Ask Seize the Means

[Nakoa Singh]

Arla hesitated. She hesitated for a long time, staring ahead. Her mouth moved a moment, then stopped. Her ears moved closer to her head, just a little. Nakoa was always good at reading people, but he tried hard not to just now.

Nakoa waited, somewhat stiffly, and she could take her time. He listened when she did finally answer, and he listened extremely carefully. It was important that he did. Because he could tell, despite how she'd closed herself off somehow or other, that she was afraid of her answer.

She spoke it aloud, honest and careful. It wasn't what he hoped, and it struck him in its truth. But of all things, her straightforward admission was easier for him than dancing around it all. Arla would know, whatever his reasons for keeping his mouth shut so long, he didn't speak his feelings lightly. He could feel how his heart fluttered and was well aware that Arla could hear it. He could hear hers pounding too. Nakoa looked away.

His skin flushed further silver, then faded back to normal as he released a breath. When his gaze returned to hers, Nakoa's expression was warm and bittersweet, a smile yet not. It wasn't the first time Nakoa had experienced rejection, and he doubted it'd be the last. It hurt, it did. But he wasn't a child nor made of glass.

"Arla, don't be sorry. These feelings aren't spoken for the promise of return." His chest hurt, and he could handle that. It was the answer he needed, rather than dwelling on what may or may not be. "Thank you. And, sorry for surprising you with this," he apologized, a little sheepish, weight shifting from one leg to the other.

"We're still friends, aren't we?"

@Phoenix

 

[Arla]

Arla knew that her answer wasn't the one he hoped for, and it would have been far easier were they not so close. Raze had once warned her that she needed to do away with attachments. It was one of her motivations for founding Apex rather than taking the throne of Dathomir. Yet now, as time had gone on, she had formed attachments here. She had grown to care deeply for some of those she worked with, and Nakoa was one of those.

You don't need to apologize either, she corrected. She seldom apologized to people for things, and despite his statement that she didn't need to, that feeling that it was necessary was still there.

There was simply nothing to do about it.

Of course we are. No matter what comes, she said. She reached out and touched his shoulder as she said it. She didn't have many friends, and fewer still who she still saw and who she could rely on.

She paused for several more moments, feeling that she was likely supposed to say something else, but having no idea what that could be. For more reasons than just "extraction" she was glad to hear the hum of an approaching speeder engine. She wasn't normally one to run from the hard things, and she had confronted this with the truth and directness, but beyond that, she had no idea what the next step was. Act like nothing had happened, she supposed.

Return to the war they were fighting.

 

[Nakoa Singh]

Nakoa dryly chuckled when Arla corrected his apology right back. That exchange was rather like them, wasn't it? Just the way of things.

Arla spoke, her hand reaching out for his shoulder, and when it landed his own hand lay gently atop it. He grinned that more familiar grin of his. "And so it will be," he affirmed, his shoulder relaxing somewhat beneath her touch. There was nothing more to be said, by either of them. They slipped apart after those few moments and went to board the speeder.

His chest still hurt as they traveled back to war. Even so, his shoulders felt just a little bit lighter. Things didn't seem quite so loud. Just like always, he was glad they had each other.

"I'll be fine," he'd suddenly said as they approached the combat zone, unclipping his lightsaber. He'd leap into battle, play the game of war, fight alongside Arla just the same. And it would hurt for a time while those feelings transmuted into something new in that strange and unknowable alchemy of the heart.

It seemed he hadn't lied after all.

//End Thread

@Phoenix