Cregan Sets The Galaxy Straight

[Darth Evandrus]

Hello fellow Jedi, estranged Exiles, mischievous Cartel members, Independent free thinkers and everyone in between!

No doubt you've realised by now that being a sentient in today's galaxy is hard; lots of hard studying, hard training, hard decisions, hard work and hard breaks.

Well my friends, my allies, my brothers and sisters, I am here to assist you in your hours of need! No longer will you need to turn to Jedi Masters and have awkward conversations that end with you slamming into a wall (Looking at you Evalyn!). No longer will you have to avoid talking through your angst with a friendly Jedi my lost Exile friends.

For I, Cregan, am here to answer all your questions about how to be just that little bit more in sync with who you are!

So in the absence of any questions yet, please allow me to clarify the rules of this little holonet piece of literature;

1. I will answer any question, from anyone, openly and honestly.
2. I will not trace your location through your reply to brutally murder you.
3. I will not be giving your personal information to my superiors in the Order.
4. I will not ask for nudes.
5. I will only send nudes if asked nicely.
6. You can ask more than one question at a time.
7. No threats to other people sending in questions.
8. Have fun and relax guys! This will be fun and relaxing, I promise!

Spoiler: OOC

Non-canon but in character so please have fun with it :P

 

[Eivor Vivas]

Dear Cregan,

Beard or no beard? How do you feel about belt shirts? You should probably find a way to delete that picture before it returns to the order.

<3 E

 

[Darth Evandrus]

My Dearest "E",

Thank you for being the first person to respond to my new holonet series! And you have such lovely questions as well! I hope that I do not disappoint you with my answers!

Beards
Always a yes. Especially when the whiskers in question are sculpted to perfection and frame a devilishly handsome face perfectly! Much better than stubble - far too irritating against the skin and prone to making certain sensitive areas inflamed upon frequent visits, which is poor form guys! Plus if you have a beard? You get to keep that taste with you for so much longer!

Belt Shirts
Never out of fashion but always kind of hard work on the nipples. If you see pictures of myself wearing one, please delete them immediately as they are, quite obviously, fake news.

Thank you for your questions today "E"!

 

[Ryttthhuk]

Aaahnruh aaaaahnr huuguughghg huuguughghg uughghhhgh wrrhwrwwhw huurh uughguughhhghghghhhgh aaaaahnr aarrragghuuhw hnnnhrrhhh wrrhw uughguughhhghghghhhgh uggguh raaaaaahhgh.

Raaaaaahhgh uughguughhhghghghhhgh uughguughhhghghghhhgh aaaaahnr

- Rytth

 

[Tryck]

Handsome, you appear to be. Is single, your status? Healthy, your wages are? If so, a discount I offer you. Prepare vacation time, you must. Show you the best week of your life, I shall. My own Force, I shall have flow through you.

Regards,

Tryck

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Dear Rytth,

Rooohurc scooaoacworc ohrac ra acrasccaoworc, rawhwa rooohurc wwraaoacworc cscwoananwowa ooww woanwaworcrhworcrcahwoc.

Whoooh wwhuoaor oowwww rooohu oowawaanro cwokro wwhurcrhraanan.

Kindest regards,
Cregan

------------

Dear Tryck,

I am in a strangely, sort of, open relationship right now (don't tell my boss) so I'm afraid I'm not single.

The rest sounds strangely compelling however... slide into my DMs later? Provided you're not related to Wyck, that may make things awkward at work.

Kindest regards,
Cregan

 

[Vin]

I asked Kal, now I wanna ask you. Now that she's calling herself Andraste, what do you call her in bed? You know, the whole say my name bit. Andraste? Alais?

- Vin, the original worst Jedi.

 

[Wyck]

Dear Tryck,

I am in a strangely, sort of, open relationship right now (don't tell my boss) so I'm afraid I'm not single.

The rest sounds strangely compelling however... slide into my DMs later? Provided you're not related to Wyck, that may make things awkward at work.

Kindest regards,
Cregan

Wyck @MasterWyck10 ・ 49m

Replying to @CreganDoldan

Ashamed of this exchange, I am. Not related, are we. Back to Jedi business, you should get.

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Dear Vin,

My idol, my dear, my lovely Vin!

It is fantastic to hear from you - I would recommend we meet up later but I feel like the war between the Exiles and the Jedi would not stop them from teaming up to keep us apart. Probably out of some misguided belief that if we managed to breed then the Force itself would be doomed!

Your question is one I shall answer with the utmost seriousness however my dear; It depends.

My dearest Love is a complicated woman and, as such, sex with her can be complicated as well. As a rule I try and always see her as both Andraste and Alais at all times but I understand what you mean - sometimes it is hard. To keep myself from waxing lyrical about all the many beloved differences between Andraste and Alais (anyone interested DM me and I'll show how I probably should have been an Alderaanian dandy of a poet rather than a Jedi) and how I can tell when she wants to be called by what name, I'll give you a brief, rule of thumb instead;

If she's riding you like she owns you? Andraste.

If she's telling you to go stronger and harder? Andraste.

If she's looking at you like you're her entire Galaxy? Alais.

If she's asking to play "captured Exile"? Alais.

If she's asking to play "captured Jedi"? Andraste.

There are further examples but you get the idea I'm sure Vin - hope that helped your curiosity!

Fondest best wishes,
Cregan

-------------

Dear Wyck,

Sorry Master Wyck - I can't hear you over the sound of my DM notification sounds!

