The Dark in the Light

[Ush]

A small alcove surrounded an even smaller lake and waterfall. The place gave a strange aura of complete calm, with no true disturbances breaking the silence. Apart from the tinkling of the waterfall, occasionally a bird would give flight, or some animal scream in the distance. But apart from that, there was nothing but silence. It was extremely serene and surreal, being in this place. It reminded Ryloss Narexsus of somewhere. Tython. The place he had spent many years. It wasn't a place of light anymore. The Sith had taken it and hundreds of Jedi had been massacred. Where had he been when that had happened? Sitting on his ass, watching the news coverage.
Could he hold himself by his actions that day? He had for years. But when the Sith had come for Curoscant, with their Mandalorian allies, he hadn't just let it happen. He'd fought. The images of the killing of the Jedi Master, of the sickening feeling as Yuunda was tossed towards him by a Force Repulse, the defection of the other Padawan... Had they ever stood a chance? No. Not there. Not when the war had begun, not when the Grandmasters broke from the pressure, not when the Imperials had torn Curoscant apart... They had never had a chance.
Ryloss had run that day. It wasn't the last time, but it was the one he would bring with him to the grave. The Imperials had slaughtered left right and center. Race, creed or gender didn't seem to matter. The Mandalorians had helped. And all Ryloss had done was run. It had been the lives of dozens against the life of one of his best friends. He'd chosen. It had been the wrong choice.

All he was doing was sitting in a meditative pose as the hours ticked on. Trying to forgive and forget. Sometimes it worked. Mostly it didn't. Someone interrupted him or he just wasn't able to focus. Now was one of those times. The anger was growing, not fading. The frustration and the rage and the horrible feeling of loss and guilt. All were getting worse. He couldn't return to the temple until they faded. Not feeling more like a Sith than the Jedi he was supposed to be. Not when others would see it as plainly as a scar.
He had a lot of scars. Outside and in. The burn on his back was the worst that you could see. The way it had been inflicted was the worst most couldn't. The feeling of being lit on fire and thrown about like a rag doll was indescribable. He'd never felt so weak in his life. Not ever. That was the memory that kept him awake most nights. Or the fire that the Imperials had tried to burn him with not so long ago. The snow had struck his face and melted instantly as the flames licked at him. The Dark Side of the Force had saved his life. And yet he'd thrown it aside. He couldn't be that person anymore.
The Mandalorians had fought themselves to near extinction, when the Sith had blockaded their systems. Taris had been nearly ruined. That's where he'd been when the battles raged. Waiting for a chance to escape the blockade. The memories of that seedy mess still struck a chord in his mind. Zeltros had been too wild, even for him. When he had tried to explain that he didn't like men and that he didn't want a relationship with more than one person at a time, he'd been shunned. Nar Shadaa was a shit hole. But Taris... Taris had been just right.
Well, until it had burned.
After he had escaped, he had come here. He told no one of the things he'd done. He wasn't able to. They wouldn't let him stay, he had feared. And with an eighteen thousand credit bounty in the Imperium, it wasn't like he could go back. So he'd taken it upon himself to replace the rage with peace, the frustration with understanding and the sorrow with joy. It wasn't working so well.
Ryloss continued his meditation. It may work one day...

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina was a person who enjoyed her own company and preferred it to that of others quite often. As such she had decided to spend a day on her own, wandering had about in the woods of Arba. Perhaps doing some exercises and maybe even some meditation. She had no intention, however, of encountering, or engaging others for whatever reason.

She had woken up early and after a quick breakfast she left the temple and entered the woods. Most of her time was spent walking. She would occasionally climb a tree and sit on it for a while, then she would move on. Overall she was trying to get her mind off things. Too much had happened to her lately. Too much and all at once. She had found Maric, but he seemed to have lost his memory. The man to whom she and so many others owed their lives. The man who, along side a handful of others stood behind on Coruscant to fight, while the rest were being evacuated. He had suffered and he was continuing to suffer, all because of his sacrifice.

Jaina would have currently been travelling towards Manaan, where she found her long lost friend, had it not been for the troubling news she received upon her last arrival in the temple. Apparently after a routine background check it had come up that she had been adopted. Of course, that wasn't mentioned in her file, but since her mother couldn't have had children, it was deducted that she must have been adopted and the person conducting the background check felt like she should be informed.

Once more she felt distraught and completely oblivious about herself and her own life. She had made terms with the untimely death of her parents, she had made terms with all those who sacrificed themselves in the war so that she along with many others could live and preserve the order. She had begun to make amends for all that and yet once again her world had flipped around. It seemed that for all those years she believed Maric for dead, he had actually been alive and with memory loss. Furthermore, the parents, to whose memory she had devoted her life, were not really her parents, even though they were the ones who had raised her, more or less.

Jaina felt like she knew nothing. She felt the need to slow down. To stop. To relax and to let her worries go, even if just for a short while.

