Ask Things You Don't Forget

[Maura Starwalk]

A lot had happened in the past week.

On their way to someplace else, she, Wax, and Tazlen had answered a distress call from a station in the middle of nowhere. Quin was there too, and some Ishi Tib she never learned the name of. It was creepy, horrific, and the source of constant nightmares since she'd stumbled back onto their ship. She wished they'd never arrived. With her whole being, she wished everyone - even the Sith - had ignored that damn distress call and continued on their way. Maybe if they had, Wax would still be with them. Maybe if they had, that Ishi Tib wouldn't have given his life only to returned into some puppet that haunted her in her sleep. She wouldn't have had to riffle through a dead man's things in the hopes of finding out who he was.

Veer. His name was Veer, and finding his family was a task beyond the padawan because it seemed he had no immediate family left. Using what meager savings she had from her allowance, the padawan had packed up his things as neatly as she could and sent it off to a private investigator to find his family. Spare clothes, a portrait of his family, his id, and a little note from Maura that called him brave and offered her condolences. The note did not describe his death. His family didn't need to know that his last moments were nothing but pain, and no one had tried to save him. It was handwritten as neatly as the girl could write, and she did not sign her name. (@Altaris)

Of course, Maura had only sent the package on its way the day prior. Not even 24 hours after they returned to Yavin, the Sith had laid waste to her home and driven her and the Jedi out. Grief on top of grief, guilt on top of guilt. She felt so useless, so powerless to help or stop anything.

Now, a week later, she sat in a room on Brighthome alongside the other two she'd fled with, Tazlen and Quin. There were still light bruises on her face, especially along her cheekbones, and a rigid bandage was laid over the girl's broken nose to keep it in place while it healed. Dark circles hung under her dark eyes, and her blonde roots were showing more than ever. Maura twiddled her thumbs and played with her fingers while her leg bounced up and down, up and down, waiting for someone to speak. There was a lot the girl could say, and a lot she wanted to say, but the usually talkative teen had said very little since arriving here after Yavin.

tags: @Sreeya @Sicadorito

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Alex stared out into the space surrounding Brighthome. The quiet solitude letting her mind wonder. Her path forward was uncertain. Her future covered by a dark shroud. Would the Clone army save the galaxy? Or would it further push the Jedi towards the brink of destruction. She did not know…but she had asked for these burdens. She had promised she could bear them. By the Force did they weigh heavy on her shoulders. Alex’s eyes hardened while she stared. Her back would not bend. She would show strength. Her mind snapped back to attention. The familiar twang of the Force bond vibrating. Maura. For a few long days the girl had been missing. Only the strength of their bond assuring Alex the girl was alive. Her apprentice had returned in mostly one piece. Maura needed her…that much was clear.

The Morellian Jedi had to stop herself from speeding forward with the Force. She walked calmly towards her Padawan. Taking a deep breath to steady her heart. Maura was fine. She knew that. Alex swept into the room, her gaze falling quickly on Tazlen and Quin. “Oh Maura.” Her feet carried her the rest of the distance, squatting down to meet the young Jedi at eye level. “It doesn’t look so bad.” She smiled sadly. “Are you okay?” She stayed low. Turning to look at Tazlen and Quin. “Thank you for getting her here safely. Truly.” She knew Tazlen had been on Yavin…Maura too for a short time. "I know the challenges we have all faced lately."

“Can someone tell me what happened?” Her voice was soft, gentle. She was thankful Maura was safe and mostly seemed okay. The rest would revel itself in time.

@Sreeya @lizziie @Sicadorito

 

[Quin Leonkri]

There was a certain irony to a station called Brighthome that, in the moment, neither seemed bright nor like home. It was too soon for it to feel that way. The Jedi had lost their home on Yavin, and Quin hadn’t been there to defend it. That was why he, Maura, and Tazlen were here anyway, instead of back there.

He pondered over the thought, occasionally glancing at the others but not wanting to meet their eyes. He didn’t like seeing the injuries and bruises on either of their faces, especially Maura. He’d promised Tazlen and Wax that he would keep her safe, but it was her who’d carried him out of that room after the Ishi Tib had given his life for them. He hadn’t even been able to stop the monster from using his body as a puppet to track her down, and it was only through more sacrifices that they were able to get out alive.

He felt… useless.

When the grandmaster came over, Quin tried his best to look presentable. However, as he tried to straighten up he couldn’t help taking in a sharp breath as he felt a sharp jab in his chest. The broken ribs had gotten better since that day on the station, but still weren’t completely healed. He watched quietly as Grandmaster Voran spoke first to Maura before turning to him and Tazlen, thanking them for getting her here safely. He didn’t know what to say to that.

