Who'll have mercy upon your soul?

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro sat outside where he was instructed to wait for his new master. He hadn't been told whom it would be, just that someone would be arriving. He couldn't help but feel, changed. The day he'd started chasing his brother, he'd been so full of hope, optimism, pride. But it had soured. He'd felt himself withdrawn from the other students here. He'd fought alongside soldiers against the Sith, and then, battled his twin to keep him from becoming a Force Scion. He'd worked so hard to try and bring his brother back, only to discover that he truly belonged with his heritage. Their heritage. The Mandalorian people. But Phiro also knew that he had to stay with the Jedi Order, to continue fighting the good fight. At least, that's what he told himself. But at times, it seemed like he was getting nowhere. Men had been slaughtered by the Sith, and his group of companions for the trip, John Sarton, Destro and Blake, his brother, were all elsewhere. And none here could relate to Phiro, he thought. None here had gone through what he did to try and save his brother, fight at the temple. It seemed like no matter how hard he fought he was losing ground. And now, with the Jedi on the run from the Sith, it seemed hopeless. Like they'd had victory in their grasp and let it slip. He couldn't help but think that if he'd managed to convince his brother to return, to fight alongside the Jedi to restore the Order, that they could have done it.

But that was not to be. He'd already been hearing news of the Mandalorian Clans. And while Phiro had desperately wanted to aid Draconis, he knew he could not. He smiled as he remembered Destro stopping by and talking to him about it. Crazed man he was, but stupid he wasn't. By all accounts insane, but somehow his insanity being his greatest strength. He wondered how it was possible. How all of this, any of this is possible.

But he also wondered as to why he should keep fighting when they'd lost. Coruscant was gone. His heritage would soon follow. His only brother would die. And everything that he'd fought so hard to protect would now whither away. He felt a twinge of anger, of rage. But also, something else. It was almost like an animal that dwelled deep inside. It craved release, to attack savagely, to bring it's enemies to their knees. He'd let it slip on Coruscant, and was amazed at how the beast knew how to fight. Draconis called it his inner verde seeking release. Saying his heritage and bloodline craved the battle. But Phiro had managed to keep it in check, to make peace with it over time, how they both wanted to use their skills to protect the weak. To guide those who needed guidance.

And yet now..... he felt more lost than he'd ever has been before.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina was in the midst of preparing for an important mission when she had been notified that a new padawan had been allocated to her. She was uncertain what to make of that. She had her mission coming up and even though there were still several days to it and the team hadn't been assembled, she felt like she should be concentrating on that, rather than teaching, but then again she supposed her superiors knew better than her, furthermore she thought she could use a distraction from everything that was happening to her. Perhaps spending some time with a padawan would be just the right medicine for the occasion.

She was wearing the traditional jedi robes and cloak. Her lightsaber was hanging from her belt. Her hair was loose and her red banks were just in front of her eyes, yet their purple color could not be concealed. She had a slight smile on her face and her heart was full of confidence, something that she didn't feel very often nowadays, but new times were coming, for her and for the jedi and she could feel it in her gut and it made her hope, it made her believe.

As she stepped out of the temple she was almost blinded by the early sun shining into the opening and straight into her eyes. The morning breeze felt like a soft touch on her face and the songs of the birds on the nearest trees only contributed to the fine morning. There was only one thing slightly off, only one thing that didn't seem to fit the picture. One thing that seemed to be engulfed in itself rather than participating in the beautiful picture and that thing, or rather person, was to be Jaina's padawan. She could tell that the boy, or rather man, was consumed by his thoguhts. She couldn't judge his age, but from his body structure she concluded he was no youngster about to be introduced to the jedi, but rather a more experienced padawan, which intrigued her. "Good morning." she smiled, hoping to be well received, although she expected she might be misjudged. "I assume you're Phiro? I am Jaina Brangwing and it's a pleasure to meet you."

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro had stared off into the distance, when he'd felt the presence of another. She seemed full of confidence, resolve. When she'd spoke he'd quickly gotten to his feet, turning to face his new master with a bow of his head. He spoke respectfully as he finally looked at her in the eyes, his head having to look down a little to meet her gaze as he spoke.

