Vannon Sage

[Sage]

Name: Vannon Sage
Age: 23
Species: Human
Homeworld: Coruscant
Gender: Male
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 197 lbs.
Eye Color: Brown
Hair: Black, straight, easily spiked.
Faction: None
Rank: Force Adept
Dominant Hand: Fully Ambidextrous
Strength: Fairly Strong, wins a Majority of Arm Wrestling Matches. 7/10
Dexterity: Extremely Acrobatic, quick on his feet. 10/10
Endurance: Conditioned, refuses to give up. 8/10
Intelligence: Can hold his own in a battle of wits. 7/10
Charisma: Okay people person. 7/10
Wisdom: He's no Confucius, but fairly wise. 5/10​

Skills:
Hand to Hand: Proficient in Martial arts, when unarmed he practices Jeet Kun Do.
Acrobatics: Was renowned for his ability to Jump, Flip, Spin, basically has achieved almost anything one can do with their body.
Sword Form: He is proficient with one blade, but finds himself much more comfortable with two. He uses his blades to flow with the movements of his body, aims towards grace, technique, and being precise with his movements rather than brute strength.

History (Strengths and Weaknesses):
Vannon was raised in a small apartment found hidden in the slums of Coruscant. His family was poor and struggled to survive where they were. He believed he had no choice but to turn to theft so he could be able to help support his family. It was against his values, but he managed to get through it. He also got into many fights as a child, he always enjoyed a good fight, even if he took on more than he could handle. His vulnerability to the force was soon discovered as he had unknowingly met a Jedi in a small Cantina. He was directed to the Jedi Order, but eventually heard of the Ospion Guardians. Finding it a better cause, he quickly applied to be a Padawan.

Equipment:
Weapons:
Dual Vibroblades, small indents in the handle to fit his grip.
Clothing: Whatever he can get his hands on, however he strives to look civilized.
Armor: Normally his clothing, poor budget limits him to bare necessities.

Personality (Strengths and Weaknesses):
Vannon is a very down to earth person. He remains calm no matter the situation even if he knows winning will be complicated. His main strength is his cunning, he knows how people work, growing up and analyzing the worst of them. His main weakness is that he overestimates himself, often taking on more than he can handle.

 

[Ares]

It's an "okay" profile... I would expand on his history, seperate the "Personality" section from the "Strengths and Weaknesses" section, and try and balance the stats a little more.. But those are only suggestions.

Other than that, good profile. =)

 

[Gambler]

Strength: Fairly Strong, wins a Majority of Arm Wrestling Matches. 7/10
Dexterity: Extremely Acrobatic, quick on his feet. 10/10
Endurance: Conditioned, refuses to give up. 9/10
Intelligence: Can hold his own in a battle of wits. 8/10
Charisma: Okay people person. 10/10
Wisdom: He's no Confucius, but fairly wise. 5/10

The stats seem way over powerful. If he is a fairly good people's person then his charisma should be 4 or 5 possibly 6. Your character seems invincible. It's like saying "I am the strongest, fastest, smartest, wisest, toughest and coolest person there is". If you ever heard someone say that, I personally would laugh at them.

For my suggestion: bring the stats down. Seriously so.

He is a 26 year old super athlete who is smarter than a science nerd with the wisdom of a hoard of monks. No... I would say.... no...

Another thing that doesn't fit is his leadership... he stole and committed crimes. What did you do that shows great leadership? How did he become a great leader? Did he lead an army of troops against a force ten times his size or did he just bring three men into the desert and take back the skull of a single raider? The second one is not leadership... just stupidity...

And the Jedi coming into the village wouldn't stay long enough to train him into a super ninja-jedi. It takes years to be able to open up to the Force, much less being able to use powers.

More criticism...

How did he get two lightsabers if he is in the middle of the Dune Sea? What villages are there? How did he become the strongest, fastest, smarted, toughest and wisest man there? How is it possible for him to be perfect with no flaws? You have several paradoxs here. "Doesn't like working with people" "Knows how people's minds work"

I believe that sums up my criticism...

 

[Ser Gregor]

Tatooine isn't a usable planet in this timeline, so you'll have to remove all reference to it in you profile.

 

[Sage]

Alright, I'll fix it.

 

[Dan.]

It's good, but you have to be trained to use a Lightsaber. Trained by a Jedi, for a looong time.

 

[Regret]

It's good, but you have to be trained to use a Lightsaber. Trained by a Jedi, for a looong time.

um no, not really.

 

[Dan.]

um no, not really.

Relatively long, anyway.

 

[Ser Gregor]

Relatively long, anyway.

I've been trained in less than two weeks. It all depends on who your trainer is and how in to it you are.

 

[Sage]

So, would just being a Padawan work? Or would I actually have to have a master for some time?

 

[Dan.]

I've been trained in less than two weeks. It all depends on who your trainer is and how in to it you are.

Two weeks is long realtive to other timespans.

 

[Jiang Winters]

So, would just being a Padawan work? Or would I actually have to have a master for some time?

From what I understand, if you are going to have your character start out at a higher rank than 'Hopeful' in the Jedi Order, you need to get permission from Matt first.

 

[Sage]

And who is that?

 

[Jiang Winters]

He's a Role-Play Admin here. Just follow the link below and you'll find his profile.

Linky to Matt's Profile