Corrupt A Wish

[Ender]

Granted, it's cold everywhere.

I wish to fix all the things

 

[Tristar]

Granted, you have the ability to fix everything but have no desire/inclination to do so because of your laziness.

I wish the wishes granted in this post from now onwards do not suffer any negative consequences.

 

[Slamdingo]

Granted. The wishes will suffer no consequences. The wishers do not have this luxury.

I wish I was more clever and witty.

 

[Tristar]

Granted; you are more clever and witty than a slug.

I wish cybernetic enhancements and prosthetics were more highly advanced!

 

[Murdock]

Granted, cybernetics are now so advanced that they take over the human host and create a sub-species of human cyborgs that quickly overwhelm present day life and kill every organic.

I wish I could be done with school already.

 

[Tristar]

Granted, you drop out of school and work at mcdonalds for the rest of your life.

I wish for peace and prosperity for all.

 

[Rathenmedus]

Granted. We all die, thus creating perpetual peace on Earth, allowing it to prosper and regrow, quickly consuming all signs that human life ever existed on our planet.

I wish Obama would just get impeached already.

 

[Pureblood-Sin]

Granted, he gets eaten by a giant peach.

I wish polygamy were legal.

 

[Bee]

Its legal, and enforced. No more monogamy for anyone, ever. Punishable by death.

I wish I could swim well.

 

[Fang.]

Granted, you trade your ability to walk for the ability to swim well, you can't walk anymore.

I wish it were easier to get A job

 

[Cortan]

Granted. Five Nights at Freddy's, apply now!

I wish I had better teeth.

 

[Nirvana]

Granted. But they get's knocked out when you trip.

I wish I could eat fire.

 

[Pureblood-Sin]

Granted, god help you when you go to the toilet.

I wish I was neither here nor there.

 

[Gamov]

Granted. You are now Schrödinger's pet zombie cat.

I wish I had a new job.

 

[Slamdingo]

Granted, you have just been accepted to your new position as crash-test dummy.

I wish that this freaking data center wasn't so creepy at night.

 

[Tristar]

Granted; it's now creepy all day long.

I wish I could speak without stuttering or screwing up my sentences to women.

 

[Pureblood-Sin]

Granted, your words take form and actually screw the women.

I wish the world was one giant psychedelic piece of art.

 

[Slamdingo]

Granted, you're now the supposedly very symbolic little squiggly line off in one corner that few ever notice, and among those who do fewer still ever actually care about it at all. Because there are other, better, and more apparently significant lines in more prominent parts of the painting that is the world.

I wish that I knew where in the world Carmen Sandiego was.

 

[Tristar]

Granted. You know that Carmen Sandiego is in your imagination.

I wish for the power to control time and space.

 

[Ender]

Granted. Sadly, you cannot do so simultaneously and when you fast forward time you appear in the vacuum of space due to the speed of the earth's movement.

I wish I could find a vanilla blu.