Ask Whatever It Takes

[Crix Aran]

It was a long time in coming, really.

Crix had spent almost every waking moment he had at his mom’s side since leaving Sullust and even some of his sleep had been had at her side. He didn’t even know how long it had been but it didn’t matter; what mattered was that it had taken that long for him to gather himself well enough to continue, to keep moving.

And he had a goal to keep moving towards, three of them in fact. The secondary goals were easier to focus on; he wanted to pick up his friends and get them to the Jedi for one, learning to use the Force himself being the second.

Learning to use the Force tied into his primary goal though.

The Force had been used, twisted and perverted, to break his mom and he knew, deep down, that it was probably only possible to help her through the Force. So he left her side and he waited. Talak only came to visit his mom when Crix wasn’t there, to be alone with her. He understood it and he respected it but he needed to abuse that today.

When Talak left Trys’ room, Crix marched up to the older man. He didn’t exactly think he looked like much, a teenager who had gone without more than a few hours sleep for weeks at this point, but he didn’t let it stop him. Instead he stood right in front of Talak and stared him dead in the eyes with an intensity that probably already bordered on obsessive.

“Teach me the ways of the Force.”

He had nearly asked for him to teach him the ways of the Jedi but… but he would not close a door that could help him, help his mom, in the future. Crix hated the Dark Side, the Sith, for what they had done to his mom but he couldn’t afford to cut off any route that might help her. He continued to stare at Talak after his demand and he felt a crack running through himself even as he did so. The emotion bubbling up until he couldn’t help but speak again.

“Please… I need this.”

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Talak knew that Crix wasn't his biggest fan, and while the two of them had reached some sort of a mutual understanding, Talak saw no reason to strain it by being around when the young man was. Add to that the position of Talak's mind currently, and he was just limiting contact with other people as much as possible.

Talak left Trys's room, finally opting for regular clothes rather than the survival suit that had hid his yellow eyes now that it had faded. He hadn't expected to have Crix practically ambush him in the hallway and demand to be trained in the Force.

A flood of different thoughts coursed through Talak's mind. He had nothing but failings as a teacher with one student dead while murdering the Grandmaster, one that could barely tolerate the sight of him, and one who he had nearly murdered in the bowels of the Sullust base.

And there was the fact that he, himself, was constantly on the verge of "relapsing." No, there was no way that Talak could train him. Even as he stood there in front of Crix, he could sense the anger and hate within the young man. It was no surprise to Talak, but he knew exactly what kind of frame of mind Crix was in right now. Not one to begin the path of training.

So here Talak was, on the verge of being a complete hypocrite. "Do as I say not as I do; be better than me" and all that jazz.

Why? he asked. He had nearly said that he would get him to the Jedi, but the far more pressing concern was the man's motivation. Talak could already guess what it was, but he wanted Crix to voice it. To address it within himself. Oh no, was he already starting to act like a teacher? No, that wasn't an option. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Why?

Why did he need this or why did he want Talak to be the one to teach him? Both were good questions and, at their heart, their shared enough of an answer for Crix to be able to just give him the easy answer and move on. Oh there were a lot of reasons and not all of them were nice and easy to define; hence why he was much happier to give Talak the most simplistic answer to both.

"I know I'm Force Sensitive or whatever you call it and I know that my mom was... was..." he took a breath and glanced to once side, "Was made the way she is now by the Force and some sick karking shite bags."

He glared back up at Talak, fierce anger and determination written all over his features.

"But the Force can undo it. I don't know who knows how to do it... kark if I have to make it up, I'll do it!" he argued firmly, "But I need to start and I need someone I can trust to teach me."

Crix... hadn't liked Talak to begin with.

Well, to be fair to the other man, he didn't like the fact that his mom had been secretly replacing him as the most important person in her life. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't actually have anything against Talak as a person. There was... there had been a real jealousy there in his heart about Talak and his mom. But now?

Well no neither of them had much of a relationship with his mom and neither of them would until something was done to fix it, to fix her. And Crix wanted in on that, by whatever means were required.

