Truth and Reconciliation

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Ord Mantell
Undentified apartment, Southern Hemisphere
1710 Hours, Galactic Standard
Herrith Hendarsin
@Xorism

Herrith had sat for hours, nearly motionless, clutching the comlink that Xornoth had given her just after their brief time working together. She had been exposed then, vulnerable. Something like that, something about it had unsettled what had been deemed normal by her. She hated the feeling. Even now, her hands shook from fear of the unknown. It terrified her, and she couldn't help but show it. Luckily, her friends hadn't noticed, at least not the majority of them from what she had observed. The link had remained clutched in her grasp, as she debated whether or not to give a call to this person. But she needed answers. She needed to stop this madness going on in her mind. She needed truth.

So Herrith had called the line, given an address, and now waited for the Kaleesh to arrive, hopefully to cure her fears, or at the very least confirm them. She didn't want to learn how to use this invisible thing inside. Just how to stay away from it, prevent anything from happening that endangered herself or people she knew. Her hair was a mess, hastily combed over and still damp from a short time within the refresher, as with the rest of her skin. Her clothes were different than the jumpsuit and jacket, instead replaced by a graphic t-shirt and loose bottoms that most people used for fitness. In essence, she looked terrible.

Hopefully the guy didn't mind.

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Spoiler: Outfit minus weapons/mask

Xornoth perhaps was the more surprised of the pair when finally receiving the long-awaited message from his new acquaintance Herrith. He had begun to wonder if she would ever contact him after their last meeting had ended so abruptly without much of a fanfare, in fact, she seemed more likely to stab him at the time than look for his help. Still, as he promised to do what he could for her when she called and provided a location for their meeting he took off without delay.

He was dressed in his preferred traditional Kaleesh garments as opposed to his now normal custom Sith armor owing to the fact that he didn't intend to try and scare her before they could even speak although they weren't exactly flashy, which would hopefully help him blend in.

He would come to her as a simple man, someone with whom she could talk with and perhaps he could offer the answers that she sought. He wondered if she would fall naturally toward one side or another as most force sensitives did on their own without much prodding. Others had to be forced to join like the Jedi taking in small children or the Sith breaking one into the mold. Others still forged their own path down the middle and refused to let themselves be defined by morals or codes and stuck to what they knew best with the addition of some force manipulation here or there.

The Sith would expect him to use the opportunity to recruit her to their cause whether she wanted to or not as he had grown in power since their last meeting, but that didn't really matter as the Sith wouldn't know he was meeting her in the first place for exactly that reason.

Standing roughly in the location she had indicated, he knocked on the small apartment door and waited for a response.

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

*Bzzzzt.*

Herrith almost jumped at the sound in her silence. The apartment had been so quiet she swore she could hear her lungs filling with air. The woman set down the comlink and unlocked the door from her seat, waiting for the person she'd desperately called at her small table. She was resting her head on a hand connected to her elbow which was propped against the table, and her drying hair had taken to forming and remaining in that position, partially concealing the scar along her head. She shut her eyes and then opened them, waiting for Xornoth to enter.

In all respects, she looked bad. Not necessarily in a sense of attractiveness or the like, but rather her demeanor. This call had required very deep thought, and wasn't something she had chosen to make lightly. Hopefully it was worth it...and she didn't ruin herself in the process.

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth could easily sense the discomfort and tension that hung in the air as he entered the room and made his way slowly toward Herrith. He examined her demeanor and could see that she had been suffering since their last meeting, perhaps both physically and mentally. She looked worse for wear, almost drained he would say and definitely not the happy go lucky girl that he had come to briefly know.

He pulled up a chair sitting across from her, but close enough that he could hear her easily. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Had he knew perhaps he wouldn't have left her alone and lost like this for so long. "I cannot promise you that I have every answer to every question that you might have but I am here to try. Where would you like to start?" The world she had found herself plunged into was an unforgiving one, but there were times when a little kindness could go much further than fear could.

