The Fallen Angel

Kouta

Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Oct 10, 2010
Messages
263
Reaction score
0
[SPOILER="]
Deus-Ex-Human-Revolution.jpg
[/SPOILER]

NAME: Angelo Mendoza

FACTION: Crytek Marine Corps

RANK: Lieutenant

SPECIES: Human

AGE: 31 (appearance frozen around 27)

GENDER: Male

HEIGHT: 6'0

WEIGHT: 225lbs

EYES: Shifts, depends on preference at the given moment

HAIR: Black (Though can change)

SKIN: light olive tan

CREDITS: 1,000 (ex-billionaire)

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: very little is left untouched by some kind of cybernetics

FORCE SENSITIVE: no

STRENGTH: 10/10 Robotic arms and legs give him extensive power.

DEXTERITY: 9/10 the combination of cybernetic augments make him very agile

CONSTITUTION: 8/10 Aside form almost dying, his new body is extremely durable, though a large amount of water wouldn't be good for him.

INTELLIGENCE: 10/10 Angelo is extremely smart to control all of the implants and augments in his body without going insane.

WISDOM: 5/10 he never thought philosophical wisdom would be very useful.

CHARISMA: 8/10 he use to let his winning smile and money speak for him, he now has to rely on his silver tongue instead.

FORCE POWERS: N/A

SKILLS:
Stealth, due to various cybernetic cloaking technologies. Full invisibility is not achieved, but active cloaking aids in stealth.

Inhuman characteristics: Punching holes through walls, running at speeds that would match most land speeders, never seeming to tire out. Angelo is the apex of his family’s cyborg tech, before the company disappeared.

Optical enhancers: Zoom, infrared, electromagnetic.

Neural enhancement: Each piece of robotics has been hardwired directly into his brain, enhancing thought process as well as speed, and it also gives him direct control of his implants making them just as much a part of his body as his real organs were.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS: N/A

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Strengths- The replacements, enhancements, and implants that practically rebuilt Angelo has turned him into what some would consider as the ‘perfect’ soldier. With extreme strength, speed, agility, and stamina, accompanied with a mind of a genius, Angelo has indeed become a force to be reckoned with.

Weaknesses- He has a thing with hospitals. Being in one for such an extended period of time makes him uneasy when he’s, around, or worse, in them. For obvious reasons, drowning is bad…. Very very bad… a small amount of water is ok, but if he injest’s a massive amount… he’ll probably explode.


GEAR: Various blades hidden within his arms, long black coat, flask, and various survival gear. a small caliber machine slug thrower that folds out of his right arm, and two custom revolver slug throwers holstered hidden in his jacket.


SHIP:

"
Space_Vagabonds__Nighthound_by_ukitakumuki.jpg
"

The remaining credits he owned went into this older gunship he was building with his father, before the tragedy happened.
can carry up to 12 people comfortably, supplies can last up to two weeks, longer if less people are aboard. Fitted with a hyper-drive and reinforced to be able to withstand such a trip.
two turrets, both fire shell less .50 caliber slugs at over 50 rounds a second.
one at the head and another at the bow of the ship.
A neural up-link has been added to connect to Angelo directly, with an on board VI to take orders whether Angelo is on or off of the ship.