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Talak knew what Crix was going through, but he also knew the dangers of the Force. Not that he didn't think Crix should be trained, but at this particular time he was in great danger of turning to the dark side. It was probably the worst moment to begin training.

Should he warn Crix? Would he actually listen? Probably not, and if he wouldn't, then he couldn't begin teaching. But even if he did start learning, Talak couldn't be the one to teach him.

It won't be up to me, he said. It would be up to someone on the Council most likely. Was Talak passing the buck? Probably. Should he? Probably not.

If you want to learn to use the Force it can't be just because you want to go kill Sith, he said, thoroughly unconvinced that that wasn't one of the reasons that Crix wanted to learn.

The way the Sith ended up the way they did is because of their anger and hatred, he said, speaking bluntly. He and Crix both knew where Crix's mental state was at. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix felt his breath catch in his throat as he listened to Talak, as he listened to the answer he was given. There was a time not too long ago where Crix would have been happy to have been given a lift to the Jedi and they could give him instruction. But now? After what he had been through? After everything that he had endured and was still enduring?

They wouldn't understand.

Talak understood because the events of Sullust had torn his heart out just like they had Crix's own. He felt the feeling in the pit of his stomach as it twisted and coiled into something ugly. Scowling up at the man, he shook his head.

"And why the kark not?"

He couldn't stand there and say that he wanted to only help his mother because he didn't. Sure, that was still his absolute primal goal but, well, revenge was on his mind. There was no escaping the fact that he wanted revenge; not even justice just... revenge.

Crix just... needed to make Talak understand.

"They reached into my head... and they tore at my insides until they could find her. Until they could ruin her!" he had started off in an imitation of calm but it had evaporated quickly, "My mom! They took her and they twisted her so yeah... I'm a little bit pissed off, Talak. I can't, I won't, be weak again and let them, or anyone else, hurt someone I care about because I..."

Because he was too weak to stop it was left unsaid as he trailed off, suddenly feeling out of steam, out of anger for now and so very tired of it all.

"I don't want you to worry about my soul or anything like that. I don't care about right or wrong I just... I just want her back and I want to make sure no one can take her away from me again."

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Talak knew it all too well. He knew the anger and hatred that was consuming Crix, and he knew that if he didn't control it he would lose himself down the same dark path that Talak now struggled with. But unlike Talak, he hadn't spent his entire life growing up Sith with habits to break, there was still a chance for him.

You look me in the eyes and tell me that your mother would want you to let yourself become corrupted, he said. Never mind the fact that Talak had a helmet on, but as soon as he said the words, Talak could feel that he was preaching to himself. He knew in his soul that Trys wouldn't have wanted him to return to the Arcanist, but he just... he needed to stop them. His own struggle was as intense as his struggle with Crix.

If you don't care about right or wrong, no one is going to train you, he said bluntly. His entire reason for wanting to "join the Jedi" was a guaranteed means of becoming corrupted. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

What his mother would want was to be better. If she could want anything right now the entire conversation would be different but the harsh reality was that his mother couldn't want anything because she wasn't even there. She was a ghost of a person, a shell without everything that made her who she was.

No, she wouldn't want him to become corrupted but she also didn't want him anywhere near anything close to fighting. She had warned him off the paths that would have led to him becoming a Ranger like her and her opinion on Force Users, he thought, had been known to him as well. The fact that she had a relationship with one did call into question some of the attitudes she had raised him with when it came to the Force.

"What my mom wants doesn't matter - I'll deal with disappointing her when she's back to normal, when she's capable of feeling anything." he responded bitingly, his own emotion bleeding out into an attempt to make Talak emotionally hurt, "What my mom wants is to get better and I need to take any chance I can to make that happen."

Growling in frustration, Crix ran a hand over his horns and turned away from Talak. Scratching around the horns to soothe himself for a moment, he rested his forehead against the cool metal of the wall. He sighed deeply and spoke to the wall rather than to Talak.

