Ask Repeat Until Death

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

As soon as she received proper medical treatment for the injuries she had sustained during the attack on Firrerre, Reiel returned to the field alongside volunteer reacuers. She was, however, not here to help their search and rescue operations. The volunteers were here for survivors.

Reiel was here for a dead man.

She hadn't slept properly and barely ate for days. Whenever she closed her eyes the image of her uncle – buried beneath the rubble and his blood slowly coating the bunker's dusty floor – filled her dreams. Every waking moment was spent fighting against the medics, demanding she be given the clearance to go back, to help with the ongoing rescue operations, to go out there so she could look for Dell's body to give him the funeral he deserved–

If he hadn't pushed her out of harm's way their roles would be reversed. Reiel knew that her uncle would fight just as hard so he could go out and look for her. He wouldn't sleep until her remains were found, he wouldn't sleep until her corpse was given the respect it was due, and he would try just as hard to properly lay her to rest.

Reiel would try just as hard as she knew ba'vodu Dell would. He deserved every bit of effort she was exerting because she owed him her life, Kad be damned, and he didn't even deserve the way he died. Not one bit, no.

The landscape before her was completely unrecognizable. Wherever she looked death and ruin met her gaze. Sleep-deprived as she was, her perception was steadily becoming more askew, unable to retrace the path that led to old Reuben's place. Her armor felt heavier with each step she took, and belatedly she regretted not asking for the ex-Mando's help to locate the ruins of his abode. But she couldn't stop now– wouldn't stop now. Not when her uncle's body was yet to be found.

Anger, determination, and sheer force of will fueled her, kept her awake and up on her feet. Not that she tried to fall asleep in the first place. Whenever she drifted off and out of the waking world Dell's final words haunted her, along with the sounds of explosions and the screams of the innocent. Bloodied beskar and durasteel filled her dreams– no, nightmares, the sound of her uncle's pained groan, the way he briefly choked for air as his body was crushed by his own armor and duracrete rubble.

She wanted to grieve, to let out the pain she felt at the unfairness of it all. She wanted to just sit down and cry, to shout at the heavens why people who caused this kind of catastrophe were even allowed to exist. She wanted to grieve, but she knew she could only do that when Dell's body was recovered.

Reiel knew by now that news of Firrerre's glassing had already reached the Clan. She had made the effort to contact her Buir, and she didn't need to say anything to confirm Dell's demise. All she did was cry while her father tried his damnedest to comfort her, to assure her that he would be there with here on the planet as soon as he could. He told her to wait, to rest and recuperate, but he should've known by now that Reiel was a stubborn woman.

So she searched. Or at least, she tried.

After another day came and went, and Dell's body remained undiscovered. Reiel's hands shook as she checked her gear, and not a moment later her vision blacked out, her body giving out from sheer exhaustion and lack of rest. A pair of medics who were adamant to keep her from heading out simply shook their heads in sympathy before tending to the unconscious Mando woman.

—·—​

In the end, the medics decided that it would be too unwise to leave Reiel to her own devices.

When the small Mandalorian woman came to, she found herself stripped of her armor – her arm and leg armor,at least – and lying on a cot situated in a private room. The familiar weight of her helmet was a welcomed presence, left behind by the medics probably out of respect for the way of her people. She slowly pulled herself up in a sitting position with a groan and tried to ascertain where she was.

There was a viewport on the left side of the room, and she tried her hardest not to grimace at the sight of stars outside. Was she in a ship? Was she offworld? Who the hell took her here, when she had explicitly told everyone that she wanted to be a part of the search and rescue group so she could look for her uncle–

The mere thought of Dell brought tears in her eyes.

Shoulders shaking as she tried and failed to keep herself from crying, Reiel could do nothing but to tuck her knees to her chest and let her tears fall.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

Firrerre was quickly becoming a planet that Carrick wished he had never heard of - reports on his desk every half an hour details casualties and the like. He was honestly surprised by the sheer number of casualties in a rather detached kind of way. The planet Firrerre was not a really important planet in the grand scheme of things and it's indigenous population was remarkably small. Of course, people had been moving to the planet for various reasons for generations at this point.

