The Cancardi

[Proleptic]

[fancybox2]

Cancardi (FANON)​

Etymology

Scientific Name — Homo Pathevolio

Derivation — The genus Homo is used due to the fact that the Cancardi are a mostly humanoid species. Pathevolio is derived from the fact that they have far more attuned senses, reaching so far as to give them an innate connection to the living force that increases emotional perception of both themselves and others.

History and Culture

Overview and Founding — The Cancardi were a species formed thousands of years ago, on the planet of Axxila. Being on a planet with an orbital pattern that keeps only one side of the planet under the influence of sunlight, the planet's geography creates two drastically different biomes. One side is a frozen rock while the other is a semi-arid forest. Since nearly the formation of the Cancardi there have been two separate factions — The Atraxi and the Xiac. These two separate clans or factions have lived on opposite hemispheres of the planet until they met 500 years ago. When they were first born the Cancardi had none of the emotional perception they would come to have. This shaped the history of the species.

Pre-Eksama

Beginnings —Thousands of years ago, the Cancardi's species came into existence on the planet of Axxila. The Cancardi were a peaceful race initially, separated into two different clans — the Atraxi and the Xiac — each on the opposite hemisphere. The Atraxi are on the forested side and the Xiac are on the frozen. About 600 years ago, the two species met. They had relatively advanced societies at this point, and both decided to go on exploration of the rest of their large world. Both clans were shocked to discover that they have a sister race, with the only significant difference in the two being the color of skin. Relations began between these two factions and negotiations for resources and shared wealth began. Unfortunately, the demands of the Xiac were considered to be unreasonable by the Atraxi, and they denied their requests. Enraged at their refusal, the Xiac declared war on the Atraxi, and the two factions began a legendary war.


The Pax War — This was the first war between the Atraxi and the Xiac was a long and bloody one, lasting 149 years, and leaving a death toll over 20 million, with major losses on both sides. The war was fought for resources, land and power, with both sides hoping to claim some sort of victory over what they believed to be an inferior race. Initially racial discrimination was avoided, but the way that the Xiac attacked angered the Atraxi and led them to believing that their kin were brutes who were beneath them. The war was an almost perfect stalemates, and served to massively elevate the level of technology on Axxila. Before the war they had not gone so far as to even accomplish aerial travel, though there were attempts at succeeding in this endeavor. Very shortly into the war, an Atraxi scientist by the name of Quora Ban'nan built the first aerial machine. From there an exponential progression led to massive advancements in aerial technology, resulting in attempts at space travel by the end of the war. Weaponry also advanced massively at this point, going so far as to create laser weaponry, bringing them closer to the rest of the galaxy. The war's conclusion resulted in an alliance formed between the Atraxi and the Xiac, one which would bring Axxila into a time of great peace and accomplishment for the next 200 years.


The Alliance — Following the conclusion of the Pax war the Alliance was formed, and peace began. The nation was unified as both Atraxi and Xiac, destroying the faction system within just a few years, and leaving only one unified nation. All resources were shared and nothing was limited. The two sides helped provide what was missing for the other, and shared culture that was unique to their groups. Together scientists from both former factions worked together to advance the collective society, and accomplished the sought after space travel that would change the nation forever. On the day that the first manned shuttle with a destination that wasn't to one of the two moons would be launched, a terrorist attack occurred. The entirety of the aerospace facility was destroyed, as well as nearly 100,000 spectators, including the Cancardi president. The faction that claimed responsibility was an underground faction who declared themselves the Sha'akan — a faction composed of solely Atraxi extremists. They believed that it was against the gods' desire that they travel off world, as well as that it was against their desire that the Atraxi be on equal level with the Xiac. Their activities had been hidden perfectly until the moment that they shattered the nation with their attacks, and their faction rose up. The Shiman war was started.