"I wanted to be a Jedi so I wouldn't end up a bad guy... knew enough to know that unchecked Force stuff was a bad thing. Led to terrorism and kark." he waved a hand, "Me and my friends all had it so we left. Left on some grand adventure to become Jedi, to learn what we could do and be good guys."

He turned to look at Talak.

"I got my mind read - leading to my mom getting her's wrecked. I ran off to save my mom - and now my friends are scattered, alone, throughout the Galaxy. Maybe this is the Force telling me that I wasn't ever meant to be a Jedi? Besides... who even is there left?" he sneered at the end slightly, "Didn't the Jedi just lose their only Temple? What do they even have left for me to go to?"

Crix didn't even mean half of what he was saying but he was just so desperately angry that he couldn't help it.

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Talak wasn't good at this sort of thing and it was just made all the more awkward by the fact that Crix and Talak had such a strange relationship status. Talak certainly wasn't his dad or even his stepdad, but he was Trys's son and that meant he was someone he cared about as well.

He could sense the frustration and anger emanating from the young man as he turned and placed his head against the wall. Talak knew the feeling all too well. There was helplessness and frustration, and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand not being able to fix what was wrong, and by the Force he couldn't let it go.

No, they're not out of the fight, he said. Talak had his hesitations about the Jedi and was anything but a model member, but they were still far better than the Sith in virtually every way. And Crix was right, if he didn't go to the Jedi, the other option was far worse.

You wanted to go to the Jedi because you knew that if you didn't you risked something far worse. Do you still feel that way? he asked. They were the difficult questions and even if Crix answered them "correctly" (if there even was a correct answer) that didn't guarantee anything, but until he looked at himself he would get nowhere in his training. Hard introspection was one of the most difficult but important parts of being a Force user. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

The Jedi not being completely out of the fight was news to Crix and it was, by and large, good news he supposed. He might not think they were the best thing since sliced bread anymore but he was happy that they were still out there to stand against the Sith. Given their track record he thought of them more as a speed bump for the Sith than a counter but they would give the New Republic, the FWA and the Rangers enough time to get their act together and crush the Sith.

He shrugged a little bit.

"Glad you still got your friends then I guess."

Did he still feel that way? Yeah. The facts had not changed on the 'Force might make him go crazy' side of things and he knew enough to know that the Dark Side was something he could slip into and be hard pressed to get out of. It made his stomach churn to think of ignoring a whole spectrum of knowledge that could be used to fix his mom though. Sure, he knew it was dangerous but he didn't much care.

Fire was dangerous too unless you were smart in how you used it.

"I know what it might do to me to use any of the Dark stuff but I can't close my eyes to the chance that it could be what fixes her." he looked at Talak and really tried to reach out with what little control of the Force he had to try and see his own emotional state, "Can you tell me that you're not going to go looking in both sides? If you can tell me why I shouldn't do what we both know you're gonna do... without lying to yourself and me? I'll... I'll let you drop me off at Jedi daycare or whatever."

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

He wasn't getting it, and Talak was about ready to beat it through his head. He was still having the thought that just toying with the dark side a little was a good idea and that sticking his hand in the fire wasn't going to make him get burned.

You're not getting it, he said, trying to take a breath to calm himself down and shaking his head.

You want the straight answer. I have a lot of history that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and if I can do anything within my power to keep you from falling off that cliff, then I will, he said. He wasn't going to detail everything of his past, but he had the information to pursue dark techniques anyway, and he was doing everything he could to avoid going down that route.

I've seen people take the route you want to take. I've seen them kill good people and I've seen them die. If that's what you want to do, then there is no one on this side of the Sith that will train you. You understand me? he said, not blunting the truth anymore. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

No... no he wasn't getting it. He didn't understand what it meant when people talked about the Dark Side and the Light Side because he had never had a chance to learn. Sure, he knew what the Dark Side felt like because of the Ranger HQ, because of the junkyard and because of Sullust - but none of that really gave him the grounded understanding about the Dark Side that Talak obviously had.

