Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One

[Brandon Rhea]

If the Chosen One isn’t going to free himself, then we’re going to do it for him.

Those ominous words are what ended the fifteenth chapter of Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One, a chapter that was released nearly three months ago, and now you'll see the payoff to those words. Now, after this hiatus, I'm ready to release Chapter 16, fittingly called "Measure of a Man," which is the climax of Part 1. There are still two more chapters left in Part 1 of the book, which I hope to have released by Sunday, February 28th, 2010, but this is what the Ophuchi arc has been building up to. I won't say anything more because I don't want to spoil anything.

Also on February 28th, I'll be releasing an updated prologue to the book, which will have a significant change. The change will be a removal of a certain scene, but I'm still going to keep that scene as ASWS canon. It just won't be in the book since it doesn't fit like I hoped it would.

Anyway, without further adieu, here is the sixteenth chapter of The Chosen One:

• Chapter 16 - "Measure of a Man"

This chapter is a whopping 24 pages long, so be sure to give yourself plenty of time to read it.

Thanks to Solus for continuing her editing work, and thanks to Ols for the tremendous help he gave me with the battle scene. As always, comments and feedback are GREATLY appreciated.

 

[Johnnysaurus Rex]

I especially liked how you painted the opening scene in this chapter. Great mental picture and it reminded my quite a bit of the scene with Luke looking at the setting suns when Annikin said he was alone. Owen's change of heart was nice and I never expected Cliegg to take a hit, giving these characters more depth and importance has really worked out.

I'll admit I didn't care too much for the Ophuchi attack. You wrote their inner conflict well enough, but I just didn't feel like I cared how many of them died. Still, I enjoyed it and am interested to see where you will take it from here.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

I especially liked how you painted the opening scene in this chapter. Great mental picture and it reminded my quite a bit of the scene with Luke looking at the setting suns when Annikin said he was alone.

Yeah, that was definitely what I was aiming for. Glad it came across that way.

giving these characters more depth and importance has really worked out.

I was aiming for that too, so I'm glad that worked!

I'll admit I didn't care too much for the Ophuchi attack. You wrote their inner conflict well enough, but I just didn't feel like I cared how many of them died. Still, I enjoyed it and am interested to see where you will take it from here.

I'm not surprised you didn't care how many of them died. At the time you saw them dying, they were still the people launching this stupid and unprovoked raid. Towards the end, though, after seeing Emmanuel die and seeing what Ray'kele ended up doing, I'd hope there's some sort of change of heart about the Ophuchi, though, where people realize that they're victims of Sarus just as much as, if not more, than Annikin.

 

[Matt]

I gave it the once over and really enjoyed it.

I'll give it a more detailed read on Sunday when I'm off and give you my proper review that it deserves.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

I gave it the once over and really enjoyed it.

I'll give it a more detailed read on Sunday when I'm off and give you my proper review that it deserves.

Thanks.

Though knowing you, the 'proper review that it deserves' is going to end up being "It was good. Real nice and stuff. Like Battlestar."

Of course every single one of those words will be misspelled.

:CStern:

 

[Matt]

Or maybe Monday......:CStern:

 

[Matt]

Ok.

I read it on Sunday and gave it a once over just to remind myself so...

To Echo Johnny I particularly liked the opening scene, the nice little references throughout the story that you can relate back to the Films are always cool and this was probably the best use of that.

I very much liked the whole battle scene and I think you got across pretty well. The general sympathetic factor for the Ophuchi as victims came across loud and clear for myself, yes they are horrible in a way but...I dunno in a stupid way they reminded me of a Rancor doing Jabba's killing from ROTJ, I know this wasn't the effect you were going for but that's what struck me about them lol.

Also Sarus is really starting to come across as the perfect bad guy, the films all do well in that they create baddies you either hate or think are ****ing cool and Sarus is a bit of both.

Keep up ze good work

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Well I wouldn't say the Ophuchi are horrible. I mean, if you remember back to chapter 11 when the sanctuary was first introduced, I showed that they were just people. They were baking bread, taking care of their kids, washing their clothes, and other stuff like that. They were people living in a strange environment, but still people nonetheless.

What they really are is misguided. They put too much faith in their faith and in Sarus, particularly the latter. When it comes to Sarus, there's nothing worse than a dick who thinks he's on a mission from God, and up until this chapter they tended to put up with that. Ray'kele's decision is pretty much the turning point in that.

 

[Matt]

Nah, Your wrong. There Horrible.

:CStern:

Good point , I wonder is the use of religious mental-ness a kinda tribute to our current world problems? Thought it a few times but keep forgetting toask.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Nah, Your wrong. There Horrible.