Gone for a new lease of life or, in some cases, to enjoy the tranquility of the planet as a retirement place. Some of them had been on his report and he had kind of stopped in place as he read reports about the estate of the Drasts being leveled... he had managed a bark of laughter about it at the time but he had followed it with several drinks too as he called for his ship to be readied.

Readied because his head of security, his Mando, had been down on Firrerre and he just knew she would be getting herself in trouble. Framing it as visiting the relief forces, Carrick made sure to keep it low key (no press were informed) and made his way to the planet. The medics had been more than happy to transfer Reiel to his ship when he had arrived and he had taken to waiting for her to wake up. By all accounts she would be, physically, fine but emotionally was an entirely different story.

The door locked, Carrick sat in semi-darkness as he waited for her to wake up. One of the view-ports had a view of the stars but the other the planet itself, specifically orbiting the planet around a particularly ugly new scar of scoring across the land. It had been the Drast estates and Carrick liked to look at it as he waited. Of course he didn't end up waiting too long before she woke up. He didn't get up and he didn't speak up straight away, letting her cry a little bit before speaking.

"Reiel." he spoke softly as he leaned forward in his chair, setting the glass aside, "We're in orbit, you're alright..."

She wasn't and they both knew it but he wanted her to at least try and feel safe. As much as the planet brought out conflicting emotions within him, he wanted to be here for Reiel.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

Maybe she had been so out of it, too exhausted from crying and her efforts to remain awake for as long as she could, that she completely failed to recognize nor even register the presence of another person in the room with her. If they were an assassin sent to kill her she would have been dead a dozen times over and while it would've alarmed and made the small Mandalorian panic under normal circumstances, she found – in the all-encompassing grief she currently drowned in – that she didn't mind one bit. Perhaps even Death would be kind enough to spare her from the pain that ate at her.

Live!

You're alright...

Hands shaking with barely repressed anger Reiel clumsily took her helmet off and sent it flying across the room, hitting the wall with a loud ‘clank!‘ before crashing to the floor. A high-pitched, keening wail slipped past her lips as she untangled herself from the blanket, her legs ending up getting tangled even more, and her jerky, erratic struggling sending her to the edge then off of the bed. She shouldn't be here. She should be down there, on that glassed planet, searching, searching, for her uncle's lifeless body so she could carry him back home and lay him to rest.

It was all she could think about, it was the only thing that mattered to her. It was the least she could do for Dell, and she would make this person bleed – this person who dared tell her that she was alright even if she kriffing wasn't – if they did so much as try to stop her.

Eyes filled with tears and anger and grief met the gaze of whoever was in the room with her.

It was her sorcerer.

Carrick.

Carrick was here–

Anger dissipating as quickly as it overcame her seconds prior, Reiel could do nothing but to stare up at him, wide-eyed, as a sliver of relief flashed within her, reflecting in her honey brown eyes. Regretfully, just like her previous anger, it vanished just as quick.

“P-Please...“ she muttered in a tiny, broken voice, so unlike the confident and bashful tones he usually heard from her. “Carrick, please...“

My uncle is dead.

Please help me look for him.

Something else came out of her mouth, something she desperately sought in the absence of her father and amid the maelstrom of sorrow that consumed her. Tears continued to run unbidden down her cold cheeks, a relentless rain that spoke of the absolute grief that threatened to– no, tore her heart in two.

The problem with Reiel Mal Crowholde was that when she loved someone, family or not, she offered them her heart freely and willingly. It was no surprise that the heartbreak would inevitably be too much to handle, the pain too visceral and almost all-consuming.

“...hold me, p-please.“

She felt so scared, and so damn tired. Maybe being held would help – but even then she would have to move forward and face the reality that she had just lost one of the most important, most precious, people in her life. But right now, in the presence of one of the very few people she could show her vulnerability, Reiel just wanted– needed to be held.

If only to ease her pain and grief just a little, because sometimes, as Dell once told her, a little was more than enough.

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

Yeah he didn't think she was going to respond well to his comment but he couldn't just sit back and say nothing. He needed her to start trying to actually talk to him and for that there needed to actually be some conversation. That said conversation had to start with her emotions flaring up like a wildfire was less than ideal but he honestly didn't really see there being any other kind of response from her at this point.

