Raiden KasMelan

FaMiLy

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- Note: Since I have no picture if you can't visualize Raiden try to think of Darth Maul. But instead think of Darth Maul without the Sith tattoos, and being green. As for the robes imagine Darth Mauls, but for the boots replace them with bandages (green).. (Look at my avatar for bandage idea, such as the bandages worn on the mans hands.) The hood and cape for Raiden would just be the same color as his bandages, but outlined with a golden trim. This note is just for comparison - for more details go to the gear section of my profile.

The Zabrak Prince

NAME: Prince Raiden KasMelan.
FACTION: The Shade Order.
RANK: Knight.
SPECIES: Iridonian Zabrak.
AGE: 26.
GENDER: Male.
HEIGHT: 6' 2"
WEIGHT: 198.
EYES: Yellow.
HAIR: None. (Small spikes on his head.)
SKIN: Green.
CREDITS: 1000.
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: None.
DOMINATE HAND: Dominate with both hands.
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes.

STRENGTH: Pretty strong, 8/10
DEXTERITY: Above average, 7/10
CONSTITUTION: Above average, 7/10
INTELLIGENCE: Genius, 9/10
WISDOM: Average, 6/10
CHARISMA: Very low, considering his wealthy attitude, 3/10

FORCE POWERS:
Telekinesis.
Force Push.
Force Pull.
Force Jump.
Force Speed.
Force Heal.
Force Lightening.
Telepathy.

SKILLS:
Pilot skills. 7/10
Lightsaber skills. 9/10
Vibroblade skills. 8/10
Sneaking skills. 6/10

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
Form VII: Juyo/Vaapad.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Strengths - Believes in protection. (Not condoms)
Weakness - Stories of his father.

GEAR:
Raiden has darker robes that surround his body tightly, his leggings from his pants are tucked down deeply into his boots. A lining a gold are trimmed slightly above his legs in which meets with the gold trimmings of the top of the bandaging that are on Raiden's feet.. Raiden's feet are secured with a green leather material somewhat like the color of his skin, in which matches the leather bandings that are also embraced with a hard leathering. Both Raiden's feet and hands are a bandage type of material that are tightly secured.

Raiden's harness is also secured. The harness is made of another leather material which is black and just runs below the belt line on which a saber hilt rests. As for Raiden's torso his body is tightened with very soft material but has a hardened inner core which is used to avoid high injury from blasters and etc. As for Raiden's cape it is much like his gloves and boots. The color of the cape is green, the color of his skin, and the trimming of the cape is gold. Raiden also wears a securing around his head, a hood that attachs to his cape. The hood is identical to the cape...

EQUIPMENT:
Green Lightsaber + Two Knuckle Plate Vibroblades.
lunapic-124682618894139.jpg

Raiden's hilt was hand crafted by a professional located on his home land. His father had the lightsaber crafted before he died and it was handed to him before he left. The lightsaber is single bladed.


SHIP:
lunapic-124622844745670-1.jpg

Raiden's ship, the KasMelan, named after his family. Is equiped with a couple of blasters, and an main and co cockpits. The ship has several main controls in which controls the man blasters. The ship also has an automatic cloaking device in which helps blend in surroundings and other environment details.

The history of the ship is unknown, all that is known about it is that it was passed to Raiden once his decision was made about fulfilling his prophecy. (See history - Young Life)

PETS:
None.

PERSONALITY:
Raiden is sweet, safe, and elegant. He evolves in the world that he was grown up in. Respect, royalness, and other wealthy aspects play a key role in his attitude and the way he acts towards others. That and many girls find him attracting.

HISTORY:

PART I - YOUNG LIFE
It is believed that Raiden is the son of a King, King KasMelan. Whom lead the Zabrakian species. King KasMelan was married, and dedicated to his wife and queen Jalin. Over a turn of the century eventually many disputes broke into war for the Zabrakians.

However before the war it is believed through an ancient prophecy and legend. That the son of a King is the son of royal blood. The prophecy and legend was brought upon King KasMelan in which he followed through and eventually came to train his son in the arts of the Jar'Kai lightsaber style. Years of Raiden's young childhood through his early adulthood was spent on training of the lightsaber. King KasMelan figured a great swordsman is a great warrior.

Upon the time of the war King KasMelan was called upon to fight and command the Zabrakians. Loyal as the King stood, he responsibility went out to fight, besides his species, besides his kingdom, besides his brothers and sisters. The day of the fight Raiden parted from his father.

Over the years during the fight the Queen became the head politician and figurehead for the Zabrakians. Also the head parent in Raiden's life, as Raiden grew older, he also learned to attach to his mother. His father grew out of his life, while his mother came a major part of it. Sticking to the will and power of his father, Raiden remained training by himself...

Soon, rained death upon his Raiden's father. The King of the Zabrakians died of illness due to battle scares and etc. As the years past Raiden eventually parted from the death of his father. His mother was faced with the situation of another marriage, or to stand alone as the Queen of the Zabrakian species, as a loyal wife she remained alone.

Raiden parted from his mother saying his goodbyes, and explaining the legend he was suppose to fulfill, to this day Raiden travels looking for the one to teach him the ways of the force, a promise to his mother was made, that promise was the return of him to the kingdom, eventually he believes he will return... But for now he must go.. To become stronger.. to become a warrior..

PART II - INTO THE LIGHT
The passage had been secured, Raiden successfullly found himself a master. Becoming a padawan was the first step, Raiden would continue his journey trying to advance himself to becoming a Knight himself. Then hopefully a master... At this time Raiden knew would be the best chance and hope for his legend and prophecy to fill with honor, and great dignity. Raiden knew as a Jedi Padawan, and possibly a Jedi Master in the future that he would be able to gain the respect of others more easily. Considering he was the Prince he knew that he had already had a great deal of respect, but adding Jedi Master to his name would award him a better title, and better picture to his peers.