PETS: none


PERSONALITY:
Angelo was a cocky little prick. He received what he wanted, when he wanted. HE was the heir of the leading robotics industry in nine systems, why wouldn’t he get whatever he pleased? Partying all night and sleeping all day, that was Angelo’s life. He was very laid back, having rather take a shot of whiskey then one to the chest. He let his father and employees handle all of the technical stuff with the business, he just reaped the rewards. After the accident, he was even more headstrong. “I beat the reaper himself!” Angelo would think. That is… until he saw the medical bill. His surgery cleared out almost his entire fortune. This humbled him. Angelo became more serious, using the money he had left to travel, see if he could be a part of another company, any make his new life elsewhere.
Today, Angelo is still rather laid back, but he’s humble now a days, doesn’t think too hightly of himself anymore.
BIOGRAPHY:
Angelo sat, a searchlight pointed in his eyes, which dimmed automatically to aid in his sight. “So my call was finally answered it seems.” He claimed, talking to someone that was not there. “It sure took you all long enough.”
Two, rather burly, men stepped in, both carrying assault rifles, light illuminating from each of their masks. “It is impressive that you know about us, and after spending so much time and money to cover our tracks. Tell me, for I am intrigued, how do you know of us?
Angelo smiled up at the speaking man, “My company gave birth to you, you were also the death… of my enterprise…” he said, smile turning to a grin, “You do not remember Angel Productions? Of course you don’t, it never existed, not officially at least. After my father died, I invested money into you as your company was still a fetus. My funds stopped when I got my operation, which wiped out the majority of my wealth.”
“And, if I may ask, what happened to the rest of your family’s wealth?” he asked.
Angelo lent back in his chair, looking at the ceiling, “Personal investments, I think I have about 1000 credits left in my account, big difference from the hundreds of billions I was use to.
The masked man pulled up a data pad, “This states that your entire family is deceased, correct?” he asked, his flashlight eyes moving from the pad to Angelo, who was rolling his eyes at the time.
“Yes, yes, they’re all dead, I mean just look at me! I should be with them” he raised his voice, lofting the sleeves on his coat, showing the metallic black of his arms, “Why must everyone bring that up?” Angelo sounded annoyed. “If it wasn’t for my home blowing up, I wouldn’t be here.” He claimed.
And your family died how…?” his questions becoming more and more invasive.
“My estate on corusant was bombed… From the inside” Angelo sounded sad, “I’m still searching for the killers, but I feel like I’m getting close.

"
Deus-Ex-Human-Revolution-Cinematic-Trailer.jpg
"

Pulling up the Data pad once more, “Your operation….” He stopped, looking at some of the pictures, “How extensive are the augments?” he asked.
“They’re enough.” Angelo snapped back, he had no interest in revealing his secrets. He was, after all, one of a kind.
The man nodded, “so… you showed me your appearance, what can you do?” he asked, as the second aimed his rifle between Angelo’s eyes. Within moments, Angelo was standing; his left hand on the soldiers left shoulder, his right hand on top of the soldiers scull. Angelo’s right hand gripped down hard, rotating 270 degrees clockwise, the man’s body going limp almost instantly. HE grabbed the man’s rifle, pointing it at the man who spoke, “And I am fully aware that this company is the one who murdered my family.” He claimed, before firing two rounds into the man’s head.
Angelo dropped the rifle before exiting the door, shortly flying away in the ship he came in on, the building erupting in a fiery inferno, a scene Angelo was all too familiar with. “And my personal investments are all worth it.”

I didn't really know what to do with myself after that night. I began to drift, i smoked, drank, and whored myself through almost half the galaxy. Couldn't settle down, tried, memories kept flooding back. So i moved on, got drunk, and forgot. Wash rinse repeat...
Entering the core planets i began taking work as hired gun, i charged a fortune, but i was damn well worth it. I mean, I'm one of a kind, built to be perfect, who could top me?
I wasn't expecting to, but i found the answer to that question. Never caught her, yes her, name, all i know was she was my target, and my employer was hers. She was a Togruta, and one hell of a shot. I would counter her strategies, and she would counter mine... slightly more often than i did hers... She was skilled, no doubt about that, and i placed a but too much faith on my enhancements, rather than my own skill. I became reckless, and took a shotgun blast to my chest. Medically speaking, I died... er, again. I should really work on that...

I survived, thanks to my mechanics, and retreated, the bout was her's and i didn't get paid. It's ok, i saved up a small fortune from the jobs before her. I hired the most advanced (and expensive) doctors and scientists i could find, but they couldn't repair me, not fully anyways. How could i blame them? the tech used in my body was crafted by myself, and i didn't have the resources, nor the funds to do it again. My arms and legs we're repaired, but they we're far below the capacity that they were before. I was still pretty damn strong and fast, i could compete and keep up with any human, and quite a few other races as well, but it hurts a hell of alot more jumping off buildings than it use to. My gun was scrapped, useless since my left arm was gone. I replaced my blades though, i took some solace in that.
So. I'm human again yay... I haven't felt like this in quite some time. I found out that my nervous system is still all synced. I still have my aim!
The black markets across the galaxy have become my closest friends. I'm working hard, but i think my project is worth it.

Got my hands on some stealth tech today, it's bulky, but i think i an rewire a few things, reduce the weight a bit. It should fit perfectly with the suit... wait, no, damn, Just ruined the surprise... To late to delete this recording now. Might as well go into the specifics.

