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- Jan 3, 2012
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"I used to wonder what brought me here. Now? Now I'm just happy to be alive."
Name: Xicar (Pronounced Shē-Car)
Gender: Male
Species: Falleen
Age: 24 standard years (Seems younger, due to Falleen biology. He seems to be a young teen)
Eye color: Reptilian Blue
Notable features: Hair is always drawn up into a tight ponytail. Teeth are sharp and predatory. All in all, his appearance can be very disconcerting to those unused to Falleen. His manner of speech is hissing and unorthodox. A trait inherited from his father.
Accessing Datapad. File: Personal Log... First Entry, Roughly Ten years ago. Last Entry, Two Months ago.
Entry #1:
I've taken it upon myself to start keeping a journal. It seems the thing to do... Need some way to keep track of what happens in my life... Not that the events of my life are particularly noteworthy. A scrap with my brother here. A play fight with my sister there. Always under Mother's watchful eye. Growing children need to learn young, father always says. The galaxy is a dangerous place. Maybe that's why... We have been sent away from our home by father. He seems... Agitated. Unbalanced. More-so than usual I mean. Usually he's just violent. Ive never seen him afraid. I want to worry, but Mother forbids it. Worrying is weakness. And she wont have it.
Entry #2:
We've been moving around a lot. First it was just on the big ships. Now we're taking smaller transports. I think Father's just being paranoid... Not that i've seen him in person for quite some time. He always contacts us via holocall. And only long enough to tell us where to go next. He still wont tell us what's going on. And mother isnt talking about it. But I can tell she's worried. I dont know how I know... I just know. My brother and sister think i'm weird. Well thats fine. I think they smell funny.
Entry #3:
Father hasn't checked in for several weeks. Mother seems ill tempered... She wont stop pacing the floors of the ship. She's going to wear a hole clean through to the void at this rate. I try to comfort her but she only ignores me... Ignores me and sits by the Holo Transceiver. Waiting for a call. Im sure he will check in soon... He has to. In other news, ive taken ill. My chest seems to hurt, like I got winded in a fight. But there havent been any fights. Not in too long. I miss Father.
Entry #4:
My father is dead. I overheard the call. I know I wasn't supposed to be eavesdropping, but when the call came in on his frequency... I had to peek. He's dead. Mother is angry. My siblings are too. But I dont know how to feel... Im sad. But Im not angry... Is that strange? If anything, I just feel worried. Its like theres a storm on the horizon and Im the only one who sees it. That's probably just Father. Being around him always felt like that. Mother says we'll be moving to Nar Shadaa soon. The Smuggler's moon, im told. A planet of criminals and thieves. Why would she bring us there...? What are we hiding from?
Entry #5:
Mother brought us to a Twi'lek. A smelly, fat little twi'lek man... She seems to know him for whatever reason. How would she know such a foul creature? I dont trust him. Something about him seems... Hollow. Like a puppet without anyone at the strings. And I cant approve of the way he looks at mother. If Father were here, he would have thrashed the man within an inch of his life. But he's giving us a place to stay. So I suppose I have no choice but to stomach it. For now.
Entry #6:
I should have known better. I should have known... Why didnt I know? He betrayed us. He must have... That fat little Twi'lek... He sold us out to whoever it is we were running from. Thats the most terrifying thing... I dont even know who it was... Is... I suppose they wont be chasing us any more. They think we're dead... I guess we are. Im the only one who made it out of the apartment. Detonators under the table... I was a fool for not checking... I should have known, and now my mother is dead. My brother and sister are nowhere to be found... I should be mourning for them. I should be trying to find the people responsible... But I cant. I just cant... I need to disappear. I need to get away.
Entry #7:
Its been a month... I havent had time to record things because i've been trying to stay alive. The Galaxy is a cruel place... A lot more cruel than I was ever told. Father was right... Well, he was right about some things. But not everyone is bad. I met a Togruta girl, some begger in an alleyway. She taught me how to hide. How to pick meals off of unsuspecting offworlders. I dont trust her... But she's done what she can to help me... So I owe her. What life is this for someone like me? Im no thief. This is humiliating. Oh. Her name is Shaki.
Entry #8:
Shaki is gone. We were sleeping under one of the docks and some thugs came to drag her away. I panicked... I didnt mean to... Shaki wouldnt speak to me. She ran away and she isnt coming back... I know it... I just panicked... Oh Father, why... Why did you have to leave me? They're dead... I didnt mean to, but they are. They came for her... And I got worried. And I just wanted them to go away... It was just a little push. I didnt mean for them to lose their footing. More will come. For her, and for me. The best thing I can do for her now is run.... Run far away.