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith shut and locked the doot as Xornoth entered, takig a seat. He seemed to have been dressed in some kind of traditional wear, though she would have preferred something that didn't look so antiquated. It served to aid her unease, but she didn't show it while the Kaleesh sat down and apologized. Sorry? He had nothing to be sorry for...but at the same time was all to blame. She shut her eyes before pushing forward a hot pitcher of caf and a mug, readjusting the mop on her head before clearing her throat. The voice she possessed now was significantly softer than her normal tone of arrogance and humor, and her eyes surrendered proof of a few hours' lack of sleep. Maybe even withdrawal, as well.

"Caf if you want some..thank you for coming. I didn't react as best as I could have to this."

Herrith shifted in her seat and leaned forward slightly, pouring herself some of the liquid from the pitcher as Xornoth explained that he likely wouldn't know everything she had to ask. Though he would know some things, and that made her feel at least slightly better. She couldn't say she was used to being so serious, but the last time she felt happy in the past 48 hours had eluded her.

"From whatever beginning there is. I don't..even know what to ask..first time in my life I think I don't have an immediate answer to anything."

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth nodded and took a pitcher from her letting the brew pour slowly into the mug in a swirl while watching her understandingly.

"What you have uncovered is not something that you should expect to fully understand immediately, in fact, you could go your entire life only being aware of some of the many facets that you will find. You've awakened something deep within you that has always been there Herrith - deep down you can sense this but it is not a betrayal of who you are but rather the revealing of the next chapter in your life. You are force sensitive, that is what you can feel gnashing on the inside trying to burst out into the wide world."

Xor took sips of the caf while he let that sink in for a moment before continuing.

"Right now you are raw, untrained and have no direction in which to channel yourself which can be confusing, but with time and practice, this can change and you will not only learn to control it but perhaps even master its power. There is much more to it and other things that I can explain more in depth if you would like me to but first I want you to close your eyes. The force can be a wonderful thing but right now you are blind to it, Herrith, it exists all around us connecting everything. You can see it if you really try, go on, don't be afraid to try it, I'm right here."

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith listened as Xornoth explained her situation, as it wasn't a hinderance as much as a benefit for the rest of her life. She found that hard to believe. Especially when all the issues with her head had gotten worse recently. So his little speech about it bringing her help and improving her life? She scoffed in doubt before resting her forehead in her hands, letting the loose strands of hair dangle over her eyes, attempting to comprehend what he had just said in a less emotional and more logical manner. She was Force sensitive. She wouldn't know everything, not even in her entire lifetime. Hopefully she could learn what she wanted to know. And what the hell did she even want to know? Damn it, this was too hard to think about. Not now. She just needed him to tell her something, something, anything.

"I don't think I want whatever the hell this is awakened. I have enough..issues as it is."

The Kaleesh continued, explaining that the sensitivity she possessed was untrained and, frankly, like guiding a deaf and blind person through a minefield. She hated this feeling, this utter feeling of being lost. It wasn't something she'd felt...not since slavery. Since the beginning. It scared her. And she hated being like this in front of a kriffing stranger, in front of anyone for that matter! Herrith's breath quickened and she shook slightly, looking up as Xornoth told her to close her eyes and..do what exactly? Damn this, she was going to go insane before she ever got any of her questions answered.

The Zeltron opened her mouth to speak, then decided against it, slowing her erratic breathing and then closing her eyes. Black like normal. Empty. Just the faint external lights from behind her blinders. She focused on her breathing before stopping abruptly, opening her eyes again.

"I don't know what you want me to look for. There's...nothing left worth finding."

Her hands rested on the table and she clenched her jaw, looking down slightly. She never should have called...this was a mistake..Force damn this..

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth watched her flutter about struggling to make sense of what he had said, perhaps even she did not know what she wanted to know. Her emotional turmoil would make her an ideal dark sider if she went down that path, the anguish and pain would gift her great power to wield against anyone who stood in her way.

"The force is connected to you like it is connected with me, all I am trying to do is show you how to see it for yourself. Close your eyes again and focus, focus on me Herrith and think of nothing else and find me.

Yes, I found you and shattered your perfect little lie and now you sit here a complete mess because of me. Embrace your emotions Herrith, focus on your fear and anger towards me to strengthen you to complete this task."

