Ask Gifts and Curses

[Arctus Friers]

Yavin IV
EXT – Day

Nothing had prepared him for the overwhelming relief and anxiety he felt when he finally returned to the Jedi Temple on Yavin IV after disappearing without a word.

Arctus had expected to be questioned by any Knights or Masters who noted his disappearance, and maybe even be reprimanded for not telling anybody who might listen. The Padawan was prepared to answer, to explain why he needed to remove himself from the Order to be able to take some time off for himself and maybe even sort out his thoughts and emotions after the failed invasion attempt to this place. Despite the time that passed after that event, the mental scars it left on the Corellian flared the moment he set foot on the Temple.

The first few days after his return, Arctus had been aloof and reserved, dodging any and all inquiry made in public as to why he left. He had no desire to speak about his cycling depression so out in the open. He didn't need anyone's pity, but above all he didn't want to be anyone else's sad discovery. The man would talk, could talk, but only to those who might understand that what he needed the most was a listening ear and not a saint who would take it upon themselves to fix him.

The world's smallest violin
Really needs an audience,

Arctus, like so many poor sods in the galaxy, was a broken man. But he would rather stay broken rather than let a stuck up, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, pretentious prick who would claim to fix him. He wasn't a charity case. The responsibility of fixing himself, of solving his own issues, fell on his hands.

So if he doesn't find somebody soon...

He didn't need pity, or sadness, from other people. He needed only their honesty and sincerity, because that was what he would offer anyone in return.

Indy was one of the Jedi who offered him both. Her words and actions have always been sincere. But she was not here – Arctus didn't even know where she was right now, and her disappearance was one of the burdens he carried. The Padawan was still so convinced that they could help each other with their own, differing grief.

He'll blow up into smithereens–

But she wasn't here. Her acceptance of him a gift, and her disappearance a curse.

She had taught him when she was present. Now there was no one he could trust with his darkest secrets within these temple walls.

(He could always tell Ruzaan and Clove. He couldn't though – at least not yet.)

(When, then?)

–and spew his tiny symphonies–

The Padawan walked down the beaten path towards the plateau where he once sat attending one of Knight Okun's lessons. It had been one of his first real shots at letting an experienced Jedi Knight know about what Master Indyana Sati knew. But the kind Morellian Knight had disappeared, too, off to missions offworld.

Clad in his Padawan garb for the first time in ages, Arctus took in the sight of the treetops below and settled himself on the grass. He'd been taught that meditation helped the mind be at ease, and he hoped that it would do just that.

–all up and down these forest trees–

–while trying to put his mind at ease–

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Arctus Friers had a most interesting file for the Order. Faen found himself captivated by the elder Padawan's experiences. He had been through so much and yet he was still an apprentice. The Jedi Seer didn't know why, but today he'd probably find out. It was his duty as a Seer to help those within the Order that needed it. He'd already been working with another Padawan, Lucifrey Sol, concerning combat, but even the Jedi Knight, Sybella Demici, had requested Faen's skills with the mind.

Boy noticed Arctus before Faen did and barked twice to announce himself and his master to the Padawan. Faen wasn't surprised to find the man meditating, but he wouldn't have any need for it anymore today. The Half-Morellian was wearing dark purple and black robes for this session instead of just straight black robes. On a separate note, the Order had given him several subtle requests to change his wardrobe, but Faen loved darker colors. Besides, he looked good in them anyway.

"Boy, heel." Faen ordered and the Massiff stopped sniffing Arctus and padded his way over to sit at Faen's side. "Sorry, Padawan Friers. He likes to acquaint himself with strangers." He outstretched a hand to shake one of the Padawan's. "I am Knight Faen Akatosh, it's a pleasure to be meeting you." There was a sadness that Faen knew all too well, emanating from Arctus. He wouldn't mention it or try to sympathize, but maybe they'd learn something from each other.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Arctus remained seated for a few moments, brows furrowed as he tried to focus on his meditation. Deep breaths, in and out. The sounds of rustling leaves and birdsong floated all around him, both calming and steadying but at the same time spoke that he was bereft of company atop this plateau–

A bark, followed by another, broke through the Padawan's failing focus. Hazel grey eyes opened, head looking over his shoulder just in time to see a massiff meandering almost cheerfully towards him. A smile crossed Arctus's face as he rose to his feet, meeting the reptilian creature halfway and allowing it to sniff at him. It reminded him of a puppy he once had as a child. The Padawan offered the back of his hand for the massiff to sniff, acquanting himself with the beast.

Arctus looked up at Knight Faen Akatosh as the latter ordered the massiff, named Boy, of all things, to heel. Still smiling at the massiff's curiosity, that same smile would meet the Knight's gaze as the Padawan accepted the offer of a handshake. He waved away the apology good-naturedly, hands itching to give the massiff a good pat or two but restrained himself. There was nothing to be sorry for; the reptilian beast seemed like a good boy and was just trying to be friendly.

"No worries, Master Akatosh," he offered kindly, smile widening at little as he winked at Boy. "He's a good boy."

Boy the good boy. It had a funny but wholesome ring to it.

"The pleasure is mine, Master... and, er, thanks for coming out here to meet me."

A few days prior, the former smuggler had finally gathered both courage and common sense to seek help regarding one of his major problems. He'd found a noticeboard on one of the hallways, laden with notes from other Padawans (a lost training saber here, class schedules there). The Corellian decided to add a note of his own, asking if any Knight or Master would be available to meet him for a private audience. He tagged it as a one on one lesson, and was grateful that the Knight in front of him answered the call.

Arctus stood taller, mustering every ounce of courage he had left so as not to end up retreating back to his own shell. Master Akatosh had heeded his call for help, and he wouldn't waste the Knight's time. The half-Morellian took the time to meet the Padawan, and right now Arctus had no plan backing out of this meeting. Doing so would only betray his desire to seek the help he had been denying himself after Indy's disappearance.

