Minion Holphee

[©razy Man]

Name: Minion Holphee

Minion as an initiate:
View attachment 864

Faction: Jedi

Rank: Knight

Race: Wookiee

Size: 7'2'

Age: 21

Weight: 294
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Based on 1-3. 1-beginner, 2-intermidiate, and 3-master
Lightsaber Forms:
Aturu-2/3
Sii-Cho-1/3
Djem So-3/3
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Control:
•Art of Movement-2/3
•Force Speed-2/3
Force Sight-1/3
Force Empathy- 2/3

Sense:
•Precognition-3/3
•BattlePrecognition-2/3
Alter:
•Revelation-1/3
•Telekinesis-2/3
•Force Jump-2/3
________________________________________
Equipment:
- Bowcaster
- Modified green lightsaber. In according of his size(about a meter) the saber hilt itself is larger and the blade wider and longer than normal. It's hilt is made out if Wroshyr trees from Kashyyk and a green Nak'tra crystal.
-A force imbued heartlance that has a blue rubat cystal inside of it.

Picture of the blade

Other Items
Minion has several cybernetic augmentations. They are as follows...
- His entire left arm, lost in a "lesson" taught to him at an early age, has been replaced by a mechanical prosthetic. This arm is approximately twice as strong as the right arm. The arm is made of durasteel(star wars kind not the real) which gives it resistance to heat, cold and monumental physical stress. The one weak point in it is the tip of his elbow. It is the weak spot due to him braking it a long time ago in the gladiator fight against an Ewok.

- His right eye has been replaced with a mechanical eye, which is connected to his brain at 2 key points right near the visual vortex and the motivation system which drives him to his fullest extent every time. This allows Minion to see in virtually the entire light spectrum. The eye glows a soft green color.

-He wears a black belt that has a vocabulator imbedded into the buckle.

- Due to various chemical experiments at an early age, Minion has strength at the top of the peak when it comes to Wookie strength. Cybernetic augmentation, makes Minion a titan when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. He made a name for himself in the Outer Rim as a gladiator battling wild rancors with just a vibroaxe.


Force Sensitive: Yes
______________________________________

BIO

When I was young I was taken away from my family by slave traders. They took me away with fellow slaves who were stolen as well. It took them about a year to get another "full load" of people. In that year I was treated with utter disrespect, and forced to stay in a dark room held with other slaves. I went through many emotional stages sadness, being scared, being angry, and heck I even started to laugh here and their, but it was all ended when I was taken to Zygerria to be sold in an auction. From there I was taken up onto the stage the speaker yelling "Well look at this fine Wookie. Would make a great laborer." The speaker then lifted my face up to show the crowd. I looked away and started crying in fear of being murdered or beaten to death by one of them. When my eyes started to wander around the crowd I met the gaze of a Dark Jedi to whom I was sold for 1,005 credits at the age of 8. He saw my potential in the force which is what I'm told was why I was purchased. It took about a week to get back on an unknown planet that he never told me and I never asked.

Upon my arrival I was welcomed in by my fellow slaves who helped me through the tough times. When I was settled into a plain room with a locked window, a simple bed with white pillows and a white blanket and white walls I began my training. He gave me the name Minion becuase of what I was and Holphee was his last name so he just went with that. At first he tried the simple approach for my training in the force but then he grew frustrated and beat me when I didn't get it right after so long "You've got to learn." I remember him saying that just like it was yesterday. Later I tried to escape and he gouged out my eye to make me learn a lesson. He kept that eye in a jar in the basement as a reminder. I grew more and more hopeless after a while I just gave up that's when he taught me how to wield a lighsaber.

I was 14 when I first touched a lightsaber. When he instructed me he was a lot more patient then he was before than with the force. I started to befriend him in a way but he never returned it. The only way he cared about me was that I was property and he would feel bad if l died all that "hard work" on his part gone to waste. After about another 3 years he started dueling me one on one the first time was when I got my arm "accidentally" cut off. When I was knocked out he gave me chemicals that would help increase my normal strength and he gave me a robotic arm and eye to replace everything. It took a while to get use to but I managed.

