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He tried not to think about it.
He tried not to think about the fear he knew to be true, the ugly thing that ate away at him from the inside. But in the end he was afraid and his fear could not be ignored, it could not be pushed aside forever and it could not be something that he could just move past, not before he acknowledged it.
As the Jedi instructors had mentioned to him before, the absence of fear was not the Jedi way - that way lay abominations and other horrors, including evil and heartless men. No, the way of the Jedi was to accept that fear was something you were going to be faced with and then accept it, adapt to it and not let it rule you in any capacity. He hadn't always done it this way though, all too often he would push his thoughts and feelings aside until such a time as he was ready to accept it.
But this time was different.
The fear, so intrinsically linked to his love, was able to evade every attempt to destroy it that he made and he was certain that it was because, until now, it had remained nameless and formless. There was no way for him to combat it when there was no way for him to confirm what it was, even though he already knew, deep down.
But his fear needed to be spoken and it needed to be acknowledged if he was ever going to be able to raise himself up out of the pit that he had fallen into since her answer to his proposal. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, doing what he could to centre himself even as he grimaced.
He... he was afraid.
Afraid to vocalise it, afraid to give his fear a concrete form even though he knew he had no hope of conquering it otherwise. So he took his fear, knotted tightly into a ball, and spoke his fear.
"She would have said Yes to Him."
His fear was out there, it was named and it was solid and it was now something that he could grasp, something he could know and understand inside of himself.
It didn't help.