Ask Yavin IV Stars Around Scars

[Atris Tharen]

The Sith Empire's attack on Kabal had been a sweeping failure. Spotted long before they could reach the planet's atmosphere, news of the immanent invasion spread like wildfire amongst the citizens of the capital Shoribus. The element of surprise stripped from the Sith Empire's fleet, it was a causality the force of Star Destroyers and fighters could not afford.

It had become the Sith's custom to first invade the capitals of its enemies, and the city of Shoribus had prepared for just such a situation. Situated near a small section of Sith Space, the planet of Kabal had realized long ago that it was only a matter of time until the expanding Sith Empire turned their sights to the Outer Rim planet.

The capital's Defense Force Ships had been quick to respond to the crisis, quicker to be reduced to flame and ash and spiral to the surface below. The planet's small starship capacity was no match for the Sith Empire's array of ships, but in the end that did not matter. It was the planet's strategically placed Anti-Aircraft Battery Units that had changed the tide of battle in their favor and forced the Sith Empire to retreat back into space.

Kabal was not to be counted amongst the growing list of Sith planets. At least, not yet.

Atris stood impatiently at the edge of the Jedi Temple's landing pad, pacing back and forth. As the private Jedi transport slowly descended and touched down, the Jedi Knight compelled herself to stand still. With a hiss, the boarding ramp opened and gradually fell to the pad beneath.

A small group of Jedi appeared in the transport's entrance, each returning from their own unique mission or adventure, but Atris was only interested in one. Concern etched across her features, her brown eyes searched the crowd for a Togruta Padawan that had a lot of explaining to do.

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Ruzaan hadn’t enjoyed his trip back from Kesh- it had included an unplanned layaway on Kabal that somehow coincided with a Sith invasion- but at least he was becoming more comfortable with space travel in general. His first trip aboard a ship, en route to the Jedi temple on Yavin IV for the first time, had been nothing short of a nightmare. Now, two years later, he was growing more comfortable; comfortable enough to travel across the galaxy. Still, he was grateful when the pilot announced that they were landing on Yavin IV; after several weeks away from the lush jungle planet, the Togruta was looking forward to feeling the ground underneath his feet once again. He was also looking forward to seeing his friends again, after weeks away.

The ramp hissed down and Ruzaan followed the various other Jedi disembarking from the transport, taking an appreciative breath of fresh air. Just as his bare feet touched the ground, he became aware of a familiar presence- Atris Tharen, mentor and Jedi Knight, was nearby. Ruzaan couldn’t help but smile as he made his way over to her. So much had happened during his research trip!

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

There he is.

Atris had rehearsed a thousand different lectures in her head, ranging from Ruzaan, you need to be more careful in the future... to What in the universe were you thinking?

Every lecture and each heated reprimand fell away at the first sight of his goofy, innocent smile. Concern took its place and etched across her features, truly the root of her fury to begin with. The Jedi Knight reached him in three long strides. Not bothering with hellos, she jumped right into an examination.

"Ruzaan!" she exclaimed, her tone neither angry nor comforting. It fell somewhere in the middle. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Clasping the teenager by the shoulders, she spun him around as if he were in a fashion show modeling the latest style of clothing. Her critical brown eyes traced the length of him, searching for any cuts or bruises or burns. All of his limbs were in tact. At least that was something.

"What were you doing on Kabal? I was so worried about you," she breathed out, pulling him into possibly the tightest hug of his life. Releasing him shortly after, she inquired again, "Are you sure alright?"

This time she would look into his gray eyes and actually allow him to get a word in.

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

"Ruzaan!" Atris' voice rang out across the landing pad- not stern, but also not the warm welcome that he'd been expecting. Before Ruzaan could process that, the Jedi Knight quickly closed the distance between them and quickly began inspecting him whilst peppering him with questions. Taken aback, Ruzaan allowed himself to be twirled around, and just as he took a breath to respond he was crushed in a hug. Somehow he'd managed to make it all the way back to Yavin only to have his ribs broken upon landing... "Can't! Breathe!" he squeaked, although he wasn't confident that Atris had heard.

When she finally released him, he smoothed his robes and tried to remember what all she had asked him. "I'm alright!" he said, embarrassment coloring his face as he realized that she was fussing over him. Inwardly, he appreciated her concern, but did she have to make a scene in public? Conscious of that fact, he tried to change the subject. "How have you been?"

