The Road There

[MoreThanSane]

The food had a certain dullness about it; just texture, no flavor, no color. Usually he would have sent it back, asked the chefs to add some spices to liven it a bit, but he didn't now. There wasn't any reason. All food was like this now, mush in his mouth. Dull mush, all of it. Ever since she'd gone.

Adelmar Eald VII, son of Adelmar Eald VI, Baron of the Eald family of the Tapani noble House Calipsa, sighed and placed another bite in his mouth. It was no doubt one of the finest dishes the passenger liner's chefs could conceivably whip up, probably superb in every respect, yet it held no value to him. He could only smile sadly at the waiter and deliver his thanks.

He flipped a page on the small book he was reading, acquired from a small shop in Galactic City before he'd boarded the liner bound for Empress Teta. The Jedi--Things You Should Know was its title, so incredibly banal he'd had to purchase it. Banal was good, banal was easy and predictable. He needed easy and predictable. He'd hardly managed to hold himself together this long, and imagined any surprises would tear him apart for good.

He glanced around the ship's little diner. It wasn't lavish, but it was nice. Numb though he may have been, Adelmar still managed to appreciate the realism of the people around him. Not arrogant Tapani nobles, but real people who did real things. It was refreshing. Melody would have loved it.

And there it was. The pain, the gaping wound inside his chest. He dropped his fork and placed his hands on his temples, gently massaging and trying desperately to keep down the sobs that threatened to push through his thin facade of a defense. It took him minutes, but he won the battle eventually. How much longer his resolve would last, Adelmar had no idea.

He picked his fork back up and resumed eating.

 

[Holiday]

"Excuse me. Do you mind if I sit here?"

Izime had approached the table seemingly without Adelmar noticing. She flashed him a bright smile, her flawless teeth glistening in the artificial light that illuminated the dull atmosphere from above. Her bright red hair glowed incandescently as the light passed through the strands, and while it was somewhat difficult to pick up on, her emerald coloured eyes sparkled.
"All of the other seats seem to be taken," she said reluctantly as she peered around the room. Indeed, most of the seats were fully occupied. "I don't mind looking somewhere else though, if it bothers you?" she asked, looking at Adelmar curiously. Izime was never one to offend or bother someone, and always made sure she took the proper precautions in order to stay on someone's good side. Her bright smile had faded into a nervous and timid grin as she awaited a response from Adelmar.

 

[MoreThanSane]

Adelmar hadn't understood just how much his Tapani House had succeeded in molding him to their ways until he'd left the Sector. Even now, unsure of himself and his ability to function through so simple a task as eating, he was immediately to his feet without thought, politely gesturing for the woman to take the chair opposite him. It was confusing, not knowing just what drove him to display manners. Most beings would have simply refused. But not a Tapani.

He sighed as he sat back down, the woman taking her own chair. He truly didn't want company. Perhaps she would simply order her food and attend to her own needs in silence and leave him to his distractions. He hoped so. He hoped so desperately.

But before he could stop himself, his training took over again. "Adelmar Eald," he introduced himself. Fortunately he managed to restrain his hand. He wasn't sure if he could take another person's hand. Not now. Perhaps not ever. He simply didn't know.

Perhaps they would simply exchange introductions, and then this woman would leave him alone. Leave him alone to bury himself in the depths of his mind. That would be for the best, he thought, to simply bury himself alive, insulated from the pains and horrors of the galaxy. Yes, that would certainly be for the best.

 

[Holiday]

Izime smiled as she took her seat with Adelmar. He seemed like a nice enough person, but at the same time he seemed like he wanted to be alone. She could feel it within him; something eating away at his heart, something turning this poor figure before her into more misery than human.
"My name is Izime Reeve," she said with another pleasant smile. She had a lot of experience in dealing with the downtrodden before, but this was a different case. This man's life wasn't scarred by a simple lack of funds of harassment. This was something far more serious, and Izime wasn't entirely sure that she could help this man. She was certainly going to try, however.
"Where are you headed?" she asked Adelmar politely as she ordered a simple glass of water. "I'm on my way to Empress Teta, then to Tython. Jedi training," she said, continuing to smile brightly at him.

 

[MoreThanSane]

Adelmar was startled. He hadn't realized there would be more Jedi trainees aboard the vessel. He wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. If she had a connection to the Force, then she could probably sense the pain in his presence just as he could the warmth in hers. So warm. So warm, just like....

He sighed, the expression a momentary relief if pain. It never worked for long, but it helped for the tiniest fraction of a second, long enough for him to focus his mind firmly on the interesting fact that there were more Jedi on the ship. That should intrigue him, right?