And she did stop.

She stopped at a small alcove, surrounding an even smaller lake and waterfall. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the serenity that this small paradise was radiating with. She slowly approached the lake, without opening her eyes and sat down beside the water. She took off her shoes and pulled both legs of her trousers up, revealing the soft skin underneath, after which she dipped her feet into the lake and relaxed by laying her torso backwards. She let out a sight of relief just as she realized something.

She was not alone.

Her eyes opened in an instant and she had a quick look around. She had felt a disturbance, or rather a presence. She was certain there was someone else around. How could she have been so stupid to go out into the open so blindly? Of course, she expected no harm would come her way, but nevertheless, letting her guard down like that was foolish, not to mention that she wasn't in the mood for company.

 

[Ush]

Ryloss didn't open his eyes when the person, whoever they were, came out of the trees near him, at such an angle that they would completely miss him if they looked only with their eyes. Not opening his eyes, he waited for them to keep moving. The sound of a feminine sigh followed by the sound of something entering the water made Ryloss open his eyes. Despite everything that had happened, despite all he had changed, he was still a Zeltron. And like any self-respecting Zeltron, you look when someone may have just gone skinny-dipping.
The reality was disappointing. The human woman was just dipping her feet in the water. For a moment Ryloss was glad he himself had chosen to bathe in the lake, but he quickly quenched the thought. The woman had strange hair, mostly black but with red at the top. Shorter than he was, probably, but it was hard to tell with the way she was sitting. He couldn't see her face from where he was sitting.
She knew he was there. The tensing and the way she looked around gave him that indication. He was sitting behind her, though, her eyes wouldn't immediately find him. Good. He needed a moment to compose the rabbit-in-a-spotlight look he had on. If she opened her mind just a fraction, she'd feel him... Feel the anger and rage he was desperately trying to control. His eye twitched once and then he had forced a calm over it, like a wave over sand. And just like a wave, it would soon falter. Maybe he could move away before the tide moved on.
Ryloss slowly stood, his bare feet digging into the ground as he did so. He had taken to wearing just plain light brown Jedi robes, without ornament, weapons or footwear. His face had no emotion, and he made no sound until he spoke.
"Hello."
His voice was completely calm. No sign of the inner turmoil at all. But the facade would crack. They always did. With that much activity in his head he couldn't stay focused for very long. Unless he convinced this woman to leave, he would probably reveal what he really felt inside.

 

[Radiwalker]

She couldn't see anyone with the first several twists of her head, which led her to believe that the other person was somewhere behind her. For a brief moment she stopped and concentrated on her force senses rather than her natural once, although, perhaps, the force sense should be the most natural one for a jedi. For a brief moment she felt something dark, but then it disappeared. Before she could contemplate on what exactly was happening and decide on a course of action she heard a voice greet her from behind.

Jaina twisted her body, helping herself with her hands and turned her head in the direction of the voice. Just as she had suspected, the other person was quite well hidden behind her, just at the treeline. The girl stood up. She had forgotten about her worries, at least for a moment, and had set her mind on the matter at hand. She was rather distraught, she had not expected to encounter anyone let alone someone who appeared to be a zeltron.

She stood there silently for a couple of moments, with water dripping from her feet and probably a rather intrigued, yet bewildered expression occupying her face. She realized how stupid she must look, so she hurried up to reply. "Hello there." the words came out just as loud as she had wanted. Perhaps recent events had given her some control over her emotions, despite her not realizing it.

And then her worries returned. She had calmed herself upon the revelation that there was no immediate thread and the thoughts that had been troubling her so returned in full force. For a moment she thought about thinking up and excuse and leaving, but then she remembered that brief feeling she had received upon enhancing her senses. That darkness that seemed like so much more than she had felt and yet had managed to disappear so quickly. Could it have been this man that had emitted such emotions?

It may not have been her will in that very moment, but it was her duty to find out and, if possible, help.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt you?" she cracked a small smile doing her best to be friendly despite the war of thoughts and emotions waging inside her head.

 

[Ush]

Her mind seemed confused. To Ryloss, that wasn't good at all. He hadn't been able to control it. She might know. And yet, despite the initial confusion, there wasn't any fear. Good. For a moment, the thought of a body dumped in the woods came to mind. The single brain cell that produced the thought was immediately hushed by the billions of others that ran around in his head. He'd done it before, yes, but that didn't mean he'd do it again. He'd also once been sold as a slave. That didn't mean he'd be jumping at the chance to repeat it. Besides, he wasn't a killer anymore. He wasn't that man anymore.
She was younger than him, probably. Maybe five or so years. Her eyes were purple, an unusual colour in a human. At least, he assumed she was human. He'd met a few shapeshifters in his time. Slept with a few. Looking at her mind, though, he could find no trace of anything unusual. Just sadness and confusion. Hmm. Ryloss opened an emotional connection instinctively, allowing him to feel what she was thinking in the same way you could see a shape through a light cloth. Not in detail, but a shadow of it. She was... She felt alone, cut off, devastated by something. The feeling wasn't new to him. He'd felt it before, in himself. Some new truth came to light, one that should have delighted her but instead left her feeling even worse. Ryloss shouldn't be even continuing this conversation. He had to leave. But then his mind went back to the last conversation he'd ever had with a psychiatrist.

