When the Truth Hurts

[Vuthari]

Tilly Farmhouse
Outskirts of Nabat
Ryloth

Every student is different…

This thought crossed the mind of the twi’lek as he looked out across the farm fields to the south. A massive lightning storm rolled across the plains in the distance. While it would not hit their location, storms like that cropped up all the time. The weather on Ryloth was always unpredictable…much like the “Padawan” he brought with him to Ryloth. While the Galactic Alliance was working on having a stronghold in Ryloth, they were still a long way from accomplishing their task. He decided he would bring Kae’Leigh here for a number of reasons. The first reason was that he could tell she had not reconnected with her twi’lek roots. There would be plenty of opportunities for the female twi’lek to do so here. The second reason he wanted to train out on this farm was to keep her focused on what they were doing. If they were in a city, he knew she would not be able to resist the allure of civilization, to the point it would be a distraction.

While Vu'thari knew Kae'Leigh, he could sense the walls she built up around herself for protection. She was going to have to take down those walls and trust him for real progress to happen. Vu'thari believed that this would be the biggest challenge for Kae'Leigh...

The farm they were staying at was one that Vu’thari found that was rented out at a cheap price. The owners had a bad streak of luck and their entire crop was bad this season. So, they started trying to earn some credits anyway they could, including renting our their farmhouse. Vu’thari was not sure where the farmers went, but he surmised they were staying with family. While the farmhouse was small, it would serve their needs: two bedrooms, two freshers, a kitchen, and a common room. The only other inhabitants around them were miles away and those were other farmers. Farming in Ryloth took incredible skill and a ton of patience. The weather could turn on you in an instant, so farmers had to be able to adapt...and quickly. Regardless, they had to take a pair of speeder bikes to get way out here. When they needed to, they could take those bikes a good 45 miles away to the small spaceport that serviced the area and docked Vu'thari's ship.

The pair had unpacked and Vu’thari came out of his room and eyed Kae’Leigh. Clapping his hands together indicating he was ready, he said, “Alright. We begin tomorrow morning early. I am going to give you some things to read, but I doubt you will read them. We will start with this…the Life Tree. Tell me your impressions of what happened. I want to know what you learned and what scares you about that experience. The one emotion we cannot have during our stay here is fear…”

@EmilyHuene

 

[Kae'Leigh Tameris]

Ryloth. Her home planet. Yet Kae'Leigh couldn't feel further from home here. Any memory she had of this green planet was buried in her subconsious mind. She was only a few months old when her parents fled for safe space. As safe as Nar Shaddaa could be that is. Whatever thoughts they had to go there of all places must have made them mad. But as it turned out they had made the correct choice as Kae'Leigh grew up with no harm or foul. She didn't have an easy life by any means, always having to look over her shoulder, but at least she didn't live life by the leash. That's what her parents wanted most for their blue-skinned daughter.

Now she had returned. It was her choice, but only out of necessity. A few days ago she'd been on Kashyyyk for the Life Day celebration. There, she met with a man of her own kin who she now knew to be a Jedi. He, along with a few other Jedi potentials, took Kae'Leigh to the great living tree. It was supposed to be the first tree that ever grew on that system and its where the Wookie tribes were first born. Kae'Leigh wasn't sure how little furballs came out of a tree....but she suspected it was more of a myth than fact.

Upon venturing to the tree and placing her hand on the trunk, Kae'Leigh was gifted with a series of mental images. First were her own. She saw her parents on Nar Shaddaa. She remembered the moment they gave her up and told her to stay safe. Then she saw herself growing up and memories she did have access to. She wasn't the only one to have seen the past either. Kae'Leigh also saw the other members of their little group growing up as well. Worse off, was Vu'thari. He was the Twi'lek that brought them. He was the Jedi who had suffered so much as they all unexpectedly learned.