The Shiman War — This was the first civil war to occur between separate factions in the alliance was between the Sha'akan and the remaining loyalists in the alliance. Sha'akan had gathered a following that was nearly 30% of the population, and though this was known to the government, they had believed the group to be protesters, and hadn't foreseen such violent attacks. As the war raged, the unprepared alliance members were crushed slowly. The Sha'akan quickly conquered the capital city of Nan'nakala, and forced the resistance into submission with brute force. The war was over in just ten years, with the nation being rebuilt under the ideals of the Sha'akan. Segregation was put in place, forcing formerly Xiac people into slavery and service. Any Atraxi who opposed this were killed. The Sha'akan had complete control in what became a military rule. The total death toll of the war, including the murders that occurred in slavery camps, became over 500 million.


The Hakai Tragedy and Evolution — This marked the most significant event since the founding of the creation of the Alliance. The Sha'akan had control of the nation for nearly 100 years before something happened that would rebuild the nation from the ground up. A resistance movement had been slowly building for that 100 years, laying in wait as they acquired weaponry and members. Any and all Cancardi that still believed in the ideals of the alliance were gathered up and inducted, until they had nearly the numbers the Sha'akan had when they attacked. Knowing that they couldn't win an all out war when the Sha'akan were so militant, the resistance set into action a single powerful attack that would devastate the nation more than even the Sha'akan attack had. At this point any recognition of collateral damage was not acknowledged, and the ruthlessness of the attack showed this. The entire capital city, which held nearly 30% of the population, was completely destroyed. Satellites launched by the resistance let loose orbital strikes on the entire city, killing an estimated 2.5 billion Cancardi, and destroying the longest-standing city in Cancardi history. This was when the evolution occurred. Dormant cells within all Cancardi were activated, letting the empathetic abilities manifest, and allowing them all to feel the emotions of those around them. Unable to control this new ability and striding in the wake of pure disaster, the Cancardi were forced to experience the devastation they had wrought, and through that pain understanding was born.


The Eksama Alliance and New Beginnings — This marked the end to war and aggression among the Cancardi. With the Sha'akan dead and the remaining Cancardi reformed from the newly acquired emotional sense, the nation began rebuilding itself in what became Eksama. A meeting was arranged between any remaining former Sha'akan leaders and the leaders of the resistance. It was unanimously agreed that the aggression had to end in order to survive, and that peace was necessary in order to live properly. This was the beginning of the Eksama alliance, and the restoration of peace throughout the nation. This alliance remains and has ushered in times of great advancement, and planetary exploration. Eksama was the beginning of the Cancardi joining the rest of the galaxy.​

Culture — Having lived in two entirely different biomes, yet with similar overall lifestyles, the culture of the two variations is relatively similar. Over time, the history and events molded the culture to become something more attuned to the two groups themselves as they evolved, and to the planet's environment. Aside from lifestyle differences, this has happened mainly in the form of two major festivals, one observed by each of the former clans, which are now observed universally among the Cancardi, though they are still observed depending on the region of the planet. In addition to their differences, there is an overall culture that was proves the two halves must have at one time lived together. This culture denotes their early beliefs of gods and divine occurrences, before their discovery of modern science.

Ancient Culture

Overview — The Cancardi have the general belief that the ancient gods and divine beings were off-world beings capable of shaping the world as they know it. They believed that they came from the stars and that they helped to give their species a foundation. For these reasons they worship those divine beings and pray for their return, believing that their return will help usher in the coming of universal peace. ​

Celebration of Light​

Overview — On the frozen side of the planet, there is a small four hour period once every revolutionary cycle where the brightest light is experienced, rather than the low ambient light that is constantly observed. This is a festival that lasts for seven days. Beginning exactly a week before the start of the four hour period, the festival includes grand feasts, cultural dancing, games, and general festival happenings. It ends with the renewing of the orb of light, a sacred stone rumored to provide light not only literally, but also to the heart of the Cancardi. The renewal involves taking a large, perfectly circular lunari stone. The lunari stone is a type of gem native to Axxila, which both produce and retain light. At the ending of the festival, the orb of light is put upon a clear crystal pedestal in the direct path of the sun's rays, exactly where the last ray of light would be shown. When the sun disappears from the horizon, the stone shines as brightly as any light source one could imagine. The light slowly fades until it dies out at almost the exact moment the light renews it.