"Master, what do you think of the Dark Side of the Force?"

This wasn't how he wanted to start this meeting, but he needed to know where the Knight stood when it came to Darksiders. And while he wasn't one, Arctus had been forced to listen to the poisoned whispers of the Dark Side long before Indy found him on Onderon, long before he became the woman's Padawan.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Faen was taken aback by the sudden and blatant question Arctus had for him. The Dark Side? What did Arctus think the Jedi Seer stood on this topic? But, this was a topic that had been coming up more and more among the Jedi Order. Surprisingly, there were several that were having trouble keeping dark emotions at bay. So, Faen decided that the best approach to this was to greet it with a smile and simple words.

"What do I think of the Dark Side?..." Faen crouched down and began to trace his fingers through the dirt. "I believe it is it's own beauty of the Force. It keeps those that use it...comfortable and warm...but...it comes with a cost..." The drawing began to look like a great bonfire with a small figure trying to keep it lit. "It always asks for more in return for what it gives. It consumes everything it touches until there is nothing to recover. If it had it's way, it would consume everything until all that was left was the Darkness itself...like fire." Hopefully that small bit of perspective answered the Padawan's question. But now Faen had one of his own.

"What do you think of the Dark Side of the Force?" He decided to take a seat on the ground next to Boy, who was panting happily towards Arctus. Faen thought it was pretty neat that Arctus liked his Massiff. "I'm not here to judge or sympathize, Arctus. I'm here to teach and guide. I'm here to help." Knight Akatosh never lost his warm smile and his friendly tone as he spoke. He genuinely wanted was best for the Order, and that included Arctus Friers.

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

The Knight seemed taken aback by the Padawan's question. At any other given moment, the unexpected question would have made Arctus cringe. But he was filled with a determination he knew he probably wouldn't feel again in a while so the Corellian stood his ground, gaze calm but resolute as he waited for Faen to respond.

The Corellian was all ears as Faen began to speak. Lowering himself on one knee so he wouldn't be awkwardly staring down at the Knight while the latter spoke, Arctus' gaze was drawn towards the image Faen traced on the dirt. Hazel grey eyes drifted over the small figure's failing attempts to keep the bonfire lit. In a way the Padawan felt sympathy towards the figure, given that it was almost a perfect replica of the Sith he'd interacted with. The way Coven spoke of the Dark Side, of how it would give Arctus the power he desired, and yet the conviction in the former's words was betrayed by a fleeting flash of unknown emotion in his eyes. Charlie, who drew upon the Force and her power fueled by abject fear. What cost did they have to pay simply for being Sith? For answering the Dark Side's call? The last time he saw Charlie, she didn't show even a hint of outward corruption.

If she fully devoted herself to the Darkness, how much would she pay for what It would give her for her devotion?

A light frown crossed the Padawan's features, a little surprised that he was still concerned for the Hapan. Even if the setting had only been temporary, he couldn't deny that the two of them shared an odd bond that was born in that no name planet and that not-so abandoned building. Would he be able to point his blade or blaster at her should they find themselves on the opposing sides of the battlefield?

They weren't friends, but even Arctus had no idea if he would be willing to fight her.

Curious, to be thinking of her today of all days.

The Padawan chose to ignore that single whisper, even the likelihood of him falling and letting himself be devoured by the Darkness had he not met Indy by chance on Onderon. He was determined not to fall either way, so he focused on the present instead of possible what-ifs.

Mimicking Faen, Arctus settled into a sitting position across the Knight. His gaze lingered on the drawing on the dirt for a moment, before he looked back at the half-Morellian. The Knight was still smiling that same, warm smile he offered Arctus earlier. Faen didn't need to assure the Padawan because his sincerity bled into the Force, but Arctus didn't stop him anyway. He had anticipated for his question to be asked right back at him, and yet the man had to take a moment to truly scrutinize what he thought of the Dark Side.

For years It clung to him, eventually taking the form of someone he held dear within his mind's eye. It had kept Its voice silent when he grieved those who were taken from him. But then it seemed they were back on speaking terms, and as much as Arctus had feared It before the Dark Side was something he now resented.

"I know it's the other side of the coin, light and dark an' all that jazz," he began a little hesitantly despite assurances that there would be no judgement to be held towards him. Arctus clasped his hands, hands tightening against each other. The Padawan lowered his gaze, a troubled expression crossing his face. "No, no, I take that back. Everyone says that already. Sorry. I think the Dark Side is..."

Within his conscious thoughts the Dark Side grinned up at him with It's face of colorful glitches and static, playfully fighting against the Padawan's will to keep It hidden under the many folds of his psyche. Still wearing Reiel's form but not her face. He hated It all the more for that.

"I think of the Dark Side as a poison– or a spice, if you will. Sure, it promises you power and freedom, but it always comes with a price – just like you said. Using It can be addicting, but It destroys you in the end. I also think of It as a... toxic kind of love." Here, pink dusted the Padawan's face as he mentally rejected the tinkling laughter of the Dark Side at the very mention of romance. "Sure, It gives you things. But like a greedy, selfish lover It just takes, and takes, and takes."

The tiny and brief blush on his face subsiding, Arctus lifted his gaze to meet Knight Akatosh' eyes. A glint of fear and shame betrayed the conviction that fueled his next words. "It takes the form and voice of someone you truly love, corrupts it, then torments you using that form, that voice. The Dark Side is a frightening facet of the Force. I don't nor would I ever want to use it."

He didn't notice how his hands trembled as soon as he finished speaking.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

After patiently listening to Arctus, Faen began to get a better understanding of who Arctus was and what he might have been going through. This man was half a decade older than Faen and yet he was still just a Padawan. Through all of his experience and trials, Arctus deserved more than playing the Apprentice. Maybe it was this whole perspective on the Dark Side that was holding him back? Or was it something else? Either way, Faen had a good idea of what to say.