The first obstacle was the power supply, since the tech was slightly lower quality than my original designs, so the power it took was astronomical. The solution came to me while i was studying the innards of the lightsaber, how such small batteries could power a blade so strong. it recycled it's own energy, brilliant! Using the same concept the multiple power sources amplified the energy output, the recycled energy adding to what was being produced, quickly powered the suit. It takes about a minute to fully charge once activated, but the output efficiency is amazing, and the energy output seems infinite, though I've never kept the suite active for more than a week straight, a stress test more than anything else.

The helmet was designed to compensate for what i lost in my eyes and senses. The optics are able to cycle through many different spectrum, adding a visual aid for sonic detection. This thing amazes even me.
I finally implemented the stealth systems into the suit. A few power cells have been reserved for its use, so it wouldn't hinder the other functions of the suit, the stealth systems, once activated, can stay on for as long as needed. However, my modifications lessened the stealth field, taking about 5% away from being completely transparent. There are very very slight image distortions when moving, but overall, I', pretty much invisible, to the naked eye at least. Infrared and electronic visions can still pick me up, as well as force users sensing my presence.

Through field tests, my reflexes are greatly increased, I can't dodge a bullet or anything of the sort, but it is a nice edge in a fight no doubt. I'm fast with this suit, i mean really fast. I can reach speeds of about 45kph at full sprint, though my control becomes shaky after I pass 35. Straight paths are no problem for me to run at full speed though.

As with my old implants, this suit, once placed on, syncs up to my neural network, similar to how my ship does.

After more testing, using higher speeds does begin to drain the power, though it does recharge when i return to normal speeds, i can't continually use my "super sprint"

My final touch was something i call "Overdrive" It overloads the power cells, tripling it's output, in turn tripling the power of my suit. My sprint reached 150kph though the winds hitting me prevented me from going any faster. I shoulder charged through a concrete wall about a foot thick. It hurt like hell, but i have all rights to be proud of doing what i just did.

The drawbacks of this mode came to light about 20 minutes after i activated it for the first time. The integrity of the suit has been greatly reduced, it will take time to completely repair the damage i caused. My own body took quite a beating as well, i need fairly extensive repairs to my chest, and legs, mostly from me pushing my body far past its limit during my use of overdrive. I'm not sure if this mode is worth it, the charge i used to activate it is fried, i have one left at the moment and it was a pain to build. I'll keep it with me just in case, for now.

39013-2-1293331006.png

39013-1-1293331005.png

39013-4-1293331006.png

It's been four years since I began working on this armor, and it's been worth every second. My last trial run ran perfectly, all systems green, ready for field operation.
I've modded my rifle and pistols a bit, to compensate for the wear and tear they went through the past three years (when i bought them from Nar Shadaa)

Tori

Chain_Gun_For_Web_2.jpg


Named after my own ex, this assault rifle of mine will cause hell for anything in it's sights, much like the girl it's named after.
This gun was my own personal creation from years ago, i managed to salvage it on a return trip to where the mercenary killed me. The rifle was pretty banged up, but after extensive repairs and a few upgrades it was finished about a year ago. Quite the piece of work if i do say so myself. The rifle is like a mini factory, taking the power from my suit, (albeit the amount of power consumed by the gun is replaced almost immediately if the suit is running at full capacity.) The concept is that the ammo is a single large block, though it's been fitted to accept normal clips of mid size, the rifle shaves of a piece of this block, no larger than a cubic centimeter in size, and with the power borrowed from the suit, launched it out of one of the 6 the barrels. Capable of firing about 7 rounds a second, the clip needs to be changed after 300 rounds are fired.

Due to the heavy firepower, I don't usually carry this on me, i prefer to rely on Allen or my 'girls'

Merl and Lily

M-5_Phalanx.png


X6c_Carnifex.png


Named after my Beautiful mother and sister, bless their souls, Merlie and Liliana
These handguns are quick, reliable, and powerful. Each has great stopping power with relatively low recoil, and use the classic combustion style to fire the slugs.

Allen

rifle.jpg


Quick, and precise, just like my father was, this rifle uses the same technology that the "Tori" assault rifle does, but it's been refitted to be semiautomatic, thus the gun is much smaller. The scope is long range, with the accuracy to match it. Linked with the suit, I'm able to hit a target at about two and a half miles out at my farthest.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

IMpish

New Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Heya. Just reread Angelo.