"Now you, my friend, you have protective issues. You see someone hurt, or scared, or lonely, you rush to help. Common enough in Zeltrons, I suppose. But the thing that's frigged you up royally is the fact you've been in too many situations where you just can't help anyone. Your issues mean that you'll keep helping, mostly women and children, but you'll also keep getting angrier and angrier."
"So what do I need, Doc?" Ryloss had asked, hoping for a tablet or something.
"A group of people with the same concerns and you need to stop drinking and shagging everything you can. And, obviously, someone to protect. You'll always stand in front of a bullet, Pinkie, no matter who it's aimed at."

Pinkie. Bloody rip off, that man. Five hundred credits and not a word of useful advice. Well, at the time, anyway. Now, Ryloss followed those words. He'd stopped drinking and sex was now something he wasn't really concerned with. It wasn't really helping, he thought. Maybe because he still didn't have that crucial element. Someone to help and protect. Hey, a confused woman was about as good as he was going to get to fit that category.
Tilting his head slightly and clicking his tongue, Ryloss shrugged.
"About as much as I interrupted you, I suppose."
He moved out of the shade, about ten feet away from her and following a circle-like shape on the thick grass until he stood in the open, next to the pond.
"Without this sounding like a fairly terrible pick-up line, do you come here often?"
Ryloss just wanted to know if she used this spot at all.
After a second, he realized something. The anger was no longer bubbling beneath the surface. A distraction. That's what he needed.

 

[Radiwalker]

A moment of silence and yet so much was exchanged between the pair. She could feel him studying her. She didn't know how. She didn't know whether he was inside her thoughts, or whether he could feel the distress within her mind, or whether he could read through the deception of her expression and body language. What she knew was that this man could, with a single look, understand her better than anyone else she had seen, or met, in the past several years... well almost anyone.

But there was more. For she too could read him, or at least thought she could. He too was hiding something and it was taking some effort from him to contain it inside. That reminded her a lot of herself. Fighting off most emotions was hard and then there were those emotions, that no matter how hard one tried, always seemed to make a return at the most untimely of moments. There was only one way to battle those feelings and that was acceptance. Accepting that those emotions can not be defeated and that they are a part of you, a part of who you are and a part of who you'll be.

As the man, or rather zeltron, came out of the treeline and walked into the light, heading towards the pond, while seemingly keeping his distance from her, Jaina slowly allowed her body to return to its natural position, whilst she just couldn't help but stare into his eyes. She felt uncomfortable for a moment and was uncertain whether that was because he was a zeltron, as she had heard stories about them, or because of what she could read in his eyes, that seemed to be the very definition of serenity with their blue color, but if one looked hard enough, one could see something else, something deep beneath the calmness. For it was as they said, the calm waters are the deepest.

From his words she judged he would be enjoyable company and perhaps that was all she needed right now. "I wouldn't know even if it was." was the first thought that ran through her head upon hearing the first part of the question. "I..." she had a good look around as she had been to quite a few small valleys with lakes and waterfalls on Arbra. "I don't believe I do. I just pick a direction and go until I find a place like this... there's quite a few of them here." she look towards her feet and moved them up and down in the water, creating slight ripples that traveled as far as they could. "I don't believe I've seen you around..." she turned her head towards her counterpart again. "Oh and I'm Jaina, by the way."

It had been a while since she had simply spoken to someone. Without fearing them, or judging them, or testing, or teaching them. Then again, she supposed she had only stuck around this man because she had felt something dark. But had she truly, or was that just an illusion created by her worried mind, she had been so on edge lately that she was beginning to doubt her own feelings. Yet this moment felt relaxed, it felt serene and... and calm... like the calm before a storm.