"Really? Me too. I was under the impression that I was the only one."

 

[Holiday]

"Really? How intriguing!" said Izime, the smile on her face only getting bigger and even more brighter with glee. She took a sip of the crystal clear water set in front of her, setting the glass down when she was finished. "At first, I was worried I would be the only one on the ship. I guess that was a silly thought, huh?" she asked, giggling at herself. "Why are you going? I'm heading there because I've always love reading and hearing about the Jedi Order. For the longest time I wished I could be one, but I didn't think I could because I didn't know I was Force Sensitive. When I found out that I was, I saved up my credits and... well, here I am!" she said excitedly. Izime immediately calmed down when she realized she was rambling. She turned her head away in embarrassment.
"Sorry," she squeaked quietly. "I talk too much sometimes. I hardly let you get a word in..."

 

[MoreThanSane]

She was so genuine and enthusiastic and contagious, Adelmar wanted to chuckle just as much as he wanted to curl up underneath a blanket and hide. Torn as he was, the young noble managed a sad, pained smile and closed his book. He felt Izime with the Force--at least the thought it was the Force--pushed outward with his feelings as he always had when speaking with someone new, actively probing her. He didn't know if other Force sensitives could feel his mind's nudging. Probably, he supposed, but after twenty years of doing that to everyone he met, the action was second nature.

And his probing, rudimentary though it was, revealed just what his more passive senses had as well; Izime was a melting pot of warmth, excitement, caring, all of it dominated by a sharp intelligence that seemed to poke and shift about the room. She was simply too positive and free of any hint of deception for him to ignore or dislike her. Perhaps he even felt a desire to speak with her, he couldn't tell for sure.

"It's quite all right," Adelmar said. He took a small bite of his food and set his fork down. Slipped his book into a pocket. "I hardly mind. It's a pleasant change to speak with someone who's actually interested in conversation, honestly. So you're from Coruscant, then? What did you do there?"

 

[Holiday]

Izime let out a dry, hesitant laugh as Adelmar asked her what she used to do.
"I don't know if you're familiar with the Reeve family," she said. She scratched the back of her neck, as if she was embarrassed to admit she was descended from the Reeve family line. "They're pretty big political activists. I was the black sheep," she admitted. "I didn't agree with their narrow minded and dogmatic view of the commoners, so I spent all of my free time down in the lower parts of Coruscant, helping those who weren't as 'privileged' as we were." Izime took another sip from her water and stared down at it quietly for a moment, watching her reflection sway with the crystal clear liquid. "I developed a sort of name and reputation for myself. The people of the lower levels of Coruscant called me, 'The Queen in Rags'. It was a rather silly title, honestly..."

Izime took another drink from her glass, a longer one this time. She set the glass back down on the table and beckoned the waiter over, giving the protocol droid her glass for a refill.
"I certainly didn't dress in rags," she said.

 

[MoreThanSane]

"That's admirable," Adelmar said, made even more self-conscious by the woman's obvious interest in helping the common people. He was a noble. A Tapani noble. His family used to execute commoners on the spot for showing the slightest disobedience, and though such behavior had been tempered to an extent the lower classes were still treated like dirt. He'd never agreed with the practice, but he'd never take open opposition to it. Another of his failures.

"Truly, it is," he said. "So many beings are taken advantage of by the rich and the powerful, or even the only-slightly-better-off. To combat that is, well, admirable, like I said." He ate another bite of his dinner, glanced at Izime as he did so, noting the slight embarrassment on her face and in her presence. He wondered at it; possibly in relation to her parents' views? Most likely, but he decided not to inquire.

He swallowed hard and tried once again to smile at her. "Would you like something to eat?"

 

[Holiday]

Izime thought for a moment as she was asked if she wanted something to eat. She felt her stomach growl at her a little bit, but at the same time she didn't have much of an appetite. She wasn't sure why she couldn't make up her mind about food.
"Sure," said Izime with a smile. She had decided to be polite and take Adelmar up on his offer for food, not wanting to potentially offend him by turning it down. "Something small though, if you don't mind," she made sure to add in, not wanting him to spend too many credits buying her some sort of extravagant meal she would only partially eat. She wasn't particularly picky about whatever it was she received, so she left Adelmar to surprise her with something. The protocol droid she had given her empty glass to had returned, setting the glass down in front of Izime.
"Can I get you anything else?" the droid asked in its monotonous, robotic voice.