Entry #9:
I've boarded one of the shuttles leaving Nar Shadaa. Shaki was there... She pretended she wasnt. She tried to hide, but I knew it was her. I could smell her disappointment. What am I... Father? Was this why you sent us away? Because I was going to grow up to be this? Are you disappointed in me too...? I need to find out what's wrong with me, but I have no money for doctors. I need to see what I can find out. Maybe someone can tell me just what I am...
Entry #10:
I'm afraid. I'm afraid and worried... And Mother would be ashamed. Father too. I found a doctor on a little station to do blood tests... But once I told him what happened, he got very quiet and went into the next room. He didnt think I could hear him... But he was calling someone. Calling the sith. I can't go to them... Ive heard stories... And Father was always adamant... Not to them. What are they...? So I ran, once again. I slipped aboard a smuggler's freighter with a shipment of supplies. We're going to the deep outer rim.
Entry #11:
It happened again. They found me hiding with the containers, tucked away against a medkit. I was trying to patch my leg up. So much of my own blood. When they found me and dragged me out, I fought. I kicked and screamed and begged them to let me go. Threw one of them against the wall of the ship. So they let me go... Dropped me on the surface of this godforsaken planet. A dustball with two suns. At least they dropped me by a settlement. I dont know what it's called... But the heat in the air makes me feel alive. Much better than cold metal on the skin. But I can't stay here forever.
Entry #12:
Tatooine. Thats what this place is called, according to the locals. They didnt seem happy to see me for some reason... Maybe it's because they know. Maybe they all know... Or maybe Im just being paranoid. The Cantina here offered me a place to stay, as long as I pull my weight. They'll even pay me credits. Good money to clean up bodily fluids and drinks from the floor. Maybe things are looking up.
Entry #13:
Ive heard a rumor. A rumor about someone else like me, hanging out in a cantina at the star port. Im going after my shift to check it out. Who knows... Maybe ive finally found something. Maybe... Maybe I can finally figure out whats wrong with me. I have a few credits, enough to be moving around with. Enough to eat, which means a lot when you are hungry. The owner doesnt want me poking around near the star port... But I have to know. Its like that day before, a storm on the horizon. I can feel it in my bones.
Entry #14:
I'm going to a new place. I stowed away on the strange man's ship. It just seemed like a good idea at the time... Now I just need to bide my time until I get wherever he is going. But I feel like he's noticed me... Probably the smell. I hope he hasn't noticed me. If he notices me, he will want me to go away too. Or he will leave. They always leave... This might be the last entry for a while. The Datapad is on the fritz, and I dont have the credits to fix it myself. I promise Father... Ill Survive this. Somehow.
I've taken it upon myself to start keeping a journal. It seems the thing to do... Need some way to keep track of what happens in my life... Not that the events of my life are particularly noteworthy. A scrap with my brother here. A play fight with my sister there. Always under Mother's watchful eye. Growing children need to learn young, father always says. The galaxy is a dangerous place. Maybe that's why... We have been sent away from our home by father. He seems... Agitated. Unbalanced. More-so than usual I mean. Usually he's just violent. Ive never seen him afraid. I want to worry, but Mother forbids it. Worrying is weakness. And she wont have it.
Entry #2:
We've been moving around a lot. First it was just on the big ships. Now we're taking smaller transports. I think Father's just being paranoid... Not that i've seen him in person for quite some time. He always contacts us via holocall. And only long enough to tell us where to go next. He still wont tell us what's going on. And mother isnt talking about it. But I can tell she's worried. I dont know how I know... I just know. My brother and sister think i'm weird. Well thats fine. I think they smell funny.
Entry #3:
Father hasn't checked in for several weeks. Mother seems ill tempered... She wont stop pacing the floors of the ship. She's going to wear a hole clean through to the void at this rate. I try to comfort her but she only ignores me... Ignores me and sits by the Holo Transceiver. Waiting for a call. Im sure he will check in soon... He has to. In other news, ive taken ill. My chest seems to hurt, like I got winded in a fight. But there havent been any fights. Not in too long. I miss Father.
Entry #4:
My father is dead. I overheard the call. I know I wasn't supposed to be eavesdropping, but when the call came in on his frequency... I had to peek. He's dead. Mother is angry. My siblings are too. But I dont know how to feel... Im sad. But Im not angry... Is that strange? If anything, I just feel worried. Its like theres a storm on the horizon and Im the only one who sees it. That's probably just Father. Being around him always felt like that. Mother says we'll be moving to Nar Shadaa soon. The Smuggler's moon, im told. A planet of criminals and thieves. Why would she bring us there...? What are we hiding from?