Then, she asked about what had happened. With an effort, he tried to come up with an answer. “There was a distress signal, so we answered. It turned out a couple Sith did, too. We split up in the hangar, though. Maura, I, and— and an Ishi Tib went down to some kind of lab, and we fought this thing that wanted her.” He hated that he still didn’t know his name. “It was too strong for us, so we had to leave. The Ishi Tib decided to stay, and he was the only reason we had a chance of getting out. After that…” He trailed off, looking to Tazlen and hoping he could finish up the rest of the story. He only had a faint idea of what the others had faced and what had happened in that center room. Whatever it was, he only wished he could have done more.

@Sreeya @lizziie @Valen Pelora

 

[Tazlen Axil]

Tazlen, actually, did not feel useless. He had his face completely smashed up, had veneers set in to replace his teeth, one of which was a prized fang. His nose had to be reconstructed and his face still bore the marks of his injuries. Directly after that he was thrown into combat against Vahliri, one which he had been winning but had to abandon because the planet was lost. He didn’t feel useless because through it all, he knew he did done his best and nothing could take that from him.

His breathing still had a bit of a whistle to it from having it smashed. Tazlen stared blankly at the Grandmaster that spared no concern for the two Knights, both of whom were savagely injured during the ordeal, and instead moved to coddle her own apprentice as if she were a toddler. Those that knew Taz a bit better knew he harbored little love for the Grandmaster he considered to be an emotional basketcase.

“I’m glad we’re all okay,” Taz said as he looked over to smile at Quin and give him a nod, “Maura acted fast on her feet and performed exceptionally under pressure and without guidance.”

He stayed silent as the other Knight relayed the mission. His face scrunched in confusion for a moment as he looked up.

“I understand that man wielded the Force and was a powerful user of it. He wielded the Light when you two were in the chambers below, correct?” Tazlen asked Maura and Quin, “I wonder if he was a Jedi at one point.”

@Valen Pelora @Sicadorito @lizziie

 

[Maura Starwalk]

Maura looked up when her master entered the room, relief hitting her like a brick. She wanted nothing more than to stand up and hug her, but she didn't. She already felt a twinge of embarrassment having Alex worry over her in front of the others, and running over to hug her wouldn't help that situation.

Quin began to recall the events from his point of view, and Tazlen tagged on afterward. When he mentioned her, her ears twitched. She was surprised that Tazlen thought she'd done well, especially when all she could think about was where she'd failed.

"Yeah," she answered him, chewing on her words for a second before she spoke. "He had a lightsaber, but he never answered me when I asked his name." She really wished he had, then maybe she could remember him better for what he did. Still, her memory was burned with the image of that thing and the sound of its voice after it had taken over the Ishi Tib's body.

Maura was quiet for a few moments longer, than spoke up again. "Wax didn't make it out." She, Quin, and Taz? They were okay. Now, at least. But Wax? Veer? The Ishi Tib? Wasn't it a Jedi's job to save everyone they could? Instead of doing that, she'd run away, and instead of going back to look for Wax, they'd just...left him. She wished she could blame it on the Sith, but really, how could she? She didn't even know what they'd gone off to do.

"There were Sith there too." She didn't say anything about Tazlen coming back with them, because she had no idea what had happened there. The blind one, she remembered, had been carrying him back. Which seemed...so un-Sith-like.

tags: @Valen Pelora @Sicadorito @Sreeya

 

[Alexandria Voran]

Drow. She stood slowly. The pieces in her mind clicking into place. “His name was Drow Venn.” She had not heard from since they spoke on Ifrane. His presence in the Force strangely missing. She had hoped it was her own blindness that kept her from seeing him. He had often closed himself off when the moment called for it. She shook her head slowly. Another friend gone. Her closest friend gone…right before his chance to return.

“He was a former Jedi Master and a good man.” Waxillium lost with him. “I am sorry about Waxillium. The galaxy is worse for the loss of them both.” The Force tested them all in different ways. “There are no easy answers for what the three of you faced…or the losses you suffered.” She could hardly believe Drow was gone.

“Greif is part of life, and we mourn those taken too soon but we must carry on.” Alex turned to look at each of them. “And work to honor their memories.” It sounded as if Drow had died a hero. That’s what he would have wanted. “The healers are on their way here, to look at all of you. There will be Knight you can describe the encounter to when you are ready.” She needed to inform the Council that Drow was dead. Kaisa ran the Shadows, but they deserved to know. “Be safe.”