"Greetings master, I am Phiro,"

He looked at her in his combat armor still, being that he'd lost his traditional robes when he'd returned to Coruscant, not worrying about them as he'd barely had enough time to recover before the Sith invaded, and then practically burned the temple to the ground. The carnage was etched into his memory, and he couldn't help but be a little sorrowed by it. They had originally trained him on Coruscant, and many had died trying to defend it. His chest plate was covered in scratches and gashes, not really seeing the need to replace it from the stockpile as from what he knew they were hiding, and both gashes on his armor told stories, the scratches reminders of the combat he'd scene. He looked at the Jedi before him with respect, she wore traditional robes, was certainly higher rank, and he didn't question her experience. After his pause in examination he finished by remembering he should return the complement.

"Ah, yes, it is a pleasure to meet you as well,"

He wasn't used to the formality, or frankly, the fact that she just seemed so.... normal. Destro was medically insane, Draconis finally had gone to the Mandalorians because he knew he would never be able to fit in with the Jedi any longer. Blake was more calm than the both of them, but when he got pissed, he could tear through just about anything. John was one of the most exceptional soldiers he'd ever seen. And now, Phiro was meeting someone who wasn't near as odd or exceptionally different as any of them. But, he thought to himself. This was probably good. Good to get away from Destro's mad smile, Blake's imposing figure, Draconis's twitching hand, and John's commanding nature. Yes this was definitely better than dealing with them, more down to earth, which Phiro could use, being so high strung being around them anyways. He waited for her to begin with what they would start on.

 

[Radiwalker]

As the padawan turned to face her, Jaina set her eyes upon his armor. It could almost tell a story with all the marks and gashes in it. The girl could easily conclude that her counterpart had seen many battles, but whether he had seen those battles as a member of the jedi order, or as a soldier was beyond her and, frankly, she didn't want to know, at least not for the time being.

His manner of speech strengthened her first suspicion that it had been a while since Phiro had last spoken to a stranger under normal circumstances. He seemed distanced, as if his body was there with her, but his mind was in a complete different part of the galaxy. Whatever had happened to this padawan had certainly had an affect on his thoughts and beliefs, for he did not seem like other padawans - eager to learn and practice. Instead he had this load on his, that seemed to put him down, but Jaina knew just how to help him get his mind off of it.

Realizing she had remained silent for a while, she finally spoke out, with a slight smile on her face. "Right then, lets get started." she burst off in a dash, waving for the padawan to follow her. She would take him round the woods, not in any particular path, but in any direction her eyes deemed interesting. It was the running that was important, or rather the exercise, for she knew, from personal experience, that exercise and exhaustion was the best outlet for worries. She even thought that the padawan might decide to share his worries with her, but that remained to be seen... for now, they would run... and she would judge him during the run.

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro had watched her speak, and then followed the order, running along her in the woods as she lead him in no where particular. He leaped up and over a tree as he began to power his way behind her, the force flowing through him as he used it to guide his reflexes. He didn't know how he did it, it just came naturally to him. His brother was so much better at it though, his natural affinity being much stronger than him. Draconis, why the hell hadn't he gotten to him sooner? He'd had come so close during his hunting at Nar'Shadaa, then at that Sith's temple. Why hadn't he been able to get to him before Lacrima? Must have - *BAM*.

He went end over end as his head smacked into a large branch. Thankfully he'd had his helmet on, and it hadn't done much more than knock him off course and cause him to slam into the dirt. He shook his head and then remembering what he was doing, he looked up and launched himself with the force forward, catapulting himself back towards his master. He felt his legs hammer into the ground as he charged forward, after his master, his adrenaline getting going. He thought back to his days in the temple. Compete, push, win. He couldn't back down from what his master tested him with. Not now. He had to prove he could take it.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina heard a thump sound and turned her head to see the padawan falling towards the ground, after apparently having met resistance in mid air. It was a humorous sight to behold, but Jaina took note that John was distracted by his thoughts. He was still distant to the exercise, or at least appeared to be. She had to push him further, make it more challenging, make it so his full concentration is required for him to simply keep going.