"Why are you a Jedi, Arctus?" It was a simple question, but it should mean something to any member of the Order. "What do you think it means to be a Jedi? I believe that it is the duty of those with great power to take great responsibility. It is my duty as a Seer to help guide those who are lost. Even if they are Sith, they are never shunned from the path of the Light." Maybe Arctus needed something different.

"We all struggle with the Darkness, Arctus. My old master once taught me that the form of Vapaad was more than just a style of combat; it was a mindset." Faen drew his greatsword and laid it gently on the ground between the two. "We cannot be without passion, but we must be able to bridle it and focus. There is a difference between feeling anger and acting on it. Like a river, you cannot fight against the current in hoping of reversing it. Passion...love...anger...sorrow...are all blades of the Force." He then ran a finger along the flat of the blade.

"It is how we decide to use these emotions that makes us who we are. That is Vapaad; using the Darkness to feed the Light. A sword made of love and hope. Hate becomes empathy and sadness turns to joy." Boy and Faen exchange glances and the Massiff took the opportunity to give Faen a big wet lick on the cheek. This only made Faen chuckle as he wiped the slobber off with his sleeve. "Arctus... I think you should get a dog. Or a droid! I don't really care as long as it's a good companion. Being alone can lead our minds to dark places, but I find it hard to have these troubling thoughts when I'm with Boy." Faen took his sword and placed it in it's sheath.

"But, to stay on track, I think that you should really contemplate what it means to be a member of the Jedi. There was a two year period where I contemplated this same question. I'm not saying it'll take you that long, but it is something everyone in the Order should think strongly about. Or else, what would we be fighting for?

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Arctus had met many interesting people, but few really did pique his interest. The more Faen spoke, the more the Padawan realized that the Knight was probably one of the few. The half-Morellian didn't sugarcoat his words, but he didn't speak them to be blunt or judgemental. He felt as if he spoke what he thought, and Arctus appreciated it. Even more so when instead of pity the Knight offered honesty and sincerity.

It made opening up about his troubles a bit more easy.

A thoughtful frown crossed the Padawan's face at the question as to why he was a Jedi. Initially Arctus had joined the Jedi Order solely for the purpose of learning how to control, if not get rid, of the whispers of the Dark Side that continued to plague him up to this very day. His interactions with the Jedi – how he made friends and found family in the Order – and those affiliated with the Order changed his perspective, even more so now that he had nearly lost and lost people he genuinely cared for to the Sith. He didn't want to be a Jedi in the first place, not when he originally was just going to seek help. He did not expect for his feelings to change along with the tide of time.

The more he struggled against the Darkness within him, the more the Sith Empire's reach and power grew –Arctus knew then and there that he couldn't discard the path he chose, to be a Jedi others could rely upon. To be a Jedi who stood against the Dark, who laughed and fought the threats against the Light.

I thought we're going to crush those who hurt Indy, Ruz, and Clo? I thought we're going to get revenge to those who took your precious children?​

Arctus took a sharp breath, as if pained by the seductive yet insidious whispers of the Dark Side. He fought the urge to shake his head in response to It – revenge was not the Jedi way, and it was not the reason why he was a Jedi. He was a Jedi so he could help people, so he could protect those he loved–

What would we be fighting for?

We all struggle with the Darkness.

Being alone can lead our minds to dark places.

But Arctus didn't have to be alone for his mind to be led towards darkness. It already lurked within him, dressed in his savior, his friend's form.

As someone well-trained and attuned with the Force, Faen would feel a sharp chill in the air. He would feel a flash of amusement coming from the Padawan sitting across him, though he would be able to glean that the emotion was not Arctus' own. Should Faen look at Arctus through the Force, he would see a pair of delicate, phantom hands wrapped loosely around the Padawan's neck. The phantom hands would vanish as quickly as they appeared, but faint laughter, both feminine and malevolent, would remain in the air – a sound only Faen would hear.

"I'm a Jedi because I seek to protect," Arctus replied, simple and straightforward. "I don't want vengeance or some other shit. I'm a Jedi because–"

Liar.​

The word rang loud and hollow in the Force, with Arctus at it's center.

"I'm a Jedi, but I let myself get beaten up by a Voice inside my head. It started as a legion, but now? Now It's just by Itself, and It has promised to stay."

Arctus steeled himself, took a deep fortifying breath, and spoke a single confession he had been keeping under lock and key for years now.

"Before I became a Jedi, I killed someone using the Dark Side of the Force."

It was unintended, he was fooled into doing such a horrible thing. The way his outstretched hand grasped at nothing, but his will and the Force breaking a man's neck. It was unintended, but it was a crime he had never forgiven himself yet. It was unintended, but he still felt guilty all the same.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Faen could sense the darkness that stressed and ate away at Arctus. It reminded the Seer of Denon...finding his home destroyed with no sign of his siblings.

And...and his parents...

Sorrow and empathy emanated from the Seer, and Faen made sure this feeling of understanding what it meant to be tempted by the Darkness reached the Padawan. Determination set in Faen's expression as he stood up and outstretched a hand to pull the Padawan to his feet.

"Arctus Friers, never doubt yourself for past mistakes. No one is or ever will be perfect. What you have done since that day...look at the journey you took to get to this moment! I do not see a meager Padawan, Arctus. I see a Jedi Knight who has the courage and faith to continue to conquer his demons instead of giving in." Faen was not one to get emotional, but in Arctus he saw one of the older brothers he lost on Denon. A single tear ran down his ever smiling face. "That voice will always be apart of you. It is apart of me, too, and every member of the Order- every being of the galaxy. But it is our decisions that decide whether or not we are the victor of this internal battle."

"The battle will never be over, I'm afraid. But, alas, there cannot be happiness without sorrow. Have you ever heard the saying that, 'Hard work builds character'? I am a firm believer of that. When shit hits the fan, wipe yourself off and keep moving forward." The Seer meant every word, and he hoped and prayed that Arctus knew that, too. "Promise me this, Arctus, that you never forget why you came to be a Jedi. That you always feel guilty when you make mistakes, so that you have the motivation to be better tomorrow. If you can do that for me, then I promise that I will do everything in my power to help you on your way to Knighthood and beyond."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

A Jedi Knight? That was what he saw in Arctus?

