still quite serious as he spoke.

Anyone who tells you that they're in total control when the fighting starts is lying, she said. To this day, I struggle with letting go rather than trying to control things. Belief in yourself is a powerful thing, and something you should absolutely cultivate, but there are things outside your control, she said, frowning in thought for a moment.

But, she added, that word that was oh-so-important to so many conversations.

While we can't control things, practice and training can get us closer to where we want to be, she said.

Which is why I want to start you down the path of building and training with a lightsaber, she said. She wanted Ezra to grow in skill and power, and while she would always be there to help him, she also didn't want him to have to rely on her.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra was surprised to hear that Zathria struggled with not being in control. She always seemed very put together from what he could tell, “Should tell that to my Pops,” He said with a scoff. He couldn’t imagine Emryc ever not being in control. If he ever felt unsettled by a situation, it never surfaced to his face or mannerisms.

When Zathria mentioned training with a lightsaber, the surprise was very clear on his face. He stared at her with wide eyes, unable to find the words immediately. His hand instinctively clutched at the kyber crystal around his neck. The day he found it felt like centuries ago, and funnily enough Zathria had been there.

“Okay..” He said simply. Was he ready? Yes. He had to be. Zathria had been a consistent presence for him, and he relied on her heavily. However, he knew he had to find confidence in himself when it came to the Force and combat. His father always taught him to protect himself, but he would have to take it a step further to face enemies like the Sith.

“How do we start?” He asked, before quirking a brow, “You’re not going to make me do a cleaning your house montage under the pretense of ‘training’, are you?”

 

[Zathria]

Zathria was reminded of who his father was, and she couldn't imagine trying to live up to that shadow. She didn't often think of it anymore, but Ezra no doubt had a great deal of pressure on him that Zathria couldn't really do anything to alleviate.

She could sense his uncertainty as she mentioned that she wanted him to train with a lightsaber and build one of his own.

Actually, you'll be waxing my ship. But no montage; you get to do the whole thing, she said, suppressing a smile as she returned the joke without missing a beat.

No, the first step will be to construct a saber, she said. The physical construction is easy, but you have to meditate over your crystal and bind yourself to it, she said.

The power of a lightsaber is, yes, that it can cut through things, but the real strength for a Jedi is that the crystal becomes an extension of yourself. That's how we move faster than the eye can see and deflect blaster bolts and whatnot, she said.

Your weapon - or weapons - will be unique to you, she said. There're a lot of options: a single saber, double bladed sabers, lightwhips, two sabers, etc. she said.

For now, I would recommend a single saber since you already have a single crystal, she said.

Shall we head back to the academy so you can begin the meditation or would you like time to prepare anything? she asked.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Lightwhips? That sounded like a great way to take your own head off. Ezra was silent as Zathria talked about the connection with the crystal and a whole lot of other stuff that made little sense to him. He knew about meditation from his Pops, so maybe that could come in handy here. With all that ‘center your mind’ crap he did, Emryc sounded more and more like a Jedi than Ezra ever realized.

“No, let’s go now,” Ezra said, standing up. He wanted every excuse possible to keep his mind off Berchest. Building a saber was one step closer to fighting the Sith and finding confidence in himself.

“Why did you choose to become a Justicar?” He asked as he walked with her. There were several branches within Jedi and he wasn’t sure where he would fit. By now he knew he was more powerful in the Force than normal, which was another nagging question in his mind, “Why is the Force different for me?” He asked as he looked at her, “When I use it…it seems more destructive or powerful than other Padawans.”

 

[Zathria]

Zathria wasn't going to argue when he said that he wanted to go now, standing up and taking a sip of her caf before heading off back in the direction of the academy.

I started out as a healer, and always loved that, she said, something that likely wouldn't come as any surprise to him given how much time they had spent together. But as you probably know, the Jedi had a run of... bad apples. Someone needed to start holding Jedi accountable, and so I decided to do it because it needed doing, she said.

But I also have a little bit of a thing about injustice. It... hmm, it just gets under my skin like nails on a chalkboard, she admitted. She had trouble looking the other way when people were being abused.

She was eager to help him explore wherever the Force might take him, but all in due time. He already had a lot on his plate, and much to learn as a Padawan first. Which led straight into his next question.

You are naturally strong with the Force, she explained. Think of it like being an athlete. One person might be born with an innate talent and potential and put in hours of practice and work and ultimately become a professional. Another person might work their whole lives, just as hard, but lack the natural talent to become a professional despite all their effort, she said.

You have a great natural potential in you. More than most of your fellow students, and that's what you sense, she said.