 

[Ush]

Ryloss sensed nothing new that was potentially threatening from her. Allowing himself to relax visibly, he started to produce calming pheromones. While weakened by the distance between them, she would definitely sense them. Allowing the emotional connection to solidify, Ryloss soon felt comfortable to have an actual conversation. The wave had frozen over the sand for the time being. Hopefully it would stay cool enough...
Listening as she spoke, Ryloss watched the ripples she created strike out until they reached those of the waterfall and joined. An extremely peaceful form of destruction. Ah, if only all forms were...
"I once walked and walked and walked on Tython, didn't stop until I reached the sea. And then I walked back..."
He had been trying to die on that walk. It hadn't worked, obviously. Listening to her introduce herself, Ryloss smiled and bowed his head slightly towards her, eyes closing as he did only to open when his head returned to it's original height.
"My name's Ryloss. I was gone for a... A long, long time. I only just found... Well, us, again."
Looking out in much the way he was doing, Ryloss pretended he was back at home, back on Tython. Before the fall, before the war, before everything. When it had been him, Orianna, Labit and Jax sitting in a semi-circle in their little grove, drinking and laughing. Being happy.
"There was a place on Tython, just like this. A bit bigger, maybe, and there was a cave behind the waterfall. It's been about twelve years since I was there, I'd say. But I remember it all. There was a cave, about eighty feet back, I'd say. The waterfall hid the entrance. We used to leave stuff we didn't want the master's finding back there. This was our place. And then they... And then they all died."
He didn't know how he's survived the first blow of losing his entire family in one blow. The people who he'd grown up with, who had shaped him into him...
"After that, I would come here when I was alone. When no one would talk. I suppose it felt like they were still there with me. After a time, I'd bring others here as well. But then they died or disappeared or betrayed us... One by one..."
He was sad, now. Not angry. Just sad, a near crushing feeling to him. He shouldn't be telling her these things. And yet he couldn't help himself. He needed to talk. This woman had just been in the right place at the wrong time. Ryloss gulped and straightened his back, sighing.
"I'm sorry. It's not your burden. It's mine."
He couldn't tell these things to a complete stranger. Some of his closest friends didn't know them. And yet... There was something about this woman Jaina that made him trust her. A feeling of sadness that made him think she understood. A feeling that he could trust her, something he had been lacking in anyone else here in a long, long time.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina didn't speak, she just listened. She was drawn in by the words of her counterpart, so much that her legs stopped moving, her body intensified and her eyes didn't lose sight of Ryloss. At first she wasn't certain where he was going with his words, but then she realized... he, much like her, had come to this place to seek solitude, to find serenity and inner peace, to deal with the demons inside him and put his worries to rest.

His story, however different from hers, ended in a similar conclusion - solitude. She like him had had happy moments, moment during which she allowed herself to dream of a bright future, a future in which she would live with her parents in a secluded house in the plains of Naboo, near a like, much like this one, only bigger and more beautiful and she would have no worries, there would be no war, no death, no loss and no suffering. But those were the dreams of a child. As noble as they were, none of them were even close to becoming reality. She had lost more than she could account for. The parents, who she so cherished, turned out to not be her real parents and despite all her hard work, despite all her blood, tears and toil, here she was, in the company of almost a complete stranger, feeling just as alone and abandoned as the day she had learned her parents had died.

But this time it was different. She was trained and she was prepared. And it was the words of the counterpart that reminded her of who she had become and why and how she had become that person. All those struggles, all those endless hours of training, all those lost loved ones, they were not in vain, she would not let them be in vain. She had learned something from everyone of those people, from every single one of those moments. They were not dead, nor gone, not truly... they lived on within her.

"You're right." she finally spoke out. She didn't even know for how long she had remained silent after Ryloss had stopped speaking. "Your burdens are not mine." she paused for a second. "And mine are not yours. But... that does not mean we should bare them on our own... no one should bare any burden on their own... for we are not in this life for ourselves, but for others and it is through others that our lives gain meaning, as it is through us that the lives of others gain meaning... and we should never forget that, for if we do, we dishonor... no... we disgrace the memory of those who have lived and died for our sake." For the first time in weeks Jaina felt in control.

 

[Ush]

There was a truth to her words, one that Ryloss had learned almost too late. The sadness grew until she would feel it almost pressing down on her. And despite the fact that he had tried not to tell her, the words were pressing themselves out of his choked neck. He hadn't spoken to anyone like this in over a decade.
"I forgot that, once. A few years after they died, I forgot that I had to live for them. That I was the only person who would remember the moments we had together. I wanted to die. So I gave up. Gave up trying. I remember reading something, from a dead culture, that it is alright to attempt to end your own life three times. So, for whatever reason, I only tried three times."
By his own hand, by nature, by fire. None had worked...
"Well, they all failed..."
He was looking out towards the horizon now, towards the trees. He was recalling and speaking of not only his Padawan clan, but of everyone he had lost. After a few moments, he continued to speak. The voice was hoarse.
"Of course, that only made me feel as if I had failed to even do something as worthless as that. I left here soon afterwards. The war was fought as I recovered from the agony of my entire life being systematically destroyed..."
Again, he stopped talking. Drawn into a memory. He had been on level 1313 of Curoscant, and he'd been angry. Something minor had set him off. And then someone had tried to rob him. Crippled, mute, blind. That was how Ryloss had left the man. Back when he had taught it wrong to kill those who wrong you. Back when the very sheds of morality had clung to his bones like a tattered shirt.
"You see and you do things, things you wouldn't do if things hadn't happened to you. Killing... Killing infects you. You do it once and you swear never again. Twice and you're torn up about it. But then the bodies pile up and up and up... And then you start to do the things that drove you to it the people who you hate."
And the anger was back, rearing it's head and screaming. Ryloss' face was dark, slightly tilted down and with a disgusted grimace.
"And with one kill, you make two enemies. You kill them, you end up with four. Killing doesn't just infect you. Killing spreads like a plague and it infects everything and everyone you meet with or talk to or the families of those you killed. At the start you think 'they would have done it to me'. But eventually you just can't give a flying **** about them anymore. And that's when you know that you have become the very thing you may have once sworn to destroy. That's when I knew I couldn't keep killing, before I destroyed myself and everyone I gave a damn about."
Ryloss closed his eyes and tried to calm himself of the rage that was building inside him. The same rage that had been growing for years. Sighing, he opened his eyes and the anger was replaced by weariness.
"I can't kill anymore. If I do, I won't ever be able to stop again. That's why I'm here. That's why I came home."