It should have moved him, but instead the Corellian felt feeven more guilt. Despite the emotions he freely showed Faen still spoke with rationality and logic. Arctus understood full well what the other man meant, that they were not the only ones to struggle with darkness innate in every single person. The Padawan might have been showing courage today, but there remained a wave of selfishness not even triggered by the Dark Side – he needed a kind advice and while Faen had given more than one, a part of Arctus wanted for the half-Morellian to look at him in horror from what he had done. There were deeds more atrocious than what he had just confessed, but–

You want to be punished for it, of course.

He averted his gaze, face crumpling with unshed tears. Arctus took a deep breath to steel himself, rapidly blinking the tears away lest he be tempted to cry. Faen showed understanding of what Arctus was fighting against and at the same time the Knight didn't. He wasn't the only one fighting an internal battle, that much Arctus knew. He was just like any other soul who struggled to do good regardless of what that negative voice demanded of him.

But still he felt conflicted.

Arctus' family was still alive. His friends were hale and living their lives with or without him. All the Sith had taken from him were a group of younglings who were precious to him. If he hadn't cared for children Arctus wouldn't be so beaten up at the manner of their disappearance.

He really shouldn't have been affected by the Dark Side's whispers too much. And while he was grateful that none of the people he loved the most were taken from him, the Dark Side instead latched onto his fears of losing them, of the years of abuse he suffered from his own father, and the heartache of not being chosen by the woman he loved. It used his fear of hurting others and of being hurt by people he trusted, and gleefully gnawed at his feelings of abandonment after Indy and Drastus disappeared. It fed his rage at the thought of the Sith hurting and almost taking the lives of those he loved.

Arctus accepted Faen's kind and hopeful words. The Dark Side rejected them.

So when Arctus took Faen's hand and rose to his feet, the eyes that met the Knight's were not the Padawan's. The hazel greys were flecked with sickly yellow, and instead of a grateful smile Faen would be met by a scornful glower. His grip on the Knight's hand becoming tight enough to hurt.

Why should he promise you anything? You barely know him.

Addressing the half-Morellian Knight directly, the Dark Side that clung stubbornly to Arctus' spirit scowled at Faen with contempt using the Padawan's face.

Have you any idea how far this man will go for his own selfish desires? He will call unto me and use me again without remorse if any of those he loves suffer at the hands of scum.

I am a part of him. His battle against me will never be over – thank you for telling him that.

I am a part of him, and I will continue to do so long after he gives up his heart and soul to me. What, then, will you do, Faen Akatosh?

Locked inside his own mind as the Dark Side suddenly and unexpectedly took over his body – a feat It had never done before until now – Arctus fought to remove his grip of Faen's hand but to no avail.

Let him go! Let me go, you bastard! Don't you dare hurt Faen!

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Faen hadn't expected the Darkness to seize control over Arctus like this- it was worse than what Faen had originally thought. Why had no one offered to help him? What was the Order doing instead of guiding those like Arctus who have literal demons to battle? Faen was not disappointed in himself or Arctus, but rather the rest of the Order. This evil repelled the Light that wrapped this planet around in thick blankets, but it would find that Faen was not a light so easily quenched.

With his free hand, Faen focused the Light into the palm of his hand, creating an intensely bright illumination that would've temporarily blinded Arctus. Instead of fighting the Padawan's grip, Faen decided he wouldn't let go either. This devil needed to understand one very important thing about Faen Akatosh- I never give up hope! The light from his palm would grow, spreading down his arm, making it's way all across the Seer's body until he was enveloped in the pure Light of the Force.

"You overestimate your enemy."

Now, Faen began pushing the light into Arctus- pushing back against the Dark that held him hostage.

"Understand this, Arctus, that no one is exempt from the Light. No matter what adversity plays against you, you must rise. No matter the storm that beats you down, you must rise. No matter the strength of your anger, you must rise. This thing does not rule you. This is your body. Your mind. Choose to take it from the monster. Make it suffer for daring to claim your own free will."

Faen spoke through Arctus's eyes, knowing that somewhere in there, he could hear him. This monster would not get the satisfaction of comfortably consuming the Padawan as Faen's own light simply grew brighter and brighter like a holy beacon of hope and love and faith.

"But now, I speak to you, o monster mine... Know that whatever Arctus Friers may choose, I will always stand firmly before him with open arms. Know that no matter how badly you torture him, I will always stand next him to guide the way. Know that no matter how intensely your fire burns, I will always stand by him until you become nothing more than a shadow. Arctus is much stronger than you give him credit for, and your fear of losing such a vessel is rightly placed. If you wish to continue this battle, go ahead, but I will be here to end it. I will be here to watch him forget you even exist."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Helpless. It was what Arctus should be feeling as the Darkness literally took over his body. He should be feeling panicked, afraid that he might unwillingly hurt the Knight who helped him as the Dark Side lashed out at the half-Morellian with words meant to disparage and lose faith in the Padawan. By rights he should have been afraid.

Right now Arctus just felt rightfully angry.

The Dark Side taking over had caught Faen by surprise, and It sneered at the Knight almost gleefully as the seconds ticked by – only for It to also be caught unawares as the half-Morellian acted accordingly. Arctus jerked away from the Light, temporarily blinded by the sudden illumination. A visceral, inhuman growl slipped past his lips as the Darkness pushed back just as forcefully against the Light that Faen projected.

With a sudden jerk of Arctus' arm, the Darkness ripped the Padawan's grip off of Faen, stumbling a few feet further from him and Boy.

Don't hurt him, you little shit! Don't hurt them!

A ruthless smile pulled the corners of Arctus' lips upwards as the Dark Side matched Faen's pace in the Force, a surge of Darkness rising to meet the Light.