With proper practice and hard work, you have the potential to become a truly powerful Jedi, she explained.

Make sense? she asked, though she understood that it - like most things he was experiencing - was probably a lot to take in.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra walked with her as she spoke, not entirely sure whether being stronger in the Force was a good thing or not. Most of the time he wasn’t in control when he used it and it always went further than intended. When Zathria asked if it all made sense, he simply gave a shrug, “Whatever, I just don’t want to be caught with my pants down when I come across a Sith next,” He said bitterly. He could still remember how easily the Sith had the upper hand. If it hadn’t been for his Teras Kasi training suddenly surprising the Sith, the man would have gotten his way in every regard. Even the four of them couldn’t gang up on him because he was so skilled.

They finally arrived at the temple and an empty training room. Ezra shrugged off his coat, wearing simple attire underneath. He still refused to wear Jedi robes or the ridiculous tunics. He looked up at Zathria expectantly, still unsure about all this. His mind wasn’t entirely clear, still rattled with thoughts of what happened and apprehension around making a saber.

“Oh I forgot to tell you,” He mentioned to Zathria, “I took the Sith’s saber,” Ezra said flatly, “I don’t think I should keep it in my room. It’s…something is very off about it,” He admitted. He and Leon spent hours inspecting it from all angles and trying to understand it, but neither could explain the uneasy pulse that stemmed from it.

 

[Zathria]

For just a moment, Zathria had a motherly smile when a child fails to see the big picture, but she wasn't frustrated with Ezra for it. He had just been through something traumatic, and his views on the Jedi were still evolving.

I want you to be prepared as well, she agreed.

As they arrived in the training room, he prepared himself and she pulled away her outer clothing, setting her own saber at the far side of the room.

I know, she said. Although technically she hadn't known which of the Padawans had taken it, she knew that one of them had because it wasn't there when she went to recover it. She was glad he had told her, and she nodded at his second comment.

No, you shouldn't, she said. I told you that the Jedi attune themselves to their crystals, but the Sith... they torture their crystals until they "bleed." It is what creates the red blades that they use. That strange energy you sense are the screams of the crystals. It is not something good for you to be exposed to all the time. I'd like you to give it to me for a while, and I'll return it to you when you're further along in your training, she said, glad also that he had the incite to recognize its negative effect.

I'm glad you were able to recognize its danger, she added, deciding it was probably something she should actually tell him rather than keep to herself.

First, we're going to spar. Your Teras Kasi vs my Echani forms, she said. While it was good physical exercise as well, it was something more for a Force-user. She wanted him to focus on the actions and the fighting in order to clear his mind. If the fighting was anything like the way he had described his podracing, she knew it would clear his mind. He - she suspected - was a meditation by movement person.

She dropped into a fighting stance and waited for him to do the same.

---​

Nearly an hour passed as the two of them went back and forth, and in a way, Zathria learned more about him in that encounter than she would ever learn by talking to him. For the Echani, combat was a form of expression as much as anything, and she relished the confrontations. She also understood as she sparred with him, precisely why he had managed to strike such a critical blow against the Sith.

He was good.

She finally pulled back from the fight, sweat pouring down her face from the exertion and decided now was the time. With his mind pulled from Dash and the confrontation, she motioned for him to sit and place the crystal on the ground in front of him.

Now, focus on your crystal. What it wants and feels. Open your mind to it and take all the focus that you've shown against me in the last hour and hone that in on the crystal, she said.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Sparring was perhaps the best suggestion possible. It took his mind off everything that bothered him by giving him an avenue to channel it all. Zathria would soon realize he was specifically trained to fight Force users. Any moves like a Force Push or pull was easily anticipated and interrupted. Where he struggled was combating against the pure Echani fighting style, some of her defenses impenetrable.

The two were a whirlwind of motions and Ezra went hard, putting in the training that had been honed since he was a child. By the time they were done, he took off his shirt and tossed it aside, his entire body drenched in sweat. His chest rose and fell from the workout, his hair matted in sweat. His cardio could use some work even if he had the techniques down and Zathria had pushed him way beyond his normal.

“You should try it against my Pops,” He said between breaths, a grin on his face, “He could go for hours.”