If it took a little bit of darkness to get her to see the light so to speak, then so be it.

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith shut her eyes and breathed, taking in shaky gasps while avoiding completely losing her senses. Why the hell was she freaking out so much? She didn't get it. Xornoth cut through her murky thoughts, telling her to look for him. Just him. Nothing else. She focused, straining to grab at the thing that clawed at her mind, which was now suddenly denying her wishes to bring it out. It bothered her, like when you were hungry but didn't want food, yet still asked for it. It was being elusive. Sneaky bastard...The Kaleesh told her to use anger, and fear to find her vision. A part of her yelled no, some deep function that pulled at her conscience. But she needed the push. And she had plenty of anger to use. Her fists clenched, and she let her memories out like a floodgate, still searching for whatever the hell she needed to find even while her memories pushed her back and tried to drown her. Tears streamed down her face. Her heart beat faster, faster than normal. She couldn't breathe, it was like all this weight was finally starting to press down.

And then she could breathe again. Even through all the dark thoughts and memories weighing down what was left of her sane self, she could push through.

The world lit up like fireworks on Zeltros. She couldn't explain it, not in any words or dialect-it just happened, and she saw more than she could ever see with any training or experience. The world glowed-no, the universe glowed. She felt herself drifting, and then refocused. Find her. Find Xornoth. And she did. But what glowed around him was...differen. Darker? No...she had nothing to explain it. Herrith opened her eyes and drew in a shaky breath, locking eyes with the Kaleesh. Going back to what it was before-that just couldn't happen. Before was like wearing sunglasses at night. Now? It was as if she viewed the world through the best visibility imaginable.

She wasn't breathing. Herrith exhaled and relaxed, slightly.
"I..I don't-what..?"

Yeah, that really was all she could manage to spit out.

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xor smiled as she finally had done it as he asked. Her eyes were opened to what is and what could be for her at last.

"It's okay Herrith, I'm right here. You have done well - now you see what I see and for the first time your eyes are fully open to the world around you. The force is a powerful manifestation, but it is also a tool that you can use to shape the world around you for whatever purpose you need it to be. There are several aspects of the force that you can learn in time, the most obvious one is the physical side."

Xor motioned for her to look down at her caf to see the spoon slowly rotating in the mug without being actually touched.

"What you saw was invisible to you before but now you see the connection between our world and that of the force. We as force users are capable of manipulating this...energy, that is how the spoon is moving. Imagine the force being like an invisible string connecting a puppet master to his puppets allowing him to put on the play without appearing to touch them. I don't expect you to be able to easily move objects on your first attempt but given time and practice and you will be able to make yours and your friends live significantly easier."

He could sense her apprehension and confusion but it was hard to give answers to unasked questions.

"How do you feel Herrith? am I going too fast? If you have any questions, ask any time."

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith nodded, slightly, at Xornoth's reassurance and slowly looked down to find her spoon moving around in her mug of caf with a mind of its own. She'd faced off against Force users before, well to be honest not necessarily faced them as she did work with them or find that they shared a common goal and decided to kill everything else but not each other. So telekinesis and stuff like that wasn'f otherworldly to her. Except for, you know, how to do it herself. He explained she could learn to "use the Force", as it were, through practice. That wasn't something she necessarily was sure she was ready to do. His argument was that she could protect her friends better than she already could. That, or look like a total freak, or screw up and get them all killed trying to pull off a magic trick. She gingerly took her mug, unsure if it was still under control by the Sith, then slowly took a sip and set the container down once more.

Questions. It was like listening to a doctor trying to explain an illness or a prescription medicine. She put a hand on her temple and rested her elbow against the table as she tried to find something to ask. To be frank...she had nothing.
"You're not moving too fast at all..I-how long does it take to get to-" She pointed at her spoon. "That? Or is it dependant on the person?"

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xor was relieved that she had begun to calm down from her earlier panic and despair, they were not out of the woods entirely yet but still, progress was being made.

"I think everyone is different, some can find themselves naturally talented while others can only manage the most basic abilities. Of course, many force users train for years to reach their level of ability, the Jedi, for example, are usually taken from their families as toddlers to focus on developing it."

