Voss Nalar: Bounty Hunter

Tokuhara

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Name: Voss Nalar
Faction: Unaligned
Race: Chiss/Zabrak Hybrid (Genetic Experiment)
Gender: Male
Height: 6'2”
Weight: 175 lbs.
Eye Color: One Red, One Green
Skin Color: Blue
Hair: Midnight Blue
Distinguishing Marks: Chest burn scar from a botched mission on Felucia, Waardenburg syndrome,
Age: 27
Job: Bounty Hunter (Former Imperial Agent)
Credits: 1,000
Home Planet: Vjun (Secret Research Facility of the Chiss Military Scientists behind the Hercules Project)
Force Sensitive: No

Appearance: Voss appears to be a physically-fit, attractive Chiss, but his DNA is a genetic marvel. His core DNA is Chiss, giving him the standard appearance of the Chiss, but his internal organs are more akin to Zabrak, having secondary and tertiary organs where available. Most of his organs have a copies, save for the brain. As well as his genetics, Voss also has extensive cybernetic implants, including reinforced skin, bones, and muscular tissue, making him stronger, faster, and more durable than either a Chiss or a Zabrak alone. His eyes have internal HUD (Heads-Up Display), which allows for droid-like accuracy with automatic targeting and x10 zoom. Even his brain has an expanded memory core allowing for him to not only utilize 100% of his full brain capacity, but have a photographic memory, inhuman reaction time, and extreme tactical analysis, allowing for Voss to be able to out-think his target 50 moves ahead. His bloodstream is also filled with nanites, which not only repair his tissues 500x faster, but also make him immune to disease and conventional poisons. Though many chemicals such as alcohol still affect him, his body processes these chemicals at 40x the rate of a human. His brain has a quick-access download port behind the right ear which allows him to learn new information on weapons, vehicles, etc at a 5 second download speed. His lifespan is estimated to be 10,000x that of a normal Chiss.

Strength: Comparable to a Trandoshan
Dexterity: Extraordinarily Agile
Constitution: Superlative Endurance
Intelligence: Borderline Supercomputer
Wisdom: Very Combat-Aware
Charisma: Silver-Tongued Devil

Talents: Voss is trained in Echani hand-to-hand fighting; Clone weapons & cqc training; Commando tactical training; improvised weapon combat; parkour; anti-jedi training; general vehicular trainings; negotiation & diplomacy training; espionage & counter-intelligence training; security training; police tactics, weapons, & combative training; techology, computer system programming, & droid construction; and is fluent in 50,000 forms of communication. He is also a capable pilot, master of interrogation, and superlative marksman.

Equipment: Chiss Agent Armor or Chiss Military Dress Uniform (Rank-less, with patch of the Shadow Unit, a para-military group who work for the Chiss government. They act above regulations and the law), a pair of gold-plated Westar-34 Blaster Pistols, a x8 scoped titanium-plated DLT-19 Heavy Blaster Rifle, a 4” serrated vibroknife, and a Hold-Out Flechette Pistol

Ship: The Azure Raven: Chiss-Modified YT-2400 Light Freighter with 2 Turbolasers and 2 Ion Cannons. Painted metallic silver with a frost blue stylized raven on the wing.

Strengths and Weaknesses: While the perfect soldier, Voss lacks understanding of emotions. Essentially humorless and unsympathetic, it is hard to tell if his “understanding” is a facade or is genuine.

Background:
Voss was created by the Chiss government to be a prototype supersoldier to replace the clone soldier during the end stages of the Clone Wars. The research was intended to blend DNA of other humanoid sentient people with the Chiss “pedigree.” The project, codenamed the Hercules Project, was nearly two years in development. Spending unimaginable credits and resources, with over a thousand failed subjects, one success was created: Voss Nalar. The child was given advanced training, including contraversial anti-Jedi training and Clone Commando training.
He was soon sent into active duty months after his “birth” as a full-blown adult. He was an instant success for the Shadow Unit, acting as a scout, assassin, and technical expert. Soon however, the Shadow Unit was dissolved following Order 66, leaving Voss unemployed and banned from military service. As a result, Voss became a mercenary, working for whomever paid him the highest. Recently, he was hired by Jabba the Hutt to find why Greedo had failed to kill Captain Solo on Tattooine. Having obtained a large sum of money, Voss now heads towards Nar Shadda, to find a new contract...
 

