Ask Folds and Knots

[Darth Tiamat]

Lyra was in awe at the device, watching as Wyck appeared and the Light that emitted from the device was warming and welcoming. She was transfixed, unable to pull away as he begun to speak about the Jedi, she didn't even notice the pieces that gently floated around her, tying within her connection to the Force and finding the small slivers of light that may have been tucked deep inside the young sith and away from the terrifying chaos of the galaxy and the darkside. Chaos, yet harmony was one line from code that stuck with the girl and their views of the darkside were enlightening.

All of her senses were pulled into the device unable to notice that Emryc was done and on his way to his room when she felt her body violently jerk and slammed into the wall. She was not processing what was happening, instinct told her to fight back, but she could feel herself being held against the wall by her throat, there was no fight, there was only survival as she clawed at the invisible hand that was crushing her windpipe. Lyra dug at her throat as she saw Emryc standing there, she hardly recognized him, the darkside overtaking his features, his eyes were animalistic and Lyra was certain she would die by his hand.

Panic ripped through her body, her muscles suddenly stung from the lack of air and she was unable to see clearly; first came the spots, and then her vision begun to narrow, Emryc still stood there, his yellow eyes brightly stood out against the oncoming darkness. The Light from the holocron protested and reached out to her, offering her a choice to which the darkside never had given her: peace.

But Emryc spoke and released her.
No longer did she hear the call of the Light.
Once more it had rejected her.

Lyra laid where she had fallen, coughing and gasping as her vision slowly returned. Her fingers dug into the durasteel floor until her nails broke as she looked to grasp some control over anything. The chill of the darkside was numbing and it fell over Lyra heavily reminding her of her place and her moment of weakness. Emryc did not need to repeat himself, she knew what he meant by repenting, she was realizing what she had done. Her gaze went from his yellow eyes to the holocron and then to the whip.

She could barely hold herself up as she crawled on her hands and knees to his bag and shakily pulled out the whip. Her eyes teared up from the shame she had felt, but this made Emryc stronger. It should make her stronger, shouldn't it?

The acolyte pulled her tunic over her head and dropped it on the ground in front of her, she felt incredibly vulernable and exposed and it felt like it was not just Emryc standing there watching her, but every man from her past who made her feel in such a manner was there to watch her also. She had no gods to watch over her like they did Emryc, there was only herself, her shame and the ghosts from her past.

Lyra held the whip with two hands, taking in a deep breath and then snapped it over her back, the blades catching her skin as she pulled it away. The pain was unbearable as she fell onto her hands, she couldn't even find a scream as the air was sucked from her lungs. She could feel the coolness of the blood as it dripped down her back and Lyra would snap it again, this time letting out a wailed in her agony.

@Sreeya

 

[Emryc Thorne]

Emryc watched as she reached for the bag, opting to use his method. The actions surprised him, but he said nothing. His eyes softened at the gesture - he had expected her to take a less severe route. That she chose his very own methods spoke volumes and caused him to see her in a different light entirely. The yellows began to fade, melting back into the icy silver.

He watched until she began to undress, averting his gaze then and striding from the room. Even in his anger, there was a line he never crossed. He would never intrude on her privacy. He would never do to her what she did to him earlier and she would know that applied even in all his fury. He would be in the common lounge area, sitting down on the ground to meditate. He had been angry, and he once again needed to reel himself back in.

Emryc had to find tranquility again. He heard that telltale sound of each lash as it cut into Lyra’s back. He knew that sound well. Lyra had been left alone with nothing but his figurines to watch over her actions, just as it had been for him. His hands were on his knees and fingers curled with each lash he heard. It was the way of things. It was how it should have been. And yet his jaw tightened with each new welt he knew was cutting into her back. They were marks that would never disappear. They were bladed hooks that tore right through skin and caused unbearable, agonizing pain. He heard her cries of pain, every muscle in his body twitching. Emryc exhaled slowly, forcing his thoughts away. He wasn’t sure who this was punishing anymore. He had to draw himself forcibly away from the present, he had to find control.

Minutes passed until he finally drew back from his meditation and there was silence. Emryc stared ahead for a few moments before slowly rising to his feet. He had changed into a pair of pants by then, walking back towards his room but not entering. Emryc had to return to being who he was. He paused for a few seconds by the door to gather his thoughts before speaking.

