Ask Coocoo for Klatooine

[Arla]

Good luck with that, he said. He had no real interest in this place's dealings or business, but if they could pull it off, more power to them.

He took the datachip and held it up before slipping it into a pocket on his belt. Fair enough. Maybe I'll let you know if I come across any interesting artifacts. If you're interested in buying, he said. That was part of the business after all: fencing items like the crystal he'd just recovered and many other things recovered from the lairs.

Reaper took his leave after that, heading outside and in the direction of his ship and leaving the two Sith alone once again.

Arla was feeling it as well and plopped into another chair across from him, breathing out heavily and patting the couch next to her for the pupper to come over and get a love.

Sure thing, she said with a smile that was probably more relief at being alive than anything.

I wish we'd had time to search the lair. I wonder if anything survived the inferno, she said, though she wasn't hoping for it, and anything that did would have been picked clean already.

Guess we still have to deal with the Daimyo, but that sounds like a tomorrow or maybe next week problem, she said with another sigh, leaning her head back against the chair.

You know, you should walk around shirtless more often. I could get used to this, she said, her gaze no lingering on him in a quite shameless way.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair heard the disappointment in her tone, “There was nothin’ in there to salvage,” He confirmed. The fire would have been destructive even by himself, but with her powers it was simply too much. The obelisk was utterly destroyed. He exhaled as he leaned back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling. Altair used the Force to float over a bottle of water, drinking from it. Dealing with the Hutt definitely sounded like a different day problem.

What she said next caused him to start coughing and choking on his water. Altair had to punch his own chest to calm himself down, staring with wide eyes at Arla who was blatantly staring at him, “Damn, girl, I thought you were the shy type,” He laughed to himself before he took another swig of water.

“Well you’re in luck, I don’t like shirts anyway,” Altair said with a shrug. Truthfully, he normally wandered around shirtless or in a tank when he was alone. He took the compliment from Arla in stride, not thinking much of it.

 

[Arla]

Arla had a slight smirk as he started choking on his water, and gave a slight hm when he said that he didn't like shirts anyway. Well, that certainly could have been worse for her, then.

Not sure why you thought I'd be the shy type, she said, quirking an eyebrow and getting up to get herself something to drink. She let out a soft sigh as she took a swig and glanced at where they were. They'd set down... somewhere in the middle of the desert, but she could take him back to his ship if he needed.

Alternatively...

I'm not really in any rush to move on. Wanna screw each other? she asked. And it was just so incredibly Arla. Sooner or later, she'd realize just how many hang-ups the off-worlders had about that question, but it seemed it hadn't quite set in yet. In her mind, they were both attractive so there was really no harm in enjoying themselves a little.

She looked at him completely deadpan and awaiting an answer, silvery eyes looking deadly serious about her question as she looked at him.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair only shrugged vaguely when she expressed confusion about his read on her. He finished drinking his water. He rose up to stand, stretching a bit before he decided he was going to go grab a shower and take a nap. Altair was about to announce just that when Arla dropped a bomb on him. His eyes went wide as he stared at her for a moment, unsure he heard her clearly. He had a stupid look on his face for a second, frozen in surprise. No, the way she was looking at him - he definitely heard her right.

“I…uh…” He sputtered, his tail twitching back and forth. There was an entire panic attack going on inside his head. Klaxons began to blare inside his mind with red lights illuminating Wodan's face in a rhythm. The tiefling shifted uncomfortably, “I…well…I know you and my buddy Wodan got somethin’ goin' and I ain’t..you know…that’d be…not cool..” What the fuck was he saying? Normally he loved when girls were direct and blunt, but of course it had to be the girl his good friend was pining for.

He could hardly process what was happening, his tail completely out of control. Altair awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly starting to sweat. Where was Reaper to provide an unpleasant distraction when he needed it?!

 

[Arla]

She was not really expecting him to go into a full on stumble-over-your-words moment. He'd just torched a mare's hide out, dragged its body from the flames, and they'd practically shared a brain, but no, this was what was going to do him in.

She just kept staring at him, her eyes dropping to the tail as it flicked around like a fish out of water, and she frowned.

The frown deepened as he started mentioning Wodan. Sure, Wodan was nice and they'd certainly had some fun on the yacht, but she wasn't sure what that had to do with... anything?