Crix was a teenager in emotional turmoil so he would never, ever, admit that he needed a talking to by someone who knew what they were talking about but... well... he did.

"I don't want to kill anyone." he admitted quietly, his anger bleeding away into the same all-encompassing, tired, sadness that he had been living in for days at this point, "I just want my mom back..."

And he did.

He really just wanted his mom back but he knew that if he went down the path that Talak was talking about then she wouldn't be able to see him again. Hell if his mom came back even half as angry at the Sith as he was right now then he wouldn't be surprised if she considered him an enemy if he went down that route, even if he took every step to try and make her well again.

"But I don't want her back just so she can reject me for what I've become I guess. Though I guess..." he closed his eyes for a moment before looking at Talak again, not wanting to vocalize that he was worried about the other man before deciding to focus on another of his worries about being a Jedi, "... will they tell me to forget about her? To let go of her?"

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

I want her back, too, he said quietly. The two of them were alike in many ways, and Talak could feel the young man's pain. He wanted Trys to come out of it as well, to come back to the land of the living, and to yell at him for what he had done to irresponsibly run into Sullust. He would have given anything for her to chew his head off for relapsing, but she wasn't here.

Crix's question caused Talak to be silent for a moment. Would they tell him to forget about her? That was a difficult question to answer. There were still some who seemed to hold to the older traditions of the Order, but everyone also knew that Grandmaster Rey's "attachments" were part of what allowed her to defeat Palpatine.

You should never forget about her, he finally said. He didn't know many Jedi that would have told him to anyway, but if they did... well, Crix certainly shouldn't listen to them.

And neither of us should count her out yet, he added. This was Trys Aran, the face of the Sector Rangers... and it was precisely why she'd been targeted. Talak could feel a lump forming in his throat and he was thankful for the helmet that blocked anyone from seeing the tears forming in his eyes.

He was silent for a moment until he was sure his voice was steady enough not to crack.

And you should know that even though we never got a chance to meet before all this, I could always see that she loved you more than anything else in the galaxy, he said. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix couldn't help but well up a little bit - he'd been doing so well to not give into all of his emotions but that last bit? That last bit caught him flatfooted and cut him to the quick all at the same time. He had been so caught up in his shame and his guilt and his anger that it almost hurt to be reminded of something he should have never felt any need to doubt.

His mom loved him.

Force karking damn it but it felt so good to hear that. It could only have been better coming from his mom herself but that was something to hold onto, a dream of the future he wanted to live in. He hurriedly reached up and rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, not actually wanting to cry over this. It was a nice thing after all - he shouldn't start crying just because something nice had happened to him.

"Uh... th-thanks Talak." he answered awkwardly, shuffling his feet ever so slightly, "I think I needed to hear that and don't you worry - I won't ever let her go."

He sniffed a little bit but managed a smile.

"Think she'll get mad when she wakes up if I'm off swinging a lightsaber around? Might think you've been giving me ideas about space monk adventures."

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

All right, Talak needed to end this sappy stuff. He didn't do crying and certainly not in front of other people. He sniffed slightly and then laughed slightly at Crix's question.

Probably. I'm sure we're both going to get a whipping because of that, he said, but he also did want Crix to be unprepared if - or when - the Sith came for him.

I can help you with your training, but I still think you should have a different instructor, he said. There were too many dark parts of Talak's mind that he didn't want to pass on to Crix. The young man already had enough tendencies that Talak deemed concerning without picking up more from Talak.

He paused a moment, deciding the first thing that he needed to clear up was helping Crix understand why he was so careful of the dark side.

Promise me you won't toy with the dark side, he said. It's like a drug. By the time you realize you're too deep you can't get out, he said. Talak was sure that Crix had been around enough to see spice addicts strung out and permanently hooked. The image wasn't a pretty one. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix wanted, for the first time in weeks, to actually laugh at the thought of Trys yanking on their ears and giving them a talking to about using space magic and running around in robes or whatever. He managed to keep it inside though mainly because he didn't think now was the best time for laughter. Despite a lightening of tension, they were still discussing something very serious after all... even if imagining Talak being led around by his ear by his mom was amusing.