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina was drawn in by the story and listened with great empathy, or at least during the first part. She too had almost taken her life once. She didn't mean to do it, nor attempt to, but she simply felt like she had nothing left. She felt alone and the World seemed so empty to her, but then she was reminded that she had to live on not only for herself, but for the sake of those who were close to her and had died. She owed it to them. Ever since that day she had been improving, she had been working hard to keep her emotions in check and keep herself going.

But she had never thought how much further she could have fallen. The more she listened to the padawan the more she was frightened by the thought that more than once she could have gone down that same path. She never contemplated on how those feelings could grow on you and become a part of who you are, define your past and shape your future... and killing... she had never killed a man... she had fought battles, she had injured enemies, she had seen and tasted blood, but she had never killed, she didn't know how that would feel and that frightened her even more.

Suddenly she felt like a child again. She knew not what to say, or think. She was lost in the words of her counterpart and she could not mover her trembling eyes from his. He had stopped speaking and she still couldn't regain control over herself. She felt sorry for him, but, what was more, she feared herself. Suddenly her left hand twitched and her right hand's fingers sank into her leg making her snap out of her trance. "I'm sorry." she mumbled, her eyes moving away, as she was regaining control of herself and slowly contemplating what her counterpart had actually said. "You have been through a lot." she paused "More than most people could handle... more than I could probably handle."

Her mind was slowly picking up pace again and her eyes were refilled with resolve. This man... this zeltron, standing a few feet away from her, had been through so much and had been crushed by fate and misfortune, but that did not give him an excuse to give up. As long as he was alive he was not allowed to give up. For there were those that were stripped of the chance to try and get back up after they had fallen and for their sake, he couldn't... he mustn't give up.

"But that does not give you the right to feel sorry for yourself." her tone was rather harsh and she had no intention of changing it. "No matter how strong your hatred is, no matter how irresistible your desires are, you have no right to give up." she found herself on her feet, full of confidence, almost glaring down upon her counterpart. She was in control and she knew exactly what she wanted and what she had to say. "You are still alive, right?" she paused for a moment almost as if she was expecting an answer. "As long as you are alive you cannot give up. As long as you are alive there is not challenge that you cannot overcome, for it you cannon overcome it, it will kill you and even if it does, you owe it to those who were stripped of a chance at survival, to stand up and fight. To face your demons and do whatever's in your power to defeat them."

A slight wind had appeared, gliding over her face and gently blowing her hair backwards. The grass beneath her wet feet was soft to her skin. The blood running down her leg from where she had pressed her fingers, was warm. And yet she paid no attention to any of those sensations. She was completely concentrated on Ryloss and the matter at hand. "You have the power to control your emotions. You have the power to replace your hatred and your bloodlust with love and mercy. No matter how dark your path may appear to be, there is always light and that light isn't on the outside, but rather deep inside. It is within you and only you have the power to unleash and embrace it." gradually her voice had become smoother, but its resolve had not lessened. Her gaze was still as strong, just like her position. Only now she became aware of all other sensations, including the small wound she had inflicted upon herself, without realizing. For a moment she was surprised at how strong this sudden burst of emotion was, but she also felt that it strengthened her case, for she had not allowed it to control her, but rather she had controlled it, using it to put her thoughts into words and communicate them to her counterpart. She was proud of herself.