Celebration of Darkness

Overview — The Celebration of Darkness holds a similar yet opposite meaning from that of the Celebration of Light. Whereas the Celebration of Light says that the renewing of the orb of light will provide light in times of emotional darkness, the Celebration of Darkness takes the approach that solemnity must be dutifully observed in order to maintain the natural order of humanity. This celebration also lasts a week long, and starts and ends at the same times as the Celebration of Light, due to the fact that they mirror each other. The festival is a less rambunctious one, but involves similar festivities. The ending ceremony involves the entirety of the population taking the four hours of darkness to pay their respects to nature with solemnity and humility.
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Habitat

Overview — Being a planet that gets sunlight on only one hemisphere, there are two drastically different biomes that are the natural habitat for the Cancardi. These are a dense forest or jungle, and a cold frozen rock. They can live perfectly well in other habitats as well.

Biology

Overview — Being basically humanoid, the Cancardi are generally similar in shape to humans, though there are key differences that make them drastically changed.

Anatomy

Body Structure — Stands upright with four limbs (not including head), two arms and two legs. Each hand and foot has five fingers or toes, respectively. The general shape of the body is humanoid, but has several major differences. The leg of the Cancardi is similar to that of a satyr or a goat, but also have an extra joint for movement, this one similar to a human knee. The one that bends backwards is situated above the one that bends forwards. The arms have the same basic functionality but have two joints that bend the same way. The ears are sharply pointed and can be either flat on the head, or greatly curved off of it. The noses are almost identical to those of humans and have little variation in their build. The lips of the Cancardi are extremely thin but other than that are the same. Fingers and toes are longer and have an extra joint for movement similarly to the arms. In addition, the Cancardi have a large set of wings. They are capable of flight with these wings, though not to particularly extreme degrees.

Body Type — The length and width of both the limbs and torso have increased and decreased respectively. This causes the average height and wingspan to exceed that of most humanoid species. All smaller appendages such as fingers and toes are similarly affected. The overall effect causes the Cancardi to be generally more gangling than most species. Along with the thinned style of the limbs, the internals follow suit. This means that the bones are hollow rather than solid. While this makes them quicker and more nimble, they are also far more fragile. The wings are also very large and have a wingspan that is 1.25 times the height of the given Cancardi, when extended. The wings are capable of being retracted and fit into the back.

Skin Type — The skin of the Cancardi is harder than the average human, but retains the same thickness. This is because it simply has a greater density, in a similar way to that of the bones. The Cancardi are therefore more difficult to scratch or cut. Despite their harder and denser skin, the Cancardi generally have a very soft feeling to their skin.

Skin Color Range — The skin color has only a few possible variations, though those variations are extreme in their intensity. There are two major color groups, — dark and light skin. All colors in between are combinations of those two.

Hair Type — The hair type is found to be very strictly course and thick (ten times greater than the thickness of the human hair), though through breeding with other species the hair is subject to great variation.

Hair Color Range — The hair color has almost infinite possible variations, with almost any color being capable of occurring naturally, regardless of genetic precedence as the gene is highly suspect to mutation. The only colors that do not ever show up naturally in Cancardi are those with a yellow base.

Hair Area Range — The Cancardi naturally are lacking in much hair. They are not inherently capable of growing hair anywhere other than their head and face. Facial hair only manifests greatly in men.

Eye Type — The Cancardi have an eye very similar to that of a human, but with a few key differences. The pupil's minimum dilation size is much greater than that of humans. The minimal dilation is about that of the maximum dilation of a human of equivalent eye size. From there, the pupil is capable of dilating to the point of entirely encompassing the iris. The iris' outer edge stretches into the sclera slightly, seamlessly stretching and blending into it.