The offer to help was appreciated and he didn't really feel like he needed Talak as his only instructor. Or 'Master' or whatever it was the Jedi called them. Even if their relationship had gotten a lot better than when it had begun, the two of them had a few layers of overlap that might make it awkward.

Plus Talak struck him as the Cool Loner type, honestly.

"Alright I'll bug you for some cool tricks but I'll learn the rest from another Jedi." he agreed before shrugging slightly, "Maybe I'll go see that guy I called from your com who laid around in pajamas all day? Hans?"

Casually admitting to using Talak's com unit right there, no biggie.

Of course the real reason for the lack of laughter in the conversation reared it's head again. The Dark Side and how it affected people - how it had effected Talak. He hadn't come right out and said he was a recovering Dark Side addict or whatever but it was basically all right there. Crix nodded slowly.

"I'll do my best, Talak." he agreed with a small smile, "Want to make sure I've been on my best behavior for her, don't worry. Besides... I don't really think I want anything to do with them."

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Talak felt like he had begun to get through to him and so decided not to press the issue any further. This was all assuming that Crix chose to follow this line and didn't simply turn aside to something else after a few months. It was difficult to say. Being a Jedi was... well, it was a hard life.

Hannibal training Crix? Talak could have thought of much worse things. In fact, Hannibal was one of the only people he would have trusted with the task. Talak opted not to mention the fact that he would be training under a member of the Jedi Council. No pressure.

You'll do well, he said, with a nod. He didn't know what more there was to say. He wasn't exactly the exceptional conversationalist and even less so with his girlfriend's son. He smirked at the thought, knowing Trys would have had a coronary just for him thinking the word girlfriend. But Crix and Talak were getting along, so that was a good thing for her to wake up to... someday.

I miss you Trys. Come back to me, he let the thought float through the Force, hoping that perhaps somewhere in her deep sleep and dreams she would hear him and that she might be able to follow his voice back.

 

[Crix Aran]

Yeah well he hoped he did well enough.

He didn't know anything about the Force except what he had seen others do with it. Hell, he only knew the barest of basics with blade weapons and that amounted to 'the pointy end goes in the other guy'. There was nothing to say that he had anything other than some middling talent at the Force stuff at best.

But what he did have was determination he supposed, the kind that wasn't born from wanting to be the best for selfish reasons but because he could not see himself having any chance of helping his mom unless he was better than pretty much any other Force User out there. Yeah it might be presumptuous to be aiming right for the tippy top but what did that matter to him?

He wasn't in it for titles.

"I'll try not to leave you in the dust, old man." he teased Talak with a small smile, "So just drop me off on the way and step back Talak - I'll take it from here."

He was, of course, joking and trying to give himself a little bit of extra confidence. However he did stop to grab his mother's E-11 rifle from the storage. Hurriedly putting it away in a backpack, he avoided Talak's gaze. Talak didn't need to know why he wanted the E-11.

@Phoenix

 

[Talak Rand]

Then it was decided. Talak would take Crix to Yavin and he would begin his training. He hoped Trys wouldn't have been irate, but he also knew that leaving Crix without training could be far more dangerous for everyone involved. He didn't dare face the possibility that she may never wake back up.

Mhm, he responded to what Crix said. Time would tell, he supposed, but Talak wouldn't make playing catch up any easier. He couldn't do that after all, his reputation was on the line!

Just tell Hannibal to give you the special Talak treatment, he said as Crix went to gather his things. He walked back into her room and looked at her once more, brushing his hand against her forehead.

I'll be back, he said, a sad smile on his lips as he looked down at her. He wanted nothing more than to hear her voice again.

He turned back to the hall, meeting Crix outside and heading for the Nomad. There was still work to be done... for now.

//Thread