 

[Ush]

As Jaina spoke, Ryloss watched the blood on her leg slowly slide down. He'd seen too much blood for it to phase him, and instead he just felt a calm indifference and a sort of shadow of the thankfulness that at least it wasn't his. He didn't feel it on her end at all, she was too preoccupied. Her words had wisdom, but not necessarily the kind he appreciated. She had a good voice for speaking. Confident, clear and strong. She was completely focused. He didn't speak until she had finished. After waiting for a moment to make sure she was done, Rylosss looked at her purple eyes and tilted his head towards her leg.
"You've cut yourself."
He reached a hand out towards her and took a step closer, halving the distance between them. The frown lines and small scars would be easy to see, now. His bow furrowed, Ryloss focused on calm emotions and reached a hand towards her leg. He felt the Force begin to knot the damaged tissue together and let his concentration on it slip. In about thirty seconds, it had fully healed. After that, he waited another moment before talking, not looking her in the eyes again.
"It's like... it's like running a race. You start full of energy and giddy, happy and care-free. But then you trip. You fall, maybe hurt yourself. But you get up. It was only a fall, wasn't it? And yet, your confidence, your trust in yourself, is shaken. And then you do it again. And again. And again. And all the while you're seeing the bodies of those who couldn't get up and tell you to go on without them, further and further away... Until you can't see their faces, or hear their voices... And it makes you wonder why you started this race at all, when all it has brought you is pain and misery, and the finish line isn't yet in sight. It seems easier to just lie down and join those who fell, sometimes. You're no longer giddy, or full of energy and you want to know what happened to those that took a different route to the point where you convince yourself they've fallen as well... So if you're the last still running, why bother?"
Another moment passed.
"So why bother..."
Sighing, Ryloss dipped one of his toes into the water. His foot had a cross-like scar on it, and it was this he focused on for a moment before looking up again. This planet was beautiful. Turning to Jaina, he gestured out, his eyes following.
"Look. Within our eyesight, there are tens of thousands of creatures. Millions. Predators, prey, scavengers and those too small to fall into any category. They all share one thing in common. In the blink of an eye, each and every one of them could be dead. Every single moment of every single day, they all stand on that perilous knife-edge of life and death. Some die, others don't, and it's neither's true choice which is which. Because they're animals. But we don't have that luxury, the one of not caring. Life is important to us. It's not all about the next meal, the next hunt, the next mate, the next child. The life of an animal is easier. The life of a sentient, though, that's so much more fulfilling.
"So our knife-edge is different. We can see it coming, sometimes. Other's we can't. But we share one thing in common, one more than they do: We care. Oh, some might not think they do, but they do. We all do, to someone. Our life's more than eating and drinking and rutting. We laugh, we cry, we plot, we scheme. We aid and we hurt. By conscious choice. Our own choice."
Ryloss turned back to the Jedi in front of him, his pheromones made to calm her.
"I made a conscious choice to keep running. I made a choice that I will survive. No... I made a conscious choice to live. But the race has made me tired, and battered and I feel so old from running it. But I'm still running. Because I can still see the faces of those who fell, and I can still hear the voices. I will always see them and hear them. So don't worry about me, Master."
His sad frowned turned into a cocky grin, and fifteen years fell from his face.
"'Cause I've got twenty four people who give me strength to keep running."
A small chuckle ended his allegory, and he let burst another, different kind of pheromones. These made her feel content. It had been years since he'd used them. Looking back at the forest, he sighed heavily.
"I needed to let that out. It has been a few years since I talked to someone who would listen to my personal brand of nonsense for any length of time and had the same kind to a degree I was happy with to spout back at me."
Stepping forwards onto his toes, Ryloss shook his head slightly.
"Because that's all it is. Nonsense. Useless, morbid shit that no one needs and, more importantly, cares about. Just us, the researchers of the macabre and morbid."
Letting out another laugh, Ryloss sank back onto his heels with a small squelch. Under the thick grass, the dirt was quite muddy. Ryloss took notice and checked the heel of his foot, tutting.
"Ach, now someone's going to scream at me for being unhygienic in the Temple. Temple. It's a fancy word for a re-furbished hole in the ground, isn't it? Does it have spires, arches, pillars? I wish. Tython had those. I had this balcony that only I knew about, formed in the cusp of two buildings. I stashed some fine wine there some years ago. Some Sith bastard probably drank my ninety-eight Zeltronian wine. That or, gods forbid, the bottle cracked in the shelling. Ah, well, we can't control these things, can we?"
Letting forth another laugh, Ryloss watched the ripples from the water-fall spread, now at ease.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina took small notice of the cut in her leg. She didn't mind it. But she saw compassion in the actions of her counterpart and she appreciated it. Few men would trouble themselves to tend to a small wound, but it was just those men that had the biggest hearts. Once the healing was done, Jaina sat back down. She had calmed, partially because the emotional moment had passed, partially because she had wanted to and partially because of something else, something foreign... could it be that...

She relaxed her feet, stretching them out to the edge of the land, where small ripples, that had barely reached the edge, pushed the water just over the edge of the lake. It kept the grass wet and the land muddy, it was a pleasant feeling to allow one's feet to rest there, with the water gliding underneath, massaging the soft bare skin of one's feet.

