Ask Grief

Wodan

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The small grey shuttle swooped in from the high atmosphere towards the Castle that housed the main garrison of Imperial troops on the planet and the sector. It was from this very building Wodan felt the pain, agony, sorry and emptiness of Altair Din from halfway across the galaxy. It showed to the Firrerrian both the heights of Altair’s strength within The Force but also the depths of the man’s sorrow that he had reached out so easily and gripped so tightly Wodan’s very soul. Enclosing it in a makeshift copy of his own feelings.

Although that short moment of connection had brought Wodan immeasurable emotional pain, it had given him the quickest link to the Imperial Commander and his location possible. He had left as soon as a shuttle was fueled and had made the journey in the quickest time, the rules of light, time and gravity allowed. Throughout it he had monitored the planet's activity making sure the Tiefling hadn’t marched off world to avenge the apparent death of Clove and her family. Granted if he had, Wodan would have been the first to tag along.

The landing sequence was automatic, controlled by the Castle’s control tower allowing Wodan to make for the landing ramp. Jumping off the lowering object before it even hit the ground, he moved quickly across the landing pad. The heat of Mustafar’s atmosphere battered at his face, reminding him of the spa he had taken Altair to a few months ago. A quick smile broke through the grim expression as he stepped into the building. The last few months of solitude had taken some clear physical effect on the Firrerrian, his skin was paler, his eyes bloodshot and tired, a large chunk of the muscle he had put on with the army had disappeared, giving him a more sinewy look. A few men gave him a salute as he entered. “Which way is Commander Din?” The man he asked looked at him in defiance not saying anything, Wodan couldn’t help but admire the man’s conviction and loyalty to the Tiefling.

Here he was staring down a Sith Champion, lightsaber clear on his belt, eyes that screamed bloody murder and a posture that showed nothing but frustration at having to wait on this guards word. A snarl appeared on Wodan’s lips followed by a low growl emanating from his chest, the soldier's eyes widened slightly but still he didn’t move. Wodan’s hand slowly began to reach for his lightsaber when a familiar voice appeared at the end of the corridor. “Wodan? Wodan, I thought so. He is this way, stand down Private.”

The Firrerrian turned to see Captain Aval, one of Altair’s most trusted seconds, walking down the corridor towards him. Tension eased from Wodan’s shoulders and his hand moved away from his sabre as the man approached. “Thank you Captain Aval.” He followed the Captain, giving the guard at the door a nod of respect as he left.

Through the winding corridors he was led until he came to a set of large doors. Wodan could feel Altair’s presence inside, it was not good, that was for sure. Taking a deep breath he steadied himself before opening the door and striding through. The Firrerrian’s body was tense, ready for any grief stricken lashes of anger, The Force poured through him as he made his way towards his friend. Not stopping to say a word, he reached up grabbing the giant tiefling by the back of the neck and pulling him into a stiff embrace. Wodan stood in silence, he would let Altair decide how he wanted to unload his grief.

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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By the time Wodan strode in, Altair was lying on the cold ground in a fetal position. His eyes were vacantly staring at a necklace in his hand. His tail was limp, his eyes showing clear signs of having cried for hours on end. There were no tears there now, only the look of pure defeat. Altair felt like a shadow of who he was before he heard the news. He couldn’t feel Clove through the Force. He knew she was gone. Whether dead or something else, she was gone from him forever.

He was dead weight even when Wodan grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace. He leaned into the other man, but his gaze went past his shoulder and towards the necklace. He said nothing, he was limp, his eyes vacant. He was more or less catatonic. The vibrant light that always made his eyes shine had dimmed to a dull, pale lavender.

@Braden
 

Wodan

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Wodan felt the heavy weight of Altairs body and heart way him down as he stood their limp in his arms. Inside he was dead, only the faint thud of his heartbeat on the Firrerrians shoulder told him otherwise.

Even if he knew what to say he kept his mouth shut. No words could help Altair through this grief, the only thing Wodan could do was be there. Allow his friend to understand that in his time of utter lonleyness and despair he was not alone. The Firrerrian was sure a dozen others were speeding their way across the galaxy to be with the Tiefling, he was glad he got their first however.

Many would seek to take advantage of this grief for their own sake. Be it to their glee or peril today would depend on the person in question. Wodan however was there just for him, he would leave if asked, stay if asked, but for the moment the pair stayed silent.

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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Altair didn’t move, didn’t say a word, gave no indication of recognition. He simply vacantly stared at that necklace. One would have expected a thousand emotions, but none surged through him. Even in the Force, Altair was as catatonic as he appeared physically. There was no anger or deep sadness, just an icy numbness from a hole left behind.

His eyes were glazed over, the familiar and vibrant spark gone. There was no knowing grin, no witty remark, no jab about Wodan’s workout routine. There was simply nothing but silence and the slow and steady rhythm of his breathing.