Eye Color Range — The eye color of the Cancardi has no limitations on what color it can be, but generally will have flecks of one or more colors aside from the dominant one.

Feathers and Fur — In addition to the skin color, the Cancardi are almost entirely covered in feathers and fur. The lower half from the waist down is covered in fur. The fur can come in any variety of ways. The feathers are covering the upper half of their body. The fur and feathers taper off in a 'V' shape around the elbows, mid-shins, and the neck. The fur and feathers can come in any variety of colors and consistencies.
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Physiology

Lifespan — The lifespan of the Cancardi is shorter than that of the average human due to the radiation. They are found to have an average lifespan of 60 - 70 years due to the radiation damaging the body, with that being drastically increased or decreased depending on whether or not the particular Cancardi is force-sensitive, beyond the level that is standard.

Maximum Age — The maximum age any Cancardi has been known to reach is between 200 and 300 years of age. The exact date of birth and death was never recorded, but this was known to be force-extended lifespan.

Average Height — The Average height of an adult Cancardi is about 2.12 meters for males, and 1.96 meters for women. The maximum height recorded was a towering 2.73 meters. Reaching this height was proven to be uncharacteristically not detrimental, as opposed to most species which would have decreased life span and functionality due to the increased stress on the body. Strangely enough, no pure blood Cancardi has been known to reach less than 1.89 meters in height. Whether this is due to the radiation and mutation from the planet, or something else is unknown.

Average Weight — Despite their thin and long body style, the size of the Cancardi, as well as the slightly increased density of the skin, makes them weigh a surprising amount. The average weight of a Cancardi male is about 86 kg, whereas the females average about 75 kg. This is without any muscle building activity or enhancements, and is a projection of the weight for a healthy specimen.

Physical Strengths and Weaknesses — The physical capabilities of the Cancardi are less than those of the average human. This manifests in most areas of physical ability. Despite this, they are still somewhat capable of building strength through exercise, though they will have to work many times as hard for every extra kilogram of strength they gain. They are naturally faster than the average human however, as they are lighter and more nimble than most humans. Unfortunately they are also far less durable than humans and are much more easily breakable. This is due to their hollow bones and thin build. This is a significant handicap and requires care to safely handle. The Cancardi have a massively increased metabolism in order to properly nourish their large body. This is further increased when they fly, and they are unable to fly for long distances with out bringing sustenance. The Cancardi's physical senses are below the average of humans. Their senses of smell, sight and hearing are dulled due to the dependence they came to have on their empathetic sense.

Superhuman Abilities — The Cancardi's exposure to the innate Force energy of the planet has caused them to develop a passively increased connection to the living force. This is where most of their strength as a species comes in. They have an incredible empathetic sense and are capable of feeling the emotions of others with extreme acuity. This gives them not only amazing abilities as negotiators, but also in most relations. More than simply the ability to feel the emotions in a room, they are capable of going so far as to affect the emotions actively. By broadcasting feelings of calm, they are capable of reducing the tension in a room and making a better environment. Similarly, they are capable of increasing aggression and feelings of anger. This advantage can massively affect many aspects of life, particularly negotiations and relations. In addition they have their ability to fly. ​

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Life Cycle

Development — The development of the Cancardi follows a similar track to that of humans, but the stages at which they reach maturity have been slightly adjusted. For starters, the time that a baby will remain in the womb is extended to twelve months. Rather than reaching puberty at about ten years of age, they reach it at the age of seven. They reach adulthood and full emotional and empathetic awareness at the age fifteen, and are considered adults one year after. There is deviation in this pattern. ​

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Diet

Consumption Time Frame — The dietary habits and necessities of the Cancardi fall roughly similar to that of humans, but they have adapted to be solely vegetarians. This does not mean they are incapable of eating meat or that it will be detrimental to their health or constitution. This just means that they are capable of running at peak efficiency with only plants as a source of food. Axxila had not supported life naturally for centuries, despite the hospitable conditions of the jungles on one half of the planet.
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Breeding