Before his first training session Raiden wandered onto the planet of Rathalay. On Rathalay Raiden's business was plain and simple. To meet with an older friend named Griff. Once on arrival Griff and Raiden met in Griff's private quarters. Later on they found themselves on one of the many beaches of Rathalay talking about private affairs, and old news. During this time a fight broke out in a local Cantina, here Raiden tested himself on how much of a leader he could be.. This would be Raiden's first Jedi business.. His first time to actually help somebody.. Raiden fortunately fixed himself in the right place, and found himself meeting a small girl by the name of Sidney.

Apart from the girl Raiden now became stronger with himself and the force. Daily training from the Jedi Temple gave Raiden the chance to learn the moves he's been waiting to learn for a century. Raiden gained the knowledge from his master and the correct instruction on how to successfully achieve the basic Jedi Force Moves. Raiden adapted to the force easily, his knowledge now gain larger, and his fighting enhanced greatly. Raiden now knew the most standardized of all Jedi Force Moves; Force Push, Force Pull, Force Speed, Force Jump, and Telekinesis. He knew he became one step closer to his dream...

PART III - OUT OF THE LIGHT, INTO THE SHADE
Raiden soon parted from the Jedi Order, he didn't feel he was getting what he wanted from it, and joined the Shade. The shade had too many interest for Raiden. A passion for loving somebody, and the strength to do whatever. Raiden knew that this would be the best way to both fulfill his prophecy and to find a love and be able to love them.

Raiden met his master Quentell during a trip on Coruscant. Quentell took Raiden to the Shade Enclave and began to train him and took him as his apprentice. Raiden soon ventured into many aspects then he knew. He allowed himself to be taught by Quentell. He wanted the most for himself anyhow and Quentell had the most to offer. Raiden would soon become a powerful force user... Powerful enough to allow himself to actually do what he was told to do by his own father. All he needed to do is wait and get the proper training.
(GOING TO BE EDITED, AND CONTINUED)

KILLS:
None.

DUELING RING MATCHES:
None.

GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:
None.

TRAINING:
Quentell Xall Training Raiden KasMelan

ROLE-PLAYS:
Severing The Ties.
Just watch them.. They're beautiful..
 
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Brandon Rhea

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Comments would be appreciated.

You waited a half an hour before posting this. For this site, it's either 7:10am or sometime between 11pm and 2am. Not the best time of the day to be impatient. ;)
 

GABA

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Naked_Raiden_2(1).jpg



Every time I see the name Raiden.​
 

Phil

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I think of the God of Thunder when I think Raiden.

Anyways, profile looks like a good start. Welcome to our not so little community.
 

jimmy_moon

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The content of the history is solid, maybe delve a little more into why he needs to become a warrior, and what the prophecy is. The whole thing needs a lot of cleaning up, there are periods in the middle of sentences, subject/verb disagreements and sentence fragments that get in the way of reading it.

The Gear description is a little repetitive, you tell us he has dark robes with gold trim and say "as for a belt, his belt is" when you could just say "as for his belt, it is black leather." and you say that his belt goes back to his hood? which doesn't make much sense, and probably isn't what you mean, but you might want to clear that up.

Also, you're not supposed to start out with a lightsaber form known yet.

For appearance, since you didn't post a picture (which is totally fine), you might want to describe his skin color, his tattoos, their color, etc. as well as the gear. Right now you just have "a mixture of skin tones" which isn't as specific as it could be, its hard for me to visualize him right now.

Under "skills", you probably don't need "force learning skills" and can just say somewhere else "Force Sensitive: yes." In addition, it seemed like under "Charisma" you said that he wasn't particularly charismatic, but you listed talking as a skilled which was odd, so you might want to clear that up? It just seems like simple negotiating tact isn't really a skill, its just average. Your choice, if hes a very skilled negotiator keep it.

Overall, a great start, and congrats on making your first character!

:CHappy:
 

FaMiLy

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Appreciate all the comments, i'm going to edit it some more later. It was late at night for where I live and I tried to throw the history all together as soon as possible. I'll fix it up later, and be a little more descriptive. Also I noticed the sentence fragments and they'll be fixed too.


Thanks for all the comments.
 
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FaMiLy

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Appreciate all the comments, i'm going to edit it some more later. It was late at night for where I live and I tried to throw the history all together as soon as possible. I'll fix it up later, and be a little more descriptive. Also I noticed the sentence fragments and they'll be fixed too.


Thanks for all the comments.

Sorry for double posting, but my profile has been updated, and more comments would be welcomed.
 

Jenerix525

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I have to say, he bears a slight similarity to Darth Maul. He's a Zabrak who wields juyo with a saberstaff and wears dark robes. It also seems unlikely that Raiden would be the name of an Iridonian animal, that Zabraks often took the names of.
However, the name isn't very important in that respect and you've given more than enough detail to show that Raiden is not just a green Maul, with a good personality and an interesting history.

In fact, if I wanted to complain, I'd really have to look at grammar. A few quick points:
I think arguement is normally written as argument.
"Soon rained death upon his Raiden's father." Unless you're talking about someone who owns a Raiden, "his Raiden's" is not very good. Either word is alright, but since it's a new paragraph, Raiden's is probably best. Also, I think 'Soon, death rained' works a little better unless I missed that there is a person called Soon.
"Raiden became more stronger" couuld be 'became more strong' or, instead, 'became stronger', 'gained/acquired more/greater strength'.
As my last point, "Raiden now knew" changes tenses. 'now knows' works but, judging by context, then knew is probably more appropriate.
 

FaMiLy

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I'll take this all in thought, honestly what you've said manages better over the things I put down. Thanks a lot.
 
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