That was simple enough, given the environment they were in and the fact that the padawan was wearing an armor. Jaina was reassured that little harm would come to him, as long as she was accurate. She decreased her speed slightly, reaching out through the Force and feeling her surroundings. She began picking up small rocks and fallen branches, sending them in the direction of the padawan, while trying not to target his head, hoping to further challenge him and his abilities, thus distracting him from all thoughts and worries and pulling him into the current engagement.

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro looked forward as he was trying to catch up and then saw the rock heading straight for him. He jumped to the side wondering what was going on when another branch seemed to be headed straight for him and caught him in the midsection. It wasn't big so it didn't do much but cause him alarm as he used the force to leap up into the air, and drew his lightsabers, cutting through the rocks, branches and everything else she threw at him. And it seemed like for every single one he cut down, two took it's place. He finally looked forward and used the force to create a small cone ahead of him while he ran, making an attempt to redirect all of the debris as he ran forward to catch up. His mind was completely focused on his surroundings, his target, and the obstacles, namely being flying objects, as he charged forward.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina took note that the padawan had regained his concentration and was handling the exercise with elegance. She smiled, but kept her thoughts to herself. After a few more minutes of running, she finally came to a stop at the end of a treeline. She was standing at what seemed to be the edge of the land, with some low rocks standing in front of her covering the view. She climbed on top of one.

A breathtaking scenery unraveled before her eyes. A small canyon stood beneath her with strange rock formations rising from the ground and the walls. A narrow river was running through the canyon, splitting at the rock formations, forming circles around them. Small and big animals alike were bathing in the river, or dashing beside it, hopping from one bank onto the other. On the other side of the canyon there was a field spreading as far as the eye could see, covered with flowers of bright colors, all glimmering underneath the sun which had now risen well above the land.

Jaina had a great idea for the next part of this cardio session she had started. But first they would rest. She sat down on the rock crossing her legs underneath her, still slightly panting, but keeping her eyes locked on the field across the canyon. She invited the padawan to sit down next to her. "You seemed distracted back there for a moment," she spoke with a smirk "is a running exercise so mundane that you let your mind wonder off and trust your body to move on its own?"

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro finally stopped and looked around him at the wonderful scenery. He noticed his master had taken to the top of a rock, and so he decided to sit on the ground next to it. When he heard her speak, he silently chided himself for letting his mind wander. He wouldn't have done that in a combat zone, in flight. He wouldn't have done that anywhere else. He spoke evenly.

"I'm sorry Master, it won't happen again,"

He certainly seemed distracted though. He paused before he finally came back to answer the question.

"I.... I don't know Master. My mind seemed to wander off on its own. So much has happened recently. I find it, hard, not to think about the things of late,"

Phiro didn't try to hide his emotions from his master, knowing full well that wouldn't be helpful at all. He had doubts, fears, even anger. Anger about why he couldn't have saved his twin brother. Why he couldn't have reached Coruscant in time to turn the tide of the battle. He was stronger than this, he knew that. But it seemed like no matter how strong he was, he lost ground. He kept losing. He was thankful he was wearing a helmet. With his visor polarized she couldn't see just how lost he looked. His brother was stronger, more confident than him. But he was also the one that had the greater raw affinity with the force. He believed in himself way more than Phiro ever did. And Phiro sorely missed that optimism.

 

[Radiwalker]

It became apparent to the girl that the padawan had high expectations of himself and may even exercise self-discipline, which is commendable, as long as it isn't overdone. What drew her attention more was that he was being honest and wasn't trying to hide his emotions. That meant he was aware of them and perhaps was even ready to face them. Jaina smiled at him.