@Sreeya @Sicadorito @lizziie

 

[Quin Leonkri]

Quin gave a half-smile back at Tazlen at the other knight’s gesture. He brought up a good question about the Ishi Tib’s identity as well, which Maura added to, bringing up Wax’s sacrifice as well. Too many had been made that day, he thought. And he would never get the chance to thank them.

However, the Grandmaster seemed to know who the man was. Drow Venn. The least Quin could do— and would do— was to remember his name after all he’d given. When Alex turned to look at him, he would give her a nod to acknowledge her words. He could see the truth in them, but it didn’t do much to fill in the hollowness he felt about that day on the station.

“Thank you, Master Voran. We will.” He cleared his throat quietly, ignoring the ache in his chest that he’d gotten used to over the past week. “You really should be proud of Maura, by the way. Tazlen’s right.” He smiled briefly at Maura before turning to the other knight.

“How are you feeling? Gotten any better?”

@Sreeya @lizziie @Valen Pelora

 

[Tazlen Axil]

As soon as the Grandmaster left, Tazlen walked over and slumped into a seat, “I got messed up pretty bad,” He answered Quin, shaking his head, “It was actually a Sith that dragged me out of there,” He gave a scoff, shaking his head, “One of those enemy of my enemy type deals.”

He stared ahead of himself for a moment, “I am living with my choices.”

Tazlen went quiet for a moment before he spoke again, “I was supposed to be on that elevator with Wax and the mercenary. I stepped out last second because I wanted to go back for other survivors,” His jaw tightened, “Neither of the two men came back…”

He would carry that with him forever, that split second decision. Could he have prevented Wax’s death? Could he have been there to keep all three together so all of them could have come back alive? Or would he have died with them? They could piece together the rest of the story, but they’d never know what happened with Wax or why Veer was sent crashing down the elevator shaft.

“The Sith that killed the mercenary is the one that carried me away from the monsters,” Tazlen sighed, “The Force likes to play cruel tricks on us all.”

He looked at Maura, giving her a weary smile, “We are exactly where we are meant to be. Right here. Right now. Surviving and carrying forward. The memories will stay with you, but you’ve come out stronger.”

@lizziie @Sicadorito

 

[Maura Starwalk]

"Drow Venn." His name felt familiar in the same way the name of an older padawan might feel familiar to her. Maybe she'd heard it passing conversations in the temple halls, or read it glancing over a list of masters in some book or database. But she didn't know anything about him other than what she saw of him in that cursed outpost. "A good man." Was he a ghost somewhere out there then? Could he see her now - her and Quin, the two who had left him behind - just watching them from behind the veil of the Force? Did he resent her for choosing to leave him behind? "I was going to either way." It was just... coincidence that he had been willing to stay behind and sacrifice himself.

It turned out her master had better things to do. Maura didn't blame her. "She's a busy woman." But as the grandmaster left the room, she... didn't feel any better. And she most definitely didn't want to talk to some knight about what had transpired there. There were two already in the room, and she decided none of them needed another. As soon as the door clicked shut behind Alex, Maura got up and twisted the lock into place.

The girl wandered back to sit down as Tazlen began to talk, prompted by Quin. She listened and said nothing, sitting still and quiet in her seat until she was addressed. Her eyes traveled from the floor to meet Tazlen's gaze and lingered there for several moments after he finished. She wrung her hands - twisting her fingers and the palms of her hands around like a fidget toy - and spoke after a few more seconds.

"I found out who he was, the mercenary," she said, her voice just above a whisper. "But I couldn't find his family, so I gave his stuff to someone who said they'd find his family and send it to him. I thought, maybe..." Maura trailed off, interrupted by a stop in her throat as she tried to keep the tears at bay. She wasn't strong like Taz or Quin. She was trying to be, but it was hard. "Maybe that would make up for me leaving the Ish- Drow behind."

The girl pulled her sleeve up to her hand and used it to wipe the welled-up tears in her eyes, shame burning red on her face. "I was gonna leave him down there," she continued, turning to Quin. "After it threw me, all I could think about was that I didn't want to die. And that if I tried to fight it, I would die." Her voice dropped down to a whisper. "I was going to leave him anyway."

Of course, Quin already knew this. She'd dragged up halfway to the stairs before he'd tried to go back, stopping only because Drow shouted them away.

"I know that's not what Jedi are supposed to do, but- but-" Her voice broke. "I was so scared. It wanted me, I could feel it. And even though- it- I-" The memory of it reaching out to her surfaced - a literal and metaphorical nightmare. She couldn't even describe it. The way it reached out to her. The way she knew something was wrong but just couldn't stop herself from reaching back. The way it filled her with such horror she couldn't even move...