:CStern:

Good point , I wonder is the use of religious mental-ness a kinda tribute to our current world problems? Thought it a few times but keep forgetting toask.

It does have an underlying message of what religious extremism and blind faith can do. It's certainly not a pot shot at any particular religion as a whole, but rather what can happen when you start to become fanatical. Not just what can happen with one person like Sarus, but what can happen with a large group (all the Ophuchi deaths in the sanctuary and then in the fortress raid, for example).

One thing I'm trying to bring to this is a sense of realism, both in how the characters act and how the situations play out. One of the things that helps with realism is when you can relate certain situations to the real world. That's a very Star Trek quality that I'm consciously bringing to the table, and like Star Trek I'm not really being overly preachy.

 

[Matt]

Oh yeah, the films for the great-ness have very basic characters.

These are people but then books are easier to flesh character's out.

But yes you do a good job of making the characters into real life people

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Oh yeah, the films for the great-ness have very basic characters.

These are people but then books are easier to flesh character's out.

But yes you do a good job of making the characters into real life people

Glad you like it.

It's definitely harder with film to have developed characters like this, especially since so much of the development here is seen in the narrative and not the dialogue. That's why so many book-to-film movies fail.

 

[Darth Darth Binks]

It's definitely harder with film to have developed characters like this, especially since so much of the development here is seen in the narrative and not the dialogue. That's why so many book-to-film movies fail.

actually, a lot of book-movies are successful..... it ALL depends on the book

are you trying to make a home made movie or something? you're talking about actors that i haven't heard of . . .:CAbove:

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Well I never said that there aren't successful adaptations. I mean, The Lord of the Rings is a great example of how to take a book and make it into an awesome movie (in this case a trilogy). It's just that so many of them do fail, and it's not just because of the book. It's because there are certain things that just don't translate well onto the screen, regardless of what the book is.

And no, lol, I'm certainly not trying to make this into a home movie. That'd cost millions of dollars to make a book like this into a movie.

Since you read what I've released so far (or at the very least read some of it) and told me you liked it, what do like about it specifically? Anything you don't like?

 

[Keanu]

harry potter was good I suppose (not my type of books / movies though)

 

[Brandon Rhea]

harry potter was good I suppose (not my type of books / movies though)

Yeah. Despite the changes, that's a fairly decent example too.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Quick update on TCO for those who may be wondering, since it's been over two months since the last chapter came out.

I’m still working on Chapter 17. It’s one of those chapters that intimidates me, since it’s a major chapter, so I’m taking it pretty slow, but it’s coming along nicely. A lot of big stuff happens and, if it comes out well, it should be pretty powerful, at least that’s my goal. I’d like to get this out within the next two weeks.

One thing that’s changed since my last updates is that Chapter 17 will now be the END of part 1. It’s a great place to end it, and it ties things up (like the Ophuchi storyline) as if Part 1 were a novel in and of itself (and it’s certainly long enough to be one). Want a spoiler? Here’s the last sentence of Part 1: “This time, things would be different.”

ooooOOOoOoOOoOOOOOooooOooOOOoooo

The events of Chapter 18 will now be tied in with other events for that chapter, and it will be the first chapter of Part 2.

So once Part 1 is finished, I’m going to do my own personal review of everything in the book so far, and I’ll ask a few other people to do it too if they’re willing. I’ll clean up any typos and the like, I may beef up a few descriptions (particularly in the initial Utapau invasion), and there are just a few story elements I’ll be changing. This is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT a rewrite again. These are just some improvements and tweaks to make part 1 the best it can be before moving on. It’s easier to get it the best it can be now instead of waiting until the whole book is finished, because that would be a HUGE review.

So again, THIS IS NOT A REWRITE. Don’t get worried that I’m going to go back and rewrite the whole thing. Hell I’m halfway done with these tweaks anyway, since I’ve been working on them on and off. When I release them, I’ll post a list of changes chapter by chapter.

 

[Solus]

You can tell he just copy and pasted this from his SWF wiki blog because it contains the exact same grammar and spelling mistakes, which he did not bother to fix.

Oh, and he's rewriting the whole thing again, and when he does, there'll be a new opening for editor it anyone's interested! :D

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Again, it's not a rewrite. When I started the second draft about a year ago, I was completely dissatisfied and underwhelmed with what I'd written. This time that's not the case. This is fixing up a few bits of the narrative that people have pointed out to me, changing the first few pages of the first chapter and the prologue, and changing one character's story arc, which won't take long at all.

This is no different than if I'd finished the entire novel and gone back to make a final edit to it, only it's easier to do it now, part-by-part, than doing it to a 600 page, 100,000 word+ novel.

 

[Solus]

You're supposed to get indignant when I insult you. >:[