What? she blurted out, face twisted up in confusion.

So because I screwed Wodan, we can't? she said, a single eyebrow rising now in a thoroughly unamused and confused manner.

That doesn't make any sense. I swear, you off-worlders and all your hang-ups, she said, shaking her head and squinting at him.

 

[Altair Din]

This had to be one of the most awkward situations Altair ever found himself in, and he had his share of awkward encounters. He shifted where he stood, looking around as if some distraction would pop up out of nowhere. Nothing did. He cleared his throat as he looked back at Arla.

“Naw, it ain’t that,” Altair was fully in support of women screwing whoever they damn well pleased. He did that, so why couldn’t women? “It’s just my buddy…he really digs you and I ain’t gonna feel right gettin’ with the girl he likes,” He gave her a sheepish smile, “You get that, right?”

Besides, it wasn’t like they had developed any kind of emotional connection. She literally just wanted to hop his junk. If it weren’t for Wodan, Altair likely would have shrugged and obliged.

 

[Arla]

Hmph, she said in response to his answer, eyebrows still arched down in a frown and her lips pressed together. She didn't really like what she was hearing, but she wasn't going to force him to do anything.

So you wouldn't be able to get it up with me is what I'm hearing, she said flatly, not entirely clear if she was being serious or joking.

Well I don't like that answer, she said, feeling quite unsatisfied, but there wasn't really anything else for it, it didn't seem. But I guess there's nothing I can do about it right now, she said, crossing her arms and plopping down on the couch.

Should have just seen if I could go at it with the stranger, then, I guess, she muttered grumpily under her breath, just loud enough that he might be able to hear it.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair snickered as he heard what she said under her breath, “I mean, he gave us his contact info. I ain’t gonna fault you for goin’ out to get what you need,” He said with a grin. He liked older women, so he couldn’t exactly fault her for wanting some old, grumpy d. In fact, it may improve Reaper’s mood - the dude seemed like he could use a boost.

The strange tension was passing and he felt slightly more comfortable again. Bro code was irritating, but he would stick to it unless otherwise noted. Speaking of which, Altair looked at her for a moment, “I’m bein’ real nosy here but…I thought you and Wodan were fixin’ to be an item or something. You don’t feel the same?” Altair knew he was being overly nosy, but Arla didn’t seem to have any regard for most social restrictions and barriers. She had, after all, just asked to screw him moments prior out of the blue.

 

[Arla]

Arla's eyes flicked up at him, face still wearing the grumpiest expression as he said they had Reaper's contact info.

He'd probably say no, too. I'm stuck out here with the two prudiest of men, she grumbled before letting out another sigh and deciding it just best to move on from the thoughts. She pulled out her knife and the piece of wood that she had been working on back in the village before he asked about her and Wodan. If he was overstepping some kind of boundary, Arla didn't seem to show any care in the world about it.

She shrugged. All these off-world men talking about "infatuation" and... she shook her head, making a weird face because she still felt that word that Caerllion used gave her the same mental picture of someone being emotionally constipated ...I don't seem to feel that for people, she said.

Or at least not as quickly as everyone else does, she said. Mating is just natural biology, she said, seeing it as no different than the animals in the wild. After all, what were they all if not more advanced animals: extensions of nature.

Wodan's nice. So are you. So is Caerllion. So are any number of other people, but I'm not locking any of you down to mate for life, she said. While it certainly wasn't unheard of for specific Nightsisters and Nightbrothers to mate for life, it also wasn't nearly the standard practice that it seemed to be in the rest of the galaxy.

 

[Altair Din]

“Prude?” Altair actually had to start laughing at that, “Now that’s a term I’ve never heard to describe me,” The Sith were always flooded with rumors about how Altair had a ton of girls that wanted him or that he slept with. Being called a prude was so jarring that he genuinely found it entertaining.

“So you think we’re all the same, eh?” Altair asked, still grinning. It was a fascinating concept, for her to spend so much time with someone and still be entirely neutral and apathetic. Then again, Altair could respect that Dathomirian were simply programmed differently. The men were considered second class and that’s how they were raised. However, this did pose an interesting question.

