Adam Nexus Overlord
- Thread starter Zen
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The Immortals are usually taken from across Chiss space and are given hard training ever since a young age. So technically they are just like the Sith and jedi in this point but as Noise said you can't just walk to them like this and ask to join. However; any force sensitive Chiss is allowed to join if he proves his loyalty and dedication to the order.
The only problem I see is that your character is not a Chiss and is joining at a late age so he would not be trusted that easily unless like noise said he had served in the military for awhile and then his force sensitivity was detected later.
Also another problem I see is the whole age matter, I highly doubt that you could have a character who does not age since a lot of species were disbanded due to this matter.
Other than that everything seems fine.
The only problem I see is that your character is not a Chiss and is joining at a late age so he would not be trusted that easily unless like noise said he had served in the military for awhile and then his force sensitivity was detected later.
Also another problem I see is the whole age matter, I highly doubt that you could have a character who does not age since a lot of species were disbanded due to this matter.
Other than that everything seems fine.
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You guys need to realize Zen has an obsession with long-lived species, to the point where many of his characters in the last timeline were ridiculous hybrids of several long-lived species purely to allow his the reason to have a player aged eleventy thousand or something like that.
Zach
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In my opinion, the following should be changed:
Anti-aging gene? We've been down that road before. Not necessarily your case, but several times in the past, this forum has commonly disallowed anti-aging genes or similar super-enhancement technology.
Credits. If you're going to define a character's wealth, it would only be to describe their financial situation and what kinds of funsd and resources they have access to. Defining it as maybe a thousand or more is very ambiguous for no reason. Unless your character has ties with an organization or group that provides him with a significant income - for a good reason - that would justify a costly business deal, I would leave the Credits blank.
I, and I'm sure several other members, would feel more comfortable if this was merely answered as "Yes." Radically implies that he's more in tune with the Force than every other PC you might encounter. To me, it's an unnecessary definition of his Force affinity, and doesn't really seem like it fits in the profile.
14/10 Dexterity makes no sense. If you mean he's over-the-top agile and reflexive, then that's probably going to be a no-go. I would advise rating it slightly below 10, since your other attributes are appropriately balanced to reflect a finesse in dexterity.
The bolded skills either say the same thing or are redundant. Also, if you plan to have your character vividly familiar with technological training (hacking and forging skills), then you'll have to balance it out with other character traits. Just something to keep in mind when you revise the character.
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As for your biography, I like the idea of him being raised a Jedi, but leaving to find his own path and finding his way to the Chiss Ascendancy, but the immortal age has got to go. Training alone for three hundred years from an ancient family blood gene is highly unrealistic and unnecessary. I would heavily advise revising this. Also, I would recommend describing how your character decided to seek out the Chiss and serve in their military.
EDIT:
Also in agreement with Black Noise and Count Sam, if this is the background behind your character, he would not be blindly accepted into the Immortal Order. If you starte dout associating with the Chiss, he might be accepted to join for the ride as an independent merc, but wouldn't be in the Immortal Order. If you want, you could start your character as one of the Supporting Soldiers of the Immortal Order. Those are the non-Force sensitive and untrained Force sensitive soldiers that support officers and team leaders of the Immortal Order. The higher ranked you ar,e the more Supporting Soldiers you get.
If you start as a supporting soldier, you could make your way through the ranks like normal, and further your training as you go along.
^
Anti-aging gene? We've been down that road before. Not necessarily your case, but several times in the past, this forum has commonly disallowed anti-aging genes or similar super-enhancement technology.
Credits. If you're going to define a character's wealth, it would only be to describe their financial situation and what kinds of funsd and resources they have access to. Defining it as maybe a thousand or more is very ambiguous for no reason. Unless your character has ties with an organization or group that provides him with a significant income - for a good reason - that would justify a costly business deal, I would leave the Credits blank.
I, and I'm sure several other members, would feel more comfortable if this was merely answered as "Yes." Radically implies that he's more in tune with the Force than every other PC you might encounter. To me, it's an unnecessary definition of his Force affinity, and doesn't really seem like it fits in the profile.
14/10 Dexterity makes no sense. If you mean he's over-the-top agile and reflexive, then that's probably going to be a no-go. I would advise rating it slightly below 10, since your other attributes are appropriately balanced to reflect a finesse in dexterity.