Overview — The breeding habits and necessities of the Cancardi match with those of humans. All species and reproduction compatibility is on a case by case basis, but almost all humanoids are known to be compatible.
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Behavior and Communication

Behavior — The general behavior of the Cancardi is similar to that of humans, and therefore cannot be given a broad generalization due to the significant differences among individuals. It can be observed however that the Cancardi are generally an extremely calm and understanding species. They are generally seen as intelligent, despite the fact that their aptitude for intelligence is not particularly elevated from that of humans. This is because of their emotional intelligence, which is naturally superhuman due to their empathetic abilities. This is also what helps them to be universally understanding. This does not mean however that they will be universally kind, as despite understanding the emotions of others, they are also subject to ignoring them, though they are somewhat more likely to be inclined to act on those feelings due to the fact that they perceive them so strongly.

Communication — The language of the Cancardi is very similar to Basic, though the dialect has some differences due to the separation. This does not impair communication between them.

Technology and Intent

Technological Level — The Cancardi are somewhat wide spread and have no one technological level. Their people, while perhaps more reserved in extravagance than average, is just as advanced as other species.

Intent — The intent of the Cancardi is to attempt to spread their ideas and values of peace throughout the galaxy. Just because they are a peaceful people does not mean that they do not understand the need for war and violence in some situations, and their peaceful standpoint does not affect their participation in war.

[/fancybox2]

 

[Dmitri]

Radiation doesn't always mutate beneficially. Here it seems to have mutated them into a Marvel species. They appear to be tall Daredevils. There isn't much for weaknesses. It just feels like a strengthened humans. Unless changes can be made, the species will be archived.

 

[Proleptic]

All right. Thank you for the input. I will make amends. Is there any particular advice that you could give me as to what would make them more appropriate? Would making it so that rather than radiation-induced mutation they just adapted to their surroundings be better? I didn't mean to make them too similar I just figured that since so many species in the universe are literally just like upgraded humans with different skin it would be okay.

@Dmitri

 

[Dmitri]

All right. Thank you for the input. I will make amends. Is there any particular advice that you could give me as to what would make them more appropriate? Would making it so that rather than radiation-induced mutation they just adapted to their surroundings be better? I didn't mean to make them too similar I just figured that since so many species in the universe are literally just like upgraded humans with different skin it would be okay.

@Dmitri

Adapting to environments makes way more sense than radiation. Still, I would recommend trying to balance the strengths too. They seem to be powerful humans with pros and little cons.

 

[Proleptic]

Adapting to environments makes way more sense than radiation. Still, I would recommend trying to balance the strengths too. They seem to be powerful humans with pros and little cons.

I made them far more fragile, physically weaker and made their senses weaker due to their reliance on the empathetic sense. What more would you suggest? I mean I could make them more physically weak but if they are already weaker than humans, which is kinda a low standard in the star wars universe, then making them even weaker would serve to overly debilitate them physically I think. I don't see how the empathetic ability needs to be nerfed because it really isn't too powerful in the first place. I nerfed their senses other than that one so that they are now weaker in every physical aspect except speed and agility, which sacrifices all other attributes physically in consequence.

 

[Dmitri]

Due to the harsher environment, radiation, and fragile body, they likely would have an averrage to below average lifespan in comparison to a human.

More importantly, looking at this species and doing some research (which that, in conjunction to some other admin duties I was dealing with, is why there was a delay in this; thanks for reminding me about this, almost forgot to post, thinking I already had), this species seems extremely similar to the Gotal. The difference is solely in that the Gotal have more of a goat head and the Cancardi have goat legs. Considering this, might it make sense to go with a pre-existing species, especially one that fulfills all the listed intents? A species is not limited to a planet. There is no problem with there being a Gotal colony in the Corellian system. You can even use the culture listed in the write-up as part of that colony's culture, which you could detail in Player Workshop or in a character's profile.

 

[Proleptic]

Due to the harsher environment, radiation, and fragile body, they likely would have an averrage to below average lifespan in comparison to a human.