 

[MoreThanSane]

Adelmar shrugged and ordered the most expensive--and of course, smallest--dish on the menu. He still had direct access to the Eald family treasury, and had no qualms with spending every last credit his kriff-head of a father had horded during his long reign. In fact, he very much desired to do just that. "A bottle of your finest wine, as well," he said before the droid shuffled off. He suspected that Izime wasn't one to engage in the consumption of alcoholic beverages, but he saw no reason not to purchase some just in case.

He realized suddenly that it might appear to any casual observers--perhaps even to Izime herself--that he was attempting to impress or charm her. That was not an idea he wished to convey. His hands strayed to his temples and began rubbing in circles, trying to push the thoughts away. He had enough anxiety, and if any questions of that nature arose then he'd simply explain the situation. It was nothing to worry over. Was it? He simply didn't know any more. The simplest of situations were beginning to baffle him. He couldn't focus.

The droid returned with his wine and poured a glass. "Your dish will be out in just a moment, madame," it said, then attended to the next party.

"Would you like a glass?" Adelmar asked, gesturing to the bottle with one hand as he picked up his glass with the other. "I would have bought a glass instead, but the bottle's a better deal. Go ahead, drink up."

 

[Holiday]

Izime gave Adelmar a smile, then shook her hand and held up her hands to respectfully decline his offer.
"No, but thank you for the gesture," she said. "I've never been one to drink. I've seen what it does to people, and it's something I would rather avoid," she admitted. She had watched many of the people she cared about succumb to alcoholism, and she preferred not to think about those people. She also didn't want to become one, although she knew that wine wasn't something to make you go into a blind rage. "I'm sorry if you purchased that for me. I didn't intend to make you waste your credits," she said, feeling somewhat bad that he had gotten her such an extravagant drink, only for her to turn it down. She realized she probably should have advised him of what she did and didn't do, but at the same time how could she have anticipated that he would have gotten her this?

"I really do appreciate it, though," she chimed in one final time.

 

[MoreThanSane]

Adelmar shook his head slightly as he set his glass back down. Tasteless, just like the meal. He sighed. "Don't worry about it, only a beverage. Things are of little importance, in the grand scheme of things. It's people," he said, barely getting the word out. That's where he'd failed. People. He'd used and schemed just like everyone else, and people had suffered.

He took another drink of his wine, this one longer. "So you were a philanthropist of sorts, then?" he asked, trying to continue pleasant conversation. It was a distraction. Distractions were good. "I myself have to admit that I hail from the spectrum's opposite end, being of a noble Tapani house."

 

[Holiday]

Izime paused for a moment, then simply gave a nod.
"Yeah, that's one way to put it," she said quietly. How she hated that word. Philanthropist, humanitarian, she didn't consider herself either of those things. She considered herself kindhearted, doing these things because she wanted to, not because she was on some sort of personal crusade to save the human race. She lowered her eyes down to view the table, her mind racing. Perhaps it was just a stupid pet peeve she had, but oh how it irked her greatly.

Stupid indeed, she thought to herself, though made sure not to let her facial expression show.

"The Tapani house, huh?" she asked, changing the subject. She had heard the name mentioned several times by her parents, considering they were "nobles" in their own right. "I wonder if our families met before?" she wondered to herself, though she spoke out loud. She doubted they had; Izime was always out and about, and never at home. If they had met before, she would have been just a child who didn't remember. She never cared to go with her parents anywhere, mostly because they were all fancy dinners or political movements. It wasn't what she enjoyed doing, and her parents, despite being the stuck up snobs they were, were always lenient with what they allowed Izime to do.

 

[MoreThanSane]

Adelmar found himself cocking an eyebrow. The woman that had been bubbling with enthusiasm moments before dampened, an intense, if brief, flash of annoyance visible in the Force. He noted her show of skill as Izime spoke, keeping her feelings out of both her voice and body language. To the trained diplomat, however, the simple lack of previous vocal inflection and positive expression told as long a story as an outright temper tantrum.

"I wouldn't know," Adelmar said when Izime changed the subject. He found himself becoming more and more engrossed in the conversation, something he'd not had in months. There was something about her that made him feel like he could speak despite... everything. "I did my utmost to keep away from those silly noble charades, but I can't say I never attended. I could ask my parents."

He pushed gently on the stem of his wine glass during a silent moment and searched Izime's face. "You don't like that word, 'philanthropist,' " said Adelmar finally. "May ask why?"

 

[Holiday]

As Adelmar asked the second question, Izime wondered if she should even respond or not. She couldn't believe, and was slightly embarrassed, that one of her stupid pet peeves was about to be brought into light. It was even about to be brought into conversation, none the less.
"It's silly, really," she said.

Silly is an understatement... she thought to herself briefly before she continued on with her conversation.

