Why were thoughts so hard? Feelings and emotions so devastatingly influential? Param had gone wandering. She needed a break from Troiken, a refuge from the Sith for a while, a vacation from her own garden. Vee had done his best to cheer her up, spending much more time perched on her shoulder now. He was in rest mode, as Param’s legs dangled over the edge of a small cliff, her black robes a stark contrast to the grassy landscape. A single lightsaber hung from her belt against her thigh.
Below the cliff, an abandoned farm lay sprawled across the land. The broken Spintir homestead sat in a field of dead or dying crops. A few animals roamed the rows in search of food. Not a care in the galaxy, not a shred of turmoil within them. If they left the farm, packs of lynx would hunt them; but here on the farm they could live peacefully, chomping on what was left of crops and the weedy grass that started to grow over time.
Param’s silver eyes watched them from under her long silver hair. Why did these creatures get a chance to live in peace, yet she couldn’t? They were only animals. Love, Hate, Anger, Sadness, all things they couldn’t seem to feel, and yet they were afforded this while Param had to leave her own damn home to get away from everything.
She had shown Karys her soft underbelly, and he’d lashed out like a predator at its prey. Given him a peek into her conflict, and he had reached for his lightsaber. The stains of tears streaked down her pale cheeks. Even when she thought she’d cried her last, she saw her life crumbling around her, crumbling around Kai, and she would start to cry all over again. There was no peace for Param, and she had all but figured that out.
Why couldn’t she hate them for their peace? She felt anger, but it wasn’t at the fauna below, but at herself. Every time she tapped into her passions, darkness was not what she found. Even thinking about Karys, and his so readily available betrayal, she felt… nothing? Like it wasn’t real; like it didn’t matter.
Like she had forgiven him before she could find a way to forgive herself.
Below the cliff, an abandoned farm lay sprawled across the land. The broken Spintir homestead sat in a field of dead or dying crops. A few animals roamed the rows in search of food. Not a care in the galaxy, not a shred of turmoil within them. If they left the farm, packs of lynx would hunt them; but here on the farm they could live peacefully, chomping on what was left of crops and the weedy grass that started to grow over time.
Param’s silver eyes watched them from under her long silver hair. Why did these creatures get a chance to live in peace, yet she couldn’t? They were only animals. Love, Hate, Anger, Sadness, all things they couldn’t seem to feel, and yet they were afforded this while Param had to leave her own damn home to get away from everything.
She had shown Karys her soft underbelly, and he’d lashed out like a predator at its prey. Given him a peek into her conflict, and he had reached for his lightsaber. The stains of tears streaked down her pale cheeks. Even when she thought she’d cried her last, she saw her life crumbling around her, crumbling around Kai, and she would start to cry all over again. There was no peace for Param, and she had all but figured that out.
Why couldn’t she hate them for their peace? She felt anger, but it wasn’t at the fauna below, but at herself. Every time she tapped into her passions, darkness was not what she found. Even thinking about Karys, and his so readily available betrayal, she felt… nothing? Like it wasn’t real; like it didn’t matter.
Like she had forgiven him before she could find a way to forgive herself.
@LadyRen