@Braden
 

Wodan

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The lack of words, emotion was almost painful, only the light noise of the building's systems kept it from utter silence as the two stood, one hunched, broken. The other trying desperately to work out what he should do next, Altair was such an animated and passionate person, seeing him this empty was alien and strange to the Firrerrian. Should Wodan play the sympathetic card, try to sooth the man with simple words? Or perhaps action, would racing into the Galactic Core to find the culprit of this bombing bring Altair comfort or just more pain.

Gripping the big man by the shoulders he pushed the pair apart so he could grab another look at Altair’s face, to see if that could give him any inclination of what he should do. There was nothing but an empty void, was he even alive in there. “I am sorry buddy, I know how much she meant to you.” He finally said and tried to guide Altair towards a nearby chair. Depositing him there before taking his own seat opposite.

Clutching his hands together he braced himself again just in case. “I saw the news, are you sure Clove was there?” The news had said nothing about Clove or anyone being caught in the blast. But Altair had called out with The Force, almost crushing Wodan’s psyche with his emotional barrage of pain and agony. Only the death of a loved one could have caused the Tiefling to lash out so.

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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Altair was silent for a long moment after Wodan spoke. With his cracked lips and appearance, it became clear he hadn’t eaten and drank anything in a while. The tiefling sighed at last, shaking his head, “I can’t feel her anymore…it’s just…gone..” He said barely above a whisper, “She would’ve…said something if she was alive. She would’ve told me she was okay…wouldn’t she?” He slowly looked at Wodan, doubts in his eyes.

His emotions were in flux. He wanted to do nothing but sleep until he could wake up in a place away from this nightmare. He was reduced to a shell of his former self. Everything he had accomplished till now, all of it collapsed with how empty he felt.

@Braden
 

Wodan

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For some reason, perhaps just due to his petty dislike of the girl, Wodan wasn’t one hundred percent sure she would. Could she be fickle and spiteful enough to not let Altair know? She had to know it would destroy him, right? Clove wasn’t that spiteful, the words and feelings Altair had used to describe her in the past didn’t really signal she could be that cruel and heartless. “Yes, you're right.” He lied after a moment or two of hesitation. No matter how Wodan felt about Clove or the situation, a lie was probably what was best for his friend.

Wodan stood up from his seat and headed over to a side table which had a glass pitcher of water and a few glasses, from the water stained cloth underneath it had been ice cold when delivered, now it was at that delightful slightly warm phase. Pouring two glasses he headed back towards the seated Tiefling. Placing one down on the desk in front of him, before taking his seat and sipping some of his own. “Have something to drink.” He said motioning to the glass, food was probably a much harder sell, but Wodan needed to get some life back into the Tiefling, if drinking and talking was all he managed today it was a start.

Leaning forward he hung his head resting his arms on his legs, his left hand grasping the half empty cup. “I am sorry brother, I know how much she meant to you.”

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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Altair didn’t react immediately, staring at the glass for a moment. He had no desire to do anything, his thoughts and body still reeling from the loss. A shaky hand finally reached over for the glass and he raised it to take a sip. He couldn’t muster much beyond that, setting it back down.

In truth, even Altair hadn’t understood how much Clove meant to him until he lost her. He couldn’t feel her anymore, and it was entirely different than when she had disappeared for months. There was no glimmer of hope, no nagging feeling that she was still out there, nothing to make him go chase after her to find her.

“I don’t want to do anything,” Altair said quietly as he stared off vacantly. Wodan would notice his speech lacked his trademark accent that always made him appear friendlier. Instead he sounded far more detached.

@Braden
 

Wodan

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If he was honest, Wodan was stumped, he didn’t know how to handle such awkward situations without making a joke or stupid comment to break the silence and tension. So like the Tiefling he sat there for a long time in silence, unmoving. For around five minutes the pair just sat, both looking into the distance, from time to time Wodan would glance over at his friend to check on him. His right hand fidgeted with the shard as he bit on his lips, chewing over the right words to say.

“She loved you Altair and she wouldn’t want you to be stuck in here for weeks on end. Clove loved the carefree, passionate, loving and jovial person that you are. She wouldn’t want this for you, even you can’t deny that. Look, I can’t hope to understand what you are feeling right now, truly. But I do feel deep down inside, that Clove wouldn’t want you to mourn her like this. She would want you to continue to be the person you were, the one she fell in love with.” Wodan wasn’t sure if any of this would sink in or even register with his friend, but now he was speaking it seemed to roll off the tongue. The Firrerrian shifted forward in his chair, getting a little closer to Altair.

“Use those memories, the ones which bring you so much hurt, use them to remember how much happiness they brought you. Because you truly were in love bro, something so many people go through life without, let that knowledge fill your heart. You loved Altair, and she loved you too. Don’t let those feelings go to waste, live my brother, live for her and live for you.”

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Altair Din

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Altair was silent for a long time after Wodan spoke. He had a lot of thoughts spiraling through his mind, a lot of what ifs, could haves, should haves and everything in between.

“The memories…only make me angry,” He said after a long time, his jaw tightening, “Everything she wanted…I started to change things from within. I changed how we do warfare..starting with Yavin. Wasn’t good enough for her. She didn’t even look at me while I was sitting there with my arm almost chopped off,” His chest slowly rose and fell, “Nothing I did was ever good enough. It never would have been.”