Entry #5:
Mother brought us to a Twi'lek. A smelly, fat little twi'lek man... She seems to know him for whatever reason. How would she know such a foul creature? I dont trust him. Something about him seems... Hollow. Like a puppet without anyone at the strings. And I cant approve of the way he looks at mother. If Father were here, he would have thrashed the man within an inch of his life. But he's giving us a place to stay. So I suppose I have no choice but to stomach it. For now.
Entry #6:
I should have known better. I should have known... Why didnt I know? He betrayed us. He must have... That fat little Twi'lek... He sold us out to whoever it is we were running from. Thats the most terrifying thing... I dont even know who it was... Is... I suppose they wont be chasing us any more. They think we're dead... I guess we are. Im the only one who made it out of the apartment. Detonators under the table... I was a fool for not checking... I should have known, and now my mother is dead. My brother and sister are nowhere to be found... I should be mourning for them. I should be trying to find the people responsible... But I cant. I just cant... I need to disappear. I need to get away.
Entry #7:
Its been a month... I havent had time to record things because i've been trying to stay alive. The Galaxy is a cruel place... A lot more cruel than I was ever told. Father was right... Well, he was right about some things. But not everyone is bad. I met a Togruta girl, some begger in an alleyway. She taught me how to hide. How to pick meals off of unsuspecting offworlders. I dont trust her... But she's done what she can to help me... So I owe her. What life is this for someone like me? Im no thief. This is humiliating. Oh. Her name is Shaki.
Entry #8:
Shaki is gone. We were sleeping under one of the docks and some thugs came to drag her away. I panicked... I didnt mean to... Shaki wouldnt speak to me. She ran away and she isnt coming back... I know it... I just panicked... Oh Father, why... Why did you have to leave me? They're dead... I didnt mean to, but they are. They came for her... And I got worried. And I just wanted them to go away... It was just a little push. I didnt mean for them to lose their footing. More will come. For her, and for me. The best thing I can do for her now is run.... Run far away.
Entry #9:
I've boarded one of the shuttles leaving Nar Shadaa. Shaki was there... She pretended she wasnt. She tried to hide, but I knew it was her. I could smell her disappointment. What am I... Father? Was this why you sent us away? Because I was going to grow up to be this? Are you disappointed in me too...? I need to find out what's wrong with me, but I have no money for doctors. I need to see what I can find out. Maybe someone can tell me just what I am...
Entry #10:
I'm afraid. I'm afraid and worried... And Mother would be ashamed. Father too. I found a doctor on a little station to do blood tests... But once I told him what happened, he got very quiet and went into the next room. He didnt think I could hear him... But he was calling someone. Calling the sith. I can't go to them... Ive heard stories... And Father was always adamant... Not to them. What are they...? So I ran, once again. I slipped aboard a smuggler's freighter with a shipment of supplies. We're going to the deep outer rim.
Entry #11:
It happened again. They found me hiding with the containers, tucked away against a medkit. I was trying to patch my leg up. So much of my own blood. When they found me and dragged me out, I fought. I kicked and screamed and begged them to let me go. Threw one of them against the wall of the ship. So they let me go... Dropped me on the surface of this godforsaken planet. A dustball with two suns. At least they dropped me by a settlement. I dont know what it's called... But the heat in the air makes me feel alive. Much better than cold metal on the skin. But I can't stay here forever.
Entry #12:
Tatooine. Thats what this place is called, according to the locals. They didnt seem happy to see me for some reason... Maybe it's because they know. Maybe they all know... Or maybe Im just being paranoid. The Cantina here offered me a place to stay, as long as I pull my weight. They'll even pay me credits. Good money to clean up bodily fluids and drinks from the floor. Maybe things are looking up.
Entry #13:
Ive heard a rumor. A rumor about someone else like me, hanging out in a cantina at the star port. Im going after my shift to check it out. Who knows... Maybe ive finally found something. Maybe... Maybe I can finally figure out whats wrong with me. I have a few credits, enough to be moving around with. Enough to eat, which means a lot when you are hungry. The owner doesnt want me poking around near the star port... But I have to know. Its like that day before, a storm on the horizon. I can feel it in my bones.
Entry #14:
I'm going to a new place. I stowed away on the strange man's ship. It just seemed like a good idea at the time... Now I just need to bide my time until I get wherever he is going. But I feel like he's noticed me... Probably the smell. I hope he hasn't noticed me. If he notices me, he will want me to go away too. Or he will leave. They always leave... This might be the last entry for a while. The Datapad is on the fritz, and I dont have the credits to fix it myself. I promise Father... Ill Survive this. Somehow.
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