After a while he started getting slower and slower thats when I became stronger. He gave me the spot as his personal body guard at the age of 14. He took me to unknown places and once we made it back home from a gladiator arena in the outer rim I killed him. He tried beating me again but when that didn't work he got his lighsaber out and tried to kill me. I got mine out also and I wound up being the victor. I easily disarmed him in the first 30 minutes or so and choked the life out of him. I got everyone out and took his body and my eye out. I then continued with burning the house along with his wife. After the house was burned I buried him in the ground along with my eye so that I will always be watching him.

After that I stole his ship and took it to Geonosis where him and I went for the gladiator fight. I then sold the ship and bought some help to get to the arena which ate up all my credits but I made it. I then proceeded and asked the arena master "May I join you?" he then immediately said "Yes." and gave me the offer of 1000 credits for fighting 100 battles. At the age if 17 I was a gladiator. After the last battle with another captured Wookie I beat him but when I looked into his eyes I couldn't. So I showed remorse and let him go. I was then seized and beaten. Afterwards I then escaped with the 1000 credits I was offered and hitched a ride with a Jedi who was on her way to Kashyyyk. When she saw that I was looking for lost ones she gave in since his parents were taken away from him at a young age also. I escaped at the age of 18.

When we reached Kashyyyk I thanked the Jedi and searched for my parents. After a week after my search I realized that I was a nameless Wookie that didn't know where he was from. So I went back to the Jedi and asked "May I join the Jedi?" I wanted to join to make sure that it wouldn't happen to anyone else. To uphold the freedom that wasn't given to me. She then said "You may join of your free will." I'm guessing she said this since her and I became good friends on our trip up here. I joined the Jedi at the age of 19 and here I am today.

Padawan Years:

After a dangerous mission (at least for an initiate) with Roy Elverede, a Jedi Padawan Minion befriended, he was welcomed into the Jedi as a hero that was when his former master, Jedi Knight Raleigh, took him on as a student. He noticed strength and courage inside the young Wookiee. The traits of a great Jedi was inside of him and Raleigh sought to dig those out.

young Wookiee. So after 4 years of training with him he was taught everything that he could teach. But above all he shaped Minion into a great warrior. Honing his gifts with the blade and strengthening his ties with the force. Raleigh showed him wonders through the force . Now he understands what it means to be a Jedi and a symbol of peace.

During those four years Minion went to his home world and was taught the ways of the Wookiees. He changed over those two months with the Woookies taking under their code of honor. They showed him many things that he loved and many he did not but he returned to the Jedi a changed Wookiee.
_______________________________________
PERSONALITY

Minion was once a very determined Wookie and always took the hard path. He never gave up and never took no for an answer. But now the life of a teenager and padawan was given up to become a Knight. Now he is very serious with things and immensely calm with things. Compare him to what he once was well you couldn't because he has changed his whole life and personality.
______________________________________

Strength: Minions robotic arm is even stronger than a Wookies but while his regular arm is near perfect in the eyes of Wookies. Combined it gives him a major advantage over most people. When he was a gladiator his nickname was the Titan for his strength. 9/10

Dexterity: He is very fast thanks to his chemical enhancements. He has little to no flexibility. His reflexes are in the middle range thanks to the chemical problems. When it comes to his physical body all together it's near perfect. 8/10

Constitution: He is healthy. When it comes to endurance he can run a mile an he's ready to die. When it comes to changing his mind he never will about anything. He can also take a lot of hits. 7/10

Intelligence: Minion would probably be really smart but he's gotten knocked around to much and the chemical enhancements have taken a blow on him.4/10

Wise: Minion is wise to a certain point when hes not in battle. 6/10

Charisma: He's kind of handsome for a Wookie but he doesn't really get onto good terms with most people. When he doesn't get what he wants he enforces it with brute strength to intimidate people with it. 6/10
______________________________________
Roleplays:

Dueling Practice
SLAYER 1 (Terentatek)
Investigation on Leritor
Embers in the bones of the earth.
Adventures on Tython.

 

[Nightmare Moon]

Cyborg Wookie.

 

[©razy Man]

Uhh thanks. I kind of wipped him up in about 20 min. so I'll add onto the bio later and the personality. Maybe Ill get a friend to do a drawing. *Crosses fingers*

 

[GABA]

So how does a mechanical eye give him the ability to speak multiple languages?

 

[Solaris]

Kashyyyk is spelled with three 'Y's, not one.