“So….do you get along with your Pa?” Altair asked curiously. He couldn’t imagine not loving his parents the way he did today, but did Nightsister girls consider their own fathers inferior as well?

 

[Arla]

Arla was surprised when he started laughing at her statement. Apparently it was a first for him to be called that. Of course, she would get the non-prude who just didn't like her.

Are you sure this isn't just about you not wanting to with me? she asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. That didn't seem like it, but... well, you never could be sure unless you just plain asked, right? That seemed to be her outlook on... everything.

No, not all, she said. I've grown to like several of you, much more than the rest. But that's still not the same as what everyone keeps describing, she said.

She looked over at him to see if any of this was clicking for him or if she was simply not making it clear. To be frank, it was all still a bit outside of her wheelhouse, though her negative opinions about most men had at least improved since she'd left Dathomir.

That being said, the question he asked her still stung. She didn't want it to but it did. There was a moment where her jaw tightened and her ears flicked slightly before it subsided.

Never met him, she said. He and my Mother had a falling out around the time I was born, she said. She was still determined to track him down and meet him, though she knew it was foolish of her to care at all what he thought.

Mother never admitted it, but I think it was because of me. Didn't want me, she said before clearing her throat and snapping out of the line of thought. She was not going to be some pathetic mope. She didn't need a father, though it infuriated her that she didn't know who he was. That Mother wouldn't tell her. She was fairly certain that that secrecy alone was the entire reason she wanted to find out who he was.

I saw some of your family when our minds were linked. You seem to have a big family, too, she said, realizing that truly the two of them seemed to have a great deal in common. Perhaps more than most.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair smirked at her, “I’m sure,” He said, “Bro code, girl. It means if your buddy likes a girl, you keep your dick away from her,” He flashed her a wink.

The lighthearted energy fell greatly when she answered. Altair couldn’t imagine not knowing who his father was. He came from a long line of family that was always close and tight knit. His face fell slightly as she spoke, and he could hear the resentment in her tone. He couldn’t imagine a worse feeling than not being wanted.

The tiefling sighed after a moment, “Well, you don’t need an ass like that in your life anyway,” He offered her a smile, “For what it’s worth, I think any man would be proud to have a daughter like you,” He said, his tone genuine.

“So..what else did you see…while you were in my head?” Altair blurted out as he looked uncomfortable. Did she know all his secrets? He suddenly felt very odd about what happened. He hadn’t even considered that she could look into his mind just as he got memories from her, “And why the hell did I keep seein’ Ren in yours? Y’all real close?”

 

[Arla]

Arla frowned as he described bro code. I'm not sure I like that I can be claimed by someone without having any say in it, she said, filing that thought away and deciding that she really didn't like it. Of course, her take on it was far different than most people's.

Arla was genuinely heart-warmed by his response and she gave a sad but genuine smile. Thank you, Altair, she said. She had spent so much of her life trying to live up to the reputation of her mother and the knowledge that her father never wanted her. It had been a lot to carry and she, frankly, felt like she fell short every day. Even things like this Mare hunt she'd nearly been overpowered and killed. She'd botched the banish when working with Vahliri. She just... needed to be better.

Not much really, just glimpses. I saw how much you care for the people under your command and your family. A few glimpses of your childhood home, she said with a shrug. It all looked nice, she said with a smile.

She kept whittling away at the piece of wood as they spoke and it took more and more shape with each flick of the knife.

She laughed when he asked about seeing Ren. You saw her because she is my mother. Queen Renfry of Dathomir, Queen of the Nightsisters. Darth Andruil, former Sith Empress, she said, looking him dead in the eye and looking quite amused at this point.

You cannot tell me that you've been an Imperial for years and don't know what the former-Empress looks like, she said. Though she didn't frequently tell people who her mother was, it had already come out so there was no point in hiding it. Though at this point, she was wondering if he'd even believe her. He seemed to be deep in a river in Space!Egypt.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair smiled as he looked away, almost a bit bashful about being called out about how much he cared for his men, “Some would call it a weakness,” He said quietly as he looked away, “I suppose even you would, what with all your… mating and not seein’ dudes as much more than that,” He grinned at her, “Likin’ some of us more than others like I think some puppies are cuter than others.”