“It needs to be cleaned,” He announced curtly, slipping back into the persona she knew, “Get yourself decent and I will do it,” It wasn’t open for further dialogue. He would wait until she covered up the front of her body before stepping in.

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

Lyra struggled to find the strength to move as she sat with her knees folded underneath and her forehead pressed against the cool durasteel floor. The whipped laid next to her, now stained with her own blood and she felt lost within time itself. Her mind was so foggy that she could not hear clearly and she tried turning her head, only to feel her whole body collapse onto her side. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, tears still followed their paths down her cheeks as she muffled a whimper while reaching for her tunic. One arm at a time, she pulled it down her front, not even daring to let it fall onto her back.

She thought she would feel nothing after feeling the worst pain she had felt in her life, but there was other pain that crystalized throughout her body like ice and it seemed like it distracted her from the physical pain her body just endured. It did not make it any easier.

Emryc returned, she wanted to protest him cleaning her wounds, but she knew he would not hear it and lucky for him, she was unable to find her voice. Her lips would part, but no words formed, only silence as she sat with her head pressed against the lip of his mattress, allowing him to do what he needed.

Slowly the acolyte inhaled, trying not to whimper over the pain, she avoid his gaze and would tense if he touched her. Lyra turned inwards, her mind finding a calm where she could retreat and she saw the ocean from her childhood, the same one her crystal had brought her and where a shadow of herself waited, embracing her in the promise it had long ago before her destiny was decided.

"My name is Tiamat." she spoke just barely above a whisper.

@Sreeya

 

[Emryc Thorne]

Emryc heard her whimpering softly as she shuffled around to dress herself. He blankly gazed at the end of the hallway, eyes lacking any fire or vibrance. He could have been a corpse standing, and he purposely had to put himself there. Emryc walked in after she stopped moving, stepping in to stand behind her.

Lyra wouldn’t see what happened with his face. She wouldn’t see how his lips parted and eyes widened as he looked down at the deep, bleeding welts across her back. She wouldn’t see the way his eyes almost immediately squeezed shut and his lips pursed inside. She wouldn’t see the way his nostrils flared, or the way he gritted his teeth, the way he had to look up at the ceiling when he opened his eyes again. He even exhaled too silently for her to hear.

She would hear him reach for the same bag with the whip, and she would hear him kneel down behind her. Emryc methodically drew out sanitizing fluids and cloths to clean up her wounds. He dipped cloth into the stinging liquid and was about to dab when he heard her weakly speak. Emryc paused for a long moment, considering the words.

The self inflicted wounds had begun to tear away at what she used to be, just as it had done for him. Through the pain, she found a new path for herself, one that she crafted. Emryc thought about how he had started on his own journey.

“So it is,” He said curtly, dabbing the cloth against the wounds. It was stinging pain, “You must own and atone for your transgressions,” He repeated the words once said to him when he was a child, “No one else can do it for you.”

Emryc finished cleaning up her back, wiping off all the blood and sanitizing the whip itself. He gazed at the new scars on her back and the way they resembled his own. It was a dangerous path to start on and it was more difficult than most. Emryc lingered where he was for a moment, never having come across a mirror of his own devotion laid out before him. It bothered him to see it on her back, but he couldn’t deny her commitment and loyalty.

She would notice that no bacta or bandages were put on her, nothing beyond cleaning. These wounds would have to heal on their own. Emryc slowly put everything away, grabbing the bloodied cloths to clean them off. He finally stood up, knowing how agonizing it would be for her to do too much moving, “You may rest on my bed. I will keep us in realspace until you feel well enough to sit for the jump.”

Emryc said nothing else, leaving her in his room as he made his way over to the cockpit. It took everything in his power not to slam a fist into the wall and put a dent in his cherished ship that he valued above all.

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

She did not move for a very long time. Absent was the effort to climb onto his bed and instead Lyra laid down on the floor beside it, her gaze falling onto the figurines and then to the common area outside Emryc's door. She tried to push herself up, but the pain was still too great; she didn't want to be there and she didn't want him to wait on her to make the jump. Her mind and body were exhausted, but she was cursed with the inability to find rest. Mentally she commanded herself to push her body toward the door, giving her enough leverage to make sure he was not in the common area to direct her otherwise.

