Ask Sacrifices

[Maura Starwalk]

It had been almost an entire week since Grandmaster Voran and herself had fought for their very lives to purify the dark nexus which had plagued Coruscant and its city. Maura, injured and worn out to the point of exhaustion, had been sent to recover in the medical bay along with the three kids she'd saved. The boy who didn't make it had been returned to his parents where he had received a funeral. Maura could've gone, but she hadn't.

After a day in bacta, the girl was technically fully recovered, and yet she'd stayed curled up in the white bed for the past five days. She was exhausted, mentally and even spiritually, and just... not ready. Not ready to return to the Jedi. Not ready to return to her duties. She knew that one day she would have to roll over, get up, and return to them. But for now, all she wanted to do was sleep.

'I killed him.' Though she knew it had been necessary, she continued to have nightmares about that boy. His teeth that fell out, the wrathful, hateful shadow that wanted to take his body, and the mental anguish she'd felt when she stopped his heart. Her nightmares mixed with the not-Drow from the station, and they grew worse and worse until the padawan couldn't bare to even close her eyes.

'Why?' She'd do it again, if she had to, but why was she forced to undergo all this? Why couldn't she move on?

"Padawan Starwalk, Grandmaster Voran is here to see you."

With a sigh, the girl sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, detangling the blonde locks. They lingered at the singed hairs that she'd cut off with her own lightsaber - her padawan braid, gone. She'd passed her Knight Trials. Soon, she would be Knight Starwalk, rather than Padawan Starwalk. But she didn't feel ready. If she couldn't even handle that, whatever that was, how could she be ready?

"Master." Maura acknowledged Alex when she entered the room, but didn't meet her eyes. Alex would see her apprentice seated with her legs hanging over the side of the bed, dark circles under her eyes and no sparkle in her eyes. It was clear that the girl was grieving, and clear she hadn't quite moved on.

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

She’d had nightmares before. Faith and balance did not heal all wounds. You had to face those challenges, confront them, and carry on. Her life had not been an easy one…and so she climbed this hill again. There was no denying the forces they had fought beneath the Temple. It would shake even the strongest minds. Alex could not banish the last imagine from her mind. That hint of Darkness settling over Maura. The child dead. It had been the right choice. The choice she would have made…but still.

Alex rose and dressed. Maura was in the medical bay. Still recovering from the ordeal. The young Jedi was fully healed. She’d made sure of that before starting the walk. No, Maura simply had not left. Her trials were over. Maura was a Padawan no more. Alex was not her Master, but she remained the Grandmaster. Her duty to guide the Order.

Maura sat on the bed dejected. Her eyes down and her feet dangling. For a moment, Alex saw that little girl who had wondered into her office eight years before. She shook her head. Maura had grown up. “Not anymore.” She moved slowly and sat on the bed. Her own body still ached from the ordeal. A haunting reminder she was not a young woman. “This is your last day in the med bay.” She spoke softly but with authority. “Hiding here makes none of this easier.” She remembered the first life she took. She’d been decades older than Maura, defending the Yavin from the Eternal. How she had questioned herself then when the choice had been so clear. Her student had faced a choice of an entirely different…and more difficult nature. But Alex was right, hiding…did nothing.

@lizziie [/abox]

 

[Maura Starwalk]

Maura let out a sigh - the sort of deep, heavy sort that released pressure in the chest - when Alex said today would be her last day here. She knew she wasn't helping herself by sleeping all day and lying awake all night. "Yeah... I know." She knew. 'I know.'

The very knightly knight let out a smaller sigh, then leaned over and rested her head gently against her master's shoulder, still staring blankly at the room in front of her. "That's what we're fighting right? To prevent the Dark Side from corrupting someone to the point that they'd do something like that?" The memory of that kid's teeth falling out as new ones forced their way in struck her mind, causing her to wince. The boy's pain, this fear... and the sick relief when Maura stopped his heart.

She'd saved him by ending him. He couldn't have been older than ten. Maybe even eight?

@Valen Pelora

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Perhaps there was time for one more lesson. Alex put her arm around Maura’s shoulder. “There is Light and there is Darkness. That much has always been true…but the galaxy is not a place of black and white.” She let her voice trail off for a moment. “Sometimes, the Force may speak to us and light the path but often we have to decide what is the right choice in worlds full of grey.” Alex had certainly done that enough times herself. For years she’d made those choices.

“Our duty is to protect life and preserve peace throughout the galaxy. We should do all we can to save a soul but not all souls can be saved.” Alex squeezed Maura a little tighter. “It is a hard choice. One that all Jedi must make for themselves.” Her mind cast back for the events under the Temple. That shadow falling over them. “The child was gone. I tried, and failed, to drive the shade from him.” The Grandmaster leaned forward so that she could look into Maura’s eyes.

“But…I will not absolve you of your choice. We must live with the decisions we make, however hard that may be. That is the choice you made. Whether it was right or wrong in the moment.” They all had to live with those decisions. They strove to live in the Light, but the galaxy was not so easily fit into neat boxes. Jedi were people above all else and people could make mistakes.

@Maura Starwalk