She just needed to vent, to feel her feelings rather than just wallowing in them. Still, he did catch her helmet with the Force before it could fall to the ground. He knew she would feel bad about tossing it around when she had chance to really think about it. Thankfully it seemed that his presence being acknowledged had somewhat of a calming effect on her - as much as anything really could these days.

He reached out and cupped her cheek with one hand, her face exposed and raw to him without her helmet. The thoughts and emotions pouring out from her were like a tidal wave but he needed to be immovable, he needed to be her rock.

"Su cuy'gar ner cyar'ika." he spoke in Mando'a, using the lessons he had taken and what she had helped him brush up on, "Ni cuy' olar par gar."

Reaching underneath her, Carrick lifted both with his body and the Force to easily carry her from where she had been laid to a place on his lap, cradled in his arms. He pulled her in close, her head in the crook of his neck, and gently ran a hand through her hair.

"Udes ti ni cyar'ika - vi Kelir echoy bal mar'eyir o'r te vaar'tur. Vi enteyor cuyir ulyc - morut'yc."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

She allowed herself to be carried and when he pulled her in close she willingly went with him, if a little weakly. Reiel lifted her arms and wrapped them around his shoulders, curling into his lap as much as she could. Burying her tear-streaked face onto his chest, the small Mandalorian didn't bother suppressing the sobs that wracked her body as she clung to him as if her life depended on it, hands grasping desperately at him.

Hearing him speak in Mando'a failed to calm her this time – the language only served to further remind her of the one she lost on Firrerre, and had she not been adopted into their Creed she wouldn't have met Dell. Reiel slowly shook her head repeatedly in a weak protest while Carrick spoke, muttering “no“ wordlessly until she managed to find her voice again.

“N-Not that, please,“ she whispered through her sobs, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks and soaking into the fabric of his suit. “Not now... n-not Mando'a, please...“

Her uncle was the one who taught her the language whenever Buir was away. Hearing it strongly reminded her of Dell, and it would have been fascinating to see and understand how grief affected a person if she wasn't the one experiencing it. Hearing it now hurt, and when she reluctantly pulled her head from her sorcerer's chest to look up at him the anguish she felt reflected vividly in her tear-filled gaze.

Reiel leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of his fingers gently running through her hair. She took a shuddering breath, then another, trying but failing to push aside her grief long enough to stay focused and coherent. She wanted to find a semblance of strength as Reiel and not as the Mando she was supposed to be, but any attempt was thwarted by the memory of the screams of the civilians in the bunker with them and the sight of her uncle Dell lying broken – dead – beneath the rubble.

One of her hands cupped Carrick's cheek, her eyes opening once more to meet his. “You're okay,“ she muttered, more to herself than to him when – in her imagination's own cruelty – she saw him and her Buir alongside Dell when she closed her eyes. “You're okay, you're not– you're not hurt... you're okay... you're here... you're really here...“

Dell had an inkling as to who might have done this– this glassing of the world beneath them. She wanted to know if his hunch was correct. Reiel already had a feeling that it was, but she wanted to hear Carrick's answer if he had one – she might have been grieving, and while she was already expecting what his answer would be she still needed to hear the truth.

“Who did this? W-Who... did... this?“

Her voice still shook, raw from crying and screaming. "Who killed those i-innocent people? Who killed my Uncle?"

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

Well that wasn't what he expected but he wasn't going to question it. Sometimes she found Mando'a comforting but, he supposed, now was far from one of those times so he adjusted accordingly, nodding along with her and running a hand soothingly through her hair.

"Alright... alright we'll keep it Basic." he assured her as he kissed her gently on the forehead, "No Mando'a."

It seemed that what had happened to her family down on the planet below had had enough of an impact to spread to the rest of the Mandalorian experience as it were. Not that he blamed her for feeling that way at all but it did mean he wasn't quite sure how to help her. It was an odd feeling, to feel so gods damned helpless all of the time about something like this.

The Force might have helped him to feel her mood but he didn't think that was actually required - he could already feel her mood and it didn't make it any easier to actually try and help her. Still, it seemed that just being here was doing something for her, just knowing that he was alright helped to calm her.

"I'm here with you and we're both alright..." he assured her quietly, "Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself Reiel. I'll be here when you come back from wherever it is you need to go, remember that yeah?"

Then she asked the question.