"Don't be hard on yourself. It is often the case that thoughts cloud our judgement and we should not ignore them, for these thoughts have their purpose and reason. Instead we should confront them and overcome them," she paused for a moment, taking in a deep breath. She observed as a furry animal, that she could not make out from so far above, jumped into the river and after several seconds came back out with what appeared to be a fish in its mouth, then it walked over to a smaller animal and handed the fish over. Even among animals, kindness was present. "We shall meditate and if you believe it would help, you can share your worries with me, if not you can contemplate on them yourself, but either way, do not ignore them, that will only delay the inevitable."

Jaina closed her eyes and slowly drifted into a meditative state, keeping her mind open and ready should the padawan decide to confide in her.

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro sat down and began to meditate, clearing his mind, and then thinking on the things he was supposed to be. Trying to figure out why. Why he should fight? Why he shouldn't just surrender? Why he shouldn't just accept losing? He spoke to his master with uncertainty.

"Master. I am uncertain because we've lost so much to the Sith. I fear that because of my failure to bring my twin back from his dark path soon enough that I may have inadvertently prevented us from succeeding on other fronts. I am hard on myself that I let my brother fall so far to the point he almost became a Force Scion. I do not know what my purpose is, if there is any. And while the friends I had keep telling me that I need to fight the good fight, to continue working to topple the Sith. I just don't know anymore. Why should I continue trying if all my past attempts have only shown failure, unless someone else managed to drag it into a success?"

He had no faith in himself. Reports would have shown that he'd fought well on Coruscant, saving multiple padawans and soldiers alike when they'd fled the world. He felt that was expected of him though. Not something he should be proud of. He took off his helmet, looking at the T-styled visor, and setting it on the ground. He didn't know why he tried to fight anymore, to compete. It seemed like it was instinct. Second nature. He couldn't help but do it. It didn't make it any sense to him anymore.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina listened closely. She felt sorry for the padawan and not because she thought of him as weak, or unsuccessful, but because he seemed to think of himself that way. She opened her eyes and look down towards him, realizing that even in this scenario, where she had treated him as an equal and even invited him to join her on top of the rock, he had chosen the ground below, almost as if his subconsciousness would not allow him to equalize himself to others.

"Fear, some say, is the path to the dark side," Jaina began, her voice quiet and calm "I think otherwise. I believe we must embrace fear and overcome it, for it is only in its presence that we an truly be courageous," she smiled at the padawan, hoping he would understand he sympathy. "You have faced fear and you have overcome it. You fought your own brother when he was a threat and you saved the Galaxy, at a great cost, no doubt, but such payments are inevitable. What's more you didn't succumb to the taint of the dark side. You resisted it and now you still have the will to fight, which is only held back by your mistrust in your own self."

She stood up and dropped down next to the padawan, offering him a hand, to help him up and place a hand on his shoulder, making them seem more as equals, than master and apprentice. "And let me tell you something," she said, still with a smile on your face. "If there is one person who needs not ask what his purpose is, it is you. Not only did you fight in the war, but you resisted the dark side and you kept true to the jedi order. There are so many that have abandoned the order and the ways of the jedi, because of the war and what they have seen or done during it, but you have not allowed that to corrupt you. Even the fall of your own brother has not corrupted you. No my friend, you should not doubt yourself. Instead, you should be an example to others, who have failed to preserve themselves and yet believe that they have become stronger and better, through the darkness that they have embraced."

 

[ShadowWalker]

Phiro sat and listened. He didn't move, didn't flinch, didn't even breath audibly. Just listened. He soaked in his master's words. It was the truth, and for the longest time, he was motionless. But she did seem to strike a chord within him as he though about what she had said. All of a sudden, minute changes appeared across his body. His posture straightened, his face was now calm. He knew what he had to do. He then took the outstretched hand of his Master and pulled himself up, standing at full height. Idly reaching over with one hand and grabbing his helmet with the force and bringing it in front of him, listening as she finished. He stared into the visor, the T-style of it staring right back at him. John, Destro, Draconis, Blake. All of the Jedi in the Order. He couldn't back down now. He couldn't quit. When she finished he paused for a moment, before speaking.