He can't hear you, It taunted, lifting one hand to press a finger forcefully against the Padawan's temple.

I bloody well can! Arctus protested, but his voice was drowned out by the rush of Darkness that now painted his previously stark thought-room black.

At any given moment, the Darkness would have commended the Jedi for taking in someone as messed up in the head and heart as Arctus. At any given moment It would have receded or have been successfully beaten into submission by Faen's strength in the Light. But It had sensed Faen's disappointment, though it hadn't been directed towards himself nor Arctus. The Darkness grabbed onto that desparation with one hand and Arctus' anger in the other.

Though It only managed to take the reins into controlling Arctus' body, It also took advantage of the quiet disappointment of the half-Morellian Knight.

Twisting Faen's words, the Darkness cackled using Arctus' voice and intoned,

Understand this, Faen Akatosh, that no one is exempt from the Darkness. Embrace your adversity. Succumb into the raging storm. Your anger gives you strength. Darkness rules you.

It smiled viciously as It fought against Faen's Light, fought against his aim to force It back so that Arctus could gain control of his own body. It fought against two fronts, against the Jedi whose body It sought to control and the Jedi who sought to banish It away. The Dark Side's smile widened.

It might have been fighting on two fronts, but It would not make this sudden battle easy for this beacon of hope and love and faith.

I have a share in this body. I have a share in this mind. For now, I rule over him. Do you want to know what he's been screaming at me the moment I took over?

Moving Arctus' body so It widened the distance between him and Faen, the Dark Side took on a mocking, angry expression of a petulant child throwing a tantrum.

'Don't hurt him!' It cried, imitating Arctus. Laughing, It struck out one of Arctus' hands, palm up, and sent a powerful blast of Force energy towards the Knight in an attempt to knock Faen off of his feet.

Reduce me into nothing more than a shadow? Watch him forget that I exist? Words are only words, Jedi! But do you have the power to act on your words? Will you raise your hand against me, even if it harmed Arctus Friers?

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

And so the war for Arctus Friers began. The Dark Side had tore away from Faen's grip and began darkening the world that the Seer tried so hard to light. Illuminating one's self as Faen had was a simple party trick, but battling it against an equally powerful darkness required far more focus than what Faen was prepared for. But as the Jedi Seer had stated earlier, he would stand his ground. Boy, on the other hand, looked as if he wasn't sure whether or not he was to bark, but the Massiff stood by the Knight's side regardless of how confused he might be.

But, the Force blast the Dark Side sent pushed Faen back, sliding across the dirt a few feet, but he stood his ground nonetheless. Determination could be seen in the Seer's eyes as he took more and more steps towards Arctus to regain the distance the Dark Side tried to create between them.

"Arctus, no harm will befall me, today." Faen smiled warmly, continuing his way towards Arctus with Boy by his side. "If you are too much of a coward to face me yourself, then I will come to you." Then, Faen sacrificed using the Light to focus on restraining Arctus' body through the Force. "I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me..." He repeated to himself as he began pulling the Darkness towards himself while keeping Arctus still. Like a twisted exorcism, Faen was drawing the very Darkness that plagued Arctus into his own body so that Arctus could be free.

I am one with the Force...

But even though he was physically illuminated with the Light, his very soul would remain just as bright. Bright enough that his pupils began to glow white.

And the Force...

It was utterly painful for the Seer to walk through all of the suffering Arctus had been through, but yet he stood. The weight and pressure of guilt, regret, rage, and depression was agony for Faen Akatosh...but yet he stood. Through gritted teeth, he continued to channel the Dark Side into his being, soaking up all the wrath it had for the Seer. But... he dropped to a knee as he began losing himself to the Darkness. It was becoming too much for the Knight, but yet he continued drawing more and more of from Arctus.

And the Force...

But as Faen dropped down on both knees, the familiar dog breath coming from Boy caught his attention. The Massiff licked Faen on the cheek and sat patiently in front of him. Faen had forgotten why he was here. The Darkness was so prevalent that all Faen wanted was for it to stop and be done, but the regret he had for his decision slowly died away as he saw Arctus standing before him. So...steadily...he got back back on foot...

And the Force...

Slowly...he got back on the other. Now, Faen was standing just as he had been earlier. The rage the Dark Side had for Faen only fueled his determination to save the man before him.

AND THE FORCE IS WITH ME.

He released the restraint on Arctus, focusing all of his efforts on drawing out as much of the Darkness as possible into himself where it would be purged from the galaxy forever- but he needed Arctus to break free to complete the process. The weight and power of the Dark Side remained, yet Faen Akatosh remained on foot, standing steadfast and immovable.

"Arctus!! You can...YOU CAN DO THIS...Break free!!...You are a Jedi!...You are Arctus Fucking Friers!...If anyone can do this...It's you!!!"

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

This might be a war for the man called Arctus Friers, but it was also a battle to test Faen's mettle, his faith in the Light, and why he chose to be a Seer – a Jedi – in the first place.

Powerful as It might have been, the Darkness knew that Its current vessel was not, bound to the limitations of his mortality, emotions, and imagination. Still It maintained the grip It had over the Corellian, seeing as he was yet another body It could possess to make an influence in the physical world. The fool's Master had spoken of helping him control It so It would not rule over him, and yet her disappearance only served to empower It further. For years It had chosen to toy with the Padawan, whispering denigrating words and tearing at his mind and heart with his fears and grief over those he still have and those he already lost.

Arctus Friers knew of vengeance, and he only waited for the right moment to exact it. Clove's near-death experience, the battles she and Ruzaan participated, the kidnapped younglings, Indy's grief – all caused by the Sith. He didn't need to know which among those Darksiders caused which. He simply needed to find one and–

Within his mind, his thought-room, Arctus grappled against the corrupted form of his Mandalorian savior as she reminded him of revenge, sang how his anger and grief were justified. She distracted him from the Knight outside, her face of glitching colors grinning venomously at the struggling Padawan as he fell to his knees before her.