They both knew she had a pretty good idea and they both knew that she was just seeking a confirmation rather than anything else. This wasn't her asking him to confirm something she didn't know, this was her asking him to confirm what she suspected. Feared to some extent. He sighed slightly as his free hand ran through his own hair for a second before he spoke.

"A Sith Lord." he admitted at length, "We're not sure if it was just one of them or if it was something ordered by their government as a whole."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

His assurance only prompted more tears from Reiel, but they were borne out of sheer relief and gratitude. For Carrick to be telling her that she had a place to return to, other than her clan's, other than her Dad... She couldn't ask more of her sorcerer but he delivered anyway.

"I... T-Thank you," she sobbed softly against his chest. "Thank you, C-Carrick. I-I love– I l-love... y..."

Her words, her confession they both knew long before this tragedy struck, were cut off by even more sobs – these ones louder than the last. Despite the grief she felt she knew that she still had a lot to be grateful for. That she had these strong, capable men – her father and grandfather, and Carrick – in her life. That she was lucky to have met them. Men she would protect and who would protect her as well. Relief clashed with agony, and all Reiel could do was cry and sob and hold her sorcerer as if her life depended on it.

She gritted her teeth in anger when he confirmed her and her uncle's suspicions. Reiel didn't even attempt to hide her fury as she lifted her gaze to look up at Carrick, honey brown eyes blazing with cold rage. Shoulders tensing, her grip on his clothing tightened, turning her knuckles white.

There were no screams, no keening wails... even her sobs abated as she gazed up at her sorcerer.

"Blood for blood," she whispered quietly. "My uncle lay broken, dead, somewhere on the planet below us. That Sith Lord might hold someone dear to them. Maybe they don't. Either way I will collect what's due. I will kill them with my bare hands – with my teeth ripping out their throat if I have to."

Reiel averted her gaze, her hold on Carrick loosening until her hands were on her lap. They were shaking, visibly so – the product of the identity of her uncle's killer revealed and the words she just spoke. Her vision blurred again with tears.

Her, killing the Sith Lord who razed Firrerre to the ground?

Out of everyone who knew her Reiel knew herself best. She knew her chances of facing her uncle's killer in combat was slim, let alone her chances of coming out of that fight alive. Mandalorians were trained to kill even Force-sensitives, but she knew her own capabilities. There was a chance that she could do it, but not in her state. Maybe there won't even be a chance. And while she was prepared to fight to the death she knew she couldn't– wouldn't do it.

She wasn't afraid of death. What Reiel was afraid of was leaving those she loved behind.

Her tears began anew, body wracked with sobs once more. Reiel hugged herself, leaning into Carrick's chest as she sobbed fresh tears onto his chest.

"But I can't... I can't! Not now; maybe not ever! I shouldn't even be here... I was supposed to be down there instead, buried beneath the rubble. I was supposed to be the one who died down there, but Dell– Uncle Dell, he–"

"He pushed me out of the way! I was the one supposed to die but he took my place! And it scares me until now to even think, what if? What if he hadn't made it in time? What if we both died in there?"

She wiped her tears with both hands but to no effect.

"I do not fear death, Carrick," she said helpessly through her tears. "What I'm afraid of is– is me leaving Dad behind. Grandpa. The clan." Reiel looked up at him, eyes wide and shining with tears. "You. I don't– I'm not scared of death, but I'm scared of dying knowing that I will leave behind the people I love. And if I go out there and face the bastard who did this, I just know that I'll die! That's why I can't... I can't go out there to fight, to kill, to die..."

"I don't want to leave you."

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

He didn't quite understand the true weight of significance that she was putting on the fact that he was ensuring she had a home to return to with him but he didn't need to. She felt about it as strongly as she did and that was all that mattered - Carrick himself would gladly have a home with her and that was his own thoughts on the matter. Perhaps that was what people thought about when it came to love? The idea that someone could be a home as much as a family or a house could be?

Maybe it was.

"I know." he assured her, running his fingertips along the side of her face, collecting some of her tears and wiping them away, "Don't ever doubt that you have a place with me, Reiel... because there's no doubt in my mind that I want you by my side."

It was... strange.

