Ask On The Brink

[Tazlen Axil]

Tazlen was doing the last sweeps through different tents to ensure Jedi, especially padawans, made it off safely. The loss of Yavin was a devastating blow to the Jedi, but he of all people knew there was always hope after disaster. After all, his entire planet had been destroyed. At times, there was no choice but to continue because the Force never yielded. And neither would he.

He sensed darkness all around as he expected he would. There was fear, confusion, chaos, all things that fed the Dark Side. Tazlen made his way over to one of the tents that supposedly still had a Jedi left. Once he stepped in, he was surprised to spot Caris. He could tell right away the man had an arm missing, which made it awkward as Taz was still holding the cybernetic arm he took off Vahliri. It was wearing a rather curious gauntlet he wanted to steal from her.

The darkness that pulsed within Caris was uncomfortable, but Taz wouldn’t back down. He made his way over towards the other man’s bed, his own body still recovering from the bruised ribs.

“Caris,” He said, “I’m pleased to see you alive,” Taz said with a sigh. They had both fought battles today and they both had to witness Yavin fall.

“You were against the so-called Demon Prince?”

@Valen Pelora

 

[Caris Orlan]

He stared at the ground. Time passed but he couldn’t say how much. Yavin was emptying. He could feel the Light slowly moving off world. Strange how the smoldering pit in his stomach made the shining of the Light all the easier to feel. Perhaps it was because it no longer belonged to him. A sickening truth he would not avoid. Caris held firm to the grip of his lightsaber. It felt dirty in his hand…given back to him by the Demon Prince. It didn’t even belong to him anymore. His thumb went back and forth over the ignition switch. Back and forth. Each time a little closer to pressing down.

He didn’t even notice Taz walk in…not until the man spoke. “Am I alive?” Caris looked at his missing limb. “Funny, I don’t feel that way.” There was no sense denying it. He knew how he felt in the Force. He had spent years hunting that feeling. Fighting that feeling. Now he was the very thing he sought to eliminate from the galaxy. “Aye.” He tipped his head to look at Taz. “Lot of good it did.” He sighed and pushed himself to his feet.

“Don’t waste your time. I know you can feel what happened.” His voice wasn’t angry. It wasn’t even sad. He was resigned. “I can’t come with you.” Caris’ grip on the saber tightened. “I will not be like the others. I will die before I let this rot consume me.” Now there was anger in him. “I will not become like the rest of them.” He knew too many who had fallen. They disgusted him. Just as he was disgusted with himself. He turned away from Taz. “I should be dead. I’ll finish the job the Demon Prince didn’t.” It was not self-pity. That much was clear. No, Caris meant each word clipped from his mouth. He wanted to die. It was only way he could remain a Jedi.

@Sreeya

 

[Tazlen Axil]

Taz calmly listened to Caris. The darkness swirled around him, his emotions visceral and powerful. It would make Caris feel empowered for a moment the more he sank into it. It all played out like a speeder wreck before Tazlen's eyes. He had to handle this carefully when Caris was on edge.

“You are exactly where you’re meant to be,” He said calmly as he looked at the other man, “If you were meant to fall, you would have done so every single one of those times you went out to face them. This was your third encounter with the so called Demon Prince and you have refused to bow to the Dark Side each time,” He said quietly, “Surrendering yourself to the Force before it is your time is giving him exactly what he seeks.”

He sighed as he looked down, “Anger is not a forbidden emotion, Caris,” Taz said, thinking back to when he first learned about Firrerre’s glassing, “How you express or temper it is what’s important. You are justified in feeling angry about what happened, angry about what we lost, angry about surviving when our brethren have fallen. But we owe to them to carry the Light forward, Caris.”

Taz did not close the distance towards the other man, but his bearing was calm and tranquil, something that Caris would feel through the Force. It was an anchor to stop the rocking and crashing of his turbulent thoughts and spiral towards darkness, “You have to trust in the Force as it trusts in you. You wield the Light Side still. Do not give it up so easily. Even when you are at your lowest, the Light remains your ally, a beacon even in the darkest depths. Allow it to guide you back. You are not alone. This battle is not yours to fight by yourself.”

@Valen Pelora

 

[Caris Orlan]

He took a deep breath. He could sense Taz anchoring himself in the Light. A lifeline should Caris choose to reach out and grab it. He shook his head. No. That was not meant for him. His voice remained low as he spoke. “You don’t think I know that?” He turned back around. “I’m not some lovestruck Padawan or lost Knight seeking to find himself. I know our emotions are not poison. That part of finding balance is feeling your emotions and facing those pieces of yourself.” The muscles in his jaw tensed.

“I am a Shadow, Tazlen. It is drilled into our core. It is part of who we are.” Caris snorted in disgust. “What has my faith in the Light brought but death and destruction?” He saw it all around. Every step, every choice…more falling at his feet. “I don’t mean for myself. I knew the path I chose. The risks. My life was never meant to be long but with the Light as my ally I would stand against all this.” He gestured around the tent again. “Yet here we are again. Yavin burns…our Order runs…as the Empire gleefully chases. What has faith in the Light in the Force brought us but ruin.” He took another deep breath.

Trying to steady himself but failing. “How can I trust again, walk this same path again, when it always leads to the same destination.” It was over for him. “I can’t become a danger to the people I’m supposed to protect. That’s what you’re asking me to do. Fighting something I’m not sure I have the strength to fight and put everything else at risk.” His solution was simpler. End the problem before it could begin.

@Sreeya