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

That's it? That's all? He survived two major Sith battles, and all he has to say is "I'm alright. How have you been?"

Her greatest fears and concerns now alleviated with the knowledge that he was well and uninjured, her anger returned with one fell swoop.

The Jedi Knight crossed her arms, her right eye twitching involuntarily. "How am I?" she repeated, as if that mattered. Atris laughed, but it was forced and not her own. There was an edge to it. "You want to know how I am?"

She stared down at the youth, her brow furrowed and her eyes hard and not straying from his. "How do you think I am, Ruzaan? I've been worried sick about you! First I heard you were on Felucia, and then I hear you're on Kabal. There were days when I didn't even know if you were alive or dead! I didn't know if you'd walk out of that transport in one piece! What were you even doing there?"

The pair had begun to garner looks from nosy Jedi passing by, so Atris took Ruzaan by the arm and pulled him toward a popular jungle path where they could escape prying eyes. "Let's take a walk."

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

As soon as the words left his mouth, Ruzaan knew he’d made a mistake. Atris’ eye twitched, a sure sign that she was angry; and sure enough, he found himself on the receiving end of a tirade from the Jedi Knight. At various points throughout he opened his mouth to respond, but only ended up doing his best fish impression as the scolding continued.

Realization- and shame- crept across Ruzaan’s face as Atris’ words hit home. Again he opened his mouth to say something, but was once again prevented from responding as Atris pulled him off of the landing pad and onto a more private pathway that encircled the temple.

Ruzaan took the time afforded him to gather his thoughts. He’d seen Atris angry before- most memorably during their first mission together on Tatooine, when a Hutt had drawn her ire- but never at him. The more he tried to answer her questions, the more he realized that he had been distant since they had returned from Tython. First had come the Battle of Felucia, which had derailed his studies and plunged him into a fog as he grappled with what he’d experienced. Then, as soon as he was more or less healed, he’d gone on a research trip to Kesh, practically on the other side of the galaxy, and had gotten caught up in the invasion on Kabal on the way back.

None of this helped him defend himself from her accusations, however. Part of him was pleased that he had her attention, even if it was her anger, but the vast majority of him felt awful that he’d let her down. As such, his tone was sheepish as he recalled the many (valid) questions that she'd directed at him. "So... uh... which question do you want me to answer first?"

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

Atris pulled Ruzaan through the jungle, their boots raking against the well worn dirt path. With one hand the Jedi Knight kept a firm grip on Ruzaan's arm so he couldn't escape, and with the other hand she swatted vines out of their way. Through the Force she broke low hanging Massassi branches that hung across the pathway, obstructing their walk.

The pair would come to a stop in the clearing. Large Massassi trees sheltered them from the full brunt of the sun's rays. Climbing ferns and bioluminescent orchids dotted the clearing's edge, and vines older than either of the Jedi traveled the length of the tree's purple bark. Nearby, a Runyip foraged through a large bush, searching for its lunch. No sooner had the Jedi come to a stop than it had scurried off into the jungle, startled.

Beautiful and secluded, this small corner of the jungle was quiet and peaceful. Curling up below a Massassi tree or against one of the jungle's logs and falling asleep would have been the easiest thing in the galaxy. Only Atris' presence disturbed the tranquility of this place, anger rolling off of her in waves through the Force.

The Jedi Knight stared down at Ruzaan, amazed but for all of the wrong reasons. "By all means, please," she replied, her jaw set tight. "The floor is all yours. Answer whichever question you'd like."

Atris crossed her arms again, impatiently awaiting his response.

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

If Ruzaan was hoping for an out from Atris, he would be sorely disappointed. The Jedi Knight gave him no such opportunity, instead putting the pressure on him to answer whichever of her questions that he wished. The Togruta visibly squirmed under Atris' intense gaze as he tried to remember what some of her questions even were; they'd all come so quickly, and Angry Atris had caught him off guard.

Finally, after several seconds of scrambling, his brain latched onto one of her questions; how had he come to be on Kabal? "First, I was on Kesh for a research project. On the way back, the transport was re-routed through Kabal; just before the Sith attacked." Her inquiries- specifically, letting him choose which question to answer first- felt like a test, and in the brief moments that Ruzaan could bear to look at Atris, he nervously studied her face to determine if he'd passed or failed.