Raif

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Welcome to the site! Unfortunately, you're going to need to make some edits to this profile. Due tto the timeline we are in Chiss are not an allowed species. Also, im assuming your reference to previously being an Imperial Agent ties to the Imperial Agent class from Star Wars: The Old Republic, which takes place like 12,000 years after what we are doing now.

If you need and help or have any questions you are welcome to pm me, or I strongly recommend checking out some of the advice threads.
 

Jake

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This character is tragically overpowered.

The Chiss haven't been discovered yet, nor does the Empire which I assume you refer to exist.

Cybernetic implants and nanite technology are both in their infancy - all of those random "[x] times better than normal people" will need to be significantly toned down.

A lifespan of 10,000x anything is preposterous. That would have you living from now into the KotOR timeframe - nanites aren't miracle technology, and they don't miraculously make you invulnerable or essentially immortal.

You really should have read the timeline before you made a character profile. We're set thirteen thousand years prior to A New Hope. Jabba the Hutt's great great great great great great great great grandhutt isn't even a notion in his great (x9) grandhutt's mind yet. Assuming his great (x9) grandhutt has been born either.

Your writing is good, but considering the history is at a minimum and barely explaining the character's backstory, plus all of those ridiculous assets, there's no way this character can be used. You've listed no weaknesses at all. Your character could outmatch a Jedi Master effortlessly and school Yoda and Mace Windu with his feet while he did so.

50,000 forms of communication? Really?

Hopefully you're not going to leave the site just because of this, um, setback, but please, consider brushing up on a forum's lore before you charge willy nilly into the character creation process. Otherwise things like this happen.
 

Potentially

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Hopefully you're not going to leave the site just because of this, um, setback.

Hopefully you're also not going to leave because of my blunt friend here, who I confidently believe is actually twelve years old.

The character just needs a few touches for realism, and chiss apparently aren't discovered yet so that needs to be changed. Also, I'm not sure there are 50,000 forms of communication yet. You may want to remove most of the talents as well.
 

Horizon

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Hopefully you're also not going to leave because of my blunt friend here, who I confidently believe is actually twelve years old.

The character just needs a few touches for realism, and chiss apparently aren't discovered yet so that needs to be changed. Also, I'm not sure there are 50,000 forms of communication yet. You may want to remove most of the talents as well.

Nevermore is certainly not twelve..
 

Dread

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Hopefully you're also not going to leave because of my blunt friend here, who I confidently believe is actually twelve years old.

:CAbove That was really not needed.

I agree with Nevermore. Hopefully you'll stick around still, and be able to make the changes. Took me awhile to get to use the timeline etc when I just started, too.
 

Will

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Listen to Nevermore. Though blunt like my face, he is incredibly right about profiles.
 

FallenKeeper

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All that was really needed to help this person fix there character was for a single person to point out all the timeline issues and OP character traits. The Chiss thing has been mentioned twice, so that was about all that was repeated.

Dear sir,

Please refer to The Story link on the forum's main page and look through the top section of links for the information you require. Take into account the above mentioned issues as constructive critiscism and do not be dissuaded by Nevermore's lengthy post which does cover all the points necessary in a quite blatantly direct way. I am sure it was meant to be helpful and not seem rude.
 

Tokuhara

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I realised this a while ago, hence the darksider thread. Actually found a race that fits the bill from Wookieepedia. Will work with the rather odd timeline and feel free to PM me
 

Jake

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Lately my bluntness seems to have been hurting feelings, which it is not supposed to.

So I apologize if that happens. It is sadly how I convey myself.

Hopefully you're also not going to leave because of my blunt friend here, who I confidently believe is actually twelve years old.

The character just needs a few touches for realism, and chiss apparently aren't discovered yet so that needs to be changed. Also, I'm not sure there are 50,000 forms of communication yet. You may want to remove most of the talents as well.

I am actually one-hundred sixty-six, so you are quite off.

This is what my mother said as I was born in that cold spring of 1845:

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
Sorrow for the lost Lenore —
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,—
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

"Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore —
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
 
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