The Black Vipers

[Outlander]

Lololol. Paladins would wreck us... those Mangos tho... nah, they're tasty and ripe.

I just don't understand why they hate the Mandos, and are willing to apparently murder Jedi and Sith given the opportunity. It's bad business.

 

[Oncaro]

I just don't understand why they hate the Mandos, and are willing to apparently murder Jedi and Sith given the opportunity. It's bad business.

Y'know, that's something I hadn't even thought of. If your faction is gonna make enemies, there should at least be some reason behind it. The Paladins for example are basically Light Side zealots, and they might some day go after groups like the Void Serpents or these Vipers guys out of a sense of honor or duty.

But why does a criminal enterprise want to antagonize all the factions? That's the question you should ask yourself.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

We would target you (or the Ahem shadow conclave Ahem) but at the moment I need to build my fleet (get more members) but after war is at hand my small furry friend.
Imrpoved.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

I've already mentioned it since most of my soldiers are rogues, bounty hunters, and criminals they'd probably attack us (some may have bounties) and Duba'yaba has a bad history with Mandos.

 

[Mad Dog]

@Bastilo Marshall, @Outlander is correct, the write up does state a clear intent to "Crush" any rising faction. And unfortunately for you, the Mandalorians, currently outnumber your new faction, by like 8 to 1..

As an indie faction leader as well as a Mandalorian, I think it'd be safe to say, that your faction would gain a dangerous amount of unpopularity, and the Ultimate destruction of your faction would probably be the one single thing that could cause the Jedi and the Sith to work cooperatively..

I would suggest a nearly full scale rewrite. For instance, having permanent bases and terrorising the Mandalorians is also a fast track to failure. If you want to be a terrorist group whose target is the Mandalorians, that's cool but I would suggest taking a look at the Galaf or Guardian factions, which both have similar goals, albeit with a different target.

Thank you @Outlander

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Improved and... Paladins when we get our fleet don't be surprised when you see one of my men at your front door. (:<

 

[Outlander]

Hey, if you want to be attacked by all the main factions, fine by me.

You need to provide exact numbers for your assets. Fleet, personnel, equipment, etc.

 

[Mad Dog]

You have an interesting idea here, I don't think the Mandalorians have been hatefully targeted before. I like it, and I'm sure all of Mandalore would welcome the challenge.

But like most everyone has said here, making everyone and everything your enemy is a monumentally bad idea, and unfortunately set for failure. Everyone needs allies, or friends and it looks like you're not going to have any.

Don't be discouraged, just jump back to that drawing board, and access who you really want your enemies to be. And maybe do some research and see who those people's allies are. Or don't it's cool.

 

[Outlander]

You need to say specifically your assets. What types of ships (class, type, etc), how many personnel and what their jobs are, what kinds of equipment you have, etc.

 

[Eccles]

That.... what? You literally say:

It doesn't matter if you assassinate someone with premeditation or convenience, you're still killing someone, any literally no faction is going to be OK with their leaders being murdered.

@Wit , @Mad Dog , @Kori Buor , @Oncaro , @Mad Dog , @Malon , @Fyremage , @Shalken , @Retroboy

Why in the name of the Force would you tag all these people? Really Dan, stop with the 'let me just attack this guy and go all out'.

The intent section clearly describes reactionary action to factions other than the Mandalorians and 'rising (criminal) factions' with the latter not being any of the other mains . I welcome the Black Vipers for they're a refreshing alternative to the usual edgelord-ian indie factions that get made on SWRP.

 

[Outlander]

Why in the name of the Force would you tag all these people? Really Dan, stop with the 'let me just attack this guy and go all out'.

Tagging other faction leaders, as if this faction was intent to attack any other smaller faction, or main faction, it was relevant to them. I'm not trying to attack @Bastilo Marshall , i'm trying to get his faction in a state where it can actually be approved and survive. If you'd prefer I lied, then I can't oblige you.

The intent describes focusing attacks on Mandalorians and other rising factions, not exclusively criminal factions as it just says factions, as well as saying that they're willing to also attack the Jedi and Sith depending on the circumstances. The part about assassinating other factions leaders was removed, so that's good.