More importantly, looking at this species and doing some research (which that, in conjunction to some other admin duties I was dealing with, is why there was a delay in this; thanks for reminding me about this, almost forgot to post, thinking I already had), this species seems extremely similar to the Gotal. The difference is solely in that the Gotal have more of a goat head and the Cancardi have goat legs. Considering this, might it make sense to go with a pre-existing species, especially one that fulfills all the listed intents? A species is not limited to a planet. There is no problem with there being a Gotal colony in the Corellian system. You can even use the culture listed in the write-up as part of that colony's culture, which you could detail in Player Workshop or in a character's profile.

Thank! I admit that I had no clue that the Gotal existed. I should have researched the goat kinda physiology I added before doing so. I can't say that it doesn't make sense to use the Gotal as a preexisting species. I will say though that I just love having things that I have created. I love having custom things and things that I can say I thought of, even though I realize that most ideas that I could spawn up have already most likely been done by someone more brilliant previously. In addition, I have no desire to have someone without a humanoid face. :p I am just snooty like that. What it comes down to for me is that I really thought the dynamics of a character with empathetic sense in a world torn by war would be interesting. Though a Jedi can provide that experience to a degree, I don't think it would be the same, as the Jedi are not usually personally affected by the emotions of others so strongly. I wanted a species that I could show the effects of the negative emotions of the world with, while showing also a dynamic between logic and emotion.

The Gotal don't have that I don't think. I will happily change the lifespan by the way. If anything that will work better, because when I put up the planet profile, which I finished yesterday, I set the government up to have something of a Caesar, meaning that he is only taken from office at either death or stepping down. That would create a better balance of power, as with long-term power even the most righteous can become corrupted. Thanks for all your input and help with this. If you don't think it is feasible I understand, but if possible I don't want to give up on this one at all. I mostly want that empathetic sense that they would have. Thanks again!

@Dmitri

 

[Dmitri]

Thank! I admit that I had no clue that the Gotal existed. I should have researched the goat kinda physiology I added before doing so. I can't say that it doesn't make sense to use the Gotal as a preexisting species. I will say though that I just love having things that I have created. I love having custom things and things that I can say I thought of, even though I realize that most ideas that I could spawn up have already most likely been done by someone more brilliant previously. In addition, I have no desire to have someone without a humanoid face. :p I am just snooty like that. What it comes down to for me is that I really thought the dynamics of a character with empathetic sense in a world torn by war would be interesting. Though a Jedi can provide that experience to a degree, I don't think it would be the same, as the Jedi are not usually personally affected by the emotions of others so strongly. I wanted a species that I could show the effects of the negative emotions of the world with, while showing also a dynamic between logic and emotion.

The Gotal don't have that I don't think. I will happily change the lifespan by the way. If anything that will work better, because when I put up the planet profile, which I finished yesterday, I set the government up to have something of a Caesar, meaning that he is only taken from office at either death or stepping down. That would create a better balance of power, as with long-term power even the most righteous can become corrupted. Thanks for all your input and help with this. If you don't think it is feasible I understand, but if possible I don't want to give up on this one at all. I mostly want that empathetic sense that they would have. Thanks again!

@Dmitri

A Gotal with plastic surgery?

I am hesitant to approve a species that's basically another species with a different skin. I'll think it over.

 

[Proleptic]

A Gotal with plastic surgery?

I am hesitant to approve a species that's basically another species with a different skin. I'll think it over.

Thank you. If that is what it comes down to I totally respect that decision and I will go back to the drawing board, probably from scratch this time. Thanks!