But it wasn't the visions of the past that upset Kae'Leigh so, it was the ones of the future. In this mystic scene played out in her mind, Kae'Leigh saw herself and the other Potentials learning the ways of the Force. And later, she saw them standing proud before their Jedi master, ready to accept their sabers and go out to fight against evil. Kae'Leigh saw herself only a few years older than she was now, standing tall and proud. It was not someone she recognized.

Kae'Leigh never wanted anything to do with this war. She'd lived her whole life in solitude. She never got too close with anyone. She never had any real friends. Anytime she thought things got too serious there or she got a bad feeling about her home, she'd move and try somewhere else. In time she'd relate this as the Force speaking to her. Back then however, she knew to always trust her gut. It never led her astray. Maybe that's why she decided to trust Vu'thari.

He'd approached her after the invasive visions and after she ran from her group. He came to her in peace, hoping to explain himself and offer his support. But Kae'Leigh knew his true intentions. He didn't just want her to learn the ways of the Force. Vu'thari, no matter how much he'd want to deny it, wanted Kae'Leigh to fight alongside him and the other Potentials against the evil Imperium. In doing this, Kae'Leigh would put herself in harm's way, directly in the eyes of the Sith. Having little confidence in herself already, she knew doing this would end her life. Or worse...end in chains.

Kae'Leigh couldn't have this. She had to protect herself. So she'd made herself a promise. She would go with Vu'thari to learn how to control her powers and protect herself. He'd warned her that not doing so could result in the Sith finding her anyways and then she'd surely be in trouble. They would torture her for information, none of which she would know having denied their help. And she would suffer. Kae'Leigh knew this. It wasn't worth the risk. She felt belt using him just for her own means, but what was the alternative?

The two had met on one of Ryloth's moon of their own accords and from there she hitched a ride to the surface. From there, a long bikeride led them out to the furthest place possible. Sure they could have parked their with their ships, but why risk revealing their location to anyone? It was better to stay off the grid as long as possible. Kae'Leigh had no argument of this. Up until now there'd been mostly silence between the two, save for Vu'thari explaining the former situation to them. Even now as she unpacked in her room she felt horribly alone. Maybe that's what drew him up to her room.

When he entered, he'd see she had not changed out of her travelling gear and was still wearing the same outfit she'd been wearing up until now. Her clothes were all of the same color; she'd chosen a deep purple which made her blue skin seemed paler. Her jacket came down to her midriff and the shoulders came halfway down her biceps. She covered her chest with a tiny sport bra very similar to a bikini top. She then wore a utility belt over baggy pants that had a slight skirt to the fabric. Her weapons were still safely stored away for now and not on her person. Kae'Leigh would turned her head around when Vu'thari began talking, but then returned her attention to her pack.

Tomorrow they would start training. Kae'Leigh hoped to get right into things and get it done sooner, but she stayed silent. She moved to her bed and sat down beside he half-empty suitcase. She leaned over her arms and let her head droop down; her lekku nearly touched the floor in this position. Yay reading......so much sarcasm. The Life Tree? She didn't want to remember it. And what had she learned? She learned she was doomed for a life she didn't want!

Kae'Leigh scoffed, "What I learned? Are you kidding me? You dropped a bomb shell on me! I learned that I'm a freak. I'm cursed to have this power that will cause people to hunt me down even more than they had before. You should know better than anyone why I'm afraid. Vu'thari for the love of-"

She had to stop herself before her anger caused her to say something she didn't mean. She meant it well and plenty now, but later she knew she'd regret it. "I'm scared. Ok? I'm scared of getting hurt. I've lived on Nar Shaddaa too long. I know what happens to our people. I don't want to end up like them."

 

[Vuthari]

Tilly Farmhouse
Outskirts of Nabat
Ryloth

Vu’thari patiently listened, sensing the young twi’lek’s myriad of emotions bubbling to the surface: fear, frustration, anger, regret, embarrassment…and there was more there. He eyed her and nodded and she explained her feelings. A few moments of silence passed. He was proud of her. Knowing what he knew of Kaylee, this was a great start. She might not think so, but the Jedi knew this moment was very important.

