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- Jun 17, 2008
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As Thaed had entered the cockpit, Ebberla went digging around the ship. The first thing she found was the first aid box, complete with Bacta. She grinned widely taking out the auto-injector, tossing the cap aside and jabbed it into her thigh, feeling its effects almost immediately. She sat in silence for a moment, clearing her mind as best as she could. She breathed in deeply only to wince at the sudden pain in her side, taking her thoughts back to the alley on Nar Shaddaa.
The faces of the men now burned deeply in her memory, was there another way?
She dug her fist into her forehead, the Sith had killed them. She had killed them. If she would have just left it alone, it all would have never happened. If she would have just let it go, she wouldn’t have gone chasing the Slaver into the alley way, she looked up suddenly realizing she had completely forgotten about the intended victim, the Twi’lek, who probably was waking up now to see the massacre that laid around her.
Anger sparked within Ebberla, she gritted her teeth. She tightly gripped the empty auto- injector and threw it across the room with a yell of frustration. Ebberla heard the hyperdrive hum and the familiar jerk of the ship entering hyperspace. She tried to stand back up, but her body protested and it won, she stayed seated on the floor as the fight on Nar Shaddaa played back in her head, her blaster turning to aim back at the Slaver and…
Ebberla slammed her fist onto the durasteel floor, she felt tears beginning to fill her eyes and it only made her more frustrated. She was stronger than this, wiser and more in control. She desperately reached out looking for the Force, looking for its calm, its warmth, its guidance. Nothing.
She was a Jedi and a Jedi doesn’t just kill, why didn’t she aim for his arm, or shoulder? Any non-lethal shot was better than the one to his forehead. She tried to look for blame on the shroud of the dark side, but she only smirked to her silly thought, the Force had nothing to do with it, she wasn’t in its weave. It was her own actions, her own thoughts, she searched back to what she was thinking, not recalling she was thinking much. Her only thoughts were to shoot and survive, to quickly deescalate the situation.
She had acted before thinking, realizing she had never really let go of the situation, even if her reasoning at the time seemed justifiable at the least. She had let her emotions best her instead of taking the time to think of a better solution. But was there a better solution? Did she have the time to think, then to act? Did she really help the Twi’lek to avoid a terrible fate or did she just make it worse for the poor being by acting in selfishness? Did killing the Slaver tonight undo events that happen twenty years ago?
Ebberla knew that answer easily. She ran her fingers in her hair, “Oh Ebberla, you stupid, stupid girl.” She whispered quietly, scolding herself, her eyes staring hard at the floor, she caught a whiff of her clothing, disrupting her thoughts.
Her body still protested her need to keep moving, it had been ages since she had felt this tired, this drained, and she quite unhappy tried to remember when. She stood up finally and begun rummaging through containers and storage closets finally stumbling upon a clothes closet. Everything smelled stale and of cheap cologne, but it was better than what she was in now. She filtered through some of the articles of clothing before claiming some cargo pants and a long-sleeved undershirt for herself.
She tied her hair back and tightened her belt. The clothes were a bit large, but she would deal with it for now, transferring the items she had in the pockets of her bloodied fatigues, leaving out the flask of whiskey. She looked at her cheek in the mirror, a bruise was beginning to form, her thoughts begun circling in her head.
The men could have had it coming, they were the ones that approached her with their weapons drawn, they attacked first; they had meant complete ill intent. But she couldn’t accept it was justifiable for her to do what she had done, for the Sith to do as he had done. There was always another way, but she had picked this way, and in a way, she did not regret what she had done, yet she knew very well she should had remorse for all that she had just done. She untwisted the cap on the flask and took a drink before pocketing, only hesitating and she left it out.
Ebberla made her way back to the cockpit, picking up a few more Bacta auto-injectors knowing she would need them later. She sat down in the seat next to Thaed and watched the stars streak across the view port, she took another swig of the whiskey, feeling its effects as it begun glazing her senses. Now she knew why people drank away their problems.
“It was the Force,” she started, giving a small smile and examining the flask, “I could drink a Zeltron until they were out cold, never felt its effects. Now, however…” she took another drink, “Whyren’s Reserve. I think there’s a circle of hell for this stuff.” Ebberla spoke not caring if Thaed was listening or not. She went quiet for a few more moments, her thoughts turning in her mind, a bit more slowly than before, but still coherent enough to think.
“I forgot about the Twi’lek girl.” She started, “I started a fight, I didn’t end it very well, I just did everything I was taught not to do.” then she gave a wry grin, “Seems ironic, the Order’s Sage Master acting on everything she taught against doing and I can’t go and blame it on the shroud of the dark side of the Force, all I have is myself.” she traced the outside of the flight panel’s buttons with her finger.