Maybe if she'd been stronger. "I don't feel stronger," she mumbled.

tags: @Sreeya @Sicadorito

 

[Quin Leonkri]

“Huh.” A Sith, saving a Jedi after killing a mercenary. They really were unpredictable. However, the news that a third life was lost caused a lump to form in Quin’s throat. What could they have done differently to prevent it? But if they’d changed things… would any of the original group have gotten out in the first place? What Taz said was true, that they were where they were meant to be. Battered, but alive. It was the will of the Force, as much as Quin didn’t want to accept it.

Then Maura brought up how she’d done some research about the mercenary, saying that she’d gotten his belongings sent to his family.

“You did all you could, given the circumstances. I’m sure his family will appreciate all you’ve done for them,” he said quietly, reaching over to place a gentle hand on her shoulder as she reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes. He let her go on, about her guilt for leaving Drow behind, echoing much of his own thoughts at the time.

“I know there are things you would have wanted to do differently. I feel the same way.” He swallowed. He didn’t know how he was supposed to reassure Maura about Drow when he couldn’t even do it for himself, yet he didn’t want to see her blaming herself. “But you didn’t just run away. You came back for me. You didn’t have to.” He looked at the floor for a moment before glancing at the other knight. “You helped Taz get to the ship too, even though the monsters were behind you. It’s what a Jedi would do.”

@Sreeya @lizziie

 

[Tazlen Axil]

Tazlen smiled sadly after Maura spoke, “Everyone fears death, Maura,” He explained, “I feared it and even I ran when I was overwhelmed in that room with the Sith. Jedi doesn’t mean you can’t be human or have fears. Being a Jedi means you process your traumas and work through them like you are doing now,” He said, “That is how you are stronger.”

He thought about Yavin, staring at the ground, “There will always be losses and hardships. We are Jedi, yes, but we are also individuals and our own persons. We have our own fears, our own likes or dislikes,” Tazlen looked back at Maura and Quin both, “But we will have each other. None of us should ever feel alone in this. Even in the darkest of times, even if you think you have nowhere to turn, you always have someone in the Jedi Order. Help will always be there for those who ask.”

@lizziie @Sicadorito

 

[Maura Starwalk]

Maura listened to Quin speak, and then Taz. In a sort of self-destructive kind of way, she wanted them to be wrong. She wanted to feel bad about not being able to save Drow, or Veer, but... it just wasn't working. Quin reminded her that she'd gone back for him, and Tazlen was adamant that she was stronger because she could admit her fears. Maura didn't want to feel bad, so slowly, she began shutting those self-destructive thoughts away. It was never her nature to dwell on the past, so it wasn't all too difficult for her to start looking forward again.

Of course, that wasn't to say she feel anything but down at that moment, but she could see the logic in what they were saying.

At the mention of losses, Maura too went back to staring at the ground. "Yavin." Their home. It was certainly a loss to lose one's home. But it was comforting knowing that the Jedi had survived. Her master was alive; her friends were alive. Even if they didn't get along all the time, Maura was sure she could go to Ruzaan for help if she needed to.

"Why do you think that Sith carried you back?" It was perplexing, especially when that same Sith had ignited a lightsaber in between Veer's eyes. She had talked to a Sith once, after Onderon. She was pretty sure he would've tried to kill her if he hadn't been strapped to the hospital bed. Her face twisted up, annoyance crossing her features at the memory. She still couldn't understand why someone would be Sith.

tags: @Sicadorito @Sicadorito

 

[Quin Leonkri]

To Quin’s relief, Maura seemed to take in what he and Taz were saying. He knew that it couldn’t have been easy, but he was glad that she could see that both of them had her back. Tazlen’s words comforted him as well. They’d all had to make decisions they may not have liked, but they had each other to rely on and a future ahead of them. A weight had been lifted off his chest.

At Maura’s question to Taz, Quin couldn’t help thinking of the times Sith had helped him. On Corellia, one had even helped him carry Laeo to safety, and another had taken on a group of street thugs with him. On the other hand… being on the receiving end of their lightning felt like being burned from the inside out, and he’d been subject to that more than once. He didn’t condone the atrocities that they committed, but he had to admit that they were more complicated than he’d originally thought. Still, from what he knew most only did good things for their own benefit.

“It is a little out of character for a Sith,” he agreed, glancing at Taz. “Was there something you helped them with?” They had to have gotten something out of saving him… or if that wasn’t the case, he would have to rethink a lot.

@Sreeya @lizziie