With a small smile, Vu’thari said quietly, “I understand. Believe me, I do. I am truly sorry about what happened there. While I suspected the Life Tree would awaken much within us, I did not expect it to lay our past in front of us at our feet.”

Silence. This emerald eyes met hers and she could see the empathy within them as he spoke, “I know why you are scared, Kaylee. Thank you for being honest with me…”

The Jedi explained, “I think it would help if I explained why I am not here.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued, “I am not here to make you go out and fight a war that you do not believe in. I am not here to get something from you, use you in some way. I am not here to embarrass you or betray your trust in any way. Finally, I am not here to try to change you…”

Pause.

“I am here to help you deal with whirlwind of your emotions. I am here to teach you the ways of the Jedi today, not the Jedi of old…it is a different time, a different galaxy. Once on this path, you will have the tools and knowledge to help you from ever becoming one of them. In truth, I think I might help you find your place in this crazy galaxy. In time, you may will see ways you can help others, who cannot defend or help themselves…”

 

[Kae'Leigh Tameris]

A moment of silence passed that really did not help her anxiety at all. She was basically looking for someone in her life to give her direction. And every second he took to come up with his answer was driving her mad. She began tapping her foot anxiously while her hand subconsciously moved to her mouth to start gnawing on her nails.

Finally came so relief, at least enough to distract her mind while she listened. He said he understood her. That he was sorry. Not that it changed anything. What happened, happened. There was no changing that now. It was still really hard not to blame him though. She wanted to, to find some patsy to blame for her grief.

More silence. Their eyes met. It was clear he appreciated her honesty. It took a lot for the girl to open up to someone at all. He then explained that her mind had been a little on edge, or rather she was over-reacting or over-imagining what was really going on. This whole time she'd been worried that he wanted her to fight in his war. In the Jedi's war and the Rebel's war. Apparently that was not the case. While she didn't upright believe him, it was still nice to hear it from him.

But what exactly was the way of the Jedi? Old or otherwise. That's what she was hear to learn at least...

Kae'Leigh took a deep sigh and nodded her head. She looked up again to Vu'thari and would respond, "Alright. So what do I need to learn?"

 

[Vuthari]

Tilly Farmhouse
Outskirts of Nabat
Ryloth

"Alright. So what do I need to learn?"

Vu’thari smiled and responded quietly, “There is much we can learn, but first perhaps we need to understand how to quiet our mind. Emotions run high with you, Kaylee. I am not going to ask you not to feel, but emotions can do an effective job of clouding our mind and our judgment…come with me.”

With that, the Jedi led the twi’lek “padawan” out into the front yard of the farm. Storms rolled and thundered in the distance. Standing out there with her, he led her out a bit further and stopped. Looking out in the distance, he explained, “Fear…frustration…anger…anxiety…all these things can lead you to the Dark Side. Are we going to feel these things? Yes. When you feel your anger start to turn to rage, or sadness turn to despair, what do you do? What does a Jedi do? Some Jedi will tell you that there is no emotion, there is only peace. My grandfather taught me this. Do you wish to know how to suppress your emotion when it bubbles to the surface or attempt to control it?”

@EmilyHuene

 

[Kae'Leigh Tameris]

"Quiet one's mind?" she asked in confusion. "You mean like meditating?"

She'd never tried to before, but it was something she also didn't really believe in. Nor did she ever really think to do it. Unlike other people she'd met in her life Kae'Leigh didn't really have much of an anger problem. She was also happy-go-lucky and cheerful. Only when she was afraid though would that change. Fear was something she was far too comfortable with.

Vu'thari instructed her to follow him and he'd turn to the door. Kae'Leigh rose and started to follow, but not before turning back around and shutting her suitcase so it wouldn't spill over. The two would start to head outside and now she wished she had brought a coat. The storm was still aways out, but she didn't want to get caught in it either.

Then he spoke about the Dark side. It was...not something she'd heard of before and would give him a face showing that lack of understanding. "Oh you are talking about meditating," she exclaimed suddenly as a burst of energy came ti her in the excitement. It was the obvious answer when he explained how else to calm one's mind and suppress one's emotions.