Might need to take a half day next Thursday.

Might be getting my hands on something that's 'a little bit of fun' if you catch my meaning?

Hugs and kisses,
Cregan

 

[Zoonn Kaban]

Dear Cregan.

Mate, I'll start this off with a simple statement. You're a kriffing badass. Reading reports of yer exploits have -on occasion- tempted me to try and become a jedi meself.

That said, I was curious what it's like ta have such poofy hair. As a Nautolan of course I have none o' me own an' imagine hair in general to be kinda tickly.

Yer eternal piratical fan,

Zoonn Kaban (heh, that rhymes)

P.S. I feel like matters regarding her identity aren't the only "rule of thumb" in the bedroom eh? *wink*

 

[Mie]

Dear Cregan,

Now, totally hypothetically of course, how much do you know about the experiments Exile Arcanists ran during the war. Has your significant other talked about them much?

Also, may I have a nude, please?

-M

 

[Andraste]

Cregan,

Must you?

-Andraste

 

[Christopher Harlow]

From: [email protected]

You have a girlfriend? Does she know that you...Umm...Are a good teacher of...things? I just don't want to have made anyone upset by accident, it WAS kinda spur of the moment...Oh, and I hope the whole being a Jedi thing is going okay!

Sincerely,

Arkelpis 'Ark' Insalius

 

[Alphonse Carraway]

From: [email protected]

A teacher, Cregan? And what, pray tell, did you teach my son? I'm listening.

-Alphonse

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Dear Zoonn,

Oh stop it - you'll make me blush! I am just a simple man trying to make his way in the Galaxy. Just so happens I tend to do so with lightsaber in hand and look kind of cinematic doing it.

The hair?

It's annoying as hell in all honesty my friend. I'd just as soon go bald if only it didn't feel quite so good when a certain someone runs their fingers through it...

You would also be wrong - she appreciates precision like most women. Just "thumbing around" doesn't really satisfy my friend!

Fondest wishes,
Cregan

--------------

Dear Mie,

Not much I'm afraid Mie... unless you happen to be grey skinned with electric blue lights in your body and look like you've been ripped from a moderately successful franchise of games.

If you do then hit up Lothal with me some time! I'll bring snacks.

Of course you can my dear - I assume reclining in bed is an acceptable pose?

Best wishes,
Cregan


---------------

My dearest Andraste,

Perhaps I should not but I can't help myself.

When I am asked to speak of you my mind shuts down and I speak from both my body and my heart.

Should I instead tell them about how cute your laugh is when you're surprised by something funny?

Or perhaps how you chew ever so gently on your bottom lip when you're nervous?

Or where you're so ticklish that you curl up into a ball after only a brief touch?

Maybe I should tell them about how the entire Galaxy falls away when I look into your eyes.

How my hand always feels so empty - until I'm holding yours again.

I miss you my Love.

Yours, for eternity,
Cregan

-------------------

Dear Ark,

I do indeed - if we are putting labels on it I think I'm technically "the other man" but I prefer the term "boyfriend" when it comes to me and her.

Honestly? I think she not so secretly finds it rather hot (sorrynotsorry honey).

So don't worry about it Ark - I'm not about to regret sharing that with you anytime soon.

I'll keep you updated on the Jedi thing.

Your friend,
Cregan

---------------

Dear Alphonse,

As if you didn't watch you Force Ghost perv. But in case you really want me to spell it out for you?

He calls me Daddy too now.

Mic drop.

@Sreeya @One_For_Sorrow @Insalius @The Captain

 

[Mie]

Dear Mie,

Not much I'm afraid Mie... unless you happen to be grey skinned with electric blue lights in your body and look like you've been ripped from a moderately successful franchise of games.

If you do then hit up Lothal with me some time! I'll bring snacks.

Of course you can my dear - I assume reclining in bed is an acceptable pose?

Best wishes,
Cregan

@Sreeya @One_For_Sorrow @Insalius @The Captain

That will work, thank you.

-M

 

[Darth Kravos]

Dear Cregan (@Nefieslab),

As to number 5: please send nudes to Master Wyck (@Malon). I'm asking very nicely.

Much obliged,
KV

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Dear Cregan (@Nefieslab),

As to number 5: please send nudes to Master Wyck (@Malon). I'm asking very nicely.

Much obliged,
KV

Dear Kal,

You are an evil kriffer you know That? Like really not okay?

I love it.

Think I can do you one better though... Andraste? (@Sreeya)

Up for ruining Wyck's mind with some fun, some honey, no clothes and a camera?

Thanks for the idea Kal!

Lots of love,
Cregan

 

[Spencer Ward]

Dear Cregan.

Hey man! How's it going? So, can you send me a nude? There is this lady Jedi at the temple who wants one but is too shy to ask, so she wants me to. It's definitely not for me. Not me at all. Thanks in advance friend!

Your pal
- Spencer

 

[Darth Evandrus]

Dear Cregan.

Hey man! How's it going? So, can you send me a nude? There is this lady Jedi at the temple who wants one but is too shy to ask, so she wants me to. It's definitely not for me. Not me at all. Thanks in advance friend!

Your pal
- Spencer

Dear Spencer,

Hey there man! You asking me for nudes for a friend huh?

That's cool, that's cool.

The lighting is bad in my room right now though - I'm going to head on over to your room alright? Be a pal and take the pictures for me right?

Your friend,
Cregan

@Faster Than Light