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Sindri Esmer
FACTION: Imperial Knights
RANK: Knight
SPECIES: Human
AGE: 26
GENDER: Male
BIOGRAPHY
Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.
I remember laying on my small bed holding the covers to my chest with my eyes sparkling full of wonder and adoration as my mother told me stories of the Imperial Knights. The defenders of the Empire, Guardians of the Emperor himself! They were valiant and shining, everything a child could hope to become. I was struck with the usual case of hero worship. Staying up all night wishing to become one. To travel the stars, to become the hero that my mother talked about in hushed whispers and a fawning voice.
When I was just 10 years old, I was granted my hearts desire. I was taken into training as one of the many, many prospects of the Imperial Knights. At the time, the only thought running through my mind was that I was going to be a hero!.. One who would travel the stars, of course, I never realized that becoming a knight meant I was giving up on a chance at a normal life with my family. Children.. can be so oblivious at times, now I know that it is a blessing. I strutted around like a rooster around the small house. My chest was high with dreams and filled with the idea of duty to the Emperor.. so blind to my own happiness I failed to see the look of sadness in my mothers eyes. Those bright green eyes that held such love and warmth for me, those eyes that knew she would probably never see me again. She would lose her only child to the Empire, an honor and a curse I know now.
To this day I find myself wondering about my mother. Is she still alive? Would she recognize me? Have I made her proud? Foolish thoughts you would think I'm sure.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
Prospect is what they called us, but I was an Imperial Knight! We were an odd bunch truly. I have heard that most of the Jedi Padawans, which I believe is their version of what I was, were more uniformed of age from 13 to 18. Prospects were different, you had children such as I, soldiers who the Empire found were Force Sensitive, there was even a time I saw a man well into his forties! Indeed, we were a diverse group. I don't think I had one friend, we were comrades, but I use the term lightly.
We were all proud to be Imperial Knights and in our pride we truly didn't care about who was who. We were Imperial Knights and above manners, I suppose. Of course the true Knights soon beat that out of us. The training was at times harsh, but never cruel. We learned the art of sword play, history, culture, how to use the force, and for me, how to read. You may think less of me, but I came from a secluded planet, I will not give you the pleasure of knowing which, but know that scholarly pursuits were not as important as knowing how to harvest crops.
The memory that sticks out to me to this day was that of my first love. There was an older knight of around 28, I was 14, so there was a small matter of age that stood between me and my goal. She was beautiful beyond compare that I know. The details of her are sketchy now, but I remember bright blue eyes framed by lush silky black hair that still haunts my dreams to this day. To my shame, I cannot even remember her name. She would sometimes teach classes on the nature of the Force. I would sit in those classes and stare at her with bright shinning eyes as my imagination ran wild.
Foolish dreams of me magically growing up to 18 being far more handsome then I was and whisking her off her feet. At times I would sneak in her class to hear her talk even when I was meant to be in another class. She, of course, knew of my crush and chose to ignore it. I know now that it was out of kindness that she did so. Nonetheless, I was a prideful and rather brunt child. I confronted her on my 15th birthday believing that age meant little in the face of true love. To keep a matter simple, I was put down lightly. Iv never allowed myself to love since. Its not a matter of being afraid of getting hurt, its simply a matter of me comparing every woman in the galaxy to a woman I barely remember, who I am sure I know exaggerate her appearance in my mind. Its hard to compare to a fantasy.
Success is commemorated; Failure merely remembered.
I know now that my true service to the Empire began when I was 16. I was finally old enough to undergo missions for the glory of the Empire. I was so excited to put my skills to the test. I was a rather proficient user of Jar'Kai, although due note that I do not stem my lightsaberplay from Niman, but from Ataru. I was overconfident of my abilities if anything. My first mission was a simple escort mission taking a diplomat from the Galactic Republic to meet the Emperor. It was a simple mission to simple for a Imperial Knight, but I know now that it was meant to be a show of force for the diplomat.
I met the young diplomat at the landing pad, he was a Twi'Lek with light orange skin, a skin tone I had never seen before then which intrigued me to no end. He was a rather strange diplomat constantly making trips to the red lights sector.. and dragging me along for protection. In truth, I did not mind. I was young and full of pheromones usually taking him up on his offers when he offered to buy me.. company. I am not without my shame, but the truth is simply what it is.
I had become lax in my awareness over time and numerous red light visits. It all happened rather suddenly, one night I was in the room next to his with female company and then next a scream and the sound of ionizing air. Drawing my lightsabers I burst down the door to find a armored man holding the Twi'lek by his head tails, and by the look from his face I could tell that doing such a thing is quite painful to their race. Their was a dying.. escort on the ground a blaster wound having torn half her throat out. It was a slow death. Normally she would have bled out, but the laser cauterizes the wound and, well, it was not a pleasant way to go, but I digress.
I rushed to the diplomats aid lightsabers in hand when I felt dizzy collapsing in the room. I felt weak and my mind was fuzzy.. my own.. escort shortly entered the room, the man and the escort argued price before the man decided that killing the woman would be more economically efficient. He left dragging the screaming diplomat with him, but I suppose I am just lucky he did not deem me worth killing.
I returned to my superiors to see their anger and disappointment, but that paled in comparison to my own. I had failed. It was such a failure that brought along many painful memories. What would my mother say? I was supposed to be a hero! A hero does not sleep with prostitutes, a hero does not let their charges die, a Hero does not fail! I was weak and foolish, but I vowed that day to never allow such a thing to happen again.