“I feel regret, but yet at the same time, I feel my actions were valid.” Ebberla shook her head with annoyance, “I was Sage Master for a reason, I was supposed to understand these things.”
The faces of the men now burned deeply in her memory, was there another way?
She dug her fist into her forehead, the Sith had killed them. She had killed them. If she would have just left it alone, it all would have never happened. If she would have just let it go, she wouldn’t have gone chasing the Slaver into the alley way, she looked up suddenly realizing she had completely forgotten about the intended victim, the Twi’lek, who probably was waking up now to see the massacre that laid around her.
Anger sparked within Ebberla, she gritted her teeth. She tightly gripped the empty auto- injector and threw it across the room with a yell of frustration. Ebberla heard the hyperdrive hum and the familiar jerk of the ship entering hyperspace. She tried to stand back up, but her body protested and it won, she stayed seated on the floor as the fight on Nar Shaddaa played back in her head, her blaster turning to aim back at the Slaver and…
Ebberla slammed her fist onto the durasteel floor, she felt tears beginning to fill her eyes and it only made her more frustrated. She was stronger than this, wiser and more in control. She desperately reached out looking for the Force, looking for its calm, its warmth, its guidance. Nothing.
She was a Jedi and a Jedi doesn’t just kill, why didn’t she aim for his arm, or shoulder? Any non-lethal shot was better than the one to his forehead. She tried to look for blame on the shroud of the dark side, but she only smirked to her silly thought, the Force had nothing to do with it, she wasn’t in its weave. It was her own actions, her own thoughts, she searched back to what she was thinking, not recalling she was thinking much. Her only thoughts were to shoot and survive, to quickly deescalate the situation.
She had acted before thinking, realizing she had never really let go of the situation, even if her reasoning at the time seemed justifiable at the least. She had let her emotions best her instead of taking the time to think of a better solution. But was there a better solution? Did she have the time to think, then to act? Did she really help the Twi’lek to avoid a terrible fate or did she just make it worse for the poor being by acting in selfishness? Did killing the Slaver tonight undo events that happen twenty years ago?
Ebberla knew that answer easily. She ran her fingers in her hair, “Oh Ebberla, you stupid, stupid girl.” She whispered quietly, scolding herself, her eyes staring hard at the floor, she caught a whiff of her clothing, disrupting her thoughts.
Her body still protested her need to keep moving, it had been ages since she had felt this tired, this drained, and she quite unhappy tried to remember when. She stood up finally and begun rummaging through containers and storage closets finally stumbling upon a clothes closet. Everything smelled stale and of cheap cologne, but it was better than what she was in now. She filtered through some of the articles of clothing before claiming some cargo pants and a long-sleeved undershirt for herself.
She tied her hair back and tightened her belt. The clothes were a bit large, but she would deal with it for now, transferring the items she had in the pockets of her bloodied fatigues, leaving out the flask of whiskey. She looked at her cheek in the mirror, a bruise was beginning to form, her thoughts begun circling in her head.
The men could have had it coming, they were the ones that approached her with their weapons drawn, they attacked first; they had meant complete ill intent. But she couldn’t accept it was justifiable for her to do what she had done, for the Sith to do as he had done. There was always another way, but she had picked this way, and in a way, she did not regret what she had done, yet she knew very well she should had remorse for all that she had just done. She untwisted the cap on the flask and took a drink before pocketing, only hesitating and she left it out.
Ebberla made her way back to the cockpit, picking up a few more Bacta auto-injectors knowing she would need them later. She sat down in the seat next to Thaed and watched the stars streak across the view port, she took another swig of the whiskey, feeling its effects as it begun glazing her senses. Now she knew why people drank away their problems.
“It was the Force,” she started, giving a small smile and examining the flask, “I could drink a Zeltron until they were out cold, never felt its effects. Now, however…” she took another drink, “Whyren’s Reserve. I think there’s a circle of hell for this stuff.” Ebberla spoke not caring if Thaed was listening or not. She went quiet for a few more moments, her thoughts turning in her mind, a bit more slowly than before, but still coherent enough to think.
“I forgot about the Twi’lek girl.” She started, “I started a fight, I didn’t end it very well, I just did everything I was taught not to do.” then she gave a wry grin, “Seems ironic, the Order’s Sage Master acting on everything she taught against doing and I can’t go and blame it on the shroud of the dark side of the Force, all I have is myself.” she traced the outside of the flight panel’s buttons with her finger.
“I feel regret, but yet at the same time, I feel my actions were valid.” Ebberla shook her head with annoyance, “I was Sage Master for a reason, I was supposed to understand these things.”