When she admitted that Ren was her mother, he suddenly had a cough attack, “Excuse me?” He blurted out, “Cut that shit out..that joke’s gettin’ old,” Altair stared at her. Blankly into her eyes. Took in sight of her features, and his jaw started to drop, “Oh…oh my god….”

He grabbed his own horns in shock, “Holy fuck I almost tried to bang the Empress,” He practically whimpered, pacing around in circles as his tail waved around so much it knocked over a bottle of water, “I fuckin’ made her a multiple course meal and wanted her to teach me magic and jump on my dick somewhere along the way,” He was having verbal diarrhea and it was the most unpleasant thing ever. He thought about how he would feel if Arla talked about boning his father and AAAHHHHH! SHE PROBABLY WOULD IF SHE HAD THE CHANCE! Altair suddenly felt insulted at her implications of him being practically blind.

“Sh-she didn’t look all… Empress-y! She was in the fuckin’ woods like a god damn tree nymph just havin’ herself a snack of some shit she hunted in the wild. Like fuckin’ Hocapontas gone wild,” His voice went up a few octaves as all of the realization hit him at once. On the other hand, he should have tried harder. How many people could say they screwed an Empress? Shut up, Altair. He wanted to cry.

“I uh…yeah so um..” He coughed and cleared his throat, his masculine voice returning again, “Holy fuck, so are you like…heir to the throne or whatever? Where did your Ma go? And you don’t know who your dad is? I bet he’s either someone mega powerful or I dunno some dude from Dathomir but-” He stared at her for a moment, “Oooooh you definitely got your eyes from your Pa then,” Altair didn’t even realize he was out of control rambling. He was more curious now than ever about her origins.

 

[Arla]

It depends, she said, tilting her head back and forth. I have people I care deeply for, she said. Her Mother and the rest of her Clan came to mind. I didn't say I saw you as a puppy, she frowned. You're telling me you don't like some women more than others? she countered.

I wouldn't screw a puppy, either, she muttered like that was going to be the big distinguisher.

And then he started to have a bit of a meltdown as it all came crashing down on him at once. The words came out so fast that it was practically just his stream of consciousness at this point.

WAIT! she shouted angrily. You were going to screw my Mother but you won't touch me!? she scowled angrily. Fortunately, it didn't sound like he had screwed her Mother, so that wasn't a concern. You have got to be kidding me. I am not someone's property to be claimed! she said.

Okay, screw this "bro code" hex that you've been placed under. We're both adults and we can do what we want. I release you from this spell. We're going to the bedroom as soon as this conversation is done and we're going to have some well-earned comforts, she said, crossing her arms... and she wasn't talking about salted pork. Apparently he had questions about her life. Well she wanted things, too, and he would start to get the impression that she was incredibly stubborn. It was simply the nature of having two parents who were incredibly stubborn... different kinds of stubborn, but still stubborn.

Yes, I'm heir to the Dathomir throne, my mother is on Dathomir, I wouldn't know about my eyes, and no you can't tell anyone any of this, she said, moving into the blitz round of "finish this conversation" because she was ready to move on to "other activities."

 

[Altair Din]

Altair couldn’t remember the last time he met a girl that wanted to jump him so bad. It was entertaining, and he was sporting a full on grin. Shockingly, her takeaway was that he was willing to sleep with Ren and not her. Altair started to chuckle when she acted as if bro code was a spell of some sort.

“Mmmmmmmm,” He thought to himself, “Naw, I think I prefer sleepin’ with girls that are actually into me,” Altair said with a wink. Old Altair would have jumped on this without a second thought. New Altair knew he was a prize and wouldn’t be granted out so easily.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” He said as he made his way past Arla. He paused there, leaning his face in close to hers with a grin, “You’re just gonna have to let your imagination run wild.”

With that, he walked past her and out of sight.

—​

It was the next day and Altair felt well rested. His wounds were finally healing and he was once again happy to have his tail. He quickly got dressed, this time back in formal uniform. Their next task would be to confront Garbogg and remove him from power.

Altair walked over to knock on Arla’s door, “You up yet?”

 

[Arla]

Arla had spent about fifteen minute being grumpy before getting over it and moving on to clean herself up and get to sleep. She still may have to have words with Wodan when they saw one another again, but that wasn't a "today" problem.