Ezra wiped sweat off his brow and sat down on the ground, not bothering to put a shirt back on. He reached for the crystal necklace, removing the shard and placing it on the ground. He didn’t know what Zathria meant, but he closed his eyes and focused. He had found the crystal when it called to him, so he knew it had a voice and presence of its own. It was fuzzy at first, but it slowly began to communicate with him. It was as if a channel was opened for the Force to flow in both directions. Zathria would feel it hum and churn around him, once again powerfully circling him. There was always a hint of concern with how it responded to him - it was almost as if he was naturally inclined to dominate it instead of opening himself up to it. The Force was at his command all too easily, and she would be reminded of the incident where the thug from the warehouse knelt before him. There was something dark within him that even he didn’t know.

 

[Zathria]

Maybe someday, Zathria said with a smile, though the idea seemed quite improbable. Nevertheless, Zathria's mind momentarily lingered on a shirtless Emryc Thorne wrestling with her before she quickly cut that off. Whatever former-fantasies she may have had once upon a time were when he was "President Emryc Thorne" distant and almost inhuman. Now, he was the father of her Padawan so she would have to find a new fantasy.

As she waited for him to begin his focus, she could sense - if only vaguely - that same touch of darkness within him. He didn't embrace it, but it was a subtle craving. A desire for control that he had admitted to her already. It was something that she knew he would struggle with perhaps for his entire life, but she had faith in him.

As he focused on the crystal, he would feel something reaching out to him. It was the same and yet different from the voice he'd heard on Kashyyyk. He would experience a strange desire to be near it, almost the same as a desire to squeeze a puppy. Odd as it may seem coming from a crystal, it would well up an almost unfamiliar affection.

Zathria said nothing as she sat there, closing her eyes and sensing what Ezra experienced, simply existing in the same space.

Still, unbidden images of the Sith Master would appear in his mind and that of his friends being injured. Zathria could sense them, but rather than try to banish them from his mind or even use her own power to soothe him, she spoke in a cool, soft voice.

You have to let go of your emotions. Acknowledge them, but do not hold onto them or dwell on them. Emotion, yet peace, she told him.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra was surprised when Zathria told him to acknowledge the emotions. He had always thought that the Jedi suppressed all emotions. While that came easy for his father, it was something Ezra couldn’t completely grasp. His Sephi nature meant he wasn’t riled easily, but he still felt the pangs of fear and joy like most. The visions of his friends getting hurt caused a surge of rage through him, but he tempered it. He focused on Zathria’s voice, using it as an anchor to keep himself grounded.

He waded through the darkness presented by the Sith, focusing on the voice of the shard. He felt an attachment to it, drawing towards it with his eyes closed. In the physical realm, the crystal began to slowly lift up into the air, levitating before him without him even knowing.

There was a sense of belonging - as if he was always meant to find this crystal. As if it had been his entire reason for being on Kashyyyk. Every choice up until then led him to it. The puzzles began to fit together, and he never felt such a sense of clarity and purpose than the connection he felt with the shard.

 

[Zathria]

Without even opening her eyes, Zathria could sense that the crystal was floating. That he was reaching out and connecting to it. She could sense the emotions that threatened to whirl up in him as he sat there, but also the way he corralled them. The way he reined them in.

She let the mantra of the Jedi Code run through her own mind as she let him continue to meditate on the crystal, attuning himself. Finally, she spoke again. She knew that what she was going to do would push him, but she had faith in his abilities.

Explain to me what "chaos, yet harmony" means, she said. They had, of course, covered the Jedi Code before, but understanding and explaining were quite different than just reciting. Doing so while meditating was what would push him, but he had demonstrated his power and skill already.

 

[Ezra Thorne]

Ezra heard Zathria’s voice through the waves he was swimming through. The waters were gentle and there was no resistance. He felt at ease with the Force, and it was answering him. This was the Light, and it always left him feeling positive and empowered. It was very different from the unsettling feeling he sometimes had when he used mental Force techniques.

“It means to find harmony even if there is chaos,” He said aloud with his eyes still closed, “To stay the course and keep your bearings even if things collapse around you. And if you fall apart, you take the time to find harmony. It means trusting in the Force,” These weren’t just empty words to him anymore. He had lived it. He had been through accidentally killing someone, he had been through fighting a Sith. Ultimately keeping his wits about him and trusting the Force saw him through even the most harrowing situations.

 

[Zathria]

Zathria nodded silently and then realized he couldn't actually see her when she did so.

Yes, she said. The Code could mean many things, and it was far more fluid than most people realized.

Harmony with those outside of you begins by being at peace within yourself. When you are at peace, whatever else happens in the world is only circumstance, she said.

Find peace within yourself. Focus on it and channel it. Let go of your control and let the Force do its work, she said, sensing the swelling of the Light within him. It made her smile with pride as she watched him with both her physical eyes and those that were inherent to a Jedi.