He did not know what her limits in the force might be or if she would find them in her lifetime but it was still early days to consider such things.

"There are numerous ways to attune yourself towards the force too, with each having strengths and drawbacks depending on what you attempt to do. Perhaps humorous but the Sith and Jedi are polar opposites in their beliefs and how they define where they should draw upon the force.

The Sith for example, encourage you to draw upon your emotions and past experiences to make you strong enough to push through the ordeal whereas the Jedi demand that you expel your emotions and instead draw upon a peace of mind and trust in the force in order to survive although I am no expert on the Jedi way, clearly.

Remember that choosing the Sith or Jedi way does not make you one, nor does it determine which one is right but rather you choose which path to take. Some more neutrally aligned may choose to take tenants from both and make their own way in the galaxy too."

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith nodded while Xornoth explained that everyone had different experiences with this sort of thing. Some picked it up with ease, others struggled to do simple tasks. A lot like people without sensitivity. Some were extremely talented, others...not so much. She shut her eyes for a while as the Kaleesh continued, detailing how people may tap into different 'sides' depending on their choices or faction. Emotion and the like was associated with his side...the "bad guys", while Jedi took to absence of emotion, which was near impossible for a Zeltron, who literally was forced to experience everyone's emotions.

Being in between seemed most appealing to her, though she doubted she would ever be able to keep such a fine balance. She was impulsive, turbulent and...well, mentally unstable at times. At this stage, she felt that the Force was something which she had no ability to deal with, much less effectively use, and that meant it was a vulnerability. Herrith took another sip of her caf, wondering how he managed to turn her spoon and half-attempting it herself.

"Well I'm already screwed, I've got enough emotions to power a supercarrier." She laughed weakly, shaking her head before looking up to make eye contact with the Kaleesh. "What would you say you are? Neutral or dark? The Sith are always associated as being psychopaths...but you don't seem like a mass murderer. Like I don't seem like I'm mentally unstable, more or less. That illusion's gone by now."

Herrith nervously giggled to herself before putting her head in her hands and wondering what the hell she had just gotten into.

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xor was pleased with her progress that had been achieved today, with time she would understand so much more.

"I wonder that myself some days, but the Sith are not all bad Herrith. The dark side of the force is not inherently evil but rather it strives to strengthen yourself for survival and unleashing your fullest potential, to highlight the strength of the individual above all. This is why the dark side is seen to some as the superior 'side' if you will, as its users might develop mighty talents far beyond what the regular light side users may be used to.

It is not a requirement of the dark side to be evil, some of the worst force users were Jedi for example."

He watched as she concentrated heavily on her cup before placing her head in her hands.

"Just because you are more easily able to find strength in the force, does not mean that you are by definition a dark side user nor does it prevent you from taking another path. If you sought to take advantage of your natural inclination then, of course, I would be able to offer you better assistance in this regard however if you cannot bear to take yourself down that path, you may struggle to learn much from I.

Still, we can try the basics in the meantime, no? This time, however, I want you to try and clear your mind of anything except moving the spoon. No anger, no hatred, nothing but the spoon."

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith took his words to memory. The apparent claims that "good is sometimes bad" and "bad is sometimes good" was a bit too familiar to her experiences. Living independent was a moral grey area, and since meeting multiple members of the varying factions across the galaxy, she had come to realize that there was no real good side. Just who wins, who loses, and who manages to steal what's left after the fight. She also took comfort in the fact that she wasn't doomed to become a person without emotion or with too much to spare to the detriment of others.

And now he wanted her to try to move a solid metallic object with nothing but her will and the Force. Which was still something that seemed totally outlandish to her, but experience came with time. Herrith simply didn't have anything to ask, it was merely getting used to what she was now.
"I..I suppose I can try, but don't expect anything spectacular."

'The basics' was just putting this in a very unfair context. He'd probably been practicing this for a while, and all the time in the world to do it. When you're not a member of a galactic conquering force, you tend to have to make a living for yourself. But she had to start somewhere...and moving stuff was one hell of a good start, especially with possible applications in the future of her endeavors and adventures. She stared at the cup, taking in a breath and trying not to focus on anything but this one damned thing. Just moving a bloody spoon a few millimeters.