Her door slid open just as Altair came to knock and she nodded.

Yeah. Going to make some breakfast while we sort out the next step, you want any? she asked, making her way over to the kitchenette area and pulling out eggs, some sort of meat, a sauce, and some spices.

So we need to take down the Hutt, right? she asked. I'll be honest, if you need me to do any kind of diplomacy... especially involving Hutts, well, let's just say that's not my strong suit, she said, pressing her lips together and looking at him. Somehow he would get the impression that her last meeting with a Hutt had really not gone well.

 

[Altair Din]

Altair was impressed and amused at how nonchalant Arla was. Many girls would have been passive aggressive after being turned down for their advances. In a lot of ways, it boosted the amount of respect he had for her. The tiefling smiled at her, “I’d love some grub,” He said, his gaze flicking over to the meat, “But uh…what is that?” If she was anything like her mother, Altair knew he had to verify exactly what he was eating.

“I’m hopin’ for diplomacy,” Altair explained, “I want to replace him as Daimyo,” He said, “I want to change things around here. This could be the central seat of a small kingdom. I don’t wanna get more people killed for no reason so I just wanna get that Hutt outta power.”

Altair thought for a moment, “Unless you got ideas on how to assassinate a Hutt?” The sounded way too difficult to kill.

 

[Arla]

Arla quickly continued in her work with breakfast as he asked what it was. She could just imagine what her mother had fed him... probably some sort of insectoid like a kikimore.

Cheese, kolef eggs, ronto chorizo, and a Dathomirian spine pepper sauce, she said, cracking eggs, sizzling the meat, and placing it all in something of a scramble before drizzling the spicy sauce over the top for both of them.

I mean, I've done it before... nearly got killed though, she said with a frown, sliding in to a chair and digging into her scramble. She had to assume her training out on Anzat would have helped with that, though. They were masters of stalking their prey and sneaking in to feed on their enemies. She was certainly no Anzati, but with even a fraction of that skill it would come in useful.

Let the people choose, then, she said. Make it clear to people what happened out there. Can't imagine they'll be happy with their Daimyo leaving a whole town to die, she said. If they wanted Altair as their new protector, they'd be likely to storm the Daimyo's palace and remove the Hutt themselves.

I don't think the local leader will be inclined to leave on his own. Hutts are unconscionably arrogant, she said, disdain creeping into her voice at the memory of her last incident. The one where she'd been nearly killed for refusing to grovel... okay so there might have been a little bit of antagonism on her part as well, but that wasn't relevant.

 

[Altair Din]

---
​

It didn’t take them long to return to the main city where Garbogg ruled from a palace. Altair and some of his Imperials had planted Holoprojectors at multiple points in the city. There were whispers and chatter all around as Altair and Arla strode into the city with Imperials behind them. Altair sprang up to a platform to begin speaking, his projection suddenly playing at various points.

“Citizens of Tal Rudin!” He called out, “I am Altair Din. I come today with news of your lost families and brethren,” He had everyone’s attention now, people lining up to listen, “Long have you wondered about the fates of your loved ones. Long have you agonized and despaired without closure,” Altair was proud of himself for remembering this speech from memory, “With regret I have to tell you they are no more,” Gasps and shocked cries, “It is true that a monster dwelled in the Great Beyond. It preyed upon innocents and took people’s minds hostage. And your gracious leader… this Garbogg the Hutt, did nothing about it. He sent wave after wave of people to die, caring only for his own personal gains,” The people were shouting and screaming now, many cries of agreement, “No more! Help me retake this city and this planet. Help me liberate the people. Look to me as your liberator and the rightful Sultan of Klatooine! Look not just to my words, but to my actions. Because I will deliver you from the wretch and squalor you live in today. I have been to the Great Beyond and I have conquered the monster and I came back alive. I will protect the people from the injustice they have suffered for decades!”

Many were cheering, others were skeptical. However, a cargo speeder was brought in filled with drab and seemingly random items. In fact they were belongings and trinkets of the people that were turned. This gave weight to his words as the citizens began to weep and clutch at whatever they could of their family members. By now Garbogg was furious and would likely mobilize his personal militia.

“Join me!” Altair called out as more and more people began to rally, “Help me get rid of this pathetic crimelord once and for all!”