Outside the Dark Side roared diabolically as Faen mustered to channel It towards himself and away from Arctus. Angry at being called a coward. Angry at this half-wit's intervention. Angry that the Corellian chose to give up his previous way of life to cleave his own path towards the Jedi, towards the Light. The Darkness found him first – by all rights this man was mine, mine, mine, weakling! Smuggler! Thief! Coward!

So as the Knight channeled more of the Dark Side to himself and away from Its chosen vessel, the Dark Side fought just as stubbornly. Faen would suddenly find himself beset by visions– no, memories, just as Arctus' body froze as still as a mannequin, restrained by the Knight's will.

A brown-haired boy being struck by the hands of a father who should be caring for him.

The forboding, dark clouds above Malastare, where a smuggler first sensed the Dark Side.

A dead man lying in front of him, neck twisted as fear and panic flooded his killer's senses.

A lost, hurting man who gave his trust to a Pantoran woman, only for that same woman to break his trust by promising one thing then vanishing without a word.

The smuggler, now a Padawan, staring at a group of terrified slaves and fighting the urge to kill for the injustices they suffered.

The Padawan, spiraling downwards at a simple mention of the Sith as he was reminded of a pair of red-gold eyes.

The Padawan, torn between his willingness to call upon the Dark Side to ensure his loved ones' safety, and yet reluctant and afraid that the process would only hurt those he loved.

Faen would see through Arctus' eyes how the Corellian's fears were made manifest – with one of his dear friends knocking on death's door and the younglings he treasured taken by the Sith. Above all, the Knight would see how Arctus saw life – a never ending cycle of good versus bad, of joy against sadness. A cycle with no foreseeable end.

Both of you... wanted to see me removed, It said, addressing both Faen and Arctus. You fight and fight and fight...

Inside Arctus had managed to take the upper hand, fuelled by Faen's encouragement and sacrifice. The Darkness' armored figure slowly but steadily being reduced back to Its original state – a mass of shadows and jagged, static black lines.

Outside Faen's efforts and sacrifice bore fruit, the Dark Side's control of the Padawan's body being wrestled away by the combined efforts of the two Jedi. The yellows in Arctus' eyes began to recede until only the hazel greys remained. But in a last ditch effort to keep Its ground within the Padawan's mind, the Darkness took on Reiel Crowholde's voice again, and whispered to the pair of Jedi,

You fight, but at what cost?

Autonomy returned to him, Arctus' gaze found Faen standing in front of him. A grateful smile would have crossed the Padawan's face if it weren't for his waning strength, the mental battle he had against the Dark Side taking it's toll. Arctus swayed a little where he stood before his eyes rolled back into his head, body pitching forward as consciousness fled from his weak grasp.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

The battle had been finished, but there was still a war to be won. Now, Arctus would know the full strength of his capabilities and that Faen would always be there to fight for him. Now, Faen could rest, knowing that he did what he could and that with the Padawan's help, they were both able to vanquish a most intimidating foe. No matter how much the Darkness taunted the two, they still prevailed in the end and weakened the Dark Side's grip on Arctus. The Seer felt as drained as Arctus but was still able to retain consciousness, but dropped to his knees and let his shoulders drop out of fatigue.

Such an endeavor triggered something Faen could've seen coming- the tainting effects of the Dark Side not only showed the mortifying events Arctus had been through, but harrowing events of Faen's future. It shook the Seer's core, seeing his reflection slay familiar faces with a black blade. It would be something he'd have to discuss with the Council- the entire training and everything the followed. Hopefully Arctus would receive the proper attention he needed so that his mind was always more prepared than his body.

But still...the visions of that possible dark future lingered in Faen's mind. It felt so... real. Which made it even more unsettling. This was not a typical vision with flashes of pictures and people. It was an entire series of events.

It started with the butchering of Boy- Anger.

Then, there was Faen's resignation from the Order for reasons unknown, but the emotions were very prominent- Hate.

There would be jobs working alongside Mandalorians for whatever reason, followed by long nights at bar to drown his misery with booze- Sorrow.

Finally, the shadow of a familiar figure with a red blade would visit Faen's prison cell for torture and torture alone- Suffering.

When it all came together, Faen could hear faint whispers of a name he had never heard before, but it haunted his very core as if it was the most terrible and horrific of revelations had been shown to him. He wouldn't dare think it or say right now, for he was too weak to fight whatever followed those whispers. However, there was still one vision that had greatly piqued the Seer's interest; a tomb that belonged to an ancient Mand'Alor. Inside was the hilt of a legendary weapon that had been lost for a century and a half.

No...no, I have to focus. Arctus still needs help.

So, Faen stood up and made his way over to the passed out Padawan, laying him comfortably on his back before mustering what was left of his stamina, to try and heal and wake the mind of Arctus Friers. There was a lot to catch up on...

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

THEME​

The road to recovery wasn't always a gentle slope. Conflict had to be faced on numerous occasion, and sacrifices were meant to be made. Secrets kept would be revealed and let go. This particular meeting with Faen was a testament that the path to recovery wasn't always straight and easy.

Arctus wouldn't have left if things were easy from the get go.

Truly alone for the first time in his mindscape, the Padawan was greeted by a stillness he'd never felt before. All around him was stark white, not a single blot of color against the pristine snow. Without the Dark it was surprisingly cold, but he was not bothered by it. In fact the cold was comforting, albeit in a really odd way.

The battle between Faen and Arctus against the Dark Side that had taken hold of the Padawan took it's toll on the two Jedi. Arctus could only hear the Knight's voice, his senses sans his hearing hijacked by the Dark as It forced him to focus on what was inside. He hoped, as the fight raged on, that he hadn't done anything – no matter unwilling – to harm his fellow Jedi.

The thought of hurting someone who had willingly and sincerely offered him a helping hand sent a jolt of shame and remorse to the Corellian.