The exertion it took to pull herself to her feet through the pain caused her nose to bleed, but she held little concern for the stains it left on her tunic. She would discard it when she returned to her guest quarters; her notes and papers still laid in an organized fashion about room from which she left them when they first arrived on Dantooine. She found a tank to replace her tunic and stepped into the cleared center of her work area; it felt as though her body had finally numbed as she sat down, closing her eyes, looking for rest in another fashion.

_________________________​

Tiamat was uncertain of how time had passed when she opened her eyes again, finding herself no longer sitting, and instead laying in the center of her mandala of notes. She was still achy, but not enough to stop her from standing in a hot shower, taking the time to remember where her mind had taken her in her sleep. She was disappointed she was unable to remember, even under the sting of the water against her fresh wounds to focus her mind didn't seem to make a difference.

Her movements were a bit sluggish as she entered the cockpit, careful to sit as she gently leaned back in one of the seats to avoid the sudden sting. She said nothing as she waited for him to make the jump to lightspeed.

 

[Emryc Thorne]

Emryc withdrew into his thoughts during the entire time he manually took off and piloted the ship. He could hear her shuffling around, but he focused instead on the quiet hum of the engines. He focused instead on the scenery before him, the rolling hills and lakes in the distance. He focused instead on the stars as he left the atmosphere, taking a longer route to stay in realspace.

He had been on a trade route for some time before he heard movement. Emryc didn’t look over as Tiamat strode into the cockpit, gingerly taking a seat. He kept flying until he found a good point to jump, punching it in to lurch the ship forward. He knew it would push her back into her seat, and he tried not to think about it. Emryc switched over to auto-pilot, pausing for a moment as he stared into the blue vortex.

Emryc sat in silence for a long moment, considering everything that had happened. He thought of the new welts on her back and her request to bring the hypergates to the council. Emryc reached for a cigarra, putting it in between his lips before lighting it. He exhaled quietly, feeling his thoughts clear.

“I will be gone for a while when we return,” He said after a while, exhaling a cloud of smoke. He figured she would find it a relief, “Your acolyte training is complete and you will likely receive a combat mission soon. You will not need me for it,” He was taking off the training wheels. He knew she was ready, especially after he had seen her atone.

“Do not share the hypergate intel with anyone,” Emryc warned her. It was critical information that he wasn’t quite ready to broadcast just yet, “But do not stop researching them.”

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

The jump into hyperspace was no less painful, her jaw tightened as she felt herself being pressed back into her seat, her inhale sharp as she did her best not to make a sound. Her heart thumped in her chest from the pain, taking a moment for her to calm her body as he spoke, informing they would be returning to Eriadu, but he had other business to attend to afterwards.

She did not speak and remained still and silent. Thoughts came, but they felt like lead, sink as quickly as the came, her blue eyes watched the wisps of cigara smoke move through the cockpit. He informed her training had been completed and there came no excitement, no sadness, she had a feeling that was the case. Though he spoke of a combat mission and her lip twitched, finding it a rather quick call; she wasn't even enthusiastic for such missions, though that possibly may have been caused by the dimwitted brutes who cried for their chance to power through systems.

He then spoke of the hypergates, his message a warning and this caught her attention. She slowly glanced to look at him, careful not to move too quickly. She was conflicted about the gates and wondered if he shared the same thoughts. She had poured time and effort to find the first set of possibly many, she did not wish her work to be bastarized by others, let alone she did not know what the Dark Lord wished to do with such technology. She nodded, respecting Emryc's request, she knew her work was just starting.

Her gaze turned back to the swirl of blue.

"Will I no longer see you after this?" she asked him after a long moment of silence. Tiamat glanced down at her fingers and at the blood that had pooled underneath her nails.

@Sreeya

 

[Emryc Thorne]

Emryc could tell she was tense, but he said nothing about it. Silence hung between them for a while as he quietly smoked. He didn’t look at her when she glanced over after a bit of effort. Emryc had expected her to protest about the decision about the hypergates and keeping it under wraps. He expected her to ask about potential combat objectives. He expected many questions, but he couldn’t have predicted the one she asked.