 

[Proleptic]

I will say though that technically any humanoid character in Star wars is a human with different skin, though they are usually more overpowered. I mean, look at the Weequay or the Wookiees. Both are humanoid with main differences being in the fact that the Weequay have innate resistance to blaster fire, and Wookiees having massively increased strength along with lifespan. This is aside from the visual differences that they both have. In comparison, the Cancardi have a biology different visibly than probably the Weequay, and they have the unique strengths and weaknesses provided by the empathetic sense,not to mention the scores of other weaknesses I gave them. That is why I don't understand where you draw comparisons between the Cancardi and the Gotal. While they both have an aspect of goat biology within them, they are two different body parts entirely, and the empathetic sense is not the same thing at all as the electromagnetic sense that the Gotal have with their horns. Okay! I will stop now. Thanks!

@Dmitri

 

[Dmitri]

True, though most species hold their own niche. What it seems you're seeking here could be accomplished with a Force sensitive humanoid. You are free to have him hail from a stub planet and claim the planet is war-torn/peaceful. Any and all species can have multiple cultures, even partaking in other species' cultures. A Wookie partaking in the Charon death cult. A gungan following the ways of the Scorekeeper. A Mandalorian Jawa. Ultimately this species doesn't seem to distinguish itself well from other species.

Also, the planet and species has be a bit lost. They're peaceful yet war-torn?

 

[Proleptic]

True, though most species hold their own niche. What it seems you're seeking here could be accomplished with a Force sensitive humanoid. You are free to have him hail from a stub planet and claim the planet is war-torn/peaceful. Any and all species can have multiple cultures, even partaking in other species' cultures. A Wookie partaking in the Charon death cult. A gungan following the ways of the Scorekeeper. A Mandalorian Jawa. Ultimately this species doesn't seem to distinguish itself well from other species.

Also, the planet and species has be a bit lost. They're peaceful yet war-torn?

Well I mean they used to be war torn. That's why it's their history. They have reached a peaceful time. And yes. It can be accomplished with a force-sensitive human, that just isn't what I wanted to do. I understand though. I won't hold you up on this thread any longer. Thanks!

@Dmitri

 

[Dmitri]

By no means must you trash this. The concepts are good. They just are struggling to justify a new species in a galaxy with so many pre-existing species. If you can expand on them, to solidify their distinctiveness, I am okay with this species. My biggest issue had been that they're humanoid Gotals in a way (sure they empathy-ize different, but the concept is very similar).

 

[Proleptic]

By no means must you trash this. The concepts are good. They just are struggling to justify a new species in a galaxy with so many pre-existing species. If you can expand on them, to solidify their distinctiveness, I am okay with this species. My biggest issue had been that they're humanoid Gotals in a way (sure they empathy-ize different, but the concept is very similar).

Thanks! I will work on it and I will get it brushed up. If you need to you can archive it for the time being. I have a draft in my workshop that I will continue to edit. If you would like to leave it up though, then by all means. :) Thanks for all your help and suggestions!

 

[Dmitri]

No point in creating a new thread. Just plaster over this thread when you're done and tag me when you're ready for review. Or Clayton.

 

[Prudence]

I really like the work you put into this. Though of course @Dmitri 's word carries far more weight, I think that these differentiate enough from any established species. They seem to be kinda like a kiffar in the emotional terms, and similar to a gotal in the limbs, but they're different enough from each of those (in my opinion). Additionally they have such a deep culture and history.

I love it.

 

[Proleptic]

All right! I have made changes to the physiology by adding the wings. In addition I removed the increased bone and muscle density and made them more fragile. I made them less capable of building muscle even more so and increased their metabolism. I made them lighter and gave them fur and feathers too add more distinction appearance-wise. I hope you like it!

@Dmitri

 

[Dmitri]

Where are they from? I'd recommend just slapping a stub planet as yo don't need to do a write up as history would already be in here.
The reason I don't suggest Corellia system is due to the stipulation that people can use places and species without having to read fanon write ups and it would be needed to know that a high profile system has a new planet and species

 

[Proleptic]

I put them on Axxila, which is a small outer world planet with no occupation that I know of.

@Dmitri

 

[Proleptic]

Do you think I should move the history that details wars between them from the Nanbacaar thread into here? I don't feel like Nanbacaar is gonna work out because the other guy didn't seem too interested earlier.

@Dmitri