Outside Faen was attempting to heal and wake Arctus from his unconsciousness.

Inside, amid the field of white and cold, the Padawan's world was suddenly filled with warmth and rose gold.

A laugh, unbridled in its joy, escaped Arctus as he reached out with both hands, accepting the rose gold as it beckoned him back to the living world.

With a soft gasp, hazel grey eyes opened up, growing wide with both wonder and gratitude. The bearded face of Faen Akatosh greeted Arctus, and it didn't escape his notice the touch of exhaustion on the Knight's face. Through the Force Faens aura was the same warm rose gold that painted his thought-room, and the Padawan didn't have to make heads or tails of as to why and how the color fit. It was how he now saw the half-Morellian in the Force, a color as solid as his family and closest friends.

"Faen..." he muttered, placing a hand on top of the Knights to silently ask him to stop expending more of his energy. With a tiny grunt Arctus pulled himself up in a sitting position, gaze finding Boy beside his master. Looking back at the Knight, the Padawan did not smile but the gratitude painted in his eyes spoke of how he felt.

Then, realizing that he might have breached the Knight-Padawan hierarchy, the man grinned a little bashfully but did not avert his gaze. "I'm sorry, I mean Master," he corrected himself, remembering how Drastus once corrected him after being caught calling Indy by her name instead of her title.

Shifting on his seat so he fully faced the half-Morellian, worry began to creep on the Padawan's face as he tentatively placed a hand on the Knight's shoulder.

"Are you hurt? Did I hurt either of you and Boy?"

Because as much as Faen outranked him? Arctus was still older, and one with protective brotherly instincts to boot.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Faen was relieved when Arctus came back to reality. With another sigh, Faen stopped using the rest of his stamina pool and relaxed himself, trying his best to slow his pulse. Boy was still alert and suspicious of Arctus, but after a few sniffs here and there, the Massiff nuzzled his nose the Padawan's face. The dog, by all means, was safe and sound, but it was Faen that was worn out. Who knew mental exertion could lead to physical fatigue? Or at least it did when it came to the Force.

"I am alright and so is Boy, Arctus- and you don't need to call me master." He replied with his friendly smile. "Faen will do." The Seer was only glad that Arctus was back in control, as the natural will of the Force would've had it. That dark possession was concerning, nonetheless, but now that they had conquered it at it's peak, Faen was sure Arctus would be strong enough to repell future possessions. But, even now, the Padawan still admirably felt guilty.

"We did it, Arctus. I don't think you would've been able to do something like this if you hadn't asked for help. And, I am very serious about you becoming a Knight. It's about time someone with your experience is rewarded with a proper rite of passage. You displayed courage, vigor, and honor today." Even if Arctus didn't think he was ready, Faen knew this was the right path to set him on. "The Order needs more people like you, Arctus. The Order needs more Seers, as well. This was the path I took when I felt that the Dark Side was becoming too prominent in my life. I feel that it is that same path that will benefit you and the Order immensely."

The experience the Jedi Seer had after purging the Dark Side manifestation still hung on Faen's mind, however. Those visions were undoubtedly the most powerful that had ever come across his mind. But, Faen was careful to keep this scaringly fast growing obsession at bay. The future could always change on the slightest of actions, as far as Faen knew, but the clarity of these visages had him shaken to his core.

If that was the future for Knight Akatosh... then he wondered what was in store for the rest of the Order...

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

Faen's reassurance, paired with the gentle nuzzling of Boy, successfully helped ease Arctus' concern. Though guilt still echoed in his mind, the Padawan found solace in the fact that the Knight assured him that asking for help was the right thing to do, and that the half-Morellian would help him reach Knighthood. It also didn't escape Arctus' notice that he had been given to address the Knight on first name basis.

Still, the Corellian couldn't help but feel bashful and a tad confused with how much faith the half-Morellian Knight had in store for him. Perhaps Arctus reminded Faen of someone close to him, or maybe the latter believed in the former's ability to do good deeds. Arctus doubted himself sometimes. He even doubted if he belonged with the Jedi, if joining the Order had been the right thing. But it wasn't a matter of doubt and second guessing that brought him to the path of the Jedi – it was fear, of all things.

The fear of letting his darkest urges to become a reality.

The fear of hurting and losing those he loved.

The fear of losing himself in the Darkness that found and sought to destroy him by destroying everything he touched.

But now he faced those fears by honoring what Indy and his friends have done for him – by asking for help. And right now, Arctus realized, that he had done the right thing, and that the right person in the right circumstance had reached out with a helping hand.

Not one to really hide his emotions believing that there was no shame in it, the Padawan's expression crumpled in a mess of humility, gratitude, and happiness. Tears streamed freely down his face as he nodded at Faen's kind words, the Corellian's hands finding the sides of Boy's face and giving the loyal Massiff a grateful pat.

"Thank you," he sobbed, and though he felt like a child for letting his emotions get the better of him the smile Arctus gave Faen was bright and thankful. "You're right, Faen. I know I won't be able to deal with this on my own. Thank you for– for helping me."

And he meant every word he spoke. There remained a part of Arctus that rebelled against the idea of depending on others, but hadn't what just transpired proved that there were things a person could not do on their own? Hadn't his friendship with Ruzaan and Clove prove that he didn't have to be alone anymore?

"If the galaxy needs more people like me, then it needs even more people like you," Arctus shot back at the Knight with a light chuckle. Brushing away his tears with his sleeve, the Padawan gave Boy one last pat before taking one of Faen's hands and rising to his feet together with the Knight.

"Faen. If you need anything – help, assistance, or simply a listening ear – I got you, yeah? Not simply because you helped me. But because I want to be more like you, and for us to be friends." Smile still on his face, Arctus shot Boy a wink. "And, hey, you just found yourself a massiff-sitter in case something comes up and you can't bring Boy with ya."