 

[Vuthari]

Tilly Farmhouse
Outskirts of Nabat
Ryloth

"Quiet one's mind. You mean like meditating?"

Vu’thari nodded and explained, “Yes. When you can take the time and still your mind, that addresses much of those deep seated emotions and thoughts. On the other hand, you have to be able to control your emotions in the moment. That requires discipline. I said control, not suppress. You are a living being, not a droid.”

Noticing the confusion in Kaylee’s eyes, he explained, “The Dark Side is the danger that we face as force-users. It is the way of the Sith. The Sith believe that peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, they gain strength. Through strength, they gain power. Through power, they gain victory. Through victory, their chains are broken. The Force shall free them…”

Allowing her a moment to soak in the doctrine of the Sith, “They believe that allowing their emotions to rule them is the answer. Meaning they will give in to their rage, their fear…all passions. Evil comes naturally from this mindset. The Jedi do not believe this. The Jedi Code teaches against emotion, but that is something that is a choice you must make. I can teach you suppress all emotions, much like my grandfather was able to do, as well as the Jedi of old. I can also teach you another way that does not suppress the emotion, but flatten the emotion where it is still present, but not influencing your actions. This is done through disciplined control. What are your thoughts on this?"

@EmilyHuene

 

[Kae'Leigh Tameris]

"To still one's mind?" Kae'Leigh still did not understand what that meant. This was going to be a very long process. And what was the difference anyway between controlling and suppressing? Wasn't that exactly the same word? Vu'thari would be able to tell she was starting to get rather frustrated at this whole speech.

And now there were sides? Dark side? What was the other then? Gray? Oh...Light. Dark and light. Ok that made sense.........not! What did that even mean?!?!?! The Sith clearly knew. And Kae'Leighe was certain she didn't want to be one of them. And then what was this mantra he was spouting? There is no peace, only passion? She'd forgotten this wasn't the part she was in fact going to learn. This was the opposite. But her mind couldn't wrap her head around that idea either. Peace. Passion. Very different words. But why were they connected at all?

Passion leading to strength though...that she understood. She remembered she always felt stronger when her blood was boiling and nothing else seemed to matter. That was usually the fear getting to her though. But that drive. That passion to survive. It made her stronger. She could relate to that. It's how she always escaped. Maybe this Sith code wasn't all that bad.

The code. Not the killing freely and ruling the galaxy thing.

Kae'Leigh did not have answer right away. She started trying to voice her thought, but she couldn't quite get passed the first word. Finally she got so fed up she started swearing to herself. There was that anger she wasn't allowed to be feeling. "I just don't see how you're going to get me to control anything." She sighed and shook her head. Speaking now like she had nothing to lose she'd add, "But alright. I'm here. Let's learn this. Show me what I have to do. The sooner I learn the sooner I get on with my life. Right?"

It probably wasn't the spirit he was hoping for, but it was the best he was going to get at this particular moment.

 

[Vuthari]

Tilly Farmhouse
Outskirts of Nabat
Ryloth

He could feel the storm of frustration and anger swirling within her petite frame. There was no control, no attempt to shift her emotional state—only enough control to speak. She was not understanding his message. The twi’lek forced his own frustration down quickly, as soon as it began to manifest.

"I just don't see how you're going to get me to control anything…the sooner I learn the sooner I get on with my life. Right?"

Silence. Vu’thari looked at the twi’lek with an easy smile. Her first lesson was to understand that this approach was not going to work for the Jedi.

“I want you to ‘meditate’ on exactly why you are here. I also want you to consider what your future is going to look like when you are done here—and if that is the road that is truly the best one for you. Lastly, I want you to consider the words you just spoke to me and tell me how I am supposed to interpret my role in this. Do not get me wrong, Kaylee, you have been transparent with me—I appreciate this greatly and that trust will not be betrayed…”

Pause.