The bolded skills either say the same thing or are redundant. Also, if you plan to have your character vividly familiar with technological training (hacking and forging skills), then you'll have to balance it out with other character traits. Just something to keep in mind when you revise the character.
-------
As for your biography, I like the idea of him being raised a Jedi, but leaving to find his own path and finding his way to the Chiss Ascendancy, but the immortal age has got to go. Training alone for three hundred years from an ancient family blood gene is highly unrealistic and unnecessary. I would heavily advise revising this. Also, I would recommend describing how your character decided to seek out the Chiss and serve in their military.
EDIT:
Also in agreement with Black Noise and Count Sam, if this is the background behind your character, he would not be blindly accepted into the Immortal Order. If you starte dout associating with the Chiss, he might be accepted to join for the ride as an independent merc, but wouldn't be in the Immortal Order. If you want, you could start your character as one of the Supporting Soldiers of the Immortal Order. Those are the non-Force sensitive and untrained Force sensitive soldiers that support officers and team leaders of the Immortal Order. The higher ranked you ar,e the more Supporting Soldiers you get.
If you start as a supporting soldier, you could make your way through the ranks like normal, and further your training as you go along.
^
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lol Zen's back in perfect form
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Fixed I believe. However I am keeping the Anti-Aging Gene, For two reasons. It's part of his story. And Two, He will eventuality die. And there are many species that live long. I seen a Immortal Species, which is still allowed, but there in extinction I believe, it's What's his name. Forgot his name that had the character looked like a bird.
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I don't understand of what you mean. I mean out of all the helpful Suggestions I removed everything and added on to history as asked, and keep one thing the Anti-Aging. I hate not being english I misunderstand things.
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It was not you. What was his name. Unless he changed it. Not Dragon. What was his name.
Zach
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You actually only took one piece of advice from me in regards to your edits. You changed the Dexterity level, but did not change the Credits description, merge the Hand to Hand Combat skills, remove the Radically Force Sensitive trait, or remove the anti-aging gene. If you're going to insist on having an immortal character that can still die, just make an Anzati character.
The whole "living forever" trait is just stupid in my opinion. I heavily recommend removing it. I would also recommend detailing Leon's history as a mercenary and bounty hunter. If you wish, you may reference his experience in those careers in assisting the Chiss Ascendancy, by either targeting Chiss traitors and criminals, defectors of the military, or providing support on a contracted mission. After that, I would recommend detailing Leon's service in the Chiss Army.
The whole "living forever" trait is just stupid in my opinion. I heavily recommend removing it. I would also recommend detailing Leon's history as a mercenary and bounty hunter. If you wish, you may reference his experience in those careers in assisting the Chiss Ascendancy, by either targeting Chiss traitors and criminals, defectors of the military, or providing support on a contracted mission. After that, I would recommend detailing Leon's service in the Chiss Army.
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Kay guys, about the anti-aging/immortal thing. Just drop it, it's not worth arguing with him over it. He has an obsession with creating characters that will live for ever.
Zen, we're only trying to help. When we make comments about your char's profile, we do because we think something is a little.. off with it. It's up to you whether you take their advice. However, I'll let you know plainly, it's going to make it difficult to join factions or participate in some threads. When people read your profile to see if they want to RP with it, they're more likely to pass you by.
Zen, we're only trying to help. When we make comments about your char's profile, we do because we think something is a little.. off with it. It's up to you whether you take their advice. However, I'll let you know plainly, it's going to make it difficult to join factions or participate in some threads. When people read your profile to see if they want to RP with it, they're more likely to pass you by.
Zach
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To support this, I would like to add that it doesn't always mean shaping your characters every single way everyone wants you to. Making compromises can be good, but sometimes the answer is to choose an alternative option. You get the same outcome by different means.
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ALright so I shaped the Credits, Made Radically to Very, Merged hand to hand combat with Artist skill.
I am Keeping the Gene.
And I will be adding history on What Zach advised, to his history once I get back from school.
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Haven't had time to read the profile in depth, but as pretty much every single comment on this character calls for the removal of the anti-aging gene, I'm going to strongly suggest that you do so. In addition to that, I'm going to ask you to remove the 'radically' Force sensitive, bit. You can just say "yeah, he's force sensitive." I'd rather not have Galen Malek 2.0 romping about on the site.
More to come once I have time to read it through.
More to come once I have time to read it through.
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Half My History revolves on the plot for His Anti-Aging Gene, and who Galem Mark 2.0