Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One

[Brandon Rhea]

Wooo for spamming my thread. BUT, I'm releasing some content, so it's OK! What I'm releasing in this thread are chapters 13 and 14 of The Chosen One. Chapters 13 and 14 are still on Tatooine and deal with the continuing story of Annikin and his destiny. The end of Chapter 14 has an appearance by arguably one of my better known characters, which was a treat for me to write considering who it is. When you get there, you’ll know where I’m coming from by saying that.

Chapter 13 is called "What You Take With You," a throwback to Yoda’s line in The Empire Strikes Back when talking about the Dagobah cave. The fourteenth chapter is tentatively called "Shadow Hunter." I'll give you one guess who appears in this chapter. :p Here are the chapters:

• Chapter 13 - "What You Take With You"
• Chapter 14 - "Shadow Hunter"

As always, I want to give a big thanks to Solus for editing the chapters, as well as asking lots of questions in order to make sure everything is of the highest possible quality. Since I only finished Chapter 15 today, she wasn't able to edit it, hence why I'm not able to release it like I wanted to. That'll be in my next content release, which I'll announce shortly.

My other release is The Alternative Essential Guide to Characters, an Alternative Saga reference book about...yup, you guessed it, characters. More on that will be in another thread.

Anyway, as always I’d love to hear your feedback. I think these chapters came out very well and I worked hard to make them the highest possible quality, particularly Chapter 13 which dives into both real-world and Alternative Saga mythology and has a lot of (what I feel is) deep meaning to it. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below, because I’d love to discuss the chapters with you.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Another addition - if anyone's interested, I've created a production blog where I'll basically talk about...yup, you guessed it...the production of various aspects of the Alternative Saga, specifically the Chosen One. Other Alternative Saga contributors, all of whom are listed off to the right, can submit stuff too.

Click here to view the blog, which is still in the building phase.

 

[Matt]

It's good.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

It's good.

:CStern:

What did you like about it?

 

[Matt]

I'll post my reasons tomorrow.

Your like a having a nagging mother!

 

[Brandon Rhea]

How about you post your reasons now? :CHappy:

 

[Matt]

Patience!:CStern:

 

[Brandon Rhea]

That's not my strongest virtue.

 

[Matt]

I've only read the first chapter so far but the thing about this chapter that particularly stood out for me was the conflict between Sarus and Obi Wan on Sarus extrme views on making Annikin the chosen one, I liked the conflict there and though it was only brief I hope this may be built on as I think it could add something interesting.

Also Annikin meeting Eden made me laugh as we've all been there.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

I've only read the first chapter so far but the thing about this chapter that particularly stood out for me was the conflict between Sarus and Obi Wan on Sarus extrme views on making Annikin the chosen one, I liked the conflict there and though it was only brief I hope this may be built on as I think it could add something interesting.

It'll definitely continue. They argue some more in the beginning of Chapter 14, which you will get to soon (I'd throw a stern face here if it didn't throw off the spacing). Most of it is between Annikin and Sarus though. In Chapter 15, which should be released next Sunday (it's finished, but I'm finishing the last two TCO chapters before releasing it along with them), Annikin and Sarus come to blows. They do it even more in Chapter 16, which is really exciting. You see Sarus's true colors there.

Also Annikin meeting Eden made me laugh as we've all been there.

Lol, yeah. Hadn't thought of it like that.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

As those of you who follow my might know, I planned to release three chapters of Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One and one or two entries from The Alternative Essential Guide to Characters today. I’m only going to be releasing one, Chapter 15, here in this blog, which is fine since it’ll end on a nice cliffhanger and get to wonder what might happen next.

This chapter picks up literally seconds after Chapter 14 where, if you remember, Ussej Padric Bac used an old Bendu ritual to basically zap Sarus, Annikin, and Obi-Wan out of the Ophuchi sanctuary and bring them somewhere else. You’ll get the immediate aftermath of that in this chapter. The chapter, which is almost entirely different from the last draft of the book, is set all at the same location, basically, and it’s basically a chapter of talking, but you learn a lot more. The mythology of the ASWS and the Prophecy of the Chosen One deepens in this chapter.

I underestimated the busyness of the Thanksgiving holiday this year, so I wasn’t able to finish the rest of the content release. Chapter 16 is almost done, and I haven’t even started Chapter 17 yet. I actually wrote the two essential guide entries, but then I realized that they included spoilers for 16 and 17. Naturally, I don’t want to release those until 16 and 17 are released too. That’d ruin the fun if I released them now. I’ll announce the release of those chapters and essential guide entries once I get a better idea as to when I can finish them.

Anyway, without further adieu, here is the fifteenth chapter of The Chosen One:

• Chapter 15 - "Choices"

In case anyone is interested (this is discounting cover pages, etc.):

• Current Page Count: Approximately 213
• Current Word Count: Approximately 122,968

Special thanks again go out to Solus for continuing as the editor for the novel. As always, I’d love any comments, feedback, criticism, etc. that you have. Feel free to post them in the comments section below. I hope you enjoy this one!

 

[Wing]

Very good. I think Annikin has been given dialogue like Earth people, "Tell him to go screw himself." But very good. I wish I could have seen more Dooku, but he was not the focus of the chapter, so that is acceptable. :) Very good, and argh, a cliff hanger.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

The dialogue is meant to be more realistic and something you can relate to, as opposed to Lucas's crap dialogue.

 

[Wing]

The dialogue is meant to be more realistic and something you can relate to, as opposed to Lucas's crap dialogue.

I see, hence me saying, "But very good." Yes, I cannot relate to some of Lucas' dialogue.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

I wasn't replying as if you were criticizing. I know you said "But very good."

What do you think about Annikin's development and how he's portrayed? Realistic? Does it make sense? How about the development of other characters too?

 

[Isis Kun]

I am a fan of climactic battles not the drama of some power hungry tortured punk AKA Anakin. But what I really enjoyed was the realism you put in there. Reading a book where everything seems true rather than just an exciting fiction is very addicting:CHappy:

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Realism in what way? Do you mean realism in regards to how Annikin's portrayed? If so, was it just that or was there more that you thought was realistic?

 

[Johnnysaurus Rex]

Current Word Count: Approximately 122,968
Special thanks again go out to Solus for continuing as the editor for the novel. As always, I’d love any comments, feedback, criticism, etc. that you have. Feel free to post them in the comments section below. I hope you enjoy this one!

"... not wanting to Shmi to see him..." -Just soemthing I saw on the second page near the bottom.

Looks pretty good though, Baccie ol' boy. I haven't had the time to read all of these end to end, but from what I've skimmed I liked it. Good/natural dialogue, flow, characterization, and the word choice is good for setting the mood bringing about emotions that you want the reader to feel. As I said I am not too up with the story, but just by how you described Sarus I immediately saw him as a despicable and untrustworthy person. I am also impressed with your take and reworking of these characters and how you have set them up in new ways, though minor things nag at me.

I don't know how much of a comment that is coming from me, but you actually have succeeded in getting me to try and find the time and get this all read. Kudos.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Thanks for the feedback!

What were the minor things nagging at you?

 

[Johnnysaurus Rex]

Thanks for the feedback!

What were the minor things nagging at you?

Just when you tweak the names like Anakin to Annikin. Like I said it is really minor and in no way detracts from me enjoying the read as I can understand you wanting to distance the latter from the former. The only one that does irk me is the change from Windu to Windy (I can't remember if that is in this or one of your other writings.)