Cowards die in shame
A year later the Sith rose to prominence. Seventeen I was still not a knight and so was accompanying a full fledged knight as they made their way to a small border planet to settle disputes between the local government and a small group of Pro-Republic groups. It was a simple missions, and it was the mission that saved my life.. to my shame.
Knews reached us quite soon as gossip travels faster then even lightspeed. The Imperial Knights had been massacred. The Emperor was dead. The Sith had Returned. I felt nothing at the news at first. I was numb and shock into disbelief. I remember the knight Jurgen falling to his knees and weeping for his lost friends and loved ones. I, on the other hand, was still not believing it. How could the great heroes die so easily? Were we truly so weak? Everything I once held as truth was shattered in that instant.
Numbness turned to anger. I hated the sith and their false Emperor. They were murderers who deserved to be gutted like the cowards they were. I wanted to storm the Imperial Palace by myself, and bring retribution back! The Jurgen stopped me from my momentary madness, much to my anger and now relief. Anger soon gives way to sorrow and shame, and I spent hours and days knowing that I should be dead.
I had been cheated by the galaxy. My brethren were dead and my world was gone. I should have been granted a glorious death fighting side by side with my brothers and sisters in arms, instead I was half way across the galaxy still breathing.. still living. I had failed my brothers.
For the Greater Good
I spent 8 years wandering the galaxy lost. I lived amongst people preferring to stay in the Empire then the Republic as even with the foul sith roaming around they were still my people. The news was always terrible. The sith were cruel, selfish, and brutish thugs. Mass executions, the people being treated as second rate lives easily sacrificed and disposed of, the people living in terror of their leaders. This was not how it was meant to be.
I did the best I could. I offered my services to those I could. I soon learned that helping someone sometimes hurts them more in the end. There was once a shop keeper who lived with his young 18 year old daughter. They were kind people always willing to help their neighbors.. people I admired and respected. At the time I was working as a bouncer for the local Cantina.
I was walking by when I spotted a few Imperial Soldiers harassing the shop keeper, and so I stepped in. It was a simple matter truly. I revealed my hidden lightsabers and easily cut down 4 of the soldiers before they realized I was upon them. Left, right, flying threw the air I cut down trooper after trooper. One turned to flee.. and In my ignorance I allowed him to do so casually remarking that he was not worth my blades. I have never lived with a greater regret since.
The soldier returned with a Sith and an entire platoon in tow. In my shame, I hid. I had not lived so long to die now, but now I wish I had given my life to try and save them. As a message to all those who oppose the Empire the Shop Keeper was forced to watch as the soldiers took his daughter. I still remember her screams and pleads for them to stop, they still burn within my mind reminding me of my failures.
I fled that planet like a coward. I learned in the deep recess of my depression that there was only one way to fix the universe. To search for the Greater Good, it was the only thing that truly mattered. Everything should be approached with a simple question: From what option does the Greater Good Result? The universe will only improve with sacrifices. Sacrifices for the Greater Good for the Galaxy. There must be someone willing to sacrifice an entire planet to save an entire sector.
Small acts of kindness can lead to great harm, that is why one must think about the results. Sometimes choosing evil to bring good that is the key. A man may be hated for sacrificing millions to save billions, but someone has to do it. I know now that I will never be the hero I dreamed of being. If I have to, I will be the villain. I will be the shadow between the light and the darkness in order to bring true Good to the Galaxy.
Truth is Subjective
How can one truly speak of how they are? I am no great sage that knows all things about myself. Perhaps my past speaks of how I am, but I do not believe I can give anyone the truth about who the real Sindri is. For Sindri is what Sindri needs to be in order to bring light to the galaxy.
The Greater Good demands sacrifices. Perhaps I am a Monster that is willing to kill many for his own vision of good. Perhaps I am a merely a Coward who keeps people from knowing how far he will go in fear of rejection? Perhaps I am a Hero who will be told to others for generations. Perhaps I am Insane, but my friend, only the insane have the strength enough to prosper. Only those who prosper may truly judge what is sane. Perhaps I am merely a jester armed with only poor and badly timed jokes.
All Power Demands Sacrifice
My strengths as a person are an interesting thing to ponder on. I find that I am less skilled in the force as I wish to be. The demands of Jar'Kai do not allow me as much time to study the ways of the force. Jar'Kai is an extremely hard form to master and perhaps it is truly impossible to master, but I find I am quite skilled with it.
I have always been rather hard on myself, or perhaps not hard enough. I am judgmental of myself and others as I believe all should be held to a higher standard. Perhaps my greatest strength is that of my Ideals. Hope is the first step on the road of disappointment, so I do not hope. My hope has been hammered into conviction. Conviction of the Greater Good. Conviction is what drives me. Conviction is my strength.. and my chains.
It is hard sometimes to admit ones weakness. We all wish to be invincible and untouchable, but that is not so. I said before that Conviction was my chain. I find it hard sometimes to relate to others and their ideals when they differ from mine as my faith in mine is unshakable. I try not to voice objections, but it is a high wall that is rather hard to scale. Iv said before that my skills in Jar'Kai has lessened my ability with the Force, but sacrifices must be made..
Credits: 1000
ROLE-PLAYS:
Requiem of the Fallen
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Please Insert Quarter
Dance of the Blind
Helplessness Blues
To Scale a Wall
Chief vs. HunterOrdo
Into the Depths
Salvage Over Honoghr
A Knight's Commander
Honoghr Salvage Review: Sindri Esmer
Honoghr Salvage Review: Final Hearing
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