Why is his cybernetic arm so strong, and how does it not damage him when he uses its strength? His skeleton and tendons are only built to take so much - did those steroids augment the connections between his bones and muscles?

 

[©razy Man]

Ok the eye is connected to his brain so therefore gives him the ability to speak some different languages not all. As for the arm the chemical mutations give him more durability for his bones and tendons so yes they did.

 

[Garuga]

Ok the eye is connected to his brain so therefore gives him the ability to speak some different languages not all. As for the arm the chemical mutations give him more durability for his bones and tendons so yes they did.

I still don't think the eye is justified. How about expanding it, and actually writing that it's a translator droid or what not? I still don't see how it would be able to allow the Wookie to pronounce words from different languages and all though.

 

[Master Maverick]

I just want to preface this telling you that I'm not going to be all 'nice and flowery' in my critique. It's going to seem mean and harsh, but I honestly, in reality, don't feel that way. After having read this over, you have an excellent idea for a character here and I'm just curious to find out more as well as hopefully help you develop him.

Name: Minion Hulphee

Race: Wookie

Size: 7'2

Age: 20

Weight: 450 lbs

Black Fur

Equipment:
- Disruptor pistol hidden under fur.
- Modified green Lightsaber. In accord of his size, the sabre hilt itself is larger and the blade wider and longer than normal.

Other Items
Minion has several cybernetic augmentations. They are as follows...
- His entire left arm, lost in a "lesson" taught to him at an early age, has been replaced by a mechanical prosthetic. This arm is approximatley twice as strong as the right arm. This has saved Minion from many a surprise attack, when a lightsaber was not in reach.

- His right eye has been replaced with a mechanical eye, which is connected to his brain at 2 key points right near the Broca's area and the motivation system which drives him to his fullest extent every time. This allows Minion to see in virtually the entire light spectrum and allows him to speak certain languages. The eye glows a soft red.

- Due to various chemical experiments at an early age, Minion has strength many times that of a normal wookie. Cybernetic augmentation, make Minion a titan when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. He made a name for himself in the Outer Rim as a gladiator battling wild rancors with just a vibroaxe.

Force Sensitive: Yes

I feel like 450 lbs is a little too much, but I don't know the proportions of wookiees so... I'm not sure.

Where exactly is this pistol concealed? I mean, imho, I don't think wookiee's hair is long enough to be able to successfully hide a pistol. Also, you didn't mention if his coat was substantially longer than average, which might make it more plausible. However, why does he need it hidden? Personally; he's a wookiee. He wouldn't need to hide anything. People are just naturally afraid of them. idk, just something to think about I guess.

You should give a specific length to the lightsaber now to avoid confusion when you spar/duel/fight someone. Also, decide whether or not it's dual-phase and it would be a nice touch to post a pic of what you want the hilt to look like, at least in theory.

What is the arm made of? Is it lightsaber resistant, energy resistant, etc? What kind of damage can it take? Where are the weak points on it? These are necessary if you're planning on going into battle with him. As a rule, if it's not stated in the profile, it doesn't exist/doesn't have it/etc.

A mechanical eye, if attached only near the Broca's area, would not allow him to see. The Broca's area only aids in language development, not sight. So that needs to be fixed. Also, Wookiee's are not physically able to speak most languages if I remember correctly. Their physiology makes it impossible, to my knowledge. I assume you want him to be able to understand multiple languages, though. Either way, I'd have you think about the reason you want him to be able to speak multiple languages (which, if you wanted him to, you'd have to get a vocabulator or somesuch machine).

How many times stronger is he than the average wookiee? I'm sure you're aware that they're immensely strong naturally, so I would suggest you not go overboard. Personally, I think that's overpowered. Even twice as powerful is more powerful than any other character you'll find on here, and that's not even when he draws on the Force. Also, chemicals can only do so much, and they have side affects. What are these, then? Everything couldn't have just gone right, especially if they were experiments. Even regular procedures can have draw-backs, so I would suggest you should come up with something that went wrong with that.

BIO

I was taken from my family and my tribe by slave traders. I have sought out justice for others and have grown strong while doing so. It all happened as I was a newly born taken away to an uncharted planet. At the age of 4 I was sold to a Dark Jedi who taught me how to use a lightsaber. In my time with him I've had physical "accidents" happen. Which helped me in many levels. At the age of 10 I became the Dark Jedi's personal body guard. Up until the age of 14 I was fine with it until he started to throw me around and attempted to kill me. But he trained me better than he thought and the enhancements helped me. After I killed him with my bare hands I burned his house to the ground and took his ship.