 

[Undine]

@Bastilo Marshall Since I'm to be your AFL, I want to point out three things I think need to be changed:

1st, and most important, a criminal empire does not survive by declaring war on anyone, other than smaller or competing criminal groups. I'd rather go to war with the sith than the Mandos, they have more people, actual RPers not NPCs, then we will ever have, those individuals are better at tech write ups and conducting warfare then we are, I know because I've worked with them before, @Kori Buor is actually my best friend on this site so I'm not really interested in going to war with the Mandos. Honestly, they are probably gonna be some of our best clients. Have a story arc where we steal a tech prototype and sell the design to the Mandos, it's a classic. Plus since most Mandos don't actually like bounty hunters, they might be willing to hire some outside help, sounds like profit to me. Plus there's this whole thing about building contacts within major organizations, political parties, economic groups, governments, and so on. It's kinda how information networks are formed, which is a key component to having a prosperous criminal empire.

2nd issue, slaves. I'm cool with individual PCs owning or selling slaves, criminals are mean like that, but we can't have that be one of our primary trades, or one of our trades as a faction at all. The very idea of slavery is so hated on this site, and rightfully so, that even the Sith and Jedi worked together to end slavery last timeline. It was even unofficially condemned within the actual criminal main faction last timeline as well. Also, I hate slavery in all it's many forms, there are aspects of it that make for good storytelling on a character to character basis, but as a faction we need to stay out of it.

3rd issue, at this point in time having more than one base isn't a good idea. With so few people it'd be best to keep the faction's activities coordinated around a singular location, it keeps the faction in a circular rotation we can build momentum off of to expand, if anything individual characters within the faction could have their own hideouts or safehouses for personal use as those writers see fit, this is something I do already just in case one of my characters ever need a place to go into hiding. Plus this method would not only keeps the faction's activity centralized and focused, the personal hideouts provide for character building and potential story arcs and other content.

You and I also need to talk privately so we can work towards isolating a primary focus for the faction. I'm down for space pirates/up and coming criminal syndicate. A focus on acquiring various forms of wealth, aka money, weapons, ships, and information, contacts, and technologies through various means. To start off, let's see if we can make a few contacts within the Sith Empire to stay informed on the going ons of the galaxy, locate a weapon tech of some kind to sell the to mandos, and kidnap a galaxy renowned chemist who can develop a cheap knockoff of some rare medical drug (non-addictive) to sell to the galaxy so we have a semi-legitimate business to launder money through, and make a profit while doing it. We'll need to come up with multiple story arcs before we get the go ahead so that we can start as soon as we're greenlighted, if we stall we'll lose members and the faction will be dead in it's cradle.​

 

[Gamov]

Main base is a palace on Tatooine with a arena behind it
-Secondary Base is on Vjin where there main company foundation is
-Variety of weapons in the armory in there base on Tatooine
- 13 Patrolling ships on the Outer Rim

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet or not, but Tatooine and - I assume you mean Vjun instead of Vjin - are both in space controlled by the Mandalorians and Sith Empire. So you won't be able to have bases, no matter how small, on their planets. I recommend choosing an unclaimed planet in "Indie space" - space not owned by any other faction.

Here's the Faction Territories map to give you a better understanding of who owns what parts of the galaxy.

And hey, if y'all ever want to tangle with the Empire, I've got an Admiral coming just down the road who would love to say howdy. >:]

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Thanks @Gamov for telling me about the territories I added what you said (With the help of Undine).

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

Thanks to a ton of help from @darth leo (he's a true champ) and this is the new write-up for the Black Vipers.

 

[DudeTheManatee]

Who is darth leo @Bastilo Marshall

 

[Arcangel]

@Bastilo Marshal

Not reviewing, just had a few things to ask or point out.

I highly suggest you expand more on the history, really flesh out the how and why of the faction.

You will need to specify exactly what kind of ships your 21 ships are.

Also why pick a fight with a main faction so early into your factions creation?

 

[Wit]

The formatting makes this much easier to read. A few things to add that are a must for approval, the roster must have links to the characters your members will use and not just the members themselves. And the fleet of 21 ships, list a breakdown. How many ships of what kind and so on.

 

[Bastilo Marshall]

I meant @DudeTheManatee he was the one who improved it.

 

[DudeTheManatee]

Thanks @Bastilo Marshall :) :)