“However, we are done for the day…”

With that, the Jedi turned and headed back inside.

@EmilyHuene

 

[Kae'Leigh Tameris]

Oh so he did want her to meditate. She knew it. The ramifications of what he wanted hadn't occurred to her, but in general she was on the right track. He wanted her to feel with her mind and think of the future. Sure....a future she wanted nothing to do with. And apparently today he wanted no more to do with her. Just like that he would turn and start to head back to their temporary home. Kae'Leigh was shocked. He was just going to leave her? Just like that?!

Kae'Leigh watched him go and all the way until he was inside would he feel her anger. It was burning inside her and in between the lightning bursts he might have even heard her scream out his name with some foul language. Or he could have been imagining it. Not wanting to deal with what she was feeling Kae'Leigh would leave the spot she was in and start heading toward the storm out in the distance. The rain would feel nice on her skin; that, and whenever she'd feel lonely or upset she always used her refresher to shower and hide her tears from the world.

Meditate. Focus on her future. Kae'Leigh knew what future she wanted. She wanted a future where she could be safe and the Sith wouldn't come after her. That's all she wanted. A life where she could live happily and never have to look over her shoulder. No fear of chains. No fear of being killed. No fear of losing what she had of hers to call home.

Yet, as she walked, she couldn't stop thinking about Vu'thari's message. His past. She remembered as if she'd lived through it herself. She recalled him living with a family at one point. She vividly saw them in her mind's eye them being cut down and killed. The pain he felt. The pain she absorbed as if she knew what it was like herself. Kae'Leigh tried to imagine what her parents felt. That past could have been her own. For all she knew her parents had in fact been cut down in the same way. Wouldn't they want someone to protect them? Had they prayed to the Twi'lek deities to watch over their daughter that day? Kae'Leigh could only imagine them praying that if someone had the chance that they would protect her. Now, it was Kae'Leigh who had the power to do just that.

Rain would start at a slow dribble then quickly turn into a downpour. The storm raged on below her; she just felt the aftermath. She began to cry deep and long tears. She curled in on herself and sat into the wet and muddy grass. The future. Such a scary thought. Could she really go back to living some normal life? Could she go on living knowing she had the power to save someone in mortal peril? The war might not mean anything to her in terms of territory, politics, or monetary gain. But fighting to save someone who needed her...that could be something she could get behind. Even if she saved one person wouldn't that be enough?

She began to envision the memory more clearly in her head. She tried to remember exactly what it was she felt. The pride she encompassed holding that blue lightsaber. The feeling of joy Vu'thari felt at seeing his four Padawan learners. Together they would embark on a journey to save people. She tried to see more of this future. Did it really come to her then, or was she just pretending? She saw herself fighting in a desert. She saw herself using her magic glowy sword against the Imperial armies. She saw herself hiding Twi'lek children in a workshop she'd never been to before. She saw her and the other Padawan lounging in a large spacecraft with Alliance flags all around them.

The tears continued to fall down her cheeks, but now for different reasons. This future she tried to create in her head looked so peaceful. She seemed like she could actually live a life worth having. A way of living she could be proud of. Did she really want to go back to Nar Shaddaa and rip people off? The Alliance could give her so much more just as a slicer itself. She could use her skills to help bring about some real change. And then, as a Jedi, she could save so many more innocent lives that were ruined like hers.

Now more than ever she missed her parents. If slavers or Imperial agents hadn't come after her parents that day then maybe she could have known them. She could have grown up with them. She could have learned the language of her people or heard stories of past generations. Kae'Leigh never knew how much she missed that. Maybe she was just being empathetic since she was on her home planet. A place she never wanted to visit prior to this. Now she didn't want to leave.

Kae'Leigh made up her mind. A loud pounding would come on Vu'thari's door some hours later after she walked back to the hut. When he opened the door he'd see first that she was soaking wet. Her clothes were drenched to the point a puddle was forming under her feet. Yet, despite all this, a smile was on her face.

"Teach me to be a Jedi."

~END THREAD~
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