How he was able to speak words he didn't think he'd ever actually mean and, yet, actually mean them this time. Curious how life changed people and what they thought they would be able to do. He had never really considered the idea that he would be able to enjoy another's company like this but Reiel had done her absolute best to break that out of him.

It was against every step of the training he had received from the Jedi but as he looked down into her eyes he could see her anger and her hate and he could understand it. He could feel it on a level that he seldom ever had for things that had ever happened in his own life.

"Reiel... look at me."

Looking her in the eyes, his own eyes changed ever so slightly. A slightly yellow tint came and went within the space of a second or two. Long enough for her to notice but not lingering overly long. Cupping her cheek with his hand, he leaned down slowly to capture her lips in a soft kiss.

"More than most people would... I understand." he assured her softly, "I can feel it with the Force. The way you feel and why you feel it and I feel it too - my heart and yours beat in tandem when I connect to you. And I..."

His voice caught, just ever so slightly, for a moment before he continued onward.

"I don't want to lose you. What we need to do is to make ourselves, our Home, unassailable. A... a suit of beskar around our Home." he brushed aside another tear, "Will you help me do that Reiel? We... we will have to do things we might not like but if the end result is that this? This cannot touch us and ours ever again... isn't it worth it?"

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

Spoiler: Theme

There were so many things Reiel still couldn't comprehend about the galaxy. So many concepts, behaviors, why things like this existed and why something like that had to disappear forever. She was just an insignificant speck in the galaxy, in the grand scheme of things, and she would have been content to stay like that. To simply live for her clan, for her father and grandfather, for the brothers and sisters she made among her people, and for her uncle who lay dead on the world that burned beneath her.

She would have been content to remain and fade away into obscurity, but the words spoken to her by her beloved sorcerer made a huge part of her protest against her desire to remain the same insignificant speck she had considered herself to be.

He wanted her by his side, and the conviction in his voice shattered and remade her soul anew. The hands that held her, the touch that wiped away her tears burned and yet she wanted more. She didn't want him to relinquish his hold. He could crush her in his arms and she would've thanked him for it.

There was no way she could have known that the grief she currently felt would make her love for him burn even fiercer than she'd ever anticipated.

Alarm crossed her face when she saw the briefest flash of yellow against those pale blue eyes, her concern soon drowned out when Carrick cupped her cheek and bestowed the softest kiss upon her lips.

There once was a time when she regretted not being a Force-sensitive like him. But now, feeling the way he connected to her on a much deeper level, she cast away her regret and just let herself drown in his voice, in the way he felt, and the sound of their hearts beating in time with each other.

In her grief, she felt him feel the way she felt for him. He didn't need to say the words, even if she wanted to hear them so badly. The way his voice slightly wavered, his confession about not wanting to lose her. It was both too much and enough at the same time.

In another life, she would've vowed to him that she would die for him. In another time she would gladly embrace death for him.

In this life, however, Carrick didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her, would not want her dead. And she wanted – needed – the same. She would do anything to keep him safe. Anything to make him happy.

She would do anything to keep her Home safe.

"I have changed my mind about being dead," she whispered, leaning into his touch, placing one small hand over his that cupped her cheek. "I will be alive. Your home, for as long as you want me to or forever."

She leaned up to kiss him on the forehead, another tear rolling down her cheek.

"We are one when together."

A kiss to the tip of his nose.

"We are one when apart."

A soft kiss to his lips.

"I will do anything with you to keep our Home safe. They'll never touch us again. I've lost my Uncle, but this will stop now. I will not lose anyone I love again. No more."

She mustered a smile – beautiful and both light and dark – for him through her tears.

"I don't want to lose you. And I will do anything, everything, so you won't lose me. Whatever it is that's needed to be done – it will be worth it as long as we can keep our Home safe."

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

Since he had been trained as a Jedi, Carrick had always known that he could be responsible for others. If he had stayed as a Jedi they would have expected him to be responsible for, to a greater or lesser extent, the lives of the entire Galaxy - at least when it came to the dangers of the Sith. He hadn't wanted any part of that agenda at the time because he didn't feel as though they had integrated into the Galaxy well enough for that to actually mean something. When he had been made into the Senator for a planet he had been given responsibility for billions of lives in a slightly indirect way - the same could be said about when he became the Secretary of Defense for the ISC. People looked to him to safeguard them so he had a responsibility to protect them, to save them. He currently had the safety, the lives, of hundreds of billions of people linked to him and he hadn't really felt like it was anything more than a measure of his success.