Jaina listened to the words of her counterpart. Contemplating each sentence, depicting every word. He was no longer speaking of his sole experience, but rather of the struggle of each and every life. And often the question asked was whether the blood, sweat and toil, which life brought upon those who embraced it, were really worthwhile.

Yet Ryloss, much like her, had decided he would endure, he would persevere and despite the deep sadness within him, he seemed to be happy with his choice. He was happy to keep struggling. To keep running. And she respected that.

Suddenly, the girl realized that while she had been busy contemplating the words coming out of Ryloss' mind, heart and soul, she had failed to notice the pheromones his body was emitting. That calming sensation she had experienced and the serenity that had overcome her, were probably a result of the pheromones, more than her own control over her emotions. Her realization, however, was brought upon her by the change of those pheromones. Suddenly she felt contempt, but she didn't fight it. There was no reason to fight it. In a place of such beauty and serenity, there was nothing to fight. She could relax and, for once, enjoy the moment.

She understood where Ryloss' was coming from, for she too felt like there was nobody she could speak to about her worries and not because nobody would listen, but because nobody would care, not the way she needed them to care, nor the way she would need them to understand. So she had kept her emotions and thoughts to herself, just like he had. But now, it seemed, they had both confined to one another and thus had relieved each other of their worries, or at least as much as sharing could bring any relief.

"This one is more of an enclave." Jaina finally spoke out. She was surprised that he had not seen it, yet, for as simple as the building was, it had a certain vibe about it... a certain beauty. And while it may not be have been majestic like the temples on Tython, Coruscant and Empress, it was confound, secluded and, to a great extent, had a strange way of making one feel safe and calm. "And it is beautiful in its own way. But I'll let you be the judge of it yourself." she knew that the temple might be one thing to her while being a completely different thing to someone else, as was often the case. "As for your wine, I am certain that fate and the Force will reimburse you for it in full and more."

 

[Ush]

Ryloss let out a dry laugh.
"If I was reimbursed in full for everything I've lost over the years, I'd be-" he waved his hand for dramatic effect, pursing his lips in thought, "-sleeping with the Empress and have found a Jedi Holocrom detailing how to change the past. No, unfortunately it doesn't really work like that in my experience. Ninety-nine out of a hundred cases, at the least. Sure, someone may occasionally find a jewel of amazing value in the ruins of their burnt down house, but I for one doubt the Force works in that way. If it did, the Sith would be long since wiped out, we'd be back on Tython and the Mandalorian sector would still be capable of sustaining life. None of those are completely true, so we can assume that it either doesn't work at all or doesn't work as quickly as we'd all like. That's all up to the individual."
Letting out a small sigh, he tilted his foot forwards and ground his toes into the mud, leaving a near-perfect foot print.
"At least, that's what the Master's told me for fifteen or so years of my life. I went looking into all of them, everyone I knew from before, and not one of them is still with us. A fair few died on Curoscant, the first time it went up. I only survived that by chance. It was unreal, walking through the ruin of that thing after the bomb went off. All the really good fighting instructors who taught me were on the Will."
He shook his head. Nothing more needed to be said about loosing the Will of the Force.
"Most died in the next year or so. The last major trainer of mine was killed on Endor. And the last trainer that I could find record of died in the Sage Halls. A couple just disappeared. So much data was lost when the Sith took care of the Temples. I suppose I should be thankful. The only hunters I ever had to deal with were on Taris before the Imperials blockaded it, and even then it was just because a security camera noticed the ship I'd been flying had been on Curoscant."
He'd sold the ship for five hundred credits to a Mandalorian. Last he'd heard of it was that it had been shot down on Mandalore. Stepping away from Jaina a bit, Ryloss picked up a small smooth stone from the shore. Bringing his hand back, he expertly skimmed it. It trailed across the water, leaving uneven ripples as it went until it stopped on the far shore. Holding out his hand, Ryloss returned it to his hand with the Force.
"The Sage Halls. Tython. Curoscant. The Will of the Force. Those places were homes to me. The memories associated with them are generally pleasant, innocent. When I was fourteen, fifteen, I believed that the worst that could happen had already happened. I believed that I had struck bedrock. So I allowed myself to be happy when the opportunity was presented to me. Those years were the sweetest. And they passed on Tython. From what I've heard, we may have to burn the atmosphere if we ever return to it. The forests on Tython took hundreds of years to grow to their wildness and density. It won't be my home ever again. That's what a Temple is to me. A home. I even called the Will and the Light Temples, because I lived in them at some point. By calling the... Enclave a Temple it lets me believe that one day I might end up being comfortable there. As it is, it feels like a mockery of Tython and Curoscant."
Out of all the Jedi hideouts, he liked being on the Light the most. But Arba seemed closer to Tython outside of the Temple. Besides, he'd seen a Mandalorian capital ship explode. The Will had gone. He sure as hell wasn't living on the Light after that.
"Everyone I knew before's gone, too. The Master's have completely changed. This current batch, they're relatively young. Untested. All they've done as leaders until now is run and hide. I hope they realise that we've run out of places to turn. The next time the Sith find us, we're dead. They burned ol' Sebastian's hospital, they'll empty every single gun they have on us. Arba will probably crack, Anoth will turn to dust. The Light might get away, but not for long. And the people here... I knew someone once, Rhonun Tor. I couldn't stand the bastard. He was a prick. But he was a warrior. I think he died on Tython. If we'd had a hundred more of him... Might've been different. Might not have. But Rhonun Tor sure as hell didn't go down without a fight. I hope the rest of us get half that chance."
The stone buried itself in the mud on the far side of the pond after Ryloss had skimmed it half a dozen times. Tutting, he sat on the grass.
"But enough of all that. If I went on about all the people I've ever met who did something brilliant we'd be here for days. What about you, have you any stories about those that aren't here anymore you don't mind sharing?"