Somehow he got the feeling that Boy could never be separated from Faen. But Arctus meant everything he said nonetheless, more so being friends with the Jedi Seer out of a genuine desire to connect with others.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

Faen's smile only grew as Arctus spoke. His job as a Seer gave him experiences like these, where Faen could witness the newfound hope and general feeling of being OK come back to those who thought they were lost. In reality, Arctus had always been found. He brought Arctus into another hug when he stood to thank Faen, and when he released him from his embrace, Faen felt relieved. This whole endeavor had drained the two of them, but yet they still stood. Seer Akatosh was proud.

"Arctus, I want to learn how to be more like you." Faen said earnestly and honestly. Though Faen seemed calm and deflated on the outside, there were several burning storms with unanswered questions that gave the Knight unintentional grief. Arctus seemed to know how to deal with these sorts of things, and with the Padawan's elder age, he had to have more experience with the more mundane problems of the galaxy than the spiritual.

"Boy likes you, so I wouldn't mind a bit if you ever decided to watch him for me. Thank you, Arctus. I really mean it, too." After Faen's visit to Bogano, he thought that maybe leaving Boy with someone while he was away would be smart. Faen would be fine putting some distance between himself and Boy, but the Massiff would need to learn how to be away from his master's side. Besides, Arctus needed a companion like Boy- which gave Faen a few other ideas.

"How do you feel about dogs and cats? I know a guy on Coruscant- we'd have to be discreet, but he sells just about anything from Rancors to Loth cats." Faen offered. "I'll let you and Boy get to know each other better first, so you'd understand the responsibility of owning such a companion, but I really do think it would be good for you to have someone like Boy around to keep you company."

@Forsythe Crowholde

 

[Arctus Friers]

The honesty at how Faen expressed how he wanted to learn to be more like Arctus caught the Padawan off guard. The hug was expected, but this...

For a moment he could do nothing but gape at the Knight, surprise coloring Arctus' face as his mind struggled to put into words the warmth that filled his chest. His brothers have always looked up to him despite his numerous slip ups when they were younger. Here in the Order, he found another who shared the triplets' sentiments in the form of Ruzaan. In one way or another, the four shared a spark of desire to be more like him – though he knew time and again that they were destined for greater things.

Now Faen numbered among them, and honestly?

It made Arctus feel that maybe – just maybe, with all these amazing people that he had been blessed to have met – he was bound for greater things, too.

THEME
​

In the past, Arctus more often than not questioned his place within his family. That same pervading thought extended when he became a part of the Jedi Order. Past Arctus would have shrugged those thoughts carelessly, afraid that the answers would always end up with him not living up to his loved ones' expectations. It was that same fear that strengthened his self-doubts and the Darkness that fed on it. He still carried that fear even after years of being a Padawan.

His friendship with Ruzaan and Clove helped to steadily changed his mindset. They were not just friends, but they were family who accepted him despite his many flaws. His bond with them proved that he won't have to be alone again, and it was a promise he made to himself that they, too, would never have to suffer the same loneliness he experienced. And despite having broken it by letting his grief and sadness at losing to the Sith many of the younglings he swore to protect, those two still loved him and never judged him for disappearing.

And now, despite what the two of them have gone through and experienced today, Faen proved to be like Ruz and Clo. The Knight helped Arctus not because there was a hidden agenda behind his actions. Faen helped out of a genuine desire to help. And helped Arctus, he did, without judgement nor apprehension.

In a way, Ruzaan, Clove, and Faen made Arctus ready to take a step forward even further. Sure, he still had little doubts here and there about Knighthood, but they all cheered him on (Ruz and Clo) and were willing to help him every step of the way (Faen).

Arctus' smiled turned brigther at the mention of Boy already liking the Padawan. The more Faen sold him the idea of having an animal companion, the more Arctus bought it. With respect the massiff was due, the Padawan bent down a bit to pat the reptilian's head.

"I had a puppy when I was a kid, so I'm down with that offer," he told Faen brightly, the last remnants of his tears already drifting away like clouds on a sunny day. "But it's been literally three decades since I had a companion like boy. Yeah, Boy and I hangin' out will definitely help with understanding the responsibility of having a friend like him."

The Corellian gave Boy one last chin scratch before looking back at Faen.

"Coruscant, huh? We gotta be discreet alright, seeing as we're not really allowed in NR territories." Jedi being banned on New Republic space still rankled Arctus, but it was as if he and Faen would be straight up marching on Coruscant streets on full Jedi garb. As the Knight said, they have to be discreet.

@Charles

 

[Faen Akatosh]

"I think it would be easier to leave our affiliated belongings behind. Civilian clothes will do." The guy was a Besalisk named Manny. He was an old friend of the Half-Morellian and Faen was sure he would be happy to help out Arctus. "I'm planning on going formal. You don't have to- I just like ties." Faen chuckled, noting Boy's pleasant expressions and grunts whenever Arctus gave him a pat or scratch. "We'll get a little bugger, though. It's easier when they're younger and they'll imprint better with you." Faen remembered when Boy was just a puppy, too.

"I like Boy because he's fairly small and has a good temperament, like most of his kin. He's also a good guard dog and an excellent blood-hound. For you..." He put a hand on his chin and began to think a bit about what kind of creature would be best suited for Arctus. Really, it didn't matter too much, and it always came down to preference, but it was always worth taking note of the master and the companion. "I'd recommend, maybe, an Anooba. My old friend will try selling you many exotic creatures, though, so don't be too overwhelmed." Manny was a good business man- even if his business had stretched the legal boundaries a bit. Faen wasn't kidding when he said that Manny would have a Rancor, though.

"I'll leave Boy with you for the rest of the day. If you want a little friend to tag along by your side when the day is over, we'll head to Coruscant." Faen was glad with the outcome of today. Arctus was stronger than what he gave himself credit for and today maybe he'd understand a bit of his true potential that the Seer saw in him. The dark vision the Knight received still troubled him, but there would be a place and time to share the vision with the council.

For now, Arctus was the priority.

@Forsythe Crowholde
/Thread Exit