The Zeltron shut her eyes and slowed her breathing, just trying to visualize what had happened earlier. She dug deep, trying to focus as best as she could. But then she opened her eyes suddenly, exhaling and shaking her head. She didn't like any of this. Whatever part of her that was helping her with this...it seeped into what she knew like a disease. And that scared her. The feeling was...terrifying to say the least. She took a few deep breaths.

"I..I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't. It's...I can't find words to explain why, I just bloody can't."

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xor stood up and motioned towards the nearby couch, perhaps a more comfortable setting would put her at ease.

"Try me. It's a lot to take in just one sitting I can imagine. Perhaps we can put the force stuff to one side for now if you would rather talk about something else? Like maybe what you were doing before Bespin or what the story behind your tattoos is?"

He wasn't about to solve her problems but perhaps she would prefer to talk about something else for a little while.

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Herrith looked toward the couch, a typically ratty standard to Nar Shaddaa. She stood up rather quickly and nodded before taking a seat on the weathered furniture, leaning back while ignoring the butterflies in her stomach from nervousness. Why was she even nervous? This was her place, and she had invited Xornoth to help her. Oh, wait she knew why. The kriffing fact that she had invited a Force sensitive Sith, highly proficient in producing death and anything else they needed to get their goal of obtaining the galaxy.

Then she froze at the mention of her 'tattoos'. Her brands? She looked up and locked eyes with Xornoth. How'd he know? She never showed him anything. Unless he'd happened to peek into her room on that day back at Bespin. Herrith kind of keeled over, her arms weakly crossed in front of her as she was suddenly extremely self conscious about her brands. She spoke quietly, facing the floor. Her voice was even more worried than before.

"How did you know? Nobody knows.."

Not exactly a truth, but she thought it best to leave her friends out of this ordeal.

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xor felt a sudden flash of shame come upon him as he realized that she didn't know that he had found that out. He considered lying to her and trying to convince her that he had used the force to find out but that carried the risk of either scaring her even more or just simply backfiring if she demanded more proof. That being said, while unintentional in acquiring - the truth might trigger an emotional response that would be what she needed to tap into her force strength.

"Bespin, I'm sorry I shouldn't have but I was just making sure you were okay. I only saw your tattoo's before noticing you were asleep, so I shut your door and left. I didn't mean to pry, I'm sorry - we can talk about something else if you like."

Xornoth braced for her response, not knowing if she would run away, attack him or break down further.

@Herrith

 

[Herrith Hendarsin]

Bespin. So he'd found out sometime in Bespin, while she was presumably sleeping. She cursed herself for getting that careless on the trip. It was utterly stupid to even share the same apartment...but then again she had to find a way to get trusted. It didn't matter in the end, seeing as the whole thing was a ruse and they were both looking to fool someone to get in. It was comedic, and the fact that her brands were revealed to someone opposing the Hutts shouldn't have mattered as much as it did to her. So why? He certainly wasn't a friend, and she could bet he wasn't tipping off any slavers. Or maybe he was a slaver himself? This is the exact reason she never talked about her scars! She just was so uncertain about them. The one part of her that was never completely secure at any given time.

Herrith laughed to herself in her state of disbelief and spoke.
"Kriff...I'm a mess. Just-change the subject. Please."

 

[Xornoth Sk'ar]

Xornoth adjusted his seating on the couch as the matter did not seem to sit pleasantly with his host. Change the subject indeed but to what?

"Well uh you wanted to learn more about the force right? history teaches us that the force has been around long before we discovered it formally, but it wasn't until the scholars and scientists who delved deep into it would they find the many different elements of the force. The main aspects are the living, the unifying and the physical force. You have experienced the living part of it already, by seeing the force for the first time and the spoon well that's part of the physical.

The unifying aspect believes neither in the light or the dark but rather sees the force as equal and connected, members rely on understanding their path and completing what they believe as their future destiny rather than living day to day like most. Perhaps you will find that you fit neither on the light nor dark side of things but rather in the middle where you forge your own way forward."

@Herrith