It caused his jaw to tighten slightly as he continued staring ahead. Smoke plumed from his nostrils as he thought for a long moment. He wanted to say nothing, but this particular question nagged at him. Emryc thought of their time back to the cave during the storm, and he thought about her blunt questions when she sat across from him while he meditated.

Emryc closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. He finally turned to look at her, his eyes softer than they had been before. He didn’t care whether she looked at him or not, silver eyes quietly studying her for just a moment.

“How many of your scars are from me, Tiamat?”

He asked the question quietly, barely audible above a whisper, and she would know it had nothing to do with the welts. Emryc gazed at her for a moment before looking away. He wouldn’t press her for an answer, and he rose to stand from his seat. Emryc made to leave the cockpit and venture out to the cargo bay to train. He purposely withheld answers from others, and he expected no different from her.

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

She could feel his eyes on her, but it wasn't his usual, nothing sharp nor cold made the hair on her neck stand on end. Her shoulders relaxed, her own gaze softened as she became anchored. In typical fashion he did not answer her question directly and responded with his own, revealing more than most would pick up on. She knew what he implied, but she did not speak right away, not until he went to rise from his seat did she turn to look at him, moving fast enough that her wounds reminded her of their presence, but she felt this was more important even if it caused her to wince sharply.

She recalled the ghosts that watched her during her repentance, they were the same ones that revisited her in her sleep night after night; the same ones that seeped through the shadows of the dark side to remind her they were still intertwined in her psyche. Those ghosts were the scars she carried inside. "I am repulsed by what I see when I look at my scars, and I try to make you see the same, make you think you did them, but none are from you. They were never from you." Tiamat paused, taking in a quiet breath, "I think you know this, and you don't turn away, you just wait." she frowned thinking about even her more recent moments on Lothal before continuing.

"I want you to wait..." Tiamat paused, nearly holding her breath as she would throw the dice in her gamble.

"And I want you to desire me, Emryc, even when I don't."

@Sreeya

 

[Emryc Thorne]

Emryc paused when she began speaking. Some of her words were things he considered when he thought about his welts years ago. He stood at the doorway to the cockpit, listening to her speak in silence. She admitted aloud that he had never been the one to truly inflict anything on her. It had taken years for her to see, and he never brought it up. He had allowed her to find that conclusion herself. They had to own their transgressions. That was the way of things.

Her very last comment hung in the air moments after she uttered it. It was the one that struck at Emryc, giving him pause. He thought back to Tatooine and the circumstances then. He thought of the cave and his admissions. Emryc slowly turned to face her, knowing she was putting herself through pain to look at him. He had been here before, he had laid out his cautions and he wouldn't spell them out again. He wasn't going to back down from the topic this time.

“That is a door for you to open and step through, just as you have always known. Along with accepting whatever new scars and burdens come with it.”

His face was difficult to read, his eyes piercing as always but still lacking the frigid chill. He stood there only for a few more seconds before leaving.

@GABA

 

[Darth Tiamat]

It was enough to have made him turn around and Tiamat wondered if she gambled poorly, realizing what she had said revealed much of herself. Her checks begun to flush but there was something different about his gaze that told her he was listening and understood. He wasn't disappointed, but perhaps she wondered if he did not want to add to the scars she carried already. Though, unable to hold herself turned in the twist, she sat back down in her seat, seeing his reflection in the viewport window as he walked away.

Tiamat felt her whole body relax as she exhaled and the pain that throbbed from the wounds on her back eased long enough for her clear her thoughts. Her gaze took her back to the reflection of the doorway until she focused on herself; her blue eyes reflected back, and for the first time, she felt like she was really looking. As she leaned back in her seat, she remembered the first time Emryc made her look at herself at the mall, she could barely glimpse as she focused on him instead. The pain seemed rather small the longer she gazed, she could feel the power she wielded over the Force, the strength in her limbs returning and her fingertips flickered as though they were playing an invisible instrument.

Tiamat would remember this feeling, she would need it to shed the lead weights of her scars that kept her from reaching the door.

@Sreeya
/End Thread