Hearing that Reiel was going to live because of him? For him? It did things that those sheer numbers could not manage even after years because he felt both this weight he hadn't been able to identify leaving his chest - while another settled on his shoulders. A weight off of his heart but something for him to shoulder without any whisper of complaint because why would he? He would carry that responsibility for Reiel's life until she felt ready to carry it herself again.

"I can't carry on for you, Reiel, but I can carry you." he assured her quietly, "You can count on that."

Every word was something wrapping tighter and tighter around his heart and lungs but it felt, euphoric rather than painful. It felt like a kind of panic that he had never actually gotten to experience before and felt so liberating in the same moment that it felt so restricting. Did it make any kind of sense? Not really but he didn't really want to make sense of it so much as he wanted to give it a name.

He knew it's name.

"Reiel."

Carrick cupped her cheek and tried to speak before he lost the words for a second. Taking his time, he looked to one side for a moment as he explained himself a little better.

"You'll need to listen closely to this, alright? Because we both know that I'm... not good with things like this."

Understatement really but he pushed on.

"So you might not hear it as often as some others might tell people but I... I want you to know it too."

He looked her right in the eyes and, with his voice quietening, he spoke the name of the feeling currently tightly wound within his chest.

"Reiel I love you."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

She meant every word she spoke to him, and in a sense it felt as if a weight she had been carrying for far too long was finally eased off of her chest. He knew that she loved him, and she had just revealed to him the extent of what she truly felt for him. She supposed that it was the way Mandos loved, but she immediately scratched the thought.

This was not Reiel Mal of Clan Crowholde who professed her love for Carrick. This wasn't even Reiel Mal of Chalacta who was born to the merchant family of the Avons, the previously unknown biological family Wulfric Crowholde had painstakingly tracked down so he could learn of his adopted child's roots, nor was this Reiel Mal of Sorgan raised by ex-pirates who turned their lives for the better.

She was just Reiel, whose love for Carrick was genuine and pure.

The small Mandalorian mustered another smile for him as she nodded gratefully to his assurance. He didn't need to promise her things she would do for him nor would she ask him to live solely for her. He didn't need to carry on for her, but to assure her that she could count on him to carry her?

She squeezed his hand softly before pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

"I know," she whispered back, smiling through her tears. "And I will."

Reiel watched Carrick as silence fell momentarily between them. He seemed to be pondering about something, flashes of emotions gleaming in his eyes but they moved from one feeling to another before she could pinpoint what they were. So she kept her silence, lips still pressed to his knuckles until they were wet by her tears. Something about him changed when he spoke her name and cupped her cheek, and her free hand laid upon his chest – the beat of his heart thrumming against her palm – when he briefly averted his gaze. When he began to speak again he had immediately commanded her attention, and so she sat still on her perch on his lap, listening attentively to what he wanted to tell her.

Reiel knew what Carrick wanted to tell her long before he could reach that final stage. She knew it in the way his heart beat faster against her fingers, and in the way he told her that he wanted for her to know the feelings he felt for her.

She was already crying seconds before he told her that he loved her, too.

It felt so good to hear the words she spoke for him to come out of his own mouth, out of his own free will. It soothed the pain her grief caused her, and if Dell's spirit was here? She knew her uncle would be happy for her.

Reiel cried, but this time her tears didn't speak of grief. She had longed to hear Carrick say those words back to her, and while she held true to her word about not pushing nor squeezing it out of him it didn't mean that she'd agonized about wanting– needing to hear those three words. She nodded at him, understanding all too well his explanation prior to his confession, and accepting them wholeheartedly like she did when she realized that she had fallen in love with him.

Hearing those three, precious words made her unrepentant – shamelessly so – of the fact that she had just cited the translation of the first half of the wedding vows of Mandalorians to him. She didn't say them so she could consider herself wed to him, no. She spoke them as a promise that her thoughts and love would always be with him regardless of the distance between them.

"Carrick, my sorcerer," she said in between quiet sobs, hands reaching up to cup his cheeks. She gently lowered his face to hers so she could softly press her forehead to his. The smile she gave him resembled the bright ones she always gave him, and even though it was shadowed by her grief it still shone true. "My dearly beloved sorcerer..."