I do not think it will will effect our thread at all, but this dude seems a lot overpowered. It's not a problem with the prosthetics etc, but you just call him the "perfect soldier." In this era, I seriously doubt these kinds of abilities exist. Even by the time Luke Skywalker gets his implants, they are not far past being able to perfectly emulate human. Other PCs I know have prosthetics able to emulate human limbs with great precision, but no superpowers.

In your case, you described a situation where your body was eviscerated by an explosion, and you even say you should not be alive. You should be in similar condition to Darth Vader, if you were thousands of years ahead of era tech. Being able to run 100+kph and kill anyone in a single blow needs one of two things.

1. Tone him down a little. This char seems like a true super. Definitely not someone who would show up in Star Wars. Or
2. Go all the way with the super thing. As it is he dies if he drowns. This is true for anyone, but you don't even state he can't swim. Give him a true weakness. Something that does not let you auto-win as he can now.

Several ideas:
1a. Get rid of the "will not tire" clause. Something like this takes a lot of energy, and unless he is packing a nuclear reactor, this energy has to come from somewhere.
1b. Give him a nuclear reactor. If he goes for too long at super status, catastrophic failure(i.e. shuts down, leaden reactions, worst case meltdown if he overexerts himself).

2a. Dull reactions. he moves super fast and super strong. Like the Mjolnir-II armor from Halo, it must be hard to control. Give him less accuracy or slow reaction time.
2b. Give him ultra fast reflexes, but they never stop. He can never slow down to just live life. Would be fun as hell to roleplay and develop.

Stuff like that. But yeah, making a character who averages 8.66/10 is way overpowered. I am in no way saying he cannot be balanced as he is, that all depends on how you play him. I am just saying, one PC to another, that playing a god is no fun. You win, and then win again, and then win, with no effort or creativity. Trust me, I have done that before.

The only reason superman does not always win is because supervillains are just as powerful as him. The only reason he sometimes loses is because of kryptonite.
 

Kouta

Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Oct 10, 2010
Messages
263
Reaction score
0
I see your point, but they aren't just prostetics, they are also enhancements, which iscommon place in card and considering my guys position in card I tried to makethe strengths in accordance. However he's still as mortal as any other character. I did leave many things implied and I said I needed to edit many things. When I can get on a computer ill make changes.
 

IMpish

New Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
kk, but just being mortal is not enough. As he is written, I doubt ANYONE could defeat him, short of a Jedi Master, in a fair fight.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

IMpish

New Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
And I defeated him, but only because I allowed him to get right up against my shotgun. I look forward to your rebuild. An interesting part may be exactly what blew up from that blast. The only thing I would totally scrap is the superspeed. Cyborgs are known for being able to get pretty darn fast, but not exceed force powers.
 

Raider

Active Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Dec 6, 2005
Messages
2,257
Reaction score
31
kk, but just being mortal is not enough. As he is written, I doubt ANYONE could defeat him, short of a Jedi Master, in a fair fight.
Do keep in mind that the statics and what is written in a profile does not determine how powerful a character really is. A Jedi Padawan can defeat the Dark Lord of the Sith on this site. RPing ability is placed much higher than anything written in profiles.
 

IMpish

New Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
True. The and of the duel we just had is a good indication of that.
 

IMpish

New Member
SWRP Writer
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Sweet, I love the rewrite. a much more interesting build, and much more fleshed out in terms of playability. I also like your reference to TK. Her.

One question, though: what is the limitation on his armor. Very important.What kind of rounds can it take, explosions, etc.
 

HK-2E

Banned
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
448
Reaction score
0
This isn't my usual review tone, but I can't say I agree with the abilities of the character. The enhancements are 20,000 years ahead of where they should be, and really shouldn't be made until then. They seriously just need to be tone down to par with the current technology. It really isn't fair that you add several weapons on top of that. I do like the character idea, but it is a little too reminiscent of the six million dollar man. I should know better than anyone that RPing goes above a character's skills, but there are limits. If it isn't logical to any degree to beat someone with your character, RPing better than that person will not mean too much. Simply put, it just wouldn't be logical for anyone to beat a character like this. I'm all about logic. The character also scored 53 due mostly to the fact there is hardly a good flaw. 50+ puts it in the "kill it dead" category. This is basically the average character I would expect to see from someone though.

This character gets three hidden blades... out of five.

rating_3.gif
 
Top