He reached up and wiped his eyes where tears began to form again, “I think I always failed to meet her expectations…what’s the point of starting now.”

@Braden
 

Wodan

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Wodan’s fist tightened, something inside him wanted Altair to take that dark path of anger and hate. Wasn’t that the true path of a Sith? But that wasn’t what he wanted for his friend, to become a mindless servant of the Darkness like part of him wanted. “Your a fucking idiot some times.” He bugun shaking his head. “Her friends and surrogate family were being slaughtered by the hundred, a place she once called home was being torched to the ground and you were their leading half the assault. If the Jedi were doing that to Korriban would you have stopped and paid attention to how humanly Clove was having our own people killed? Better yet, would you have respected and loved her, if she had abandoned all those people just to come to see you?” He replied, the end of the pair’s relationship was sour at best. Wodan needed him to concentrate on the positive parts, not the fresh scab that was its conclusion.

“She came to your promotion banquet after it ended, she even came to the coronation after everything that had happened on Eriadu. If she didn’t think you were good enough she wouldn’t have come all that way for you.” Altair had started talking, now Wodan just had to keep him going.

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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Altair’s eyes narrowed slightly as Wodan spoke. He had seen his brethren die time and time again - soldiers that were like family to him. Most of the time they were killed off by the ineptitude of other Sith. As Wodan spoke further of Clove, rage shot through his entire body. Everything had to be about her. Everything had to be about how life was rough for Clove. No one else in her sphere ever mattered.

“She was on Eiattu only because I asked Star Guardians to be there,” Altair growled at Wodan, “But none of it matters anymore.”

He was bristling with anger, “Why should I fucking care? What has caring ever gotten me? It’s been nothing but a fucking weakness.”

Altair peeled himself to his feet, an almost crazed look in his eyes, “I’ve lived my life dancing to the tune of others. Putting their feelings above my own. Letting others drive everything I do. Always caring what someone else will think of my actions WELL I’M FUCKING TIRED OF IT!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, slamming his fist into the wall to where it drove through and cracked into debris. Altair withdrew his fist, growling in anger.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HAD TO CONSOLE ME NOW? HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT BEEN BECAUSE OF SOME BITCH DRAWING FROM ME LIKE A LEECH? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN ME BE A PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN?"

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Wodan

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Ok that was a reaction, not the one he was aiming for or expecting but at least it was better than the sorry state of a man he had been only ten minutes ago. As Altair went about turning concrete to dust Wodan stood from his own chair, granted if Altair wanted to go ham on him, Wodan wouldn’t really stand much of a chance. But at least if he was on his feet he could get a few licks in himself before he was tossed into the molten river outside.

Part of him wanted to bring up the fact Altair brought up Clove, Wodan just continued the only conversational point the Tiefling had responded to. “Well if your fucking tired of it, why the hell are you in here sulking?” Maybe this wasn’t the best tact and a more diplomatic person than him would have resolved it better but this was all Wodan could think of. “Take bloody control then Altair, if you don’t want to be drawn like a leech don’t let them do it anymore. You have done it before I’ve seen it! But then you let them back on after. Burn them off and burn them for good.” Wodan had raised his voice slightly, though more stern than aggressive as he walked around the chair closing the distance between the pair. “I promise you there is someone out there perfect for you. But for now, let us concentrate on you.”

As he approached the Tiefling he once again grabbed him by the scruff off the neck pulling their heads together, the rough texture of the Tiefling’s horns and the force needed to pull the muscled creature towards him, dug into Wodan’s scalp cutting the skin slightly. But at the moment he didn’t care. “Now, what do you want to do? Sit here and continue to sulk, or actually do something about it all? Tell me buddy I am fucking there.”

@Sreeya
 

Altair Din

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Altair scoffed bitterly as he thought for a moment. He was still calming down, but he paused to stare out a window. There was a thunderstorm raging outside, fat drops of rain smearing against the glass panes. He was physically yanked to look at Wodan again. There were hints of life in his eyes, but nothing like they used to be.

“There is someone perfect for me out there,” He said with a bitter laugh, “And it’s me. I’ve put myself last every single fucking time. I’m never doing that again.”

Altair sighed, “There’s nothing left to do, Wodan,” He said, “What’s done is done.”

His face remained largely emotionless, missing the goofy smiles or vibrant life, “Don’t fuck up like I did.”

@Braden
 

Wodan

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I guess that was a start, maybe Wodan hadn’t succeeded to the degree that he wanted to. But he had at least moved Altair away from the grief-stricken state he found the Tiefling in. “Good.” He said with a smile, letting go of the back of Altair’s neck and taking a step back giving them both some room. Blood had started to trickle onto his forehead.

“Now, if you want I can leave you for a bit? Or we can order some food from the kitchens and just chill? Either way, I will see you on Iseno in a week ok?” The Firrerrian said with a little cheer in his voice as he wiped back the blood.

@Sreeya
 
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