She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them once again to meet the pale blue eyes she loved the most. And, as if this would be the first time she'd confess her feelings for him, said,

"I love you, too."

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

They were alone in this moment and he would have it no other way.

For a moment, perhaps less than a moment, they were alone without the spectre of her loved one's death. Of course, she had not forgotten him and she never would but for the briefest instance of time it felt like the two of them were detached from the emotions and the worries of the rest of the Galaxy. It was a rather novel feeling for someone connected to the Force and, through it, all of creation and life throughout the Galaxy.

She had figured out what he was trying to communicate long before he was actually able to say the words and this was entirely unsurprising for the young politician. He might have a way with words but she was someone who knew her emotions far better than he knew or understood his own. She had come to a similar conclusion to the one he was only just now coming to terms with well enough to name so it stood to reason that she knew what to look out for.

In his mind the moment would have probably been enhanced had he known for certain that there was no doubt her tears were entirely happy. As it was, the situation they found themselves in gave him a genuine concern that it might be rather bittersweet for her. Losing someone so close to her and yet having him finally able to admit to feeling the same way that she felt toward him.

Because he knew her feelings on the matter long ago.

"I know..." he whispered softly in return with the beginnings of a soft smile tugging at his lips, "And I think you've known about my own feelings for some time... about time I caught up right?"

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Reiel Mal Crowholde]

It was bittersweet indeed, grief and love mingling with each other as she embraced the man she loved. But Reiel had always been more adept at handling and knowing her emotions, more careful and considerate when untangling one feeling from another so she couldn't mistake one from another. She had always been this way since she was a kid, and she knew that it would never change. Even as the cold, grasping hands of grief refused to let go she acknowledged it, knowing that it would only hurt her further down the line if she ignored it in favor of basking in the love Carrick offered her.

She let out a soft chuckle at his words, the smile on his face and the way he looked at her giving her the strength she needed to deal with her emotions.

Dell is dead.

I know. What are you doing?

Grieving for him.

Then why are you feeling love, of all things, alongside grief?

Isn't grief love, though? The kind of love that perseveres?

She wouldn't have it any other way, though. Hearing Carrick tell her that he loved her, even if the words were said in the aftermath of her loved one's death. It made her see even more clearly that she and her feelings were valued and respected, and it made her understand the grief she felt even further. She was allowed to mourn the loved one she lost, and at the same time she was also allowed to be grateful of the love that were still present in her life.

She would be okay. She knew she would. It was what Dell would have wanted. He would let her grieve, but he wouldn't have wanted for her to stay that way forever. He knew, out of everyone in the clan, that she loved him as much as she loved her father, grandfather, and Kiva. She knew Dell believed in her ability to overcome this, because he knew that she would never be alone.

"I have." Reiel gazed up at Carrick with a smile. "In the way you speak to me. In the way you hold me, and in the way you say my name. And in the way you look at me now when I'm at my lowest."

She kissed him softly, the grief in her heart untangling itself from the love she felt for her sorcerer.

"Thank you for being here with me, Carrick."

@Nefieslab

 

[Carrick]

She didn’t need to prove that she had known about his true feelings towards her before he could acknowledge them himself but she did so anyway – he let her rather than trying to cut her off at all. Sure, it might be a little bit embarrassing to have someone know his own emotional state better than himself but he also rather liked it. Having someone who knew him better than the front he put up to everyone else was an enlightening and, slightly, liberating experience.

He didn’t think he had ever felt it before, when he was a Jedi and she was certainly the first person to see through his front when he was acting as a politician.

Part of him worried that he was leaving himself exposed, that being this open to her meant that his guard was open and she could exploit that. With his guard so lowered when it came to her, when the knife came he wouldn’t be able to defend himself and she would be able to twist it deeply but… well… he wasn’t certain that the knife was ever going to come.

It felt like relief and it felt a bit like disbelief.

“You’ve been with me the whole way so far, Reiel. I think it’s best if we kept on making the journey together don’t you? That means I’m going to walk with you every step of the way."

Spoiler: OOC

Want to maybe call this one here to keep it snappy and hitting hard?

@Forsythe Crowholde