 

[Radiwalker]

It had been a long time since someone had opened up to Jaina like that, perhaps the last person to do so was Maric. Sure she had had padawan to train, but none of them had shared any deep personal thoughts like the one standing before her had and he wasn't even assigned to her. Sure he had called her master, but what did that mean, he couldn't be fond of her knowledge, for she had scarcely shared any, as for her wisdom, it had hardly exceeded his on the matters they were discussing. Nevertheless, she felt like some connection was being formed between them, some bond.

His words once more put her through deep contemplation. Her eyes followed the stone as it left his hand and skipped over the water, only to return to his hand, but those eyes were empty. Her thoughts were with his words. Finally when the inevitable question came, the girl smiled. She, unlike her counterpart, hadn't met many masters, or knights, not even many padawan, before the Empire invaded the homes of the jedi. And that had been because upon arriving in the temple, she had already lost the people she had felt closest to her and she was scared that if she got connected to someone else she might lose them too.

But then she had been lonely. She had to face all challenges by herself and despite her struggles and courage and stubbornness, she had had a hard time overcoming them. Finally, after the reunion of the jedi, if it could be called such, she had decided that she needed others. She needed their smiles and their approval. She needed their friendship and support. And that is why she had begun to open up, to rely on people, to connect to them and most importantly, she had begun to value their lives as much as her own, because they were becoming a part of her life. She was prepared to defend them with her life, because they were a part of it and if any of them were lost because of her, it would destroy her.

"Actually," she finally spoke out, with a slightly low, thoughtful voice, "I do. My parents," they weren't actually her biological parents, as she had recently been told, but they had raised her, which was all that mattered to her for that definition, "had this big plan. They were soldiers in the alliance you see and they wanted to save enough money for us to live on the plains of Naboo. They had found the perfect house. Near a lake. Far from the city, but not too far. It had a fireplace and a second floor and a balcony. A great view of the plains that were filled with flowers and small animals pouncing about. Every little girl's dream. Everything was arranged. They only had to get the money. They had set off on one last mission that was supposed to get them the last bit of credits required. However, the knock on the door that was to announce their return, announced their death instead," she paused for a moment. It had been a while since Jaina had last spoke of her parents' death. She could still remember the day as if it were yesterday. The man at the door. How she had locked herself away after hearing the news. The destruction her sadness had caused. And the loneliness... and the sadness... they were the worst.

"And I suffered," she finally continued "I suffered for a very long time. I didn't talk, I didn't connect with anyone in the temple. No master would take me on, I had to teach myself through reading and practicing during hours when nobody else was using the training rooms, because I was embarrassed and... afraid. Afraid that if I connected to somebody I might lose them again. And now, many years later, I do feel reimbursed for that. Fully. Yes, I have lost again since then. Yes, the jedi were almost wiped out and are on the verge of extinction. But. If you think about it. The sith progressed very quickly with their initial attack. It took them a very short time to invade all jeid Worlds and destroy and sack and plunder and drive us away. But now it has been long years since they have last tried to expand. True that does mean that they have had time to prepare. But it also means that they have stretched beyond their reach. The strong hand of the Empire can no longer hold all its subjects in check. I do not know details, or facts, but I see the results. If the Empire was as strong as when the sith first attacked Tython, or Coruscant, then you can be certain they would already have come here and wiped us out."

She stopped for a moment, lifting up a stone of her own, throwing it into the center of the lake. She didn't want to make it skip, she simply wanted to throw it into the lake and the center seemed like a pretty good spot for that endeavor. "I am not saying the Empire is weak, nor that we are strong. I am not saying that we can suddenly rise up and liberate the Galaxy. All I am saying is is that there is hope and as long as there is hope I will cling to it and fight and stay alive in spite of the dreaded sith. What about you," she asked taking a step back from the lake and turning half in the direction of the enclave, half facing her counterpart, extending her free hand to him.