First off I'll say this is very much bare bones and there is a LOT you could add to really flesh out your character and get an infinitely better feel for who he is as a sentient being.

I would re-order the beginning, because as it is, he's just spouting out facts. Even so, most of it isn't a story. Is that how he tells stories?

Why is it that he seeks out justice, and how has he grown strong doing so? How exactly has he gone about carrying out his justice? What is his definition of justice? How has it been developed over time and by his experiences?

Personally, I feel the 'uncharted planet' bit is just an excuse not to research and find a planet. It's highly unlikely that pirates (or whoever) would go to an uncharted planet, and I feel that they don't really have the resources in order to do so. Even so, how and why was he taken and by whom? How and why was he sold? How and why did the Dark Jedi teach him how to use a lightsaber? What was his name (it could have just been 'Master', or he could have deigned to reveal his name to his slave)? Even so, you could/should add his thoughts and feelings during this time. At 4 years old, a child would be utterly confused and scared into stasis in some cases. Was that the case here?

Go into more depth into these 'accidents'. It's obvious that they weren't accidents, but , since this is in first person view, how did he think about them at the time and how has he come to understand them now? What were the situations of them and what, in more detail, actually happened to him?

Why did the Dark Jedi make him his bodyguard? How did Minion feel about it? How did he get the name 'Minion' in the first place? How/why does he have a last name if he was a slave? Where is the last name from?

What do you mean by 'throw him around', exactly? Describe that and give examples. Also, how did the Dark Jedi attempt to kill him? You should go into depth into the confrontation; it's an excellent place to display his fighting abilities and adds a lot of drama to the profile and tangible drama to the character and the profile.

About another year later I made it to an outer rim planet, sold the ship and began in gladiator fighting. From their I escaped after yet again almost dieing becuase I refused to kill someone. I then hitched a ride to with a Jedi on their way to Kashyyyk. Once we landed I asked if there were any tribes around and was told their was one. After searching that one I searched over and over again in vain to realize that I was a nameless child searching for hope. I then went back to where the Jedi was and I asked to join him/her. When they agreed I was taken to their base and I'm now waiting for a master to further my training in the force.

What outer rim planet? He may not have known at the time, but does he know which it was now? Why did he sell the ship and go into gladiator fighting?
You say he escaped, how was he captured again? Also, why was he almost killed for not killing someone? What was the whole situation behind that and why wouldn't Minion kill him?

How did he 'hitch' a ride with a Jedi to Kashyyyk? Why was a Jedi at a gladiatorial arena and why did he agree to bring him to his species' planet of origin?
Why did he ask and search for tribes - what were his reasons specifically? Describe his journey in searching for a tribe to join - how he found some and was rejected. Why was he rejected?
What do you mean by 'nameless child' exactly? Why was he searching for hope, and hope of what?
Why did the Jedi stay on the planet? Why did Minion ask/want to to join the Order? What did he know of the Order? Why did the Jedi agree?

Also, a note; when you called the Temple a 'base', that was the first example of his species' bias and his experiences affecting how he saw the galaxy around him. When you understand these, that is how the bio should be written if you want it to be from his perspective. If you're not sure what I mean, PM me and we can talk about it.

PERSONALITY

Minion is a ambitious Wookie and always takes the hard path. Along with that he's also very stubborn and hard-headed, so once he sets his kind on something he never gives up. Minions is a very laid-back person when not in battle. He also is funny to a certain limit.

Why is he ambitious, and what do you mean by ambitious because that, along with most other words, is ambiguous and can mean many things. Why does he always take the hard path rather than the easy one? That seems to be a way to approach things in a way not requiring much thought, which should also be noted. Why is he stubborn and hard-headed, and what does this mean in any given situation, because that can get him killed? You need to clarify that these traits aren't constant, because then him being laid back doesn't make sense.

However, all those questions need to be answered in the biography.

Strength: Minion is very strong capable of lifting almost 3 times his weight with his robot arm and his chemical enhancements.

Dexterity: He is very fast thanks to his chemical enhancements.

Constitution: He is healthy.