"Most people view philanthropists and humanitarians as people who are out to... save the human race, save the world," said Izime, taking another refreshing sip of her water. It was nearing empty again, but she refrained from requesting more for now. "Like they have some sort of messiah complex. That's not me," she continued, taking yet another, longer drink to wet her throat.

"I do the things I do because I want to, not because I'm on some sort of personal crusade. No one is inferior to anyone, and I'm just trying to help those who are unjustly and wrongly put down because they don't have money, or because they don't attend the same things we do. Just because they don't look or act like us doesn't mean they're lesser. They're still human beings either way you look at it, and they deserve the same treatment we do. I'll do anything I can in order to help them, as long as it makes them a little happier and their lives a little better."

Izime went to take another drink of water, but there was nothing in glass. She stared at the bottom of the glass for a couple of moments in quiet embarrassment. Not only had she lost her control and went on some sort of idiotic speech that made her look like a philanthropist, but she had just attempted to take a drink out of a glass that had nothing in it.
"Waiter," she called, burying her face in her free hand. As the droid approached, she handed her glass to it. It toddled off to fetch more water for her, Izime left in her seat feeling like a fool.

 

[MoreThanSane]

As she spoke, Adelmar found himself being drawn further and further into the past, the myriad of such distinctions he and Melody had discussed at length and decided upon floating to the surface. Had Izime's embarrassment not been so obvious and thorough a distraction, Adelmar had no doubt he would have collapsed in a fit of sobs and Force-knew-what-else.

As it was, the young man was simply glad she was there, despite the memories her presence evoked she was interesting enough to keep them from asserting control. He just barely managed to swallow past the painful lump in his throat. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," he said, then paused as the droid returned with a glass of water.

"Your meal is nearly ready."

When it shuffled to the next table, Adelmar strove valiantly to smile, battling his feelings as hard as he could. "It wasn't my intention," he continued. "You really have no reason for embarrassment though. 'Philanthropist' does have certain connotations, not all of them positive."

He sipped his wine. "So you're a genuinely good person," he nodded. "That's excellent." He realized that he was still probing with the Force, feeling the enthusiasm and cheerfulness in her presence. It was bittersweet for the young noble, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

They sat in silence for a few more moments, Adelmar growing more and more frustrated with himself as each moment passed. He used to be so natural at conversing, but now his skill had dwindled incredibly. Unable to think of anything to say, he simply met Izime's green eyes and tried yet again to smile convincingly.

 

[Holiday]

Izime returned the smile to Adelmar. She knew that there was no real reason for her to go into the rant she just did. Now she felt ashamed, having seemingly treated someone who was being so social to her with disrespect.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Let's get off of that topic and find something more enjoyable to talk about." Her smile grew wider as she felt calmer than she had before. She already felt a close bond with this man, as though he would become a good friend. It was the first real friend she'd had in a while, and she wasn't going to spoil the friendship before it truly began.

"What sorts of hobbies do you have?" she asked. "You already know mine. Tell me about yours."

 

[MoreThanSane]

"I, uh...." Adelmar looked down at the table as his throat thickened, unable to squeeze out words. He smiled past the frustration, slightly embarrassed at his lack of fortitude and certainly frustrated. He hadn't had hobbies for the last several years, simply because he'd let his father pull him in, hook him with responsibility and eradicate the important things from his life. And Adelmar had let it happen, he'd been weak and unable to see the effects.

The young man sipped his wine to loosen his throat and scratched his forehead with the other hand, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. Once again they seemed to fill to the brim, then recede as he managed to reassert control. But only just.

"I really haven't, uh," he sniffed, "haven't had much in the way of hobbies lately. A lot has happened in... in my life over the last couple of years, and I've had less and less time for the more personal things." The droid shuffled up and deposited the ordered food in front of Izime, then departed. "Since I left home I've spent most of my time reading, though. It's good, I've found, especially if you need to keep your mind occupied. And on long voyages like this, well," he chuckled and held up his wine glass, "there's really not a lot to do."

 

[Holiday]

Izime frowned as Adelmar told her he didn't have time for hobbies. Once he mentioned reading however, she immediately perked back up. Reading was a hobby in its own right, and it was something did very frequently herself. She loved a good read, but especially when it was about the Jedi Order.

"I enjoy reading myself," she said with a smile. She took her silverware and began to eat the food that was just brought to her. It was delicious, as she had expected it to be, and hoped that Adelmar hadn't spent too much to get it for her. It didn't matter; right now it was irrelevant. They were discussing books, and she was going to make sure the topic stayed that way. "Have anything specific you're reading now?" she asked as she finished swallowing a chunk of her food.