"As a young one, when I was a lot smaller, I looked up to Draconis as a role model. He was so strong, confident, and he had an aura around him that bled charisma. When I found out we were twins, and that he'd run off to try and find his heritage, I felt called to the same. But I didn't. I knew my duty here was of greater importance. And now, it makes sense. With Draconis gone, it's my turn, I need to believe in myself like he did. I may be a Mandalorian in blood," he put the helmet on, activating the combat seals as it clicked into place "But at heart I am a Jedi. Defender of the weak, and keeper of the peace,"

He turned to his Master, nodding in respect as he spoke. "What is our next course of action master?" His voice was now eager, his posture respectful, but determined. He felt the fire that he'd had as a smaller boy rekindled. The eagerness, the determination. The utter resolve to fight with everything he had. It had returned in full force, even stronger than ever. And now he was determined to prove his worth.

 

[Radiwalker]

Jaina could see the padawan regain his confidence. She knew it would not be so easy for him to fully overcome his doubts, but it was a good start and she was glad she could help. However, they were not together to simply talk, but also to train and develop. The knight smiles as she looked at the combat ready padawan. "Lets head down then," she said with a smile as she took a few steps away from the edge of the cliff. "Follow me, Phiro," Jaina nearly screamed as she ran towards the edge and jumped off of it.

Her flight was short and she safely reached the other side of the valley, landing a few feet away from the edge. She smiled as she turned to see if the padawan would follow her as confidently as he had made himself look a moment ago. Then she walked back to the edge and began climbing down the rocks. She moved quickly, he hands and feet shifting around holding her firm and steady. When she was about halfway down she simply dropped, turning around in mid air and as she hit the ground she rolled forwards, quickly coming back onto her feet.

Jaina waited for the padawan to join her, if he had not found a faster way to get down, after which she turned to him. "Tell me, what do you see," she asked as she gestured towards the canyon that they were now inside. It was certainly quite a different view, looking from the bottom, rather than the top, but it was still the same canyon.

 

[ShadowWalker]

(XD It's Phiro, not John)

Phiro watched his master take flight across the valley and stood at the edge of it looking down. It was a long drop. He wondered if she wanted him to follow her across and decided that he probably should. So he got about ten feet back, and then took a full sprint, reaching the edge and leaping high into the air. He landed on the other side with a thud, crouching to better absorb the impact and then decided to follow her down. He scrambled over the edge and quickly managed to go down, switching from hand hold to hand hold. Finally he got to about the same spot his master did and decided to drop as well. But he didn't roll to dissipate impact, instead he just landed in a crouch, using one hand to steady himself. He stood and looked about where they had landed.

It was at the bottom of the valley. He looked above, and noticed that while it certainly had some advantages, they were situational. When she asked her question he turned to her and spoke. "Master, I see a poor defensive position, and a horrible ambush site to be boxed into. This would be good for stealth to move under the cover of darkness, but to get caught here would be terrible,"

 

[Radiwalker]

(Really sorry about the mix up!!! :X Also sorry about the delay in my response!)

Spoke like a true soldier, Jaina said to herself as she contemplated on how to proceed. "That is but one point of view," she said with her usual calm demeanor. "As a soldier you see well, but as a jedi your vision is clouded. You need to see the whole picture, not just one side of things. A jedi would see the strategic benefits and liabilities of a place, true, but one would also notice the life, the energies, the behavior of the creatures, the state of the environment."

Habits are hard to overcome, but a jedi needed to be better than that, a jedi had to think clearly and rely on their senses, but not on routines. Every situation is unique and a jedi appreciates that and takes it into consideration. "Go beyond your habit," Jaina said as she observed the padawan. "Observe everything that you usually overlook, only then would you get a complete understanding of the situation."

Just like he had overlooked his own successes, Phiro was now overlooking his surroundings. He was focusing on that which he was used to seeing and disregarding the rest. If he became more objective and observant, he would also start seeing the gains of each loss, the victory in every defeat, the wisdom in every mistake. It would be a long process for him to begin to truly appreciate everything worth appreciating, but it would be worth it, or at least so Jaina believed.