Intelligence: Minion would probably be really smart but he's gotten knocked around to much and the chemical enhancements have taken a blow on him.

Wise: Minion is wise to a certain point when hes not in battle. When he is he acts first and thinks later.

Charisma: He's kind of handsome or a Wookie but he doesn't really get onto good terms with most people.

Dexterity is not simply speed, but maneuverability, flexibility, coordination and general control over one's body.

Constitution also includes endurance (ability to take hits/last long without much food/water), and mental constitution; how easily he's persuaded into thinking the way of other and changing his own mind. Also, how easily would someone be able to influence his mind with the Force and how resistant is he to poisons/toxins/etc.

How have the chemical enhancements taken a toll on his mind? (needs to be explained in the bio)

Describe how you think he's wise. Give examples. Why is he brash in combat? (needs to be explained in the bio)

Charisma is one's ability to influence others, whether by negative methods or positive ones. Is he intimidating, able to scare people into doing what he wants? Is he kind, able to speak well enough to get what he wants?


General rule of thumb; if it's not in the bio, it doesn't exist. Explain who, what, where, when, why and how. Only then will you have a solid idea of who Minion is and will be able to RP him effectively. Even so, this is merely a basis and starting point. It's not like he won't change as you RP him, as experiences ever change one's person.

Again, I know I'm not being very nice, I simply don't waste time adding more words to flower it up and make it sound nice anymore. Did that for a while and even then it didn't work out. Regardless, I don't mean to be harsh, I'm more making you think about what you want this character to be. What is his purpose?

 

[MoreThanSane]

I still don't think the eye is justified. How about expanding it, and actually writing that it's a translator droid or what not? I still don't see how it would be able to allow the Wookie to pronounce words from different languages and all though.

This. Wookiees don't speak other languages for anatomical reasons. They can understand them as easily as any other species, but they lack the ability to make certain sounds required for a large majority of galactic languages, including Basic. Cybernetics that affect the brain would really do nothing. However, if you had a translator embedded in his throat or some such thing, I could see that working. Keep in mind, that would give him a droid-like voice and he'd look extremely creepy.

 

[©razy Man]

Ok I get with the bio and everything I'm in the process in fixing it but I'm kind of stumped on the planets to choose. Keep in mind I did this in about an hour so its going to be bad. Also I'll change it to where he wears a belt and it's imbedded in the buckle or something for the voice translator. Thanks for the help guys.

 

[Master Maverick]

Ok I get with the bio and everything I'm in the process in fixing it but I'm kind of stumped on the planets to choose. Keep in mind I did this in about an hour so its going to be bad. Also I'll change it to where he wears a belt and it's imbedded in the buckle or something for the voice translator.

Just pick planets that are known to have smugglers and stuff on them. Go on wookieepedia and spend some time researching. I've had to do that for every single one of my characters, but it really helped me make and develop my characters.

 

[©razy Man]

Ok thanks I'll hopefully have the bio done by tomorrow but no promises. As for the pictures I have a friend drawing him and I'll look up some other pictures for the hilt of it.

 

[©razy Man]

Ok this is what I've got so far for the bio. Hope this is ok.

 

[GABA]

How are the chemicals able to enhance him? Are we talking like to the effect of steroids? And even so, to an extent, it will probably take a toll on his body. Something to consider.

 

[©razy Man]

Ok and they didn't take a toll on him physically; just mentally. The whole purposw for the chemical enhancements were to make him a serious BA. As for the mental hurt for it he's not crazy or is an idiot since most Wookies that I've read about are clever he's got a hard time comprehending things, maybe a little short term memory loss and I guess I could throw in mood swings or something like that. As for how they were able to enhance them they fused into his muscles and everything like that. So instead of taking pills they were injected into his bloodstream. Also for the side effects do you think that he dies younger than when he's suppose to; so itd be a shortened life. Well that's if he even lives that long.

 

[Kami Meran]

Oi Andy here'a your Wookie now shut up :CStern

 

[©razy Man]

Sorry and thanks put it into the profile :CHappy

 

[Orphen]

Disruptors are very, very, illegal ;)

just so you know

 

[Sirocco]

Disruptors are very, very, illegal ;)

just so you know

Roy talked to him about that. he will help him build a bow caster or something. where going to kashyyyk anyways for a mission.