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

Atris expected Ruzaan to continue, but he did not. He answered one question, and apparently he thought that was sufficient. She stared at him expectantly, seconds dragging on into eternity as the two of them stood in complete silence. Evidently the silence was painful for the Padawan, squirming and never maintaining eye contact for more than a few seconds.

When it was clear that Ruzaan did not intend to continue, Atris finally broke the silence that had engulfed the pair. "Your ship was re-routed," she repeated his words, stressing each of them. Ruzaan wasn't lying to her. She knew that.

"I guess that explains what you were doing on Kabal, but it doesn't explain what you were doing on Felucia."

Several weeks had passed since the Battle of Felucia, but Atris had been off-world at the time. Learning of Ruzaan's involvement in the bloody battle was a recent discovery, one that kindled an overwhelming maternal instinct deep within her. To hear that he was also at Kabal had driven her over the edge.

Not once had it occurred to the teenager to reach out to her and let her know he was alive and safe. Not one attempted visit, not even a quick message. Nothing. Did he not realize that there were others in the Order depending on him to survive? That needed him to survive? People that cared for him and worried about him?

"So enlighten me, Ruzaan. Why were you at Felucia?"

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Anxious seconds ticked by as Atris vetted his response. It was the truth, but he'd answered the safe question, and Atris followed up with one that was more difficult to answer. Why had he gone to Felucia?

Neither the answer nor the explanation would be easy to share. Internally, Ruzaan debated how much of the truth he was willing to give voice to. Atris was the person he trusted most of all, which also made it difficult to respond to her questions when the answers threatened to break the trust that she had in him. His fear that she would disown him grappled with his desire to be honest with her, and like many battles there was not a clear victor.

"I... I shouldn't have been at Felucia" he admitted, casting his gaze to the ground once again. "I saw that they needed help and... and I snuck aboard the transport." He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, leaving his voice even smaller and quieter than it had been before. "I wanted to prove myself."

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

Atris chuckled, but there was no real amusement or joy behind the sound. The Jedi Knight was dumbfounded. Astounded by Ruzaan's confession. He had snuck aboard the transport with the intention of fighting Sith on a Sith occupied planet to prove himself. It was one of the most irresponsible, childish things she had ever heard.

Barely contained rage flowed through her and rolled off of her. Hands clenched at her sides, she wanted nothing more than to scream or punch a tree or kick a nearby bush. The Jedi Knight turned from Ruzaan, closing her eyes and biting back harsh criticism.

Anger was not the way of the Jedi, but it was in moments like this that Atris wondered if the Jedi even knew what it was to be human. Anger, like every other emotion common to man, was unavoidable. For all of her years of training and discipline, she could not contain the fury that had been building up within her for days now. It was all she could do to keep it contained.

Around them, tree branches began to sway and shake. Some of them shook so violently that they snapped in two, but perhaps it was nothing more than the wind. Running her hands through her brunette hair, Atris turned around to face Ruzaan once again. It was difficult to look him in the eyes, and yet she knew he deserved at least that.

No words could fully express what she felt in her heart, but she forced herself to say something.

"I can't believe you would do something like that, Ruzaan. Do you realize how irresponsible and stupid that was? Do you understand how dangerous that was? You're not even eighteen years old! You could have died!"

She released her death grip on her hair, shaking her head. "You put yourself and every other Jedi on Felucia at risk! Just to prove yourself? Your idea of proving yourself is to throw yourself into the middle of a battle on a Sith infested planet? You really think that's the best way to prove yourself?"

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Ruzaan had expected his response to defuse some of Atris' anger- it was most of the truth- but that only served to anger the Jedi Knight further. Ruzaan felt himself closing off and going on the defensive, his mouth hardening into a frown and his eyes flashing in anger. A cooler head might have seen the concern that gave life to Atris' tirade, or the fierce protectiveness in her eyes, but instead Ruzaan gave into the urge to defend his actions in the language of 16-year-olds; with sass.

"Well, I'm not dead, as you can see" he retorted, drawing his arms up to his chest and crossing them. "And we won on Felucia- I helped take out a Sith! That's hardly putting myself and every other Jedi at risk" he said, turning away from Atris sullenly.

Some Padawans might've left it at that, but Atris' remarks had struck a nerve. Since returning from Tython, Ruzaan had made it his goal to throw himself into any Jedi activities he could, in hopes of feeling ready for the next step in his training; apprenticeship, preferably with Atris. That was the whole reason why he had snuck aboard the transport to Felucia, why he'd signed up for the Padawan Trials, and why her comments about him being a liability rankled him so much. As such, he couldn't resist one more snippy remark at Atris' expense, just loud enough for the Jedi Knight to hear. "And why do you care so much? Last I checked, you're not my master."

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

Ruzaan's response took the Jedi Knight by surprise. She arched an eyebrow, as if challenging him to continue if he dared. His words were laced with contempt, his tone rude and sardonic. Never had the Togrutan Padawan spoken to her this way before, and she would see to it that he never did again.

Turning his back on her, Atris drew herself up to her full height. Ruzaan was so mature at times, so far beyond his years. It was moments like this that reminded her just how young he actually was. He was a teenager, not an adult. A teenager, and he was certainly behaving like one right now.

The Jedi Knight was not afraid of a little verbal sparring if that was what it took to get her point across. If Ruzaan wanted to be defensive, so be it. She would give him reason to be on the defensive.

"If you honestly think you didn't endanger the lives of everyone on that transport by sneaking aboard, you're seriously deceiving yourself. If you truly believed your presence was needed on Felucia, you wouldn't have had to sneak on, would you?"

Through the Force, she tugged on the double-bladed lightsaber that hung from his waist. "And let me take a wild guess— this is what you took with you. A training lightsaber. A training lightsaber," she repeated for emphasis. If that didn't get the message through that thick skull of his, perhaps nothing would.

"And why do you care so much? Last I checked, you're not my master."

Those words stung, deeper than Ruzaan could ever have imagined. They cut right through skin and bone, lodging in her heart. Why couldn't he get it into his head that he could have died? That she wouldn't—couldn't risk losing him.

Sadness permeated her brown eyes, but she didn't allow it to linger long. She wouldn't give the teenager the satisfaction. Rallying herself, she lifted her chin and stared at Ruzaan, eyes full of judgment as she challenged him.

"Clearly not. I would never have spoken to my master the way you're speaking to me," she snapped back, conveniently forgetting all of the times she had spoken to her master like that. "If I was your master, you would never have been on Felucia, and you would be facing serious discipline right now for your carelessness. You don't get to just blow this off like it's no big deal. You ought to be disciplined," she huffed, "So maybe I should be your master."

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Atris' comment about him bringing a training lightsaber to Felucia just irked Ruzaan more. Was she correct? Yes. Was he going to admit that? Definitely not. And he hadn't technically snuck aboard; it was amazing what one could get away with if you just pretended that you knew what you were doing. But those arguments died on his lips as Atris responded to his snippy comment with scorn of her own.

"Oh no" said Ruzaan letting out a humorless laugh while still facing away. "I'd be a terrible padawan for you... what did you say I was? 'Irresponsible' and 'stupid'? You deserve better." The sarcasm dipped towards the end of his retort, his voice cracking ever so slightly as he voiced one of his bigger fears. First Tatooine, then Tython; their missions together always included him running back to Atris and crying his eyes out after some risk he took blew up in his face. His posture softened and his shoulders slumped as his anger drained away, replaced with the realization that he'd been a brat to the Jedi he respected the most.

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

Atris watched as the Padawan's shoulders slumped and his voice cracked with his own words. He fell silent, as if he couldn't bring himself to say anything else or he lacked the will. He looked like a downcast, dejected boy with no confidence left.

The Jedi Knight stepped toward him, reaching out and tenderly placing a hand on his shoulder. Her anger and frustrations had not disappeared, but they had subsided in the face of his reaction. Despite his defiant attitude and careless words, it was clear that he took her criticisms to heart.

"I never said you were irresponsible and stupid, Ruzaan," she said. Her voice was soft, comforting even. Gone was the amonishing and threatening tone she had employed before. "Your actions were, but just because you made mistakes doesn't mean that you are your mistakes. You're so much more than your mistakes. You're thoughtful and kind... You're sympathetic, and you have a good heart. You're so very brave beyond your years, and you're not stupid."

Maybe a little irresponsible sometimes, she added to herself with no intention of saying it aloud.

"You mean more to me than the whole galaxy put together, Ruzaan. I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood."

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Ruzaan jumped in surprise and pulled away when Atris touched his shoulder; he hadn't been expecting physical contact, and it came just as his mind was distracting him with a whirlwind of thoughts. He didn't take more than a step or two away, but it was enough to give him space to think.

Atris' kind words eased some of his fears that she saw him as a liability, but they did little to vanquish his own self-doubt about his abilities or his readiness. When the Togruta thought about it, he was lucky to even be standing here. He'd almost died on Felucia, and could very easily have been captured or killed on Kabal. Being in dangerous situations came with the territory of being a Jedi, but did he take too many unnecessary risks?

"You're right, though" he finally said, half-turning back towards Atris but still staring down towards the ground. "What if my mistakes do get somebody hurt... or killed?" Someone like you he wanted to add.

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

The Padawan jerked away from Atris' touch, the sudden movement tugging on the Jedi Knight's heartstrings. Tangible pangs ate at her heart, bit by bit, but she did not chase after the Padawan. He had distanced himself, and Atris would abide by his decision. No matter how much she wanted to close the distance between them and pull him into a hug.

"I won't lie to you just to spare you, Ruzaan. What you did on Felucia was reckless and irresponsible, yes, but one lapse in judgement does not condemn you to that reality forever. Felucia does not define you. We've all made mistakes, from the Grandmaster to the Padawan that just joined our number today.

"No one is exempt from failure. I could tell you a few of my own, some of them pretty big. Don't let one mistake dictate your future and your character. Just because you put others in danger once does not mean you will do it again. You can learn from this experience and grow. You showed tremendous bravery on Felucia, and I know your courage will shine through again if you just don't allow yourself to give up. I have faith in you, Ruzaan, and I know I'm not the only one. You're going to accomplish great things for the Jedi Order, for the galaxy."

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

"I don't know about that..." Ruzaan replied; Atris' words were kind and sincere, which normally reassured him. At this moment, however, he felt like he was standing at a crossroads. "Every time I think I feel ready, then something happens and I'm back where I began." Today had been either a punch in the gut or a wake-up call; he still wasn't sure which.

A thought occurred to him, and his grey eyes met Atris' briefly before focusing elsewhere along the horizon. "What would you be doing if you weren't a Jedi?"

@llamallove

 

[Atris Tharen]

The question Ruzaan put forth was unexpected, and Atris did not answer him right away. She'd be lying if she said she'd never considered this before, never wondered what her life would be like if she had not joined the Jedi Order so many years ago.

It was nice to imagine something picturesque or grand, but she knew the most likely alternative was Tatooine. She'd still be stuck on that forsaken planet, dwindling her days away in the heat and dirt. Bored out of her mind and utterly lost, directionless with little hope for change.

"I'm sure I'd be stuck on Tatooine, working in a junk yard or some spaceport café, helping my uncle with his shop on weekends," she replied, a deep frown settling on her face. The thought alone was enough to rekindle the hatred she held for her home planet, and yet...

She wondered if every wasted year would be worth it, just to have her sister alive and by her side. Atris' choices had driven her sister to a life of crime, to an early grave. Had she stayed behind... things would have been different.

Were she given a second choice—a chance to set it all right, would Atris make the same decision again? Or would she give up her own desires for the safety and well-being of Paloma? Atris was terrified that selfishness would triumph once again in her heart.

Brow knit together, she turned to Ruzaan. "What about you? What would you be doing if you weren't here?"

@SlagathorTheUnknown​

 

[Ruzaan Kai]

Ruzaan had expected the question to be thrown back at him, and his thoughts returned to his homeworld. He'd been comfortable there; largely ignorant of the galaxy at large and surrounded by his community. Then the Jedi had come calling and he had tentatively accepted, unaware of just how much his life would be changed. Shili had a longstanding tradition of Force-sensitives, with famous Togruta such as Ahsoka Tano and Shaak Ti to its credit, but Ruzaan had bucked the trend by being the first male Togruta to be trained by the Jedi in recent history. Some days he wondered if he'd made the correct decision, and most days he felt as if he was failing to live up to his heritage.

"I'd still be on Shili" he responded, feeling the truth of what he had really been asking hit home. As much as he wanted to deny it, now that he had been exposed to the larger galaxy, he couldn't go back. He'd been granted an incredible opportunity to serve and help the entire galaxy, and hunting Thimars paled in comparison- even if it was much less dangerous.

Ruzaan was engrossed enough in his thoughts that he didn't catch the struggle that briefly played itself out on Atris' face. He'd determined that he was, in fact, happier here with the Jedi, but the question as to which step to take next eluded him. At least Atris wasn't yelling at him anymore...

"What do you remember from your days as a padawan?" he asked, curiosity